爱情三角理论(Triangular theory of love),由美国心理学家罗伯特.J.斯腾伯格提出(Robert J·Sternberg)。作者对爱情进行了各种分析,认为爱情存在三个要素: 亲密(Intimacy) 第一要素:亲密(intimacy) 亲密,是两人之间感觉亲近,温馨的一种体验。简单说来,就是能够给人带来一种温暖的感觉体验。亲密抱含10个基本要素:
第二要素激情(passion) 激情是一种“强烈地渴望跟对方结合的状态”。通俗地说,就是见了对方,会有一种怦然心动的感觉,和对方相处,有一种兴奋的体验。性的需要,是引起激情的主导形式,其它自尊、照顾、归属、支配、服从也是唤醒激情体验的源泉。 第三要素:承诺(commitment) 承诺由两方面组成:短期的和长期的。 短期方面就是要做出爱不爱一个人的决定。 “亲密可以看作是大部分而非全部地来自关系中的情感性投入;激情可以看作是大部分而非全部地来自关系中的动机性卷入;承诺可以看作是大部分而非全部地来自关系中的认识性(认知性)的决定与忠守”(Sternberg)。 亲密是“温暖”的,激情是“热烈”的,而承诺是“冷静”的。 根据这个理论,爱情可以分成八种类型: 无爱(Nonlove) :三个因素都不具备。很多包办婚姻属于这种类型。
Liking includes only one of the love components - intimacy. In this case, liking is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term commitment. 喜欢只包括一种元素,亲密。因此,喜欢也不是全无价值。Sternberg 认为这种亲密的喜欢代表真正的友谊,在这种友谊中,一个人感到对别人的寄托感,温暖,亲近但没有强烈的激情和长期的承诺关系。 Infatuated love consists solely of passion and is often what is felt as "love at first sight." But without the intimacy and the commitment components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly. 痴迷的爱只有激情,就像“一见钟情”。但是因为没有爱情的亲密和承诺,这种痴迷的爱可能很快会消失。 Empty love consists of the commitment component without intimacy or passion. Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often begin as empty love. 无情无义的爱情由义务构成,而没有亲密和激情。有时,一段轰轰烈烈的爱情蜕化成了这种无情的关系,只剩下承担义务,而激情和亲密都消失了。在包办婚姻普遍的文化中,关系都是来自这种空洞的爱。 Romantic love is a combination of intimacy and passion. Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal. 浪漫是亲密和激情的组合,浪漫爱情是情绪化的,就像喜欢,并且还有肉体激情相佐。 Companionate love consists of intimacy and commitment. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship, but a deep affection and commitment remain. 伴侣关系由亲密和承诺构成。这种爱往往存在于那些激情减退的婚姻中,但是有很深的感情和相互承诺留下来。 Fatuous love has the passion and the commitment components but not the intimacy component. This type of love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy. 盲目的爱是激情和承诺相组合但缺少亲密的元素。这种类型的爱的例子就是闪电恋爱结婚----义务被激情推动而生,而不是受到亲密感的稳定影响。 Consummate love is the only type of love that includes all three components--intimacy, passion and commitment. Consummate love is the most complete form of love, and it represents the ideal love relationship for which many people strive but which apparently few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341). 完美爱情是唯一的包括全部三种元素的恋爱类型。完美的爱是最完美形式的爱,是理想的爱的关系,很多人追求,但明显很少人能找到。Sternberg指出维持这种爱比找到它更困难。他强调把对爱的理解转化成行动。“没有表达”他警告说“最伟大的爱情也会死亡。” 好像是很久以前,在Emily和Season还在一起的时候,就听她讲起过这套理论,听她拿着intimacy, passion & commitment这三个要素对照自己的爱情。我今天也是突然想起,那么对照起来,我又拥有什么呢?不敢去回答这样的问题,唯恐得到一个可怕的结论。其实是想要一份consummate love的。只是并非那么简单的啊…… |
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