有文、有识、有趣——凤凰副刊 【编者按】 爱吐槽的小编手把手教你如何用一句话噎死好莱坞“毒舌”导演伍迪·艾伦,有志于加入吐槽大军的同志们,请私下传阅此本吐槽“秘籍”,切莫外流。闲话莫提,锣鼓齐鸣,好戏开场!
吐槽吧,噎死“毒舌”伍迪·艾伦
【关于感情】 My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. 我的感情生活非常糟糕,我最后一次进入一个女人的身体是参观自由女神像。 [小编有话说]:还是排着队进去的吧…… The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody’s going to make fun of you. 性和死亡的区别在于,死亡你可以独立完成,而且没有人会取笑你。 [小编有话说]:你很难保证死前自己不会取笑你自己。
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. 性减轻压力,爱情则相反。 [小编有话说]:压力山大的情况:当爱情有了性。
【关于生活】 Can we actually 'know’ the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. 我们能够确切的了解宇宙吗?我的天呐,能在唐人街不迷路就够不易的了。 [小编有话说]:我的天呐,你不去唐人街购物还能活下来真是个奇迹!
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind-a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house. 宇宙只是上帝的一闪念——这是个叫人很不舒服的念头,特别是如果你刚刚付了买房子的首期。 [小编有话说]:拿工资还贷款时你只希望宇宙只是上帝一闪念。
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. 世上大体分成好坏两种人,好人晚上睡得踏实,而坏人更享受醒着的时间。 [小编有话说]:那么失眠的好人和加班的好人属于哪类呢?!
80 percent of success is showing up. 百分之八十的成功是到场。 [小编有话说]:百分之八十的失败也是到场。
【关于自己】 My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. 我人生的一大遗憾就是我不是别人。 [小编有话说]:别人最大的人生缺憾是他们不是你。
The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years. 人们对我最大的两个误解是:他们仅仅因为我戴眼镜,就认为我是知识分子;他们总以为我是艺术家,因为我的电影总是赔钱。这两个误解曾盛行一时。 [小编有话说]:你漏了一个误解——每当你领养幼女时,别人都会恭喜你找到了女朋友。
My brain: it’s my second favorite organ. 我的大脑是我第二喜欢的器官。 [小编有话说]:那……最喜欢的器官会是手吗? (凤凰网读书整合)
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