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Whether we like it or not, conflict is an inevitable part of life for our students. It can occur with a roommate in boarding school, perhaps with a home-stay parent or even with another student or individual in the classroom. We have all witnessed situations where young people with different backgrounds and ideas have clashed, and we’ve all understood that quite often negative outcomes usually result. The fact that conflict exists and at times cannot be avoided is not the issue here. The real issue has to do with what our students can do to resolve the conflict in a way that is a win-win for both individuals. 无论我们喜欢与否，冲突都是学生生活中不可避免的一部分。冲突可能发生在与室友之间，或是与住家家长之间，甚至与学校同学之间。 我们都见证了一切情况，拥有不同背景和想法的年轻人会产生冲突， 事实上，冲突的存在和不可避免不是主要的问题。我们的学生在发生冲突后如何解决冲突使得结果不向坏的方向发展，这才是问题的关键。 Hello…My name is Daniel J. Maley and I serve as the Director of Student Services for Home at USA. The Master’s degree which I hold from Villanova University is in the area of College Counseling and Human Relations. Home at USA offers a complete College Application Program with experts who have personal connections with admission directors at colleges and universities. Home at USA have placed our students into top tier universities. For 9th and 10th grade students, we offer the “Dream Achiever” program which begins the college application process well in advance and allows our students to have an advantage over students who delay in this all important process. Students learn about resume building, college interview tips, advanced reading and writing techniques and will come to know all the aspects that are important to college admission experts. 大家好，我是Daniel J. Maley，主管美国之家的学生服务。我在Villanova大学获得教师咨询以及人力关系硕士学位。美国之家同时也提供完整的大学申请服务，我们的申学专家与很多学府的招生官都有着私人联系。美国之家帮助我们的学生有申请到最高层次的大学。 我们为9年级和10年级的学生提供“渐入佳境”项目，这个项目是为学生申请大学做准备的，这个项目让我们的学生在这个重要的过程中能够领先别的学生做好准备。项目中包含了创建简历，大学面试技巧，高级的阅读和写作技巧，以及我们课程中涉及到内容，都对大学招生专家非常重要。
Actually, conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. Learning how to deal with conflict—rather than avoiding it—is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurtfeelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner,it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflictis resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another,builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds. Home at USA offers ten very specific strategies for Conflict Resolution. By learning these skills for the resolution of conflict, you can keep your personal and college relationships strong and growing. If conflict is handled the correct way by our sons and daughters, a significant amount of respect will be generated and animosity will decrease. We first must understand the following about Conflict Management. 事实上，冲突是任何一段健康的关系中很正常的一部分。毕竟，两个不同的人很难要求对方在任何事情上完全与自己一致。学会怎样处理冲突——而不是避免冲突——是非常重要的。发生冲突后处理不善可能会导致对一段关系更大的伤害，但当你通过积极的，尊重他人的方式处理冲突时，冲突甚至会使两个人的关系更加紧密。 冲突引发出强烈的情绪，也会导致有受伤、失落、不舒服的感觉。但当我们用一种不合适不健康的方式去处理它的时候，它可能导致无法弥补的裂痕、怨恨、甚至是分手。但是当我们用正确的方式去处理它时，它会让我们更加明白对方，建立信任，并且加强我们的关系纽带。 在我们的课程中我们会给学生提供十种详细的处理冲突的策略。学习这种处理冲突的技巧，可以使你和学校的关系牢固并且不断在发展。如果你的孩子用正确的方式处理，那么尊重会自然而然发生，孩子间也不会产生仇恨。首先，我们必须要了解一下关于冲突管理的内容。
A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real). Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them. We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions ofthe situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. Cultural differences are particularly important in recognizing how individuals respond to conflict. In some cultural backgrounds, the conflict is contained between the two individuals, in the United States, a higher authority generally will step in to help mediate the conflict. Also, in the United States there should never be a threat of violence or the actual use of violence between the conflicted individuals. According to U.S. law, a person can be arrested for the threat of physical violence which is technically considered an “assault”. This is why methods used in conflict resolution are so important. Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully. Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements. 冲突不只是意见不同。这是在某种情况下，一方或双方感受到威胁（不论这种威胁是否是真实存在的）。 当你可以回避时，冲突会继续恶化。因为冲突使我们感知到威胁，它会一直存在，直到我们面对并解决它们。 我们对冲突的回应基于我们对形势的看法，并不一定是对客观事实的看法。我们对事物的看法受到生活经历、文化、价值观、信仰等等的影响。文化的不同对判断一个人对冲突的反应来说，是最特别和具体的。在一些文化背景中，冲突发生在两方之间，例如在美国，上级通常将会介入帮助调解冲突。另外，在美国最不应该发生使用暴力威胁他人，或是使用暴力解决冲突。根据美国法律，一个人可以因为肢体的武力威胁被逮捕。这就是为什么解决冲突的方式至关重要。 冲突引发强烈的情绪。如果你感到情绪不好或是你感到很难控制情绪，那么你就很难成功处理好冲突。 冲突是让你成长的一个机会。当你有能力处理好一段关系中的冲突的时候，它会使你建立信任。你能够感觉到安全，你们的这段关系能够接受挑战和分歧。
