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天老外和几个人在休息室里打牌，前台小姐走了进来说道“how are you?how old are you play poke in here?"怎么是你啊？怎么你老是在这打牌的？老外“I don't know what about talking"前台小姐“what?what?you don't know what I say!什么，什么吗，你不知道我所说的。老外“i am sorry i can't follow you,speak in english.please"前台小姐“****,i say english now"妈的，我就在说英文了啊。老外“em!i want to talk with your head."前台小姐“head no zai,come tomorrow again"主官不在，明天在来。真是令人当场毙命 1每周规定一个只说英语的晚上，听英文歌曲，看英文电影，连炒菜都用英文菜谱2用英语写一封情书。如果你暗恋的对象不懂英语那就更完美啦！ 3写英语打油诗娱乐一下If you care for me - I care for you ，You miss me - I miss you You like me - I like you. You message me - I message you your forget me - I’m sorry that where I’m different from you. I’ll kill you. 不好意思这点我与你不同4抄写一则英语幽默笑话 5上网查找你喜欢的英文歌曲的歌词，大声学唱 6给自己胡编乱造一个帅哥美女的自传。 7找几个朋友打牌，坚决使用英文！假装不会中文！ 8洗碗抹桌子、拖地板搞卫生的时候记得用英语自言自语。 9无聊的时候在家里走来走去，用英语说出每个东西的名称。不会的去查字典10加入英语网站的会员，没事就上去逛逛，聊天灌水。
1,Two birds T: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? S: I cannot point out but I know the answer. T: Please tell us. S: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后 5.You looked a lot like my wife A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." 6. I Could Use a Little Money Dear Father, school is really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and studying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply don't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can just $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I know that astronomy, economics, and oceanography are enough to keep even an honor student busy. Do not forget that the pursuit of knowledge is a noble task, and you can never study enough. 7.Two thousand five hundred!" Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!" 8.Is John Listening? Teacher: John, why aren't you listening? John: But, teacher, I am listening! Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said. John: You said, "John, why aren't you listening?" 9. Keys to one Success One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you promise somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's word.' "What is cleverness? asked his son. "Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered. 10.I always do Two motorists stopped head-on on a bridge too narrow for their cars to pass. "I never back up for an idiot." said one driver angrily. "I always do." replied the other as he shifted into reverse. 11.He told me to see you Doctor: And whom did you consult about your illness before you came to me? Patient: Only the druggist down at the corner. Doctor: And what sort of ridiculous advice did he gave you? Patient: He told me to see you! 14.A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中 有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” 15. "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 16.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out. The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 17. A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, "Get the kid." 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 18. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。 “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 19. -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 20. M: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! A: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! M: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 21. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 22. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 23. What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子 身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 24. One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin. Girl: Father, I have sinned. Preacher: What did you do, little girl? Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch. Preacher: Why? What did he do to you? Girl: He touched my breast. Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.) Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes. Preacher: That is no reason to call him that. Girl: But he also took off my cloth. Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.) G: Yes, that is what he did. P: That is still no reason to call him that. G: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what... P (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what) G: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that is what he did... P My dear girl, that is still no reason to call him a... G But he had AID
