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剩女宁愿继续剩也不要这些男人

2010-09-03  小猪LOVE@...
"Now you know why I'm still single," my thirtysomething girlfriend mused the other day as I complained about yet another disappointing date. "Single men are all the same," she continued. "I don't think I'm ever going to get married. And I'm OK with that. As long as I never have to date another douchebag again."

我正和好友抱怨之前约会的哥们很糟糕,那三十好几的姐们儿挪揄道“你现在知道我为什么现在还剩着了吧?现在单身男人都烂,我想我可能一辈子都嫁不掉了。反正我无所谓,只要不用再和那些闷蛋相亲就好了。”

In last week's Ask Sam column, single men went to town over their complaints about single women, with gripes ranging from her being too picky to having too many pets to expecting to be paid for to too much baggage to being too precious about sex early on. ("What's the big deal?" say the men. "It's just sex!". Sure it is...)

上周的山姆问答栏目,单身男人大肆抱怨单身女人的问题,牢骚包括挑剔,很多宠物,要男人付钱,东西太多,一开始还对房事装矜持。(男人们认为,这有什么,不就是上床吗?确实,就是上床了。)

Instead of countering the arguments, I've decided to try to analyse the men and discover just what it is about single men that gets a woman's knickers in a knot.

我不想反驳,仅希望对男人做一些分析,发掘一下为什么这些单身男人不能把女人哄上床。

This is how it begins (or at least this is the scenario I witnessed the other night): When an announcement is made that there's a single bloke in the room, instead of trying to size him up for what he truly is or to create a list of all his bad points (like men so often do in the presence of a single girl), a woman will attempt to see the best in him. "He dresses nicely," she'll say. "So what does he do/how much money does he make/why is he still single?"

一般情况是这样的(或者说起码我那天见证的情况是这样。)当有人说现场有单身男士,通常女人不会先综合评估他真实的一面,或者逐一挑出他的缺点(相反,男人一般对单身女士总是这么干。)她们倾向于先看他的优点。“打扮得不错,”还会说,“他是做什么的?一月赚多少钱,为什么他还没结婚?”

The answers (from those who know the bloke and from those who've dated him before) will come in fast and furious: "He's been married before/he cheated/he's a playboy/he doesn't want to commit … "

然后她从单身型男的熟人或者曾经约会过的对象口中很快地得出各种愤愤不平的答案。“他离过婚,曾经出轨,他是个花花公子,他一点儿都不想承担责任……

But this won't deter the single girl. Oh no. Instead, she'll be thinking just how delightful that all sounds and how eager she is to take on the challenge to change him.

但这些不会吓退那些单身女人。天呀,她反而想不错呀甚至迫不及待准备接收挑战改造这个男人。

Hence she'll go to town to try to get his attention (thrusting her bust out, showing a little leg, giggling at his jokes and getting incredibly drunk) while he sips on his Corona and puts her into a single girl category (the independent bitch, the desperate singleton or the non-dateable) sans a positive spin.

接下来,她想尽办法去吸引他的注意(显胸凸臀,露点美腿,在他抖出冷笑话后不断傻笑,或者装疯卖醉)。他呢,悠闲地喝着墨西哥科罗娜啤酒,然后把她列入到单身待嫁的一类(心里暗付:大女人,想嫁想疯掉了,或者绝对不能和她出去。),但还给她暧昧的鼓励。

Yet here's the catch. While she desperately attempts to gain his attention now, wait till after a date (or two), a few unreturned phone calls and a slew of mixed messages when finally the rose-coloured glasses will slowly come off. And suddenly she'll be faced with everything that is wrong with the modern single man all wrapped up into one nice little (or big, depending what type of man you go for) package:

她想终于碰到了。她开始拼命地妄图吸引他注意,直到一两次约会,几通无人接听的电话,一堆说不清楚的短信,她们才会慢慢摘下玫瑰色的眼镜,接受现实。然后她意识到除却她给他套上大大小小的假象,他好像都不太对。

His ego

傲气

Boy, are men these days a sensitive bunch or what? Crush his delicate little ego and he'll either run for the hills or act out in some crazy way that will ensure you never consider him as future husband material again. The best way to crush a man's ego? Deny him sex. Whether it be on the first date or the seventh, many single men don't take lightly to being refused a little hanky panky. Even if they say they're OK with it. Even if they tell you they are keen to wait. Even if they deny the fact that they are only wining and dining you for one thing, you can bet your G-string their egos are going to take a thrashing.

现在的男人都他妈的太敏感?触及到他脆弱的自尊心,他们要么撒腿就跑,要么做出各种古怪行径,让你不再考虑他做老公的可能性。什么是打击男人自尊的绝招?不和他上床。无论是第一次还是第七次约会,很多男的都很介意女人不让她们揩油。虽然她们经常嘴上说没问题。也不要相信他们说愿意等。他们不会承认其实吃吃喝喝都是为了性,你可以用人头担保(hirisyj注:原文是底裤,为了更加中文化,改用人头。),他们觉得自尊心受到重创。

That's not to say that you should jump into the sack with every man you want a second date with. Oh no. But perhaps deflecting his advances in a way that ensures his ego remains intact (by adding a compliment and telling him how much you like him but that you're just not ready) will ensure his ego isn't bruised too badly. And if he doesn't stick around, at least you discovered his true intentions sooner rather than later …