Of the Ten Strategies for Conflict Resolution, allow me to mention one or two. First… When angry, it is important to separate yourself from the situation and take time to cool off. This puts time and space between you and the other individual which can allow you to review the facts and to see the point of view of the other person. If you listen and understand what the other person is saying, that would be at least a step in the right direction. Another point would be to never jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what another person is thinking and feeling. Most likely, you will be wrong and the conflict has a 100% chance of continuing. In the end, controllingyour behavior and your emotions is of critical importance in learning to manageconflict. In fact, conflict can actually be a good thing which can ultimately allow for growth. In fact, there is a fair amount of research that states that without conflicting points of view, progress cannot happen. Individuals simply stay in their safe positions, on their side of the divide with mutual understanding and acceptance far from achieved. Resilience which means how quickly your son or daughter finds the inner strength to keep going in a meaningful and positive direction. How quickly do they bounce back from anegative situation? Resilient people don't dwell on failures, they acknowledge the situation for what it is, learn from mistakes that may have been made and then move forward. Difficulties in life occurand resilience people view difficulty as a challenge not a paralyzing event. They see lessons to be learned as opportunities for growth. In general, focus on positive thoughts and continue your commitment to the goals you have set and move on. In conclusion, the ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on the students' ability to remain calm and avoid disrespectful words and actions. In addition, they need to be able to control their emotions and to be respectfulof differences which are important keys to conflict management. 在这十个策略中，请容许我简短的介绍一到两个。 首先，当我们感到愤怒的时候，最重要的是将你自己从当下的环境中抽离出来，让自己冷静。这使得你和他人都留有时间和空间，能够让你重新回顾一下事情并且站在不同的角度看问题。如果你能听懂并且明白他人在讲什么，那么你至少向对的方向迈出了一步。 另一点是不要过早下结论或假设另一个人的想法和感受。最有可能发生的是，你的猜测是错误的，并且冲突有100%可能会继续发生。 最后，在冲突管理中，控制你的行为和情绪是首要任务。事实上，冲突可以在一个人的成长当中变成一件好的事情。有很多研究报告指出没有冲突，进步就不会发生。当一个人固守在他的安全区域中，那么他离与他人相互理解和接受就相距甚远。 当问题和冲突发生时，学生的心理复原能力显得尤为重要。所谓复原能力，就是当您的孩子在遇到困难和挫折时如何快速地调整心态、找准方向、恢复信心和积极向上的态度。 复原能力强的人从不惧怕失败，而是接受现实，从失败中学习，并且继续前行。 困难常常有，而复原能力强的人，会将困难视为挑战，且不会一错再错，他们总能从失败中吸取教训，改善自我。 总之，就是要保持积极的态度，向着自己坚持的目标为之努力，不断前进。 因此，能否成功处理好冲突的关键取决于孩子能否保持冷静和避免无理言行的能力。另外，他们需要学会控制自己的情绪，这也是解决冲突的关键。
Thank you for your willingness to listen and participate in today’s WeChat from Home at USA. Until the next time, all the best. For more knowledge of Conflict Resolution, please join our Dream Achiever program. 非常感谢大家参与今天的微信分享，在美国之家渐入佳境项目中，有关于冲突管理话题更加完整的知识和更加充分的讨论，欢迎参与。
Q：如果当小朋友间出现肢体冲突时候，弱势一方是否应该逃离或者报警？ A：（译）一般情况下，遇到这样的问题，我们建议先联系老师或者主要负责人介入其中，了解一下事情是怎么发生的，而不是直接去报警。
Q：你们的渐入佳境课程还会对学生面对做更具体的指导吗？ A：（译）是的，我们渐入佳境课程有具体的指导。事实上，我们会提供各种各样的话题，学生可以自由选择，比如今天谈到的冲突管理就是其中的课程之一。
Q：当孩子发生冲突后是选择“私了”好还是选择“报告老师”或者“报警”？什么冲突一定要报警？ A：（译）冲突发生之后，最好的解决方式首选是孩子们自行处理，这样的话他们会学会冷静和如何理解对方。另一种方法就是去找老师或者调解人，而不是警察。因为一般情况一般需要找警察的情况都是会发生非常严重的情况的时候，也就是连老师或者调解人都无法调解时候才会让警察来介入。
Q：中国留学生在美国属于少数族裔，美国有什么特别法律对少数族裔进行保护吗？ A：（译）根据美国的法律，平等是最终的，所以法律适用于所有人，包括少数人。法律会保护所有人，这也是美国法律的魅力之处。 |
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