By: Michael Pearl You want to know how to train a six-month-old? By context. All with whom the child associates is the context in which the child first emulates moral attitude. Morality is first an attitude, a way of viewing the self in relationship to the stimuli that assail us. Morality is the right choice in the face of choices that are immediately more fun. Morality is choosing principle and duty above thrill and laziness. Morality is love of truth; it is a pure heart; it is love, grace, mercy, patience, kindness, hard work, wisdom, faith, joy, thankfulness, and serving others. Morality is not the lack of certain acts of debauchery. It is the heart of God practiced in these bodies of flesh.
In the early months and years of a child’s life, you will not be able to lecture him on morals, but you can plant his little developing soul in pure soil. Children are rooted in the souls of those with whom they associate―including any media. You, as a parent, cannot change the environment at large. Eventually your child is going to have to enter the ugly arena of society. But in his developing years, you can tuck his little soul into yours and give him a little bit of heaven before he finds out that he is in a moral battleground where the bad guys almost always win. Training to Work Work is one thing in life that if you could get along without it, you would. All work is pain. You have to be raised with it to be hardened to it and to accept it as necessary. Every fresh budding of understanding and every newly acquired ability in the infant and small child must be immediately channeled into wholesome productivity. A child should never be allowed to acquire an attribute of mind or body that is left to idle indulgence. If a ten-month-old child, capable of picking up his own socks, sits and watches his mother pick them up, he is being mistrained―trained to be lazy. You are missing the best opportunity to teach a teenager to be a worker. Teenagers learn to work before they are two years old. I know that a child under one year old is not capable of doing one stitch of productive work. But the question before us is not how old a child should be when his work is of value. The question is "At what age should I teach my children to work?" The answer is: As they become capable of the least participation, no matter how worthless, they should be involved in working. They will have more fun than a birthday party if you involve them in all your chores. Children love cooking, cleaning and all chores that Mama and Daddy do if they occur as a matter of routine and are done in a joyful atmosphere. If this is handled properly, there will never come a time when your child is shocked that you asked him to work. He will never balk or complain. He cannot remember a time when he was not under obligation to pull his share of the load. His first awakening to life was one of being part of a team working. He happily stands up to his chores. It is what life is all about. If you wait until a child is four years old to ask him to work, he will be hurt and offended that he, the royal consumer of goods and services, should be called upon to stoop to menial chores. What a drag! What pain! What misery! Life is not supposed to be like this. He has lived four wonderful years with several servants, and now you expect him to do boring physical labor? He may do it if you force him to, but he will never like it, not now and not ever. Should you wait until they are big enough to be profitable in labor before you require it of them? Only if you want to feel like the worst villain in the world and spend most of your emotional energy nagging them into what will always be a job half done. Children should learn to work at the same time that they learn to play. A child should never be allowed to think that the world is ordered so that he plays while others serve him. Don’t pick up after the child. If a kid is big enough to pull toys out of a box he is big enough to put them back. Make work part of the play. Sit on the floor. Enjoy showing him how to put the toys away. As you give the command, "Put your toys back in the box," place a toy in the box. Give the command again and guide the child’s hand to put a toy back in the box. Put another toy in the box yourself, and then again voice the command as you guide his hand to put away another toy. If the child is never allowed to walk away from scattered toys, he will always pause to put them away, and you will never have a hassle over clean up. Three times is enough to train a child, if it is the first three experiences with the toy box. It will take more if you have mistrained him. When you must carry groceries into the house, give your toddler a light box to carry and brag about what a good worker he is. When you are carrying in firewood, give the stumbling toddler a small piece to carry. When he spills something, guide him in cleaning it up. You may have to buy a special mop and shorten the handle to keep him from jousting everything in the house. But a one-year-old that mops is a six-year-old that mops and a sixteen-year-old that is a blessing. When you have cut the grass, give the toddler a sack and a small rake and show him how to fill the sack with grass clippings. If he grows bored, don’t make demands; revive his interest; make it fun. Do you know what sick is? It is a father at home on Saturday, working in the yard while the kids sit in front of the TV and eat snacks. Don’t ask me how to get them to work. You cannot train them one way and then expect different