没人说英文里如何优雅地撕逼吗？！
都知道英式幽默没有美式幽默那么直露，腐国人民似乎自带一种高级又内涵的幽默感，拐弯抹角地机智吐槽，擅用双关和各种梗，暗着讽刺，敢于自嘲，相对上得了台面些，适合细嚼慢咽。哼～傲娇腐国就是那么讲究！不过也免不了被损的人不懂英式幽默还自以为在夸自己的尴尬。笑点需要你自己去get，如果你get了吐槽点，会惊呼wow gotcha，实乃妙哉妙哉！
所以如何一本正经地用英语吐槽，这真真是一门学问，考验一个人地道又高级的英语表达技巧。当然听者能否get到这种幽默，就不单单是考验一个人的英文理解能力了。
我还是举栗子吧，以下句子，你们感受下
（鄙人翻译渣，轻喷！！！）：
1. It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.
看着你用自己所知的全部词汇勉强拼出一句话的样子，真是让人蓝瘦。
2. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
（人类）进化可以倒退，你是一个血淋淋的证明。
3. I bet your mother has a loud bark!
我猜你妈铁定吠声洪亮!
（Son of B**ch…）
4. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
作为一个局外人，你对我们人类有啥看法?
5. You look like a before picture.
你长得就像（广告里）那些 “使用前”的照片。
6．Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
赶紧的，快向大伙秀出你脑瓜里所有的知识，反正十秒钟就够了。
7. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
我猜你的大脑一定是全新出厂未设置，从来没被用过。
8. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
你想让大伙接受真实的你，还是想让大家喜欢你?
9. Are your parents siblings?
你爹娘是亲兄妹吧?
10. If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
假设你长出另一个大脑，那它会很寂寞的。
11. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
你可曾想过，如果你出生时没缺氧，现在的人生会是怎样一番风景?
12. When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
当上帝向人间播撒智慧的时候，你却打了伞。
13. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
你是怎么到这的? 是有人打开笼子放你出来的吗?
14．You are dark and handsome. When it's dark, you’re handsome.
你又黑又帅。天黑的时候你最帅。
15. You should be the poster child for birth control.
你该去给避孕广告做带盐。
16. If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
假设大脑是炸药，那你连炸鼻涕（擤鼻子）的威力都木有。
(blow在这双关，爆炸or擤鼻子。)
17. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
如果要杀掉所有讨厌你的人，那就不是谋杀那么简单了，那是种族清洗啊!
18. If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
如果你的脑瓜是巧克力做的，那它连一颗M&M豆都装不满。
19. She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.
她这脸长得沉鱼落雁，闭月羞花。也就是说，谁都不忍直视。
（美国俚语:butter face 是but her face的谐音。A homonym that sounds like "but her face." To call a woman a "butter face" is to say her body is very sexy but her face is ugly. 形容身材一级棒，可惜脸蛋却吃藕的恐龙妹。）
20. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd one is for you.
鲜红的玫瑰，娇艳的紫罗兰，我有五指，送你中指。
（引用了英文中一首流传已久脍炙人口的打油情诗→「Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ Sugar is sweet/ And so are you」，然而这诗已经被玩坏了……）
21. He's so ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear.
他吃藕到劫匪见了都不忍直视，心疼得把头套摘下来给他戴上。
22. The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
他两眼闪烁的光芒，是太阳照进他双耳间的光芒（暗指脑壳空空如也~）。
23. They said you were a big asset. I told them they were off by two letters.
有人说你是有用之才，我告诉他们：“你们多说了俩字啊。”
(asset去掉末尾两个字母是ass，傻B/魂淡)
24. Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
傻X这病木有疼痛感，太TM遗憾了。
25. We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings.
我们不吐槽你的短处，我们是怕你跟我们处得太长了。
26. I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.
听说你的智商测出来是负数啊(这结果太杯具了…)。
(result和negative双关)
27. My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
每当我想起你，我的中指就勃起。
28. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
今儿去了动物园，一整天都很想你，真真是睹物思人啊。
29. When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
当我盯着你双眼时，我能直视到你后脑勺（暗指脑壳空空如也）。
30. Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
（长得已经很吃藕了）试着吃点化妆品吧，兴许能给你点内在美。
31. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
本想问你几岁了，但我知道你数不了这个数。
（可以是讽刺数数能力差智商低，也可以是暗指他老人家年纪大。）
32. God made coke, God made pepsi,
God made me, oh so sexy,
God made rivers, God made lakes,
God made you... well we all make mistakes.
上帝造了可口可乐，上帝造了百事可乐，
上帝造了我，性感之至。
上帝造了河流，上帝造了湖泊，
上帝造了你…...哎，帝非圣贤，孰能无过。
33. You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.
你貌美如画，我们都想拿绳子把你挂起来。
34. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
你壮得像头牛，智商也快赶上牛了。
35. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
我知道你没看上去那么傻X。没人能傻x成这样!
36. You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job.
你吃藕到你去鬼屋玩，人家都让你去那来上班。
37. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT a better argument than that.
我吃掉所有字母后拉出的翔，都比你说的话更有说服力。
38．It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
你这脸像是着火后被人用锤子拍灭的一样?
39. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
如果我想不开了，我就爬上你的那自命清高的巅峰，然后跳进你那智商底洞。
40. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
你的出生证就是避孕套厂商寄给你爹娘的道歉信。
41. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
俗话说异性相吸，对立物能互补。希望你能遇到颜值高、智商高、素质高的另一半。
42. If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!
我要是扇你耳光，会被人告虐畜的!
43. Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door.
一闪一闪一只鸡，成天想找小鸡鸡。
44. Shock me, say something intelligent.
来，吓唬吓唬哥，说点动过脑子的话。
46. When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
你上次照镜子能看到自己全身是啥时候来着?
47. Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
我的天，瞧瞧你的样子啊，车祸中还有其他人受伤吗?
48. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!
我要是长成你这样，我肯定告死我爹妈!
…………
唔，地道又高级的英文幽默感就是要像腐国人民一样高冷内涵。没有最损，只有更损。
话说我好喜欢挖梗，不说了，我要去修仙了。
丧心病狂的英文干货微信公众号：
人人都是翻译官（rrdsfyg）
丧心病狂的英文干货专栏：
http://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/translate
高产的地道又实在的英文干货知识星球：
http://t.xiaomiquan.com/N33ne66
