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远离嫉妒之心

2012-05-30  蕙籣留香
  • 标题:How to Overcome Envy: 5 Effective Tips
  • 推荐者: 花の雪
  • 渴望着自己未曾拥有而别人却拥有的东西时,嫉妒便会油然而生。如果你渴求荣耀,你就会嫉妒拿破仑。而拿破仑嫉妒着凯撒,凯撒嫉妒着亚历山大大帝,而亚历山大大帝呢,我敢说他嫉妒着赫尔克里斯,一个根本就不存在的神话人物。
    --- 伯特兰·拉塞尔(Bertrand Russell)

    嫉妒之心窥视着他人的春风得意,却忽视了自己已有的幸福。
    ---哈洛德·科芬(Harold Coffin)

    嫉妒就像一只邪恶的小精灵不停地撕咬着你的灵魂,给你灌输负面的思想,让你倍受痛苦的煎熬。嫉妒让你长此以往地陷入负面的情绪之中,但在大多数情况下,这都是可以避免的。如果你愿意的话,你可以把嫉妒这种情绪降低到最小,这样你就可以把时光都用于更欢乐幸福的日子中去了。

    接下来我想谈谈能让你远离嫉妒之心的切实可行的5个方法。

    方法一:不要和别人作比较,而是拿自己跟自己作比较。

    拿自己所拥有的东西与别人作比较可以说是让自己走向痛苦的最简单不过的方法了。假如你有一辆更漂亮的车子或者是有一份更好的工作,你的自我满足感也就会得到一定的满足。

    但是,通常情况下你拿自己在和别人作比较时,你所看到的是别人要比自己更惬意和成功,别人有比你更漂亮的车子,还有比你更好的工作。于是,那种自我满足感变消失殆尽,转而成为一种压抑的情绪。

    事实的情况是,这个世界上总有人比你更优秀、更成功、更完满。所以,当你拿自己和这些人作比较时,你总是处于劣势。刚开始的时候,你或许有些满足感,但当你看到这些更成功的人士时,你感到的就是沮丧和羡慕。

    所以,不要和别人作比较。如果你一定要想这样做的话,请拿自己与自己做比较。好好审视一下自己,看看自己已取得了哪些成就、进步了多少?
    对自己所拥有的东西要心怀感激之心,同时也要对自己所付出的努力心怀感激。回顾一下你所走过的人生旅途,接下去的你的计划又是什么?

    这样子就会让你更加积极乐观,也不会让你为别人拥有而自己没有的东西而心生嫉妒了。

    方法二:感激你所拥有的一切。

    拿自己跟自己所比较可以最大程度地消除嫉妒之心,而且还可以让你对生活充满感激之心。

    所以,为何不拿出几分钟的时间想想自己所拥有的一切,并且好好地珍惜它们。你可以在一天开始或结束之时做这样的练习:列出所有让你心怀感激的事情。

    方法三:丰富自身的精神世界

    嫉妒往往滋生于你对某件未曾拥有的事物的渴求。也许是因为别人得到了你梦寐求之的工作,于是你就嫉妒他。又或者是别人得到了你所希冀的机遇。你之所以会产生嫉妒心理可能是因为你害怕失去某样东西,而当你真的失去它时你感觉就像是陷入人生低谷般痛苦。

    把注意力放在你未曾拥有的事物上,其实真的是对你的思想、情感以及人生的一种摧残。它会产生出不绝如缕的负面情绪。这样你就会越陷越深而无法自拔,嫉妒所带给你的负面结果会给你找成持久的消极影响。
    摆脱这个绝境的办法就是把你的注意力放到积极的事物或是新的转变上。你可以通过丰富自己内心的精神世界来应对这个困境。
    新的商机总是有的,学校里新的测验永远都没有终止的时候,而且拥有都有新鲜的面孔等待着你去认识、了解。如果你觉得自己只有一次机会的话,你一定会有很大的压力,而这样的积极思维可以有效地缓解压在你身上的重负。当你经历了一次失败时,积极的思维会让你觉得只不过是一次失手嘛,下次再来。
    所以,你要把自身的注意力都放在潜在的机遇、新的转机以及从失败中学到的经验教训上,这样你的生活就会因为你的良好心态而发生质的改善。

    有时,要做到积极地去面对生活是件很难做到的事,但是假如你不努力保持这种积极思维的话,生活就会变得越来越不顺心。

    方法四:思考“这样做对我来说有什么好处?”

    反思一下这个问题:假如我保持这样的状态,一年后,或者五年后,我的生活将会变得怎样呢?

    假如生活变得越来越糟糕,又会怎样呢?它会对我周围的人产生怎样的影响呢?