results. Do not make your kids work alone until they get old enough to deal with the isolation. Even then, you should seek opportunities to work together. If work involves warm fellowship, it takes the pain out of it. If you have developed an adversarial relationship around work, you are causing ongoing harm. If you press a child and are never pleased, he will hate you. Work is pain, and so you labor to get the job done so you don’t have any more pain. If there is no end to the work, no reward, children will always drag because doing the job never brings relief. Give them a job that has defined limits and the reward of freedom upon successful completion. Do not allow them to have the freedom until the job is completed satisfactorily. Parents have told me that when they started making the child’s leisure dependent upon completing the job, the kids turned what was previously a four hour job into a thirty minute job, and they had fun doing it, because they were laboring so they could rest. If your child is lazy and never does an acceptable job, then you must give him a job with well defined, and easily defined, limits and stay with him until he completes the job successfully, whereupon you praise him for a job well done. If the job is cleaning his room, first carefully define what you expect, in every detail. Write it down if the kid is old enough to read. Do not nag or whine. Quietly but firmly stand by your commitment that he will not leave his room and return to his leisure until the room is perfectly ordered. He will drag at first, hoping to conquer your will, but once he is convinced that your word is final, he will comply out of pure laziness. How else can he rest? You must maintain a pleasant attitude at all times, or all is lost. Training in Academics The biggest mistake is thinking of schooling as something different from family, from everyday life. Don’t think of it as an event that starts and stops by a clock. When done most efficiently, there is no age at which you start. Nothing ever changes. Schooling is life. I know kids locally who do not "do school," and yet are far advanced over their grade level. The purest form of homeschooling is a way of life. A young mother says to her crawler, "Give me the blue sock. No, not the green one, the blue one. Here, this is the blue sock, just like mama’s dress. See, this toy is blue also. Thank you, you are a smart girl." Another mother says to a two-year-old, "Here are three raisins. See, count them. One, two, three!!!" A mother says to a three-year-old, "How many raisins do you have? That’s right, five. Now give me one. Now how many do you have? Four!! Five take away one is four!!" Entertain the children with colors, pencils, and paper in mounds. Go to your local printers and tell them you need paper for your students. They will give you scrap paper by the truckloads. You can get good quality paper forty inches wide. Kids love it. Write their names at the top and let them try writing. Hang their work on the wall. Show it off. Read to your kids and have them pronounce words. Show the three-year-olds the word "cat" and let them put a yellow line under it every time it appears in the little book. Make flash cards―don’t buy them. The kids need to see you make stuff just for them. Do not sit the kid down at a school desk and pound flash cards until he goes to sleep. As you pass through the house, pick up one card and flash it, saying the word. You don’t need to ask questions. They are learning. Write the name of foods on cards and have them point to the word that represents the food they want. Write "nap" on a card and show it to them when it is time to sleep. Read road signs. Write letters to friends. Leave notes hidden in the house for them to find and read, notes that promise a treat. Read the breakfast material―boxes of cereal. Talk about the human body, naming the body parts, the bones, muscle, organs. You don’t know those things? Get a chart; hang it on the wall and learn with your children. Look at pictures. Discuss topics at the dinner table. Talk about history and science. Investigate your yard and then go to the library and investigate books on plants, insects, the universe, animals, earthquakes, anything that is fun and interesting. That is homeschooling. The kids never know they are in school, and you never feel like a teacher. It is not important that the kids know details on any subject; or if they know details, it is not important that their knowledge be thorough. It is far more important that they develop a learning attitude than it is that they learn certain prescribed curriculum. Think of it this way; your job as teacher is not to prepare them to take a test and answer questions. Your job is to instill a love of learning, to enjoy investigation, to be inquisitive, and to know that they can learn anything they need to know if they set their mind to it. The worst thing you can do is to pound enough facts in them to pass a test, but leave them with a fear of learning, leave them feeling inadequate. Homeschooling cannot be an event out of the day; it must be the day, the night, the lifestyle of homeschooling parents. Most importantly of all, it must always be fun. If it is not fun for you, it will not be fun for them. Never-never-never approach homeschooling with apprehension or impatience. Do not let the system or in-laws cause you to fear and start pressuring the kids to perform. The day that happens you have failed, and they will fail. |
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