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作者：纳撒尼尔·布兰登（Nathaniel Branden） 翻译：丁楠
Nurturing Self-Esteem in Young PeopleOne of the simplest applications of living consciously and being self-responsible is being conscious of — and taking responsibility for — the words coming out of one’s mouth. If adults did so, they would not be so prone to make the kind of statements that can devastate a young person’s self-esteem. “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you do anything right?” When I hear adults talking to a child abusively, I inquire, “What is your purpose? Have you found that insulting a child’s intelligence raises the level of performance?” I ask teachers: “Have you found ridicule to be an effective tool for facilitating learning?” Pay attention to outcome!
要有意识地对生活、对自己负起责任，最简单的方法是对我们说出口的话——有意识——并且负起责任。如果成年人是这样做的，他们将不会喜欢说出一些能够摧毁一个年轻人的自尊感的话。“你怎么了？你就不能把什么事情做对吗？”当我听到成年人这样辱骂孩子时，我想知道：“你的目的是什么？你认为侮辱一个孩子的智商就能让他表现得更好吗？”我问老师：“你认为嘲笑是促进学习的有效工具吗？”要关注结果！
Or, a lesson in self-acceptance: Five-year-old Jennie bursts into the room and screams, “I hate my brother!” Mother number one says, “What a terrible thing to say! You don’t mean it! You can’t hate him! He’s your brother!” What is she teaching? Self-alienation and self-doubt. Mother number two says, “Wow! You’re really feeling mad at your brother right now!. Want to tell me about it, sweetheart? “What is she teaching? Self-acceptance and the non-catastrophizing of negative emotions (Branden, 1987).
或者，一个自我接纳的教训：五岁的杰尼冲进房间大喊道：“我讨厌我的哥哥！”一号妈妈说：“怎么能这样说呢！你不是故意的吧！你不可以讨厌他！他是你的哥哥！”她在教孩子什么呢？自我隔离和自我怀疑。二号母亲说：“噢！你现在真的对你的哥哥很生气！想要和我说说吗，宝贝？”这位妈妈在教孩子什么？自我接纳和不把消极情绪小题大做。（布兰登，1987）
Clearly, parents and teachers can make it easier or harder for a young person to develop self-esteem. They can make it easier or harder for a young person to learn the six practices and make them an integral part of his or hr life. However, they cannot inspire these practices in young people if they do not manifest them in their own behavior. In this area, modeling is essential to effective teaching. According to Stanley Coopersmith’s landmark study of the family origins of self-esteem, the parents of children with high self-esteem tend to have high self-esteem themselves (Coopersmith, 1967).
很明显，父母和老师可以让一个年轻人更容易、或更困难。他们可以决定一个年轻人是否可以更轻松地学习六个培养自尊感的练习，并让这些练习成为人生的主要部分。然而，如果他们不以身作则，就无法激励年轻人来进行这些自尊感的练习。在这个领域中，做榜样对有效的教育是十分必要的。根据斯坦利·库珀史密斯（Stanley Coopersmith）关于自尊的家族起源的里程碑式的研究，自尊感较强的孩子，他们的父母也倾向于有较高的自尊感（库珀史密斯，1967）。
The six practices provide a standard for assessing parental and teaching policies. Do these policies encourage or discourage consciousness, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness, and integrity? Do they raise or lower the probability that a young person will learn self-esteem-supporting behaviors?
这六个练习为评估为人父母和教育的策略。这些策略是鼓励了觉知、自我接纳、自我负责、自我主张、目标感、正直，还是起到了相反的作用？他们是否提高了一个年轻人能学习自尊式支持行为的可能性，还是降低了这种可能？
 The issue of what supports – or subverts – self-esteem is present virtually from the beginning of life. A child has no more basic requirement, a far as parental behaviour is concerned, then that of safety and security. This entails the satisfaction of physiological needs, protection from the elements, and basic caretaking in all its obvious respects. It entails the creation of an environment in which the child can feel nurtured and safe.
关于什么行为是在支持——或者破坏——自尊，事实上在人生的一开始就显现了。只要父母在关心孩子，孩子就不会有基本要求之外的要求，而只需要安全和安全感。这包括对身体需求的满足，基本的保护，在显而易见的一些方面基础的照顾；它也包括去创造一个令孩子感到受呵护的、安全的环境。
In this context, the process of separation and individuation can unfold (Mahler, Pine, and Bergman, 1975). A mind that can later learn to trust itself can begin to emerge. A person with a confident sense of boundaries can develop.
