|
爱对引言：黄秀蓉最喜欢的是四个字是“人生无憾”。当不巧遭遇这种事情的时候，她在内心告诉自己。“黄秀蓉，你是从婚姻的痛苦中走出来的。你知道，有许多夫妻还在黑暗里哭泣，而你，就是他们的明灯，你的痛苦会成为他们的祝福。你做的事情是很有价值的。”
2012，年末。黄秀蓉和先生在北京奋斗两年了，但日子并没有好起来。
她摸了摸口袋，身上只剩下30多块。银行卡有四张，里面的存款加起来也只有区区几十元。“明天该怎么办？”身心俱疲的黄秀蓉难过的哭了出来。她向丈夫摊牌，“最后再捱半年，还做不起来，自己就要回马来西亚了。”毕竟，到现在马来西亚的母亲也不知道女儿背井离乡，秀蓉害怕七十岁的母亲担心。
来北京前，黄秀蓉和先生程光辉在马来西亚经营着自己的事业，他们的公司向客户提供心理咨询和两性成长服务。因为良好的专业，公司在马来西亚有口皆碑，收入颇丰。但程光辉并没有满足于现状，为了寻求更大的发展，他决定将事业转移到中国。程光辉一心希望把自己所学传递给更多的人。有牧师身份他很喜欢《圣经》里的一句话，“你在许多见证人面前听见我所教训的，也要交托那忠心能教导别人的人。”他是带着使命而来的。虽然并没有做好万全的准备，秀蓉有时觉得丈夫的想法“太理想化了”，不过，他们对自己有很信心，毕竟他们自己就是NLP课程的受益者。
NLP又叫身心语言程序学，是一门研究人类主观经验的应用心理学，涉及的领域相当广泛。就个人领域而已，它在疗愈心灵创伤，解决家庭问题等方面颇有成效。程光辉比黄秀蓉大16岁，性格上的差异曾使两人摩擦不断，甚至闹到要离婚的地步。后来在朋友的介绍下开始学习NLP课程，内在发生了巨大的改变。从濒临破裂的两性关心中走过，受益匪浅的他们不但现身说法帮助了许多马来西亚的学员，还希望将这一课程更广泛的传播出去，他们想到了中国。
虽然当时家人极力反对，认为他们不知现实的残酷。可是，夫妻俩单纯的相信着。他们认为只要真诚用功，只要把专业做好，异地事业就会慢慢好起来。于是他们拖家带口来了。
他们从广州到南京，再飞往上海，后来还南下去了深圳，五天之内跑了七了城市。在深圳，有位好友奉劝：“如果你们想要培养人，那么北京最合适！”虽然，相比北方文化，他们更熟悉南方，但因为这句话，他们毅然决定来到北京闯荡。2010年8月，他们成立了北京爱对国际文化交流有限公司，开始了在北京的酸甜苦辣。 主恩、主慧、主爱
伴随着创业而来的是巨大的压力。高额的房租，聘请员工的费用，生活开支加上三个孩子的学习……，“支出比马来西亚高出20倍！”程光辉说。追寻梦想从来都不是一帆风顺的，泥泞坎坷再所难免。黄秀蓉忍耐着，也开始怀疑这个决定是否正确。“我不是做生意的人，我也不知道怎么开公司，公司起初聘请了八个人，全都不合适。”突如其来的现实落差太过巨大，三年时间，夫妻俩甚至没领过一分钱工资。除了把在马来西亚全部积蓄投入进来以外，甚至还取出了养老金填补。要让黄秀蓉喜欢上北京并不容易，“和我想象的，百分之九十不同”黄秀蓉说。
经济上的压力并不是全部。对商业文化的陌生以及初来乍到的碰壁，考验着他们的信心。为了获取教课机会打开市场，他们没有少缴“学费”。曾有一家推广公司向他们承诺，只需缴费十万块，就能得到三天的讲课机会，并协助他们销售课程和现场招生。夫妻俩满心以为自此会打出局面，结果却让自己好好的上了一课。“不仅协助招生的承诺无从兑现，3天的课被缩到45分钟，还被讽刺上课平平。虽然我们签了合同，但后来才发现，合同内容根本不符合法律，上诉也无门。”跌跌撞撞，程光辉和黄秀蓉花了很多钱来上这一堂课。有失望也有心痛，但他们并没有害怕，他们依然在北京看到了希望。
黄秀蓉最喜欢的是四个字是“人生无憾”。当不巧遭遇这种事情的时候，她在内心告诉自己。“黄秀蓉，你是从婚姻的痛苦中走出来的。你知道，有许多夫妻还在黑暗里哭泣，而你，就是他们的明灯，你的痛苦会成为他们的祝福。你做的事情是很有价值的。”
付出总有回报。来自学生的鼓励给了他们精神上极大的支持。学生们告诉他们，北京需要你们，你们在做一件功德无量的事。一开始，他们还有些怀疑，“我们没有这么重要吧？”渐渐的，他们才更清晰了自己的召唤，那就是：更多的帮助有婚姻问题的家庭走出黑暗，享受更有质量的两性关系。