经典 1． Pain past is pleasure. （过去的痛苦就是快乐。）[无论多么艰难一定要咬牙冲过去，将来回忆起来一定甜蜜无比。] 2． While there is life, there is hope. （有生命就有希望/留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。 3． Wisdom in the mind is better than money in the hand. （脑中有知识，胜过手中有金钱。）[从小灌输给孩子的坚定信念。] 4． Storms make trees take deeper roots. （风暴使树木深深扎根。）[感激敌人，感激挫折！] 5． Nothing is impossible for a willing heart. （心之所愿，无所不成。）[坚持一个简单的信念就一定会成功。] 6． The shortest answer is doing. （最简单的回答就是干。）[想说流利的英语吗？那么现在就开口！心动不如嘴动。] 7． All things are difficult before they are easy. （凡事必先难后易。）[放弃投机取巧的幻想。] 8． Great hopes make great man. （伟大的理想造就伟大的人。） 9． God helps those who help themselves.（天助自助者。） 10． Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. （四个简短的词汇概括了成功的秘诀：多一点点！） [比别人多一点努力、多一点自律、多一点决心、多一点反省、多一点学习、多一点实践、多一点疯狂，多一点点就能创造奇迹！] 11． In doing we learn.（实践长才干。） 12． East or west, home is best.（东好西好，还是家里最好。） 13． Two heads are better than one.（三个臭皮匠，顶个诸葛亮。） 14． Good company on the road is the shortest cut.（行路有良伴就是捷径。） 15． Constant dropping wears the stone.（滴水穿石。） 16． Misfortunes never come alone/single.（祸不单行。） 17． Misfortunes tell us what fortune is.（不经灾祸不知福。） 18． Better late than never.（迟做总比不做好；晚来总比不来好。） 19． It's never too late to mend.（过而能改，善莫大焉；亡羊补牢，犹未晚也。） 20． If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well.（如果事情值得做，就值得做好。） 21． Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.（无热情成就不了伟业。） 22． Actions speak louder than words.（行动比语言更响亮。） 23． Lifeless, faultless.（只有死人才不犯错误。） 24． From small beginning come great things.（伟大始于渺小。） 25． One today is worth two tomorrows.（一个今天胜似两个明天。） 26． Truth never fears investigation.（事实从来不怕调查。） 27． The tongue is boneless but it breaks bones.（舌无骨却能折断骨。） 28． A bold attempt is half success.（勇敢的尝试是成功的一半。） 29． Knowing something of everything and everything of something. （通百艺而专一长。）[疯狂咬舌头] 30． Good advice is beyond all price.（忠告是无价宝
好的工作心态
Strategies to improve your job satisfaction 如何提高工作满意度 Depending on the underlying cause of your dissatisfaction, there may be several ways to increase your job satisfaction. 对工作不满的潜在原因不同，提高工作满意度的方法也不同。 积极的心态是提高你对工作的满意度的最有效的方法之一。 Stay positive 保持积极的心态 Use positive thinking to reframe your thoughts about your job. Changing your attitude about work won’t necessarily happen overnight. But if you are alert to ways your view of work brings you down, you can improve your job satisfaction. Try these techniques: 积极思考来重塑自己对工作的看法。工作态度的改变不是一朝一夕的事情。但是如果你能警觉让你对工作失望的看法，你就能提高工作满意度。 试一试下面这些技巧： * Stop negative thoughts. 停止消极思维。Pay attention to the messages you give yourself. When you catch yourself thinking your job is terrible, stop the thought in its tracks. 注意你给自己传达的讯息。当你发现自己认为工作糟糕时，立刻停止这种想法。 * Put things in perspective. Remember, everyone encounters good days and bad days on the job. 看远一点。别忘了，每个人在工作中都会有起有伏。 * Look for the silver lining. "Reframing" can help you find the good in a bad situation. For example, you receive a less than perfect performance appraisal and your boss warns you to improve or move to another job. Instead of taking it personally or looking for another job right away, look for the silver lining. Depending on where you work, the silver lining may be attending continuing education classes, working closely with a performance coach and having the satisfaction of showing your boss you`re capable of change. 看到好的一面。“全新的思维”能帮助你在逆境中发现好的一面。例如，你的考核评定为“不算完美”，老板让你注意去提高，否则就要把你解雇。不要认为这件事 是针对你个人的或马上就找新的工作，你要看到好的一面。工作的地方不一样，好的一面也会有所不同，你也许可以接受持续教育培训，或者和业绩教练一起工作、 向你的老板展示你可以改变、从中获得满足。 * Learn from your mistakes. 从错误中学习。Failure is one of the greatest learning tools, but many people let failure defeat them. When you make a mistake at work, learn from it and try again. 失败是最好的学习工具之一，但是许多人却因为失败而一蹶不振。当你在工作中犯了一个错误，从中学习，再努力。 Be grateful. 学会感恩。Gratitude can help you focus on what’s positive about your job. Ask yourself, "What am I grateful for at work today?" If it’s only that you’re having lunch with a trusted co-worker, that’s OK. But find at leastone thing you’re grateful for and savor it. 感恩的心情能让你关注工作中积极的方面。 问自己：“今天工作中有什么让我去感激?”既使答案只不过是和自己信任的同事一起吃午饭也可以。 但是，至少找出一样令自己感激的事，然后去体验它的滋味。 Whether your work is a job, a career or a calling, you can take steps to restore meaning to your job. Make the best of difficult work situations by being positive. Doing so will help you manage your stress and experience the rewards of your profession. 无论你所做的是职业，事业，还是天职，你都能做些事情来恢复其意义。带着积极的心态充分利用工作困境，这样能帮助你处理好精神压力、体会到职业给你的回 报。(the end)
真爱
Sometimes I really doubt whether there is love between my parents. Every day they are very busy trying to earn money in order to pay the high tuition for my brother and me. They don't act in the romantic ways that I read in books or I see on TV. In their opinion, "I love you" is too luxurious for them to say. Sending flowers to each other on Valentine's Day is even more out of the question. Finally my father has a bad temper. When he's very tired from the hard work, it is easy for him to lose his temper. One day, my mother was sewing a quilt. I silently sat down beside her and looked at her. "Mom, I have a question to ask you," I said after a while. "What?" she replied, still doing her work. "Is there love between you and Dad?" I asked her in a very low voice. My mother stopped her work and raised her head with surprise in her eyes. She didn't answer immediately. Then she bowed her head and continued to sew the quilt. I was very worried because I thought I had hurt her. I was in a great embarrassment and I didn't know what I should do. But at last I heard my mother say the following words "Susan," she said thoughtfully, "Look at this thread. Sometimes it appears, but most of it disappears but most of it disappears in the quilt. The thread really makes the quilt strong and durable. If life is a quilt, then love should be a thread. It can hardly be seen anywhere or anytime, but it's really there. Love is inside. |
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