内向敏感的人，该如何舒缓焦虑、释放压力

syqswl 2016-01-21

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当所有事情都挤到一起，我的负面情绪就会立即爆棚。每每到了这样的时候，我那自我调整的能量就会自行消退。

暂时将别人的需求放在一边，让自己松口气，休息一下。给自己独处的空间，恢复自身的活力。

内向的我如何在外向的世界里寻找爱

文/Brenda Knowles

内向敏感，该如何舒缓焦虑、释放压力

这几天，焦虑这家伙又不请自来了。我已经通过自我开导将生活方式调整得轻松自在，饮食习惯也低糖时尚，我本以为焦虑早已打道回府，可没想到事情并非如此。她就像我的一位远方亲戚，在凌晨4点把我叫醒，带着一波又一波的冲击和万马奔腾般的思绪，将我内心深处酝酿的压力情绪统统逐一说破。

Anxiety reared her ugly uninvited head recently. I thought she’d been sent packing by my relaxed self-guided lifestyle and spiffy low-sugar diet but noooooo… She wakes me at 4AM with adrenaline shots and racing thought chasers. Like a resentful relative she reminds me of every stressful situation I have brewing.

焦虑就像一个不招人待见的老朋友，对于她善用的造访理由我已十分清楚。我不仅知道她为何总是对我恋恋不舍，甚至清楚每次她大驾光临时我该如何应对。其实我对自己当时的做法并没有明确的认识，每次都是等到焦虑情绪过后，经过自我反省，我才意识到自己具体的应对办法。

Anxiety is a bad old friend. I know her favorite reasons to visit. I know what brings her ’round. I even know how I’ll react to her presence—although I almost never realize I’m reacting until the visit is over and I stand observing the aftermath.

她每次都是在我只考虑他人需要、他人期许的时候出现。

She shows up when I feel confined to everyone else’s needs and expectations.

她的一对好姐妹分别是“理想主义”和“完美主义”，她常常都是跟随着她们的脚步不请自来。

She often arrives just after her cronies, Idealism and Perfectionism, pay a visit.

每次当我无暇顾及自己喜欢的工作，或是长期沉泯于负面情绪无法自拔时，她就会来到我面前，对我横挑鼻子竖挑眼。

She loves to niggle me when I’m dying to achieve something but can’t find the time or when I’ve been immersed in negativity for too long.

爱做梦的内向者总有很多目标

The dreamy introvert has goals

身为一个性格内向的人，同时身为一个对未来充满了无限遐想、对和谐融洽的关系有着与生俱来的渴望、对灵活自由的生活更是钟爱无比的人，我对于他人给我设定的重重限制，表现得格外敏感。

As an introvert with a penchant for possibilities, an innate desire for harmony and a love of wide -open schedules, I am especially sensitive to restrictions imposed by others.

2014我的新年训诫（不是“新年计划”，因为计划都是用来实现的，而我设定的目标就从来没实现过）：

My new year’s precepts (not resolutions, they never work) for 2014 are:

1.有更多作为。

1. Accomplish more

2.设定自己与他人交往的边界，认真执行。

2. Establish and maintain personal boundaries

3.做到言简意赅（对于这一目标我已彻底放弃。我承认自己就是个啰嗦的家伙，总是爱滔滔不绝。）

3. Be more concise (I’ve all but given up on this one. I freely own that I am a wordy expressive babe;).

爱做梦的内向者回归现实（变得刻薄）

The dreamy introvert gets real (bitchy)

我知道做人不能太自私。我自己有几个小孩，对于他们作为孩子的合理需求，比如母亲的关爱呵护等，我总是尽量满足。因为我也喜欢这些小家伙，喜欢他们各自鲜明的性格。然而我之所以能够满足他们的需求，是因为我给自己安装了内置的休整空间，有了它，我就可以从与人/孩子的互动中暂时解脱出来。但有时，这些空间也会被一些突发事件所侵占，比如学校停课、孩子父亲出差、小孩突生虱子或染上流感、家里有人需要帮忙，以及为了接待客人得把家里打扫得一尘不染，诸如此类的事情。

I am aware of the importance of being unselfish. I have children and they have kid needs, including affection and care-giving from their mother. I will always make sure their needs are met because I love and enjoy the little buggers and their highly individualized personalities. I can meet their needs because I have built in pockets of rest between bursts of people/child interfacing. Sometimes these pockets are eaten up by unusual events such as school closings, their father traveling for work, lice and flu outbreaks, other family members needing help, keeping a house immaculate for showings, etc.

当所有事情都挤到一起，我的负面情绪就会立即爆棚，甚至会与人陷入口角，完全丧失了独处的空间。每每到了这样的时候，我那自我调整的能量就会自行消退，而与此同时，焦虑这家伙则开始搽脂抹粉、整装待发，再次名正言顺地前来造访。她来访的时间大多集中在凌晨。她可真会选时候！半夜三更，完全不考虑给我造成的不便，更不会顾及给我带来的失眠的痛苦。

These are the times when too much togetherness leads to bickering, negativity and a lack of solitude. These are the times my conscious energy flags and Anxiety draws on her eye-brows, blots her lipstick and prepares for a proper visit. She usually arrives in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks. Her lack of consideration and inconvenient timing often create a bitter bout of sleep-deprivation as well.