在这种情况下，分离和个体化的过程就可以展开了。（Mahler, Pine, and Bergman, 1975）一种之后能够学习信任自己的意识，便开始萌生了。一个自信地怀着疆界感的个人便得以发展。
Today we know that touch is essential for a child’s healthy development. Through touch we send sensory stimulation that helps the infant’s brain to develop. Through touch we convey love, caring, comfort, support, and nurturing.
今天我们知道，抚摸对一个孩子的健康发展是必须的。通过抚摸，我们传递了有助于婴儿大脑发展的感官刺激。通过抚摸，我们传递了爱、关心、舒适、支持、哺育。
As the process of growth continues, a child who is treated with love tends to internalize the feeling and to experience him or herself as lovable. Love is conveyed by verbal expression, nurturing actions, and the pleasure and joy parents show in the sheer fact of the child’s being.
随着成长的过程在继续，一个在爱中长大的孩子倾向于内化、自己体验这种被爱的感受。通过语言的表达、哺育的行动、以及父母对孩子的存在所表现出的快乐和喜悦，爱就得到了传递。
An effective parent can convey anger or disappointment without signalling withdrawal of love — and can teach without resorting to rejection, humiliating behaviour, or physical or emotional abuse, all of which can damage a child’s fragile sense of self.
一个有效率的家长可以传递愤怒或失望，而不用发出“撤回爱”的信号——并且不必借助于拒绝、羞辱性的行为、身体或情感的虐待等等所有这些会摧毁一个孩子脆弱的自我感的行为。
A child whose thoughts and feelings are treated with acceptance tends to internalize the response and to learn self-acceptance. Acceptance is conveyed, not necessarily by agreement, which is not always possible, but by listening to and acknowledging the child’s thoughts and feelings, and by not chastising, arguing, lecturing, psychologizing, or insulting.
一个想法和感受被接纳的孩子，趋于内化这种回应，并学习自我接纳。接纳的表达，并不一定是通过协定，当然这也不总是可行的，而是通过倾听和认可孩子的想法与感受，并且不是通过惩罚、争论、说教、心理分析、侮辱来传达的。
A child who is treated with respect tends to learn self-respect. Stated simply, respect is conveyed by addressing the child with the same good-mannered courtesy one normally extends to adults. A home – or a classroom – in which people talk to one another with benevolent respect is an environment that supports self-esteem.
一个被待之以尊重的孩子趋于学会自我尊重。简单地说，对待孩子的礼节，要用像一般对待成人的良好礼貌一样，这样尊重便得以表达。一个家庭——或者教室——如果人们的彼此交谈，带着仁慈的尊敬，那么这就是一个鼓励自尊感的环境。
When praise is in order, convey appreciation of behaviour, and do so realistically. Do not make extravagant, global statements about the child’s intelligence or ability — because they make the child feel anxious and unseen. When criticism of behaviour is necessary, do so respectfully, with regard for the dignity of the recipient. Do not indulge in character assassination (Ginott, 1972).
在该表扬的时候，就表达对行为的赞赏，并且要逼真地这样做。不要对孩子的智商或能力做出夸张、小题大做的言论——因为这会让孩子感到不安，或没有被看到。当批评的行为是必要的，就带着尊重去批评，要关心被批评者的尊严。不要沉迷于人格诽谤（Ginott, 1972）。
When parents express their pleasure in and appreciation of a child’s questions or observations or thoughtfulness, they are encouraging the exercise of consciousness or mindfulness. When they respond positively and respectfully to a child’s efforts at self-expression, or invite such self-expression, they encourage self-assertiveness. When they acknowledge and show appreciation for a child’s truthfulness, they encourage integrity. In short, catch a child doing something right and convey pleasure and appreciation at the sight of it.
当父母表达他们的愉悦，以及在欣赏孩子的问题、观察或周到时，便是在鼓励意识或正念的练习。当家长积极地、带着尊重地回应孩子自我表达的努力时，或者在邀请这样的自我表达时，他们就是在鼓励孩子的自我肯定。当他们对孩子的真诚坦率表达出认同和欣赏时，就是在鼓励正直。简言之，当一个孩子做对了某件事情时，抓住时机，一旦看到就表达出你的喜悦和欣赏。
点击阅读原文即可查看： 近期课程预告 白大卫心灵成长课程 遇见真我 7月16日-19日·北京
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