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Offering straight talk on the nature of relationships, Sadhguru explains that there is no such thing as conditional love or unconditional love. There is either love or no love, he says, and discusses how to conduct relationships in a graceful manner, without keeping count of who has given what. 本文中Sadhguru坦率地谈论了关系的本质；他解释说，并没有所谓有条件的爱或者无条件的爱。他说，要么有爱要么没有爱。他还探讨了如何优雅地处理关系，而不去计较谁付出了什么。 Questioner: Namaskaram. How to give unconditional love? I always have issues with that when I am dealing with people, particularly with my wife. 提问者: 你好！怎样才能给出无条件的爱呢？我总是在和他人尤其是和我妻子相处上有此问题。 Sadhguru: If it becomes unconditional, she will not be your wife. It is a condition of marriage that she should always be your wife. Within this condition, how can it be unconditional? Right now, your very life is a condition. Only if you fulfill certain conditions will life happen. When it comes to an emotion like love, there is no such thing as conditional love or unconditional love. There is either love or no love. Either you know love in your life or you know a mutual benefit scheme. “I will give you this – you will give me that. If you do not give me this, I will not give you that.” If it is a mutual benefit scheme, run it gracefully. Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：如果它成了无条件的，那她就不会是你妻子了。婚姻的一个条件就是，她将永远是你的妻子。在这样的条件下，怎么可能是无条件的？现在，你的生命本身就是个条件。只有你满足了某些条件，生命才会发生。而对于像爱这样的情感，没有所谓有条件的爱或者无条件的爱。要么有爱要么没有爱。你所知晓的要么是生命里的爱， 要么是互惠互利的安排。“我给你这个——你就给我那个，如果你不给我这个，我就不给你那个。”如果是互惠互利的安排，请优雅地运营它。 Benefit schemes are needed. With business partners, neighbors, husband, wife, children, father, mother, there have to be some transactions. If you think this is all one overflowing love affair, you are still living in la-la land. Your wife should bring you down to earth. Romance is fine, but when it comes to relationships, there is a transaction. If you do not want to admit that, you will suffer. If you admit it, you will learn to conduct it gracefully and well. If you say, “I gave you so much – what are you giving me,” it becomes ugly. There is a way of running it in a graceful manner, so that what you give is not noticed by anyone. 互惠互利的安排是有必要的。与商业伙伴、邻居、丈夫、妻子、孩子、父亲或母亲之间，某些交易是必需的 。如果你认为这些都是满溢的爱，那么你还生活在梦幻岛上。你的妻子需要把你拉回地面。浪漫挺好的，但是说到关系，交易是存在的。如果你不愿意承认这一点，你就会受折磨。如果你承认了，你将学会优雅而妥善地处理关系。如果你说，“我给了你那么多——你给了我什么”，它会变得丑陋不堪。有一种方式可以让你优雅地经营关系，从而使得你所付出的不会被任何人所察觉。 The Generous Brothers 慷慨的兄弟 My great-grandmother told me many stories – this is one that stuck with me. This story is not the basis of my life but definitely shaped me in some ways. There was a man and his wife. In those days, the man worked the land, grew crops, and made money. And if you had boys, you could work more land. They had two boys. These two boys grew up into strong young men. They worked hard with their father, increased their land, and became well-to-do. When the man was getting very old, he told his two sons, “I may die anytime. This is one thing you must maintain at all times. After my death, both of you should always share the produce of this land fifty-fifty. Never should there be any debate, argument, or fight about that.” 我的曾祖母给我讲过很多故事，其中有一个我一直深深牢记着。这个故事不是我生命的根基，但无疑在某些方面塑造了我。曾经，有一个男人和他的妻子。在那个年代，男人都在土地上劳作，耕种，挣钱。如果你家里有男孩，你就能耕种更多的土地。而他们有两个男孩。这两个男孩成长为强壮的男人。他们和父亲一起努力耕种，扩展土地，并变得富有起来。当这个男人老了，他告诉两个儿子：“我随时可能会死去，有一点你们务必一直遵循：在我死后，你们永远都要把土地里的收成对半分。永远不要为此辩论，争吵或争斗。” One day, a worm entered the unmarried brother’s head. He thought, 'My brother has a wife and five children to take care of, and I am single. ' 一天，一个想法进入了没结婚的那个兄弟的脑子里。他想到： “我兄弟有妻子和五个孩子要照顾，而我单身......” The old man died, and the boys took care of that. In India and many other parts of the world at that time, there was no question of dividing the land. Only the produce could be divided, not the land. Only in the last four generations, maybe after the British came, we started dividing the land. So, the two brothers always split the produce equally between themselves. One of them got married, and he had five children. The other one never got married. But still they shared fifty-fifty. 这位老人去世了，两个儿子谨遵父亲的嘱咐。在那个年代，在印度以及世界上很多其它地方，没有土地分配的问题。只有收成被分配，而不是土地。只有在最近四代人，可能是在英国人来了之后，我们才开始分配土地。所以，这两兄弟之间一直将收成对半分。他们中的一个结婚了，有了五个孩子。另一个一直没结婚。但是他们仍然对半分。 