有一对在南方城市打拼的夫妻，男子二婚，带着女儿，娶了一个能干的太太。后来，二人转战一级城市经营鞋业生意。随着事业越做越大，夫妻关系出现了严重的裂痕。更会做生意的太太个性强势，男方则相对为顾家，他在自己的女儿和他们共同的孩子身上倾注了更多的关爱。妻子逐渐感觉到情感上的缺失，再加之对事业拼命的操劳，便埋怨不断了。在内心，男方是自卑的，他开始通过赌博填补空虚，好几次输钱都在上百万。
公司快要上市时，妻子早已心力绞碎，她打算用离婚的方式来解决。已经是二婚的丈夫当然不愿意再次受伤，他甚至撂出狠话来，“离吧！明天就杀了你！”其实，他是无助的，他既找不到倾诉痛苦的对象，自己又改变不了现状。在朋友的介绍下，他们找到“爱对”开始接受治疗。黄秀蓉说：“在这一个案上，我注入了很多亲情的元素。其实，专业的态度是不能投入过度感情的，要适可而止，但这个男子有些不同。他表面上有钱，但实际上经济全部掌控在女方手中，他有他的窘迫。这和我们刚来北京的情况很相似。那时，为了经营‘爱对’，我们几乎掏空了所有积蓄。所以，我很能体会那种没钱和无助的感觉，才特别想要帮助他。”
在男子忧郁和绝望时，黄秀蓉不仅用中药帮助他调理抑郁，还鼓励他“哪怕你一无所有了，来北京，还有我们照顾你。”同时，他们开始用NLP的专业知识引导这对破裂关系中的夫妻打开彼此的心结。他们让男子跟妻子坦诚交流，告诉对方自己的痛苦与无助，承认对方对家庭的付出，并表明依然爱着对方，自己很需要这个家。他们也让妻子探寻自己的内心，发现深层的恐惧与爱，帮她树立信心。半年后，男子打来电话，说他们的婚姻再次走上正规，老婆又怀孕了。一年多以后，在女儿满一百天的日子，他抱着孩子出现在了黄秀蓉面前。从妻子最开始决绝的态度，到后来愿意再给家庭一次机会，再到新生命的孕育，黄秀蓉觉得，自己的工作好有价值！
美国NLP大学门口留影
时间再回到2012年年末。
秀蓉在哭过后，她定下了一个决心。“如果做到来年七八月还没有起色。九月一号就是新学年了，那时就打算让孩子全部回国。”在学员的慷慨解囊和帮助下，他们熬过了3年最初的难关。“人的尽头，就是神的开始”，黄秀蓉说。当她下定决心后，转变慢慢的发生了。
起初三年，黄秀蓉对金钱都是没有信心的。于是，她开始给自己进行治疗，“要努力把对钱财的负面观念转变为正面的。”12年10月3号那天，她开始练习吸引力法则。黄秀蓉把给孩子交学费的2万块放在面前，拿出其中一张，前后左右统统写上了“100万”，然后贴在了墙上。她相信自己是有专业技术的，于是开始想象有钱后的场景：开心的给学生讲课，房租轻松的挣到，还想到了孩子们上课时快乐的场景。她越想越开心，“我把钱摆满了床铺，抓起钱来贴在脸上，又贴在胸膛，还把钱丢得满地都是”。回想起这些，黄秀蓉不禁哈哈大笑。慢慢的，公司的运营开始转变了。有实力的平台纷纷和他们联系，客人主动打来电话说，注意公司网站很久了，要来邀约讲课，钱开始来得越来越轻松。半年的期限，她贴在墙上的不只是一个梦想，他们甚至超额完成，黄秀蓉对这个数字记得很清楚：122万。
北京这一路，虽然走得相当艰难，但熬过最初的风雨，就慢慢看见了彩虹。回顾一路所得时，黄秀蓉说，马来西亚就像是一个小湖畔。来到北京，像是进入了大海。广袤无垠的大海更能够测试你的能力。在北京最大的收获，就是感受到了自我的价值，发现原来自己可以是别人的一剂良药。到北京后才发现，原来自己这么棒。“相对来说，马来西亚更单纯、保守，也有一些呆板，但北京不同，在这里大家挣扎求存，因此必须非常灵活性。”所有这一切都是他们在北京学习到的宝贵经验。 北京长城欢乐游
2014年3月30日，黄秀蓉在微信的朋友圈上说，“春天来了，北京的阳光特别温暖，湛蓝的天空，清新的空气。三年来，第一次我有了爱上你的感觉。”此时此刻，她想对三年前刚来北京的那个自己说：“还好有你，这么勇敢的跨出了人生的一大步，所以才能体验到如此丰盛的人生，体验过山车一般的惊险。同时，又能在辛苦之后，享受到像美酒一样的甘甜。”
全家人在北京的梦想一个个的实现。老大今年考入了清华，学习中文文学专业，老二读高三，对戏剧很感兴趣，将来打算学习导演专业。老三现读高二，也同样对未来充满了希望。程光辉盘算起将来的计划时，双眼满是期待与理想。“到北京，我们是选对了城市。从这里开始，我们会培养起‘爱对’自己的讲师团，希望在不久的将来，每个城市都会有‘爱对’，有一天我们会做得更大，将来我们会把好的讯息和服务传递到更广更远的地方去。”
【五口之家】摘自黄秀蓉导师的口述
我们夫妇和女儿们来到北京整整4年，从适应，到融入，现在她们热爱北京的学习生活，我们的学员也遍布全国……。
