如果追不到女神/男神，我应该找个普通人将就吗？

原文来自 Quora，已获得答主授权，内容仅代表答主观点。
译文由晓然翻译组原创，转载前请与我们联系。
译者：QG 校对：Lisa, Jing

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My ideal girl/boy is out of my reach; should I settle for what I can get?
如果追不到女神/男神，我应该找个普通人将就吗？

Oliver Emberton

NOTE: The question I originally answered was “My ideal girl is out of my reach, should I settle for what I can get?”
申明：我回答的问题是“如果追不到女神，我应该找个普通人将就吗？”

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Imagine how you’d feel if your dream girl said she might ‘settle’ for you. She had someone better in mind, but he was out of reach, so with reluctance she decided you’d have to do. Belittled? Inadequate? Pathetic? Don’t do that to someone else.
想象一下如果你的梦中情人说她也许能跟你“凑合”，你是什么感受？她的心另有所属，可惜那人遥不可及，所以勉强选你当备胎。你会感到羞愤？自卑？可怜？别伤害无辜的人。

Ok so you want this ideal girl? Chances are she probably isn’t the one you think she is - but that doesn’t mean the journey is pointless. It could be the wakeup call you need.
想追到女神？也许你的女神并没有你想象的那么好，但是这不意味着去追求就没了意义，或许能 “惊醒梦中人”哦。

One of the wonderful and horrendously unfair things about being a man is you have huge opportunity to increase your own attractiveness. Whilst women tend to be judged more by their looks, men tend to be judged more by who and what they are. That’s good news for you, especially with your current attitude - the scope for improvement is likely massive.
身为男人，既美妙又不公平的一点是，提升个人魅力的机会无处不在。这个社会越来越看重女人的外表和男人的内在，就你目前的状况而言，这是个好现象，你能成为潜力股。

Firstly, forget about chasing women. They don’t find desperation attractive, and you need your concentration elsewhere. Notice the most attractive guys rarely if ever chase. Notice the least attractive are whiny, clingy and fawning. Don’t be one of them.
首先，抛开追女神的想法。她们不喜欢孤注一掷的男人，你需要分散注意力。记住：最具魅力的男人极少主动出击，相反最差劲的男人总是喋喋不休，摇尾乞怜。别沦落到那种地步。

Now you need to craft a personal mission to improve yourself. This will be deeply personal to you, but generally you’ll want to make the most of your health, wealth, appearance, social awareness and develop a broad range of interests and skills. This is not a 20 minute exercise, and if you need one of those, you probably should go back to feeling miserable.
现在你得定一个努力的目标。具体怎么执行就靠自己了，总的来说你肯定想变得更健康、富有、英俊、成熟，并且爱好广泛，技能突出。这可不是20分钟就能完成的小练习，吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。

Some examples:

• Volunteer - give blood, teach, build a shelter

• Take a dance class

• Skydive

• Learn to cook

• Travel somewhere life-altering (think Africa, not Disneyland)

• Take up a sport, and get good at it

• Join a book club

• Learn about body language and human psychology

• Seek out the best media - music, film, books - and develop a deep understanding of them

• Learn a magic trick

• Start a company

• Try public speaking

• Learn to dress well

• Raise money for a good cause

• Start a creative project - like a short film, a single, or a short story

• Learn a musical instrument

• Make a craptonne of money

• Run a marathon

举例如下：

• 做志愿者——献血、支教、建收容所

• 报舞蹈班

• 跳伞

• 学会做饭

• 去一些洗涤心灵的地方 (比如非洲，而不是迪士尼乐园)

• 学会并擅长一项运动

• 加入读书俱乐部

• 学习肢体语言和人类心理学

• 选出最好的媒介（音乐、电影、书籍），并深入了解

• 学点小魔术

• 创业

• 尝试公开演讲

• 提升着装品位

• 做慈善

• 搞创作，比如微电影、流行单曲、短篇小说

• 学一门乐器

• 努力赚钱

• 跑马拉松

Do something to inspire others. Do something to inspire yourself. You’ll quite literally be a better person, and a damn sight more attractive. Your life should be a testament to greatness, not a self-piteous whine.
用实际行动激励他人，激励自己。你会变得更强，更有魅力。你的人生要用来见证伟大，而不是自怨自艾。

Chances are your ideal girl really isn’t. It sounds like you’re so attached to her as an ideal you can’t see her as a person anymore, and clinging on to that thought is only making you depressed. You need to direct those energies elsewhere.
很可能她没你想象的那么完美，你把她过度尊崇为“女神”就看不到她身为普通人的缺点了。执着于幻想不放只会令你愈加沮丧，多关心其他事情吧。

You and you alone hold the power to turn it around and make something more of yourself. Your life is your story to write - and the hero always gets the girl.
你完全有能力改变现状，激发潜能。你的人生故事由自己来书写，英雄终会抱得美人归。

Enjoyed this? Read more of me three times a week at oliveremberton.com
如果你喜欢这篇文章，可以每周抽点时间来 oliveremberton.com

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