毫无疑问，这种焦虑折磨着我，仅仅三天时间我就会狂躁不安。三天下来，我毫无作为，自己预先设定的各种边界根本无法坚守。

Needless to say, fish and anxiety- riddled me, stink after three days. I don’t get anything accomplished and my boundaries are seriously weak.

我好像被撕扯掉外皮的困兽，内心变得过度敏感。

I feel skinless and overly sensitive.

我的行为举止已经俨然成了一位将军，凡事都过于在乎细节，过分剖析解读。对于孩子，我也完全丧失了耐心，听到他们喊我帮忙或者让我清理房间，我就像歌曲《妈，衣架在哪》里唱的那样，完全失去了平日卡萝尔﹒布兰迪般温柔的语气。

I start acting like a general. I become overly analytical and obsessed with details. I get on the kids about helping out and cleaning up the place — and I don’t use my Carol Brady voice, more like my Mommy Dearest No Wire Hangers voice.

虽然我常批评儿子挑剔、苛刻，但我却发现自己比他还要挑剔、还要苛刻。我自己也无法理解为什么会变这样，到了最后总是因为自己对他太苛刻感到十分愧疚。

I even find myself being harsh and critical with my son for being harsh and critical. This is so confusing and ultimately turns into personal shame for being so hard on him.

我发现自己变得优柔寡断、力不从心。为何连晚餐吃什么这样简单的事情自己都拿不定主意？为何不能很快想到办法纠正自己的错误？为何自己会一事无成？

I start to see myself as indecisive and incompetent. Why can’t I think of anything for dinner? Why can’t I be quicker with consequences for misbehavior? I never finish anything…

焦虑来袭，这就是我的应对方法。对此，我并不骄傲，一丝一毫也没有。

This is how I react. I’m not proud. At all.

我所有的这些表现都是因为……

I go through all of this because…

我需要更好地开发很少用到的潜意识的大脑功能。我需要掌握主动权，需要对家里的事情做主。

I need to better develop my unconscious and lesser used mental functions. I need to gain control. I want to have a say about what goes on in my house.

我总是过度使用自己的协调感（即感受他人想法的能力），而站在旁观者的角度理性分析的秩序感，我却用的不多。我要努力在二者之间实现一种平衡。

I want to balance my overused sense of attunement (feeling what everyone else is feeling) with an analytical and detached sense of order.

我自己也有需求，也想有所作为，我必须正视这种需求。偶尔为实现自己的想法而努力，这当然无可厚非。

I need to acknowledge and accept my own need for achievement. It’s OK to accomplish something myself occasionally.

我需要跳下理想主义的基石，让自己放松，接受现实的一切。我并不完美，有时也缺乏定力。我跟别人一样，都有力不从心的时候。我不能指望别人永远对我和颜悦色、永远情绪高涨，也不能指望他们时刻都能向我伸出援助之手。

I need to topple from my pedestal of idealism. I need the realism and relief. I’m not perfect. I fail at composure. I can be incompetent and so can others. I can’t expect others to be kind, helpful and cheerful all the time.

如何卸下压力，重新回归到正常状态

How to ditch Anxiety and return to normal

1. 耐心等待。性格内向的人不必担心，焦虑情绪常常都会自行消退。

1. Wait it out. For introverted feeling types, she often leaves on her own.

2.与那些认可你（甚至对你强烈的负面情绪也能充分理解）的人倾心交谈。

2. Have an intimate conversation with someone who validates you (even your strong negative feelings).

3. 找时间自我反省，肯定自身价值。当然独处也非常重要。

3. Find time to reflect on and prioritize personal values. Solitude, of course.

4. 利用自己已有的技能开展一项新的工作。新颖而有趣的想法可以给人带来巨大的动力和能量。

4. Start a new project that uses established skills. An intriguing new idea can motivate and energize.

5. 暂时将别人的需求放在一边，让自己松口气，休息一下。给自己独处的空间，恢复自身的活力。

5. Get relief from others’ needs. Take a break. Be alone. Nurture you.

陷入焦虑情绪的确令人痛苦，但刻意回避也非明智之举。其实，压力也会带给你更清晰的思路和更丰富的见识。你可以对之前自己下意识的行为有更为直观的认识。虽然焦虑这位不速之客让人讨厌，给人带来巨大的压力，但她也会令你成长。焦虑这家伙虽然总是不请自来，但却总会让你有所改变，让你变得更加优秀。

Being in the grip of Anxiety can be intense but it’s not a good idea to avoid her. Often these visits bring clarity and new knowledge. She brings the unconscious world into the conscious with her cloying blend of stress and personal growth. Anxiety, with her pesky intrusiveness can make you change, often for the better.

本文选自豆瓣阅读同文馆作品《内向的我如何在外向的世界里寻找爱》

内向的我如何在外向的世界里寻找爱