【视角】那三只小猪和大坏狼的真相

自定义1994 2015-03-17

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我们从小就听过三只小猪的故事，但是你有从大坏狼的视角想过吗？本文以第一人称视角，让大坏狼成功变身暖男Al, 也许你都会被他的诡辩打动呢！他的辩护词可以说是经典的argument, 使用了logos（logical appeal）, ethos(ethical appeal), pathos(emotional appeal),不知不觉就陷入他的逻辑呢。

The True Story of The Three Little Pigs

SOMERSET PA

Wolf took the stand today in his own defense. This shocked and stunned the media who predicted that he would not testify in the brutal double murder trial. Wolf isaccused of killing (and eating) The First Little Pig, and The Second Little Pig. This criminal trial is expected to be followed by a civil trial to bebrought by the surviving Third Little Pig. The case has been characterized as a media circus.

Histestimony is transcribed below:

'Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think they do. ButI'll let you in on a little secret. Nobody knows the real story, because nobody has ever heard my side of the story. I'm Alexander T. Wolf. You can call me Al.I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. Ifcheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too.But like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.

THIS IS THE REAL STORY.

Way back in Once Upon a Time time, I was making a birthday cake for my dear old granny. I had a terrible sneezing cold. I ran out of sugar. So I walked downthe street to ask my neighbor for a cup of sugar. Now this neighbor was a pig. And he wasn't too bright either. He had built his whole house out of straw. Canyou believe it? I mean who in his right mind would build a house of straw? So of course the minute I knocked on the door, it fell right in. I didn't want tojust walk into someone else's house. So I called, 'Little Pig, Little Pig,are you in?' No answer. I was just about to go home without the cup ofsugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.

That's when my nose started to itch. I felt a sneeze coming on. Well I huffed. And I snuffed. And I sneezed a great sneeze.

And you know what? The whole darn straw house fell down. And right in the middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig - dead as a doornail. He had been home the whole time. It seemed like a shame to leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there in the straw. So I ate it up. Think of it as a cheeseburgerjust lying there. I was feeling a little better. But I still didn't have my cup of sugar . So I went to the next neighbor's house. This neighbor was the First Little Pig's brother. He was a little smarter, but not much. He has built hishouse of sticks. I rang the bell on the stick house. Nobody answered. I called,'Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?' He yelled back.'Go away wolf.You can't come in. I'm shaving the hairs on my shinny chin chin.'

I had just grabbed the door knob when I felt another sneeze coming on. I huffed.And I snuffed. And I tried to cover my mouth, but I sneezed a great sneeze.

And you are not going to believe this, but the guy's house fell down just like hisbrother's. When the dust cleared, there was the Second Little Pig - dead as adoornail. Wolf's honor. Now you know food will spoil if you just leave it outin the open. So I did the only thing there was to do. I had dinner again. Thinkof it as a second helping. I was getting awfully full. But my cold was feelinga little better. And I still didn't have that cup of sugar for my dear oldgranny's birthday cake. So I went to the next house. This guy was the First andSecond Little Pig's brother. He must have been the brains of the family. He had built his house of bricks. I knocked on the brick house. No answer. I called,'Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?' And do you know what that rude littleporker answered? 'Get out of here, Wolf. Don't bother me again.'Talk about impolite! He probably had a whole sackful of sugar. And he wouldn'tgive me even one little cup for my dear sweet old granny's birthday cake. What a pig!

I was just about to go home and maybe make a nice birthday card instead of acake, when I felt my cold coming on. I huffed and I snuffed. And I sneezed onceagain.

Then the Third Little Pig yelled, “And your old granny can sit on a pin!' NowI'm usually a pretty calm fellow. But when somebody talks about my granny likethat, I go a Little crazy. When the cops drove up, of course I was trying tobreak down this Pig's door. And the whole time I was huffing and puffing andsneezing and making a real scene.

The rest as they say is history.

The news reporters found out about the two pigs I had for dinner. They figured asick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar didn't sound very exciting.

So they jazzed up the story with all of that 'Huff and puff and blow yourhouse down'

And they made me the Big Bad Wolf. That's it the real story. I was framed. '

But maybe you could loan me a cup of sugar?”

(THETRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS! AS TOLD TO JON SCIESZKA ILLUSTRATED BYLANE SMITH, Published by: VIKING, 375 Hudson Street New York NY10014, 1989)