[习作点评] Unit 2 & 3 - five homework期待指点
本帖最后由 yanying4 于 2010-4-3 15:31 编辑
Homework 1: How can the following paragraph be further developed?
Original
In Saudi Arabia, parents have separate responsibilities for raising their children. It is the father’s duty to financially support his family and to make family decisions. The mother in Saudi Arabia must care for the children and give them love and guidance.
Corrected by me
In Saudi Arabia, parents have separate responsibilities for raising their children. It is the father’s duty to financially support his family and to make family decisions. In order to support the family, the father will work outside to earn money. Sometimes, if one job has a little salary, he may have to work for two companies. The money he earns is used to buy foods, drinks, and pay chilren’s tuition fees. Moreover, he has a decision on important issue in the family. For example, he decides which school he sends his children to. Different from the father, the mother in Saudi Arabia must care for the children and give them love and guidance. She will raise the children at home, cook for them, wash their clothes and so on. When the children make some mistakes, she will give them a guidance. She will point out their mistakes and guide them how to correct. In a word, in a Saudi Arabia family, the parents share different duties to raise the children.
Homework 2: How to develop the following topic sentences?
1. My grandparents are very difficult to get on with.
2. The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment.
3. There are a number of reasons to justify a country possessing nuclear weapons.
I choose No. 2 The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment.
Questions: How to threat (in which way)? What to be threaten?
Paragraph development
The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment. Since natural environment covers many fields, here, it mainly focuses on wildlife and its habitat. On the one hand, the road transport’s development threats the living space of wildlife. When the road becomes wider and longer, it will go through some places where people used not to live, such as remote areas in Tibet. Those places are habitats of wildlife, such as Tibetan Antelope. The newly-built roads will cut their natural habitats into small pieces of areas. The areas are hardly connected to each other. It means the wild animals’ living space become smaller than before. On the other hand, the increase of road may cause specie extinction. Since the new road cuts the link among the habitats, the wildlife has to live in a very limited place. They have to reproduce generations by the fusion of gametes of similar ancestry. As a result, their survival competitivity will weaken. They are easy to get genetic diseases and produce ill babies. The specie may extinct sooner or later.
Homework 3
Please revise the above paragraph, focusing on subordinating less important info and creating coherence among sentences.
Original
Once there was a man. He was old. He lived alone. He became lonely. Someone gave him a hen. She became his companion. Each morning the hen laid an egg. He made up his mind. He would try an experiment. Perhaps he could get more eggs. He would feed the hen more grain. Maybe she would lay more eggs. He could eat two eggs each day. He doubled the feed. The hen became fat. She became lazy. She laid no eggs at all. The man was disappointed. He became angry. He was hungry. He killed and ate the hen. He was lonely again. He became hungry again. He had no companion. He had no eggs.
Revised one
Once there was an old man. Because he lived alone and felt lonely, someone gave him a hen as his companion. Each morning the hen laid an egg. So he made up his mind to try an experiment for more eggs. He thought if he fed the hen more grain, she would lay more eggs. As a result, he could eat two eggs each day. So he doubled the feed, but the hen became fat and lazy. She laid no eggs at all. Therefore, the man was disappointed and angry. Since he was hungry, he killed and ate the hen. Finally, he was lonely and hungry again. He had no companion and no eggs.
Homework 4
Complete the sentences
1. Writing is difficult; therefore we need to pay more attention on it.
2. Writing is difficult; however, it is practical in our work.
3. Writing is difficult because we should focus on organization of each paragraph.
4. Writing is difficult. For example, it takes more time to write a small paragraph than listen to a paragraph with same length.
5. Writing is difficult. Likewise, speaking is also difficult.
6. Although writing is difficult, it makes us happy when we finish an essay.
7. If we hope to write a good essay, we need to read more texts, practise more exercises, proofread many times before submitting and ask others to make comments on it. In sum, writing is difficult.
Homework 5: Proofreading
In the following passage, there is a mistake in each line. Please identify and correct the mistake. （改错练习：下面短文中每行有一个错误。）
Original: A part-time job offers you chance to demonstrate your
Corrected: A part-time job offers you a chance to demonstrate your
Original: ability and to apply that you have learned in school.
Corrected: ability and to apply what you have learned in school.
Original: A part-time job helps you become independent of
Corrected: A part-time job helps you become independent from
Original: your family. Third, the experience that you gain
Corrected: your family. Thirdly, the experience that you gain
Original: through a job can broaden your school life. You may lost
Corrected: through a job can broaden your school life. You may lose
Original: time needs for sleep, rest, study, club activities, and
Corrected: time for sleep, rest, study, club activities, and
Original: recreation. Work several hours a day consumes a lot
Corrected: recreation. Working several hours a day consumes a lot
Original: of time and energy and may affects your study. You may find it
Corrected: of time and energy and may affect your study. You may find it
Original: hard to adjust to what the school expects to you as
Corrected: hard to adjust to what the school expects you as
Original: well as what your employer have the right to expect.