曾经有许多学员惊讶又羡慕我们的家庭，温馨和热闹，是如何培养出这么有爱的氛围家庭呢？除了信赖上帝的信仰之外，这是一盆有定期经营和浇灌爱的流水及施肥的盆栽，现在开花结果了！在别人看来是轻巧和容易的事，我们却是充满感恩又欣喜。 在我们的家庭里，每个成员的想法和感受是被尊重和关注的。因此，我们的沟通模式是开放型，允许有冲突和表达情绪的过程。我觉得这是一个家庭里面最重要和最实际能给予孩子们一生的礼物，就是培养她们的独立人格和有爱的家庭联结，远远超过各种学识成绩和技能的培养。
现在回顾女儿们成长的岁月，让我们深深感受是她们把我们的婚姻和事业，生活和心灵，串成了伟大的梦想，继续前进，为众多仍在破碎边缘徘徊的家庭带来一丝曙光！来到北京生活，我们的第二个家，这是人生中一件非常成功的事！
英文：
Beijing,a City for a New Start
As an international metropolis, Beijing embraces travelers from all over the world. Like a giant magnet, it attracts numerous young adventurers who hope to realize their dreams. For Boris Chan and Ruth Wong, a couple from Malaysia, the city has witnessed their struggles, success, tears and laughter.
A Journey to Start A new life
Before coming to Beijing, Ruth and her husband Boris ran their own business in Malaysia. Their company was a marriage counseling firm. The NLP therapy they offered, or Neuro-linguistic programming, is a branch of applied psychology that interprets human experience. It has been proved to be quite effective in treating psychic trauma and settling marriage issues.
Ruth and her husband arc beneficiaries of the NLP therapy themselves. Ruth's husband is 16 years older than her and their marriage was once on the edge of break-up due to differences in their characters. After taking the NLP therapy, the couple managed to mend their relationships, and since then they have started offering NLP therapy to help other couples.
Before long, their firm has earned a good reputation in Malaysia. But for Boris, there are more to be done. As a pastor, he believes what was said in the Bible, 'What you have heard from me before many witnesses, entrusted that message to faithful men, who would be able 10 teach it to others.' Intending to expand the use of NLP, Boris decided to take their business to China.
