|
「当我们告诉女性在怀孕期间不值得为性行爲冒险，我们实际是告诉她们她的性愉悦是不重要的……实际上她是无关紧要的。」性研究学者索菲亚·贾维德-维斯尔这样说。 在这个大开眼界的演讲里，索菲亚带我们深入了解对怀孕和愉悦的认识，以及女性、性和权利体系的关系。 00:12 We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I, and in doing so, I hope that we can lift some of the shame many of us feel about sex. 00:22 How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger? Lots of women. For me, the time I remember best is when that stranger was a student of mine. He came up to me after class that night and his words confirmed what I already knew: 00:43 'I am so sorry, professor. If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things.' 00:51 I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor. This concept, called objectification, is the foundation of sexism, and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives. We see it in the government that refuses to punish men for raping women. We see it in advertisements. How many of you have seen an advertisement that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product? Or movie after movie after movie that portrays women as only love interests? These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless, but they're insidious, slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people. We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn, or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women over and over, or the woman who is killed because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor. 02:07 Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women. Let's consider the classic romantic comedy. We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies, two kinds of desirable women, anyway. The first is the sexy bombshell. This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body. Our leading man has no trouble identifying her and even less trouble having sex with her. The second is our leading lady, the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with despite not noticing her at first or not liking her if he did. The first is the slut. She is to be consumed and forgotten. She is much too available. The second is desirable but modest, and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies. Marriage material. We're actually told that women have two roles, but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman. 03:08 On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance that I study sex, if they don't end the conversation right then, they're usually pretty intrigued. 03:19 'Oh. Tell me more.' 03:20 So I do. 03:24 'I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors of pregnant and postpartum couples.' At this point I get a different kind of response. 03:34 'Oh. Huh. Do pregnant people even have sex? Have you thought about studying sexual desire or orgasms? That would be interesting, and sexy.' 03:49 Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind when you picture a pregnant woman? I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults, and most responded with 'belly' or 'round' and 'cute.' This didn't surprise me too much. What else do we label as cute? Babies. Puppies. Kittens. The elderly. Right? 04:16 When we label an adult as cute, though, we take away a lot of their intelligence, their complexity. We reduce them to childlike qualities. I also asked heterosexual men to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant, and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant, and then tell me the first words that come to mind when they imagine having sex. Most of the responses were negative. 