Corrected: well as what your employer has the right to expect. |
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| First of all, regarding your subject line: homework is uncountable whereas assignments are countable. So next time make sure you use the right grammar :) |
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Homework 1: How can the following paragraph be further developed?
Original
In Saudi Arabia, parents have separate responsibilities for raising their children. It is the father’s duty to financially support his family and to make family decisions. The mother in Saudi Arabia must care for the children and give them love and guidance.
Corrected by me
In Saudi Arabia, parents have separate responsibilities for raising their children. It is the father’s duty to financially support his family and to make family decisions. In order to support the family, the father will work outside to earn money. Sometimes, if one job has a little salary, he may have to work for two companies. The money he earns is used to buy foods, drinks, and pay chilren’s tuition fees. Moreover, he has a decision on important issue in the family. For example, he decides which school he sends his children to. Different from the father, the mother in Saudi Arabia must care for the children and give them love and guidance. She will raise the children at home, cook for them, wash their clothes and so on. When the children make some mistakes, she will give them a guidance. She will point out their mistakes and guide them how to correct. In a word, in a Saudi Arabia family, the parents share different duties to raise the children.
Very good development of the topic sentence and subpoints. Good for you, Yan Ying!
Now some minor issues that might merit your atteion:
1) Sometimes, if one job has a little salary, he may have to work for two companies. (accurate logic needed)
2) Moreover, he has a decision on important issue in the family. (word choice & article use)
3) When the children make some mistakes, she will give them a guidance. (article use)
4) She will point out their mistakes and guide them how to correct. (word choice)
5) In a word, in a Saudi Arabia family, the parents share different duties to raise the children. (part of speech) |
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Homework 2: How to develop the following topic sentences?
1. My grandparents are very difficult to get on with.
2. The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment.
3. There are a number of reasons to justify a country possessing nuclear weapons.
I choose No. 2 The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment.
Questions: How to threat (in which way)? What to be threaten?
Paragraph development
The world-wide increase in road transport is a serious threat to the natural environment. Since natural environment covers many fields, here, it mainly focuses on wildlife and its habitat. On the one hand, the road transport’s development threats the living space of wildlife. When the road becomes wider and longer, it will go through some places where people used not to live, such as remote areas in Tibet. Those places are habitats of wildlife, such as Tibetan Antelope. The newly-built roads will cut their natural habitats into small pieces of areas. The areas are hardly connected to each other. It means the wild animals’ living space become smaller than before. On the other hand, the increase of road may cause specie extinction. Since the new road cuts the link among the habitats, the wildlife has to live in a very limited place. They have to reproduce generations by the fusion of gametes of similar ancestry. As a result, their survival competitivity will weaken. They are easy to get genetic diseases and produce ill babies. The specie may extinct sooner or later.
On the whole, this paragraph is unified and, in most cases, coherent. Keep it up! |
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The following needs revision:
1) Since natural environment covers many fields, here, it mainly focuses on wildlife and its habitat.
==> I understand that you are going to narrow down the scope of discussion in this paragraph. This is fine, but a better way to rephrase is to emphasize the threat to wildlife and their habitats rather than to specify the focused area, which is more often seen in longer papers. Try to emphasize and then you'll see the difference. [suggested phrase; in particular] |
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2) On the one hand, the road transport’s development threats the living space of wildlife.
==> I will take this chance to clarify something I did not get to on the old course forum: on the one hand and on one hand are both acceptable in English writing. It is just that I prefer on one hand :) |
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3) The newly-built roads will cut their natural habitats into small pieces of areas. The areas are hardly connected to each other. It means the wild animals’ living space become smaller than before.
==> Revise the tense and improve coherence in the above section. |
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| 4) On the other hand, the increase of road may cause specie extinction. Since the new road cuts the link among the habitats, the wildlife has to live in a very limited place. They have to reproduce generations (wordy) by the fusion of gametes of similar ancestry. As a result, their survival competitivity (wording) will weaken. (create better coherence here) They are easy to get genetic diseases and produce ill babies. (create better coherence here) The specie may extinct sooner or later. |
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Homework 3
Please revise the above paragraph, focusing on subordinating less important info and creating coherence among sentences.
Revised one
Once there was an old man. Because he lived alone and felt lonely, someone gave him a hen as his companion. Each morning the hen laid an egg. So he made up his mind to try an experiment for more eggs. He thought if he fed the hen more grain, she would lay more eggs. As a result, he could eat two eggs each day. So he doubled the feed, but the hen became fat and lazy. She laid no eggs at all. Therefore, the man was disappointed and angry. Since he was hungry, he killed and ate the hen. Finally, he was lonely and hungry again. He had no companion and no eggs.
Great jod done! Now this paragraph flows beautifully! Congratulations! Now we can see that little words like those in blue could work magic, right? |
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