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Pregnancy is seen as mostly a mom thing. Few women believe that Dad really gets it. And the fact is, we mostly don't. We talk about it. We show interest. We empathize (without going overboard). We even try to read about it, at least a little. But let's face it, our experience of having a baby is fairly removed until we're face to face with diapering and sleep deprivation. No dad can possibly relate to the minute-by-minute, close-to-the-heart, kick-in-the-gut reality of carrying a baby to term. But we can participate. We can be there to listen to the first heartbeat, we can swear off our dinner wine, we can pore over the naming books together, and more. Here are some ways you can be there, too. Pay attentionYou can't be pregnant, but you can participate by being an active observer. Let your wife know you're enjoying seeing her belly grow. Feel the baby kick. Play music and read to your baby. Keep a father's journal both as a way to record your inner thoughts and to help you think about what you'd like to discuss with your spouse or partner. Keep track of your baby's development during pregnancy — no doubt you'll be amazed. Be thereTry to make it to at least some of your partner's many prenatal care appointments, and ask questions. (It shows you're involved, not just a bystander.) Also, don't miss the chance to get a glimpse of your baby during an ultrasound. If your partner has an amniocentesis or other procedure to test for genetic defects, make sure you're there. (One dad we know missed the appointment, and he still hears about it five years later.) And, of course, attend childbirth classes, so you can participate with your partner in your child's birth. Get healthier, tooAs your wife tries to modify her diet, give up alcohol, and drink more fluids, you can support her by sharing these lifestyle changes. Eliminate bad-for-baby foods that might tempt her. Cut down on or cut out alcohol yourself. Don't smoke. Spend time walking or exercising together. And try to find ways to cut back on the hours you spend at your workplace, so you have more time at home together. Take a photo of your sweetie in profile at each month of pregnancy to record how her body changes. Understand, too, that as her pregnancy progresses, she may feel unattractive at times. Even if you think that she is, don't let on. Tell her she's beautiful. Meanwhile, you may also find that your sex life gets a PG rating for a while. What with hormone changes, back pain, morning sickness, and an understandable preoccupation with the stirrings of life, sex can take a hit.
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