'Gross.' 'Awkward.' 'Not sexy.' 'Odd.' 'Uncomfortable.' 'How?' 04:55 'Not worth the trouble.' 'Not worth the risk.' 04:58 That last one really stuck with me. We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality, we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification. They experience less sexism. Right? Not exactly. What happens instead is a different kind of objectification. In my efforts to explain this to others, one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf, a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty, hence the name Venus. This theory was later revised, though, when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus on the figurine's reproductive features: large breasts, considered ideal for nursing; a round, possibly pregnant belly; the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth. They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding. She also had no face. For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility and not a portrait of a person. She was an object. In the history of her interpretation, she went from object of ideal beauty and love to object of reproduction. 06:19 I think this transition speaks more about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose than the actual purpose of the figurine herself. When a woman becomes pregnant, she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role. In doing so, she also becomes the property of the community, considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right? I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect, and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life. 06:57 Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant? 07:00 Yeah. Lots of you, right? So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy, maybe without even asking your permission first? Or told what you can and cannot eat by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider? Or asked private questions about your birth plan? And then told why those choices are all wrong? Yeah, me too. Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine? This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me. This is a huge secret. It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy. Many of us don't know this because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret -- 07:49 especially if she's less educated or a woman of color. 07:53 What this tells us is, this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist. It's present when the government reminds women with every new anti-choice bill that the contents of her uterus are not her own, or when an ob-gyn says, 'While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy, sometimes you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?' She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy under the guise of 'be a good mother.' We don't trust her to make her own decisions. She's cute, remember? When we tell women that sexual pleasure -- excuse me. 08:38 When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy, what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter. So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter, even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs. 08:57 So medical providers, such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy. So what do the experts say? ACOG actually has no public official statement about the safety of sex during pregnancy. Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive but presented with a caveat: 'Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it's best to be cautious.' 09:26 Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK. Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK, too. What needs to stop is society telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. 09:47 Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction who can't stand on their own two feet. But the truth is, the real secret is, we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter. We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women or women who don't want children even exist. 10:08 'Oh, it's just a phase ... 10:10 she just needs the right man to come along.' 10:13 Every time a woman has sex simply because it feels good, it is revolutionary. She is revolutionary. She is pushing back against society's insistence that she exist simply for men's pleasure or for reproduction. A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary, because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself. 10:43 That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal. That is a woman who insists that you make room for her at the table of power, and that is the most terrifying of all because we can't make room for her without some of us giving up the extra space we hold. 11:08 I have one last secret for you. I am the mother of two boys and we could use your help. Even though my boys hear me say regularly that it's important for men to recognize women as equals and they see their father modeling this, we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home. This is not a men's problem or a women's problem. This is everyone's problem, and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality. For starters, we have got to stop telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. 11:50 This includes not treating pregnant women like community property. If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly. You wouldn't anybody else. Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat. Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions. This also includes understanding that even if you are personally against abortion, you can still fight for a woman's right to choose. When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another. If you're somebody who has sex with women, prioritize her pleasure. If you don't know how, ask. If you have children -- 12:27 have conversations about sex as early as possible, because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore. They look it up on the internet. And when you're having those conversations about sex, don't center them on reproduction only. People have sex for many reasons, some because they want a baby, but most of us have sex because it feels good. Admit it. 12:52 And regardless of whether you have children or not, support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers. 13:07 Nothing positive comes from shaming teens for their sexual desires, behaviors, other than positive STD and pregnancy tests. 13:18 Every single day, we are all given the opportunity to disrupt patterns of inequality. I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so. 13:29 Thank you. 00:12 今天你们和我将分享很多秘密。 这么做的目的是， 我希望可以消除一些 我们对性的羞耻感。 00:22 在座各位，有多少人 曾被陌生人吹口哨？ 很多女士。 对我来说，我记得最清楚的是， 那个陌生人是我的一个学生。 那晚下课后，他来找我， 他的话证实了我已知道的， 00:43 「非常抱歉，教授。 如果早知道是您， 我怎么也不会说那些话。 」 00:51 对他来说，如果我不是他的教授， 他就没把我是一个人。 这就是所谓「人格物化」的概念， 这是性别歧视的基础。 我们在生活的各个层面， 看到它不断的被强化， 我们可从政府部门 拒绝惩罚那些 强姦妇女的男人看到。 