But their families strongly opposed to their decision. Everyone was telling them that they had no idea about the cruel reality. But Boris and his wife believed that it would not be a problem to start up their own business in another country as long as they tried their best and focused on their profession. Bearing that in mind, the couple eventually departed for China.
Coming to Beijing
Ruth and Boris traveled from Guangzhou to Nanjing, and flew to Shanghai, and went all the way to Shenzhen.
They have been to seven cities within five days. In Shenzhen, a friend of them gave them some suggestions, 'if you really want to train people and start the business, then Beijing is obviously a good choice,' Then they made up their mind to come to Beijing. They established a company called Idoi Culture International co., LTD and started to experience everything to come in their new life in a big city.
But it is never easy to pursue a dream, and it is inevitable to meet obstacles. What they have been facing was huge pressure in the process of starting up their own business here. The high rental fees, the expense to hire employees, the living cost, and plus tuition fees for three kids arc all the challenges that the couple had to take. Boris said, 'In Beijing, our living expense is 20 times the cost in Malaysia.' Ruth also started to doubt whether they made this right decision at first.
In the first three years, their company failed 10 produce any profits. The couple invested all their savings in their company and even withdrew their pension to keep the company running.
The firm was hit the bottom in 2012. After two years of struggle, the couple had not much money left. Feeling exhausted and helpless, Ruth was going back to Malaysia if the firm did not recover within half a year.
When the couple almost gave up their career, friends whom the couple once helped came to help them. Their Chinese clients offered financial assistance and helped them get through the most difficult year of 2013. Thus the Malaysian couple got a momentum to continue their career in Beijing.
For Ruth, one has to live life without regrets. Whenever she ran into troubles, she would tell herself that: “You have walked out the misery of a nearly broken marriage, but many couples are still weeping in the darkness. You should shed a light for them, your suffering will bring blessing to them and what you are doing is meaningful.”
The encouragement and inspiration they have offered to their clients have also given them huge spiritual support. Their clients told them: 'Beijing needs you, things what you are doing are good deeds' At first, they still had questions about how important their job could be. Gradually, they bad a clearer picture of what they wanted to do. To help more couples whose marriages were running into problems.
Among their clients, there is a couple who has similar issues. The couple set up their shoe business on their own. It was a second marriage for the husband who has a daughter from the previous marriage. But as their business expanded, the couple's relationship was falling apart. In the end, the husband threw himself in gambling and his wife decided to have a divorce. For Ruth, the case resembles their own experience when they first arrived in Beijing, “I can perfectly understand the sense of insecurity and helplessness, and that is why I really want to help them.'
Ruth and her husband treated the couple by using NLP therapy, and half a year later, the husband made a thanks call, saying their marriage was back on track. A year later, the couple had their own daughter. The husband visited Ruth to say thanks on the tooth day of his daughter. At that moment, Ruth said that she finally realized that what she was doing was meaningful.
Chasing Dreams in Beijing
Looking back into their years in Beijing, Ruth said if Malaysia was a lake, coming to Beijing was like swimming in a vast ocean. She said the most precious thing she has gained over the years was that she has found herself value and that she could be helpful to others.
“Only after coming to Beijing. I started to realize that I could have done so many things. In Malaysia, the life is simpler and routine-like. But here is different, everyone is trying their best to get what they want, and at the same time, you have to be flexible.'
On 30 M March 24, Ruth wrote on her Wei chat: 'The spring has come. Sunshine in Beijing is particularly warm. The sky is blue, and the air is fresh and clean. After three years, this is the first time I've got the feeling that I'm in love with you (Beijing).'
At that moment, she wanted to tell the Ruth that she arrived in Beijing three years ago: “Thank you for taking such a brave step in life. Because of you, I am able to have such a colorful life and go through all ups and downs, and then understand the happiness in life after going through all ordeals.
Now Ruth's dreams are coming true. This year, her eldest child entered into Tsinghua University for university studies, majoring in Chinese. The middle one is now in the twelfth grade and is planning to study film director in college. The youngest kid now is in the 1lth grade, also ambitious for the future.
Talking about the future, Boris's eyes are glittering with expectations.' I think it is a right decision for us to come to Beijing. We will build up a counseling team here. And hopefully, in the future, we can set up branches in every city across China. One day, our firm will expand even further and deliver our services to other parts of the world.'
|