One day, a worm entered the unmarried brother’s head. He thought, “My brother has a wife and five children to take care of, and I am single. Still I take fifty percent, and he takes fifty percent. This does not seem to be fair. But it was our father’s wish. And my brother is so proud that if I try to give him some more, he will not take it. So let me do something else.” He started an operation. Once the harvest was over, every night, he secretly carried a sack of grain on his back and put it in his brother’s store. 一天，一个想法进入了没结婚的那个兄弟的脑子里。他想到： “我兄弟有妻子和五个孩子要照顾，而我单身。这样我还拿百分之五十，他也才拿百分之五十，这似乎不太公平。但是这是我们父亲的愿望。并且兄弟的自尊心强，如果我试图给他更多，他肯定不会要。我得想想别的办法。”他开始一项计划。收成一结束，每天晚上，他就悄悄地背一袋谷物放到兄弟的仓库里。 The same worm entered his brother’s head, and he thought, “I have five boys growing up. In a few years, I will have much more happening for me. My brother has no one. What will he do later on? But he takes only fifty percent; I take fifty percent. If I try to give him more, he will not take it.” He started taking one bag of grain every night and putting it in his brother’s store. A kind of reverse osmosis of grains was happening. Both of them did not realize that for a long time. 同样的想法也进入他兄弟的脑袋，他想：“我有五个儿子在慢慢长大。过些年我会过得越来越好。而我兄弟无依无靠，以后他能怎么办？但是他只拿百分之五十，而我也拿百分之五十。如果我试图多给他点，他肯定不会要的。”他也开始每晚带一袋子谷物放到他兄弟的仓库里。这事一直发生着，但是兄弟俩很长时间来都没有意识到。 They were growing old and still continued to do this. One day, as they were walking with a sack of grain towards the other one’s store, they bumped into each other. They looked at each other and suddenly realized what had been happening all this time. They quickly averted their eyes, walked on, took the sack of grains to its destination, went back to their houses, and slept. Time passed, and they became old and died. The towns people wanted to build a temple and were looking for a nice site for it. After a long search, they decided the best place to build a temple was where these two brothers met with a sack of grains on their backs, and were embarrassed about their own generosity. If you live like this, you are a living temple. Then you do not have to worry about unconditional love, conditional love, and all this. 他们慢慢变老了，但都仍继续这么做着。一天，当他们各自带着一袋子谷物走向对方仓库时，他们互相撞见了。兄弟俩看着对方，忽然意识到一直以来所发生的事。他们连忙转移目光，继续往前走，各自把那袋谷物放到目的地，然后回到家里，睡觉。时间流逝，他们老了，一一去世了。镇上的人想建一座庙宇，并为此寻找合适地点。经过长时间的搜寻，他们认定最佳地点是两兄弟各自背着一袋谷物相遇的地方——在那里，他们为自己的慷慨而感到难为情。如果你这样活着，你就是一座活的庙宇。你就不必担心无条件的爱、有条件的爱等等这些事。 A Pool of Gratitude 感恩池 If you do not count what you give but always remember what you get, you will naturally be a pool of gratitude. Drop this nonsense of “How much I have done!” If you do not expect anything from anyone, you will live easy. If you expect something from someone, or you ask yourself whether they love you or not, then all these problems arise. When you do not expect anything from anyone, if they do it, it is wonderful for them. If they do not, what is the problem? 如果你不去计算你所付出的，但一直记着你所得到的，你自然会成为一个感恩池。请丢掉“我做了多少啊！'这种荒谬之谈。如果你对任何人都不带任何期待，你会活得很自在。如果你对一个人有所期待，或者如果你寻思他们是否爱你，那么所有这些问题就会浮现。当你对任何人都不带有任何期待时，如果他们为你去做了，那对他们来说非常好。如果他们没有做到，又有什么问题? Do not get lost in ideas of unconditional love. Love itself is a condition. 不要迷失在无条件的爱这种观念里。爱本身就是一种条件。 A relationship is a transaction; it takes a certain skill to run it well. Otherwise, it can turn ugly. You may have seen how wonderful it can be with someone on one day, and how ugly it can be with the same person on another day. 关系是一种交易，需要一定的技巧才能把它经营好。否则，它会变得丑陋不堪。你或许已经看到，在某一天和某人在一起可以是多么美妙，而在另一天和这个人在一起又可以是多么可怕。 Unfortunately, most people do not want to acknowledge that a relationship is a transaction. There are certain ground rules and conditions for it. Only if you stay within these rules and conditions, will you run the relationship successfully. If you have la-la ideas like “our love is unconditional,” any day, it will break down. 不幸的是，大多数人不愿承认关系是种交易。关系有一定的基本规则和条件。只有你遵循这些规则和条件，你才能有效的经营关系。如果你有诸如'我们的爱是无条件的'这类不切实际的想法，那么随时它都可能会崩塌。 Do not get lost in ideas of unconditional love. Love itself is a condition. Why should you love? If your emotions are sweet, you will look at anything you see lovingly – whether it is the sky, a lake, a man, or a woman – simply because you are loving in nature. There is no condition on it. It is your quality, not someone else’s. 不要迷失在无条件的爱这种观念里。爱本身就是一种条件。你为什么要爱？如果你的感情是甜蜜的，你会充满爱地看待你所看到的一切——无论是天空、湖水、男人还是女人——只因为你本质上就是充满爱的。对于这点没有条件。这是你的品质，不是其他人的。 Love&Grace, Sadhguru 爱与恩典 萨古鲁 原文链接： isha.sadhguru.org/global/en/wisdom/article/how-to-love-unconditionally |
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