    坦诚地对待自己,好好想想如果自己老是心怀嫉妒的话会给生活带来哪些消极的结果。这样做可以激发你的积极思维。

    方法五:享受生活

    在我看来这是一条最为简单也是最为有效的策略。

    如果你发现自己突然间不知道该如何打发时间,那你很容易就会周而复始地陷入消极情绪的困扰中去。
    做些有趣的事情,认识些有趣的人,既能帮你摆脱这种困境,又能让你消除嫉妒之心。享受生活的另一好处就是让你生活得更惬意,因为你不再会为鸡毛蒜皮的事情而斤斤计较。
    所以呢,不要想太多,去探索吧,去过你想要的生活吧!

    祝你每天的生活的美满幸福!

    How to Overcome Envy: 5 Effective Tips

    by HENRIK EDBERG

    “Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.
    Bertrand Russell

    Envy can be like a tiny devil on your shoulder that whisper words into your ear, gnashes on your soul and makes life into something that is often filled with suffering and much negativity. Or the envy can just be something that irritates and distracts you from time to time.

    “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”
    Harold Coffin

    In any case, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you want to, then you can at least minimize it in your life.

    So that you can spend your time here in a lighter and happier headspace.

    Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

    Comparing what you have to what others have is a good way to make yourself miserable. It feeds your ego when you buy a nicer car or get a better job than someone else. You feel great for a while.

    But this mindset and the focus on comparing always winds up in you noticing someone that has more than you. That someone has an even better job or car than you. And so you don’t feel so good anymore.

    The thing is that there is always someone with better or more than you. So you can never “win”. You just feel good for a while and then you don’t.

    A more useful way to compare is to just compare yourself to yourself. Look at how you have grown and what you have achieved. Appreciate what you have done and what you have. See how far you have come and what you are planning to do.

    This will make you make you more positive and emotionally stable since you are no longer comparing and feeling envious of what the other guy have that you haven’t.

    Be grateful for what you got.

    Besides comparing yourself to yourself it can be helpful to add a regular gratitude exercise to your life to minimize the envy.

    So take just two minutes out of your day to focus on being grateful for all the things you got.Make a list of them in your head or write them down in journal at the beginning or end of the day.

    Develop an abundance mentality.

    Envy often seems to come from a perceived scarcity in some area of your life. Maybe you feel envious because someone else got the job you wanted. Or because someone else got the opportunity that you had hoped for. Perhaps you are feeling envious because you are afraid of losing something and feel that if you do then you have hit rock bottom.

    Focusing your mind on the scarcity can really screw with your thoughts, feelings and life. It can cause much stronger negative emotions than is really reasonable. And it gets you really stuck in the envy, intensifying it, making it stronger and more long-lasting by feeding it with more thoughts and emotional energy.

    To get out of this confining and destructive mentality you can choose to focus on the opportunities and the new chances. You can develop an abundance mentality.

    There are always new business opportunities to find, new tests in school to take and new people to date/make friends with. This way of thinking relieves much of the pressure you may feel if you have a scarcity mentality that makes you think that you only got this shot right now. Or makes you feel like an utter failure just because you just stumbled and things didn’t work out this time.

    So keep your focus steadily on the opportunities, on the new chances, on what you can learn from your failures as best you can instead of confining your mind and your life.

    It is sometimes hard to do so from day to day but it is even harder in the long run to live a life where you don’t keep that positive focus.

    Think about what’s in it for you.

    I have found this to be helpful in many cases when I have negative thoughts or when I’m behaving in a less than useful way.

    Basically, I ask myself: What’s in it for me? And each time I fall back into that negative headspace and behaviour I remind myself of this question and the answer.

    This reinforces to me the pointlessness of what I’m thinking. And often I just think to myself: “Oh, I’m being stupid again. Time to focus on something useful/fun/positive instead”.

    Now, there are upsides of being envious that can make it hard to let go of it. When you are being envious you may not take chances or go into the unknown. You just judge people that have taken the chances from the safety of the sidelines. Feeling envious can also make you feel like a victim. Such a mentality may sound very unattractive for anyone to want.

    But in reality it brings you attention and validation because you can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. And you don’t have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just heavy sometimes.

    When you are ready to let go of that safety and those somewhat strange upsides it will be easier to change how you act and how you think about things.

    Get a life.

    Simple and perhaps the best tip in my opinion.

    If you find yourself sitting around too much and not having enough to do then it’s very easy to feel stuck and to get stuck in thought loops and go into a downward spiral.

    Simply by filling your life with more fun activities and people and the things you want out of life you won’t have time or a reason to be envious. Other benefits of getting a life are that you become a lot more relaxed and less prone to overreacting about the little things.

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