我不是说让你和每一个准备继续发展的男人上床。而是提醒你们在拒绝的时候巧妙一点,不要让他们觉得自尊心受挫。(通常可以加句好话,告诉他你挺喜欢他,不过自己还是觉得没到时候)如果他真的为此不再找你,起码你还早些知道他的真实想法,不至于悔之已晚。

They give mixed messages

含混不清

One minute they're holding your hand, gently kissing your forehead and inviting you to Hawaii, and the next they're telling you they don't want a girlfriend, aren't ready for a relationship and that you're coming on too strong. Say what!? While women are supposed to let the man take the lead in a relationship, leave it up to the gents and you're guaranteed to be bombarded with a bevy of mixed messages that screw with your head and leave your more perplexed than a Martin Scorsese movie. While men purport to be simple creatures who say it like it is, ask any single woman and she'll be quick to quip that single blokes are so darn confusing that they wish they'd come with an instruction manual.

他一会儿抓着你的手,吻你额头,邀请你和他一起去夏威夷,但转头他又说他不想或者暂时不想要女朋友,或者你太主动了。胡扯什么呀?当女人准备让男人主动,指望他们主动开始一段感情,要准备面对他给出的一大堆混乱的信息。混乱程度堪比马丁·斯科塞斯(美国专门拍摄惊悚悬疑片的导演)的电影。表面上男人很简单说一就是一,不过随便问一位单身女性,她都会马上告诉你那些单身男士多么让人费解,希望有一本搞定他们的操作指南。

They are set in their ways

固执

When a man is single long enough, something extremely selfish happens inside his head. The word "compromise" is deleted from his lexicon and life becomes about his way or the highway.

当男人单身太久,他变得非常自我为中心。他的字典里面没有妥协二字,要么按他的方式过,要么就自己过。

Sure, he will tell you he likes to try new things and isn't opposed to hanging out with your gay BFF, but, at the end of the day, the older men get the less likely they are to change their scheduled weekly poker nights, the way they eat, dress, lie on the couch or let their dog sleep in their bed (even when you sleep over.)

他们肯定会告诉你他们喜欢接受新事情,不反对和你的男同性恋好友一起玩,但最后,老男人还是不太可能为你推掉每周的打牌约会,改变他们的口味或衣着打扮,甚至在你留宿的那天也宁愿让狗睡床他们自己睡沙发。

And if you dare even try to suggest they do things a little differently, they'll complain that you're trying to change them, chuck a hissy fit and then tell their mates that you're just not the right woman for them no matter how good you looked at their cousin's wedding.

在这里输入译文

They are obsessed with their ex (or the one who broke their heart)

留恋前任(或者那些伤过他们心的女人)

I don't care about the fact that men say they're unemotional creatures who move on after a breakup faster than a speeding crawfish. The reality is that men are more sensitive than they let on. If they've endured heartache or ego-bruising by an ex, you are going to pay for it ... as will every other future girlfriend.

我不太相信男人说他们不感性,分手后跑得比小龙虾还快。其实男人比他们说的要重感情。如果他们被前任重创,你或者他未来的女友,肯定要帮她还债。

In the past few weeks alone I've had one man tell me that if his "darling, sweetheart, good girl" ex-girlfriend managed to break his heart, how could he ever trust another woman again? I've had another man tell me that he was so scared of getting heartbroken again that he dumped his recent girlfriend who he dubbed the "perfect girl" two months into the relationship. She never saw it coming.

在过去几周,有个男人和我说“他亲爱的心肝宝贝前女人这么伤他的心,他怎么能再相信其他女人呢?”还有个男人和我说他最近和女朋友分手主要是因为不想再受伤,两个月前他还认为此女堪称完美。现在她再也听不到他的甜言蜜语了。

So unless you're dating a dude who has recently turned straight, chances are some girl somewhere along the way has ruined him for every future relationship. Don't try and set him straight, and don't say I didn't warn you.

因此除非你约会的翩翩公子最近重新喜欢上女人,否则男人都有一个曾经伤害过他,以后还会横在你们感情路上的前任。

They are Players

出来玩玩undefined

For many men, after being single for so long and getting more in tune with the way single women work, they have decided on one thing: stuff it. Hence they flake, tease, lie, chase, forget to text back and pretty much do whatever the bloody hell they want. And when the woman in question complains about such behaviour, the man doesn't want to hear a peep of it. Nor does he feel he has to. Why? Because since men have been told time and time again that there's a bona fide "man drought" situation going on, they think they're the ultimate catch simply because they wear Calvin Klein boxers and have a job. Sadly, many women believe it too and therefore are willing put up with it all of the above in fear they'll never meet another man again. Sigh …

很多男人单身日久就摸熟了单身女人的套路,他只需要关心一件事:要不要上?所以他们随便爽约,撒谎,嘲讽,追逐女人,经常不回短信,反正他想干嘛就干嘛。女人抱怨一下,男人一点儿也不想听。他们也不觉得需要听。而且男人早就知道现在是极度不均衡的女多男少,他们觉得只要他们穿上CK的平角底裤还有份工作,他们就能钓到女人。可悲的是,女人也这么想,她们生怕错过了这个就再也碰不到男人了。唉……undefined

What do you think? What have you learnt about single men? What do women dislike about single blokes?

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你有什么看法?你了解单身男人吗?女人讨厌他们身上哪些缺点?

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