我们在广告裡看到。 有多少人曾经看过广告中 用女性的胸部 来推广毫不相干的产品？ 还有，一部接一部的电影裡， 女性被刻画成只是爱情目标？ 这些例子看似无关紧要，无伤大雅， 但实际上他们的杀伤力很大， 慢慢渗入成一种 无视女性为人的文化。 我们看见学校把 10 岁的 女学生打发回家， 因为她的衣著让男生分心， 不能专心读书， 还有那些政府拒绝惩罚 强姦女性的男人， 一次又一次， 还有女性被杀 就是因为在舞池， 她要求某位男人不要毛手毛脚。 02:07 对女性的物化， 媒体发挥著重要的作用。 让我们设想 在一个经典浪漫喜剧中， 在这些电影裡，总有两种女性， 两种让人想要追求的女生。 第一种是非常性感的女生。 非常美丽的女人，完美的身体曲线。 我们的男主角能够 毫不费力的注意到她， 并甚至很轻易就能和她发生关系。 第二个是我们的女主角， 美丽端庄的女生， 最后被男主角爱上， 虽然一开始可能并没有注意到她， 或是就算注意到她， 也没有立刻喜欢她。 第一个女生是荡妇。 她在被利用后，就被遗忘了。 她太随手可得。 第二个女生吸引人但是低调， 因此值得成为男主角 未来子女的母亲。 结婚的材料。 我们实际上被告知， 女性有两个角色， 但是这两种角色 很难并存于同一个女人。 03:08 在罕见的情况下， 我会和刚认识的人 分享我是做性研究的。 如果这时他们不马上中止谈话， 他们通常都会很好奇。 03:19 「哦，说来听听。」 03:20 于是我就说了。 03:24 「我对怀孕中和产后夫妻的 性行为的研究， 非常感兴趣。」 这时我会得到不同的回应。 03:34 「哦，哼。 孕妇可以有性行为吗？ 你有没有想过研究性欲， 或性高潮？ 那应该会更有意思，并且性感。 」 03:49 请告诉我，当你们想到孕妇的时候， 进入你们脑海的第一个字是什么？ 这个问题，我在一个调查中 访问了超过 500 个成年人， 最多的回答是「肚子」或「圆形」， 还有 「可爱」。 这并没有让我很吃惊。 还有什么我们通常用可爱来形容？ 婴儿、小狗、小猫。 还有年长者。是吗？ 04:16 当我们把成年人用可爱来形容时， 我们剥夺了他们的智慧， 以及他们複杂性。 我们把他们降到了小孩子的水淮。 我也访问过异性恋的男生， 让他们假想他们的另一半正在怀孕， 然后问女生假想自己怀孕， 然后告诉我 当他们想像在做性行为时， 首先想到的第一个字词。 大多数的反应都是负面的。 「噁心」 「尴尬」 「不性感」「奇怪」 「不舒服」 「怎么做？」 04:55 「这么麻烦不值得」 「不值得冒险」 04:58 最后的一个词让我想了很久。 我们可能认为因为 我们把孕妇、母亲和性分开， 我们就去除了性物化的约束。 她们经历一些性别歧视。是吗？ 并不尽然。 其实结果是另外一种形式的物化， 在我努力向别人解释这个的时候， 其中的一次谈话就转到 维伦多尔夫的维纳斯， 这个旧石器时代的小雕像， 学者们认为是爱和美丽的女神。 因此命名她为维纳斯。 这个理论之后又被更正过， 当学者们注意到雕刻家的重心 明显的放在雕像的生殖特徵上： 丰满的胸部 被认为是理想的哺育工具， 丰满，可能已怀孕的腹部； 红赭染料的残留，暗示月经或生育。 学者们也假设她是应该被抬著， 或是平放著的， 因为她的小脚是不允许她能站著的。 她也没有脸。 因为如此，她被认为是繁衍的象徵。 并不是一个人的塑像。 她是一个物品。 贯穿在对她的解读的历史裡， 她从一个理想的美和爱的物件， 变成繁衍的物品。 06:19 我认为这种转变， 与其说是雕像的实际目的， 不如说是， 它告诉了我们 那些研究她的学者的想法。 当一个女人怀孕了， 她不再是男性性需求的对象， 随后进入了生育和养育孩子的角色。 这样之后，她又成为了 社区的共同财产。 被认为非常重要， 但只是因为她怀孕的缘故。是不是？ 我把这个称为「维伦多夫效应」。 再一次我们看见它在 女性生活的许多方面被强化。 06:57 这裡有人曾经很明显的怀孕吗？ 07:00 是啊，很多，对吗？ 有多少人在你怀孕时 曾被陌生人碰过你的腹部？ 有时可能根本没有 事先徵求你的同意？ 或者有些人既不是医生， 也不是你的私人看护， 却来告诉你可以或不可以吃什么？ 或者问你关于你淮备 怎么生小孩的一些私密问题？ 然后再告诉你为什么 那些选择都是错误的。 是啊，我也经历过。 或者侍应生拒绝给你拿一杯酒？ 这个可能会让你停顿一下， 我知道，但是先别急。 这是一个大秘密。 其实在怀孕期间 适度的饮酒是安全的。 许多人不知道这个， 是因为医生信不过 把这个秘密告诉孕妇。 07:49 特别是那些受教育少的 或是非白种人。 07:53 这就告诉我们， 这个维伦多夫效应也是有 阶级歧视和种族歧视的。 它现形于当政府用 每一个新的反堕胎法案 来提醒女性 她们子宫裡的东西不是她自己的， 或者当妇产科医生说： 「在怀孕期间的性行为是安全的， 但有时候很难说。 还是以防万一不要冒险，对不对？」 在「做一个好妈妈的」 的僞装下， 她被否认了基本的隐私和身体自主， 我们信不过她能给自己做决定。 她很可爱，记得吗？ 让我们告诉女性 性愉悦──抱歉。 08:38 当我们告诉女性 怀孕期间不值得冒险有性行为， 其实我们告诉她的是 她的性愉悦并不重要。 因此我们想说的是她其实并不重要， 即使她胎儿的需求 和她的需求并不相悖。 08:57 所以医护人员们， 像美国妇产科医学学会， 有机会进行关于 孕期性行爲安全的教育。 所以专家是怎样说的？ 美国妇产科医学学会实际上没有 关于怀孕期间 性行爲安全的公开声明。 马约诊所的引导方针 一般上是正面的， 但也提出了警示： 「虽然大多数的女性 在怀孕期间的性行为是安全的， 有时最好还是要小心。 」 09:26 有些孕妇在怀孕期间 根本不想有性行为， 这没关系。 有些孕妇想要有性行为 一样也没有关系。 我们需要做的是社会不要再教导女性 对自己的身体什么可以做， 什么不可以做。 09:47 怀孕的女性不是没有脸、 没有人格的繁衍工具。 也不是不能用自己的双脚站起来。 真相是，真正的秘密是， 我们告诉所有的女性 他们的性愉悦是无关紧要的。 我们拒绝甚至承认 女性和女性有性行为， 或者有些女性不想要小孩， 这些的存在。 10:08 「哦，这只是一个阶段…… 10:10 她只是还没找到一个合适的人。 」 10:13 每一次当女性有性行为， 只是因为自己感觉好， 那就是一次革命。 她就是革命者。 她敢于和社会的坚持抗争， 对抗那些认为她的存在只是取悦男性 或繁衍的工具。 一个女人视自己的性需求 为优先是很可怕的， 因为当她把自己的性需求放首位， 就是把自己放首位。 10:43 这是一个要求被平等对待的女性。 这是一个坚持 在权力的平台上， 你要给她位置的女性。 最可怕的是， 我们不可能给她位置， 如果现有的一些人 不愿意让出多的位置。 11:08 我有最后一个秘密分享给你们。 我是两个男孩的母亲， 我们需要得到你们的帮助。 虽然我的儿子经常听我说， 把女性视爲平等对男性很重要 他们看到他们的父亲也在这么做， 我们需要在外面发生的 影响到我们的家。 这不是男人或者女人的问题。 这是每一个人的问题， 我们在瓦解这个不平等的体系裡 都起著一些的作用。 首先，我们不要再教导女性 怎样对待自己的身体 什么可以做，什么不可以做。 11:50 这包括不要再把孕妇 当成是社群的财产。 如果你不认识她， 就不要去碰她的肚子。 你不会对其他人这样。 不要教导她，什么她能吃或不能吃。 不要问她一些医疗的私密的细节， 这也包括 就算你个人反对堕胎， 你还是可以为女性的选择权去抗争。 当谈到女性平等时， 两性之间是不需要对立的。 如果你要和女人发生性行爲， 把她的愉悦放首位。 如果你不知道怎么做，儘管问。 如果你有孩子── 12:27 儘早和他们开始关于性的交谈， 因爲孩子不会再去用字典 来查「性」这个字了。 他们会上网去查。 当你们有关于性的谈话时， 不要只局限在繁衍的意义上。 人因爲多种原因发生性行爲， 有些因爲他们想要小孩， 但大多数人是因爲感觉很好。 承认吧。 12:52 不管你有没有小孩， 支持全面的性教育， 让我们的青少年不会觉得羞愧。 13:07 让青少年为他们的 性欲望和性行爲感到羞愧， 是没有任何正面影响的， 只会产生性病测试的阳性， 和怀孕测试的阳性结果。 13:18 每一天，我们都有机会 打破这个不平等的状况。 我想我们大家都赞同 这是不管怎么麻烦都值得的。 |
|
|
