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我们看见许多孩子变 “坏”的例子——他们甚至是来自 “好”家庭。我们一些朋友的孩子比较年长，现在正面临大麻烦……甚至是大祸。我们的孩子还很幼小，所以我们希望培养他们成为坚强、勇敢，正直的人。我们怎样做才最合适呢？ 哇，很好的问题。这可能是每位真正爱儿女家长心里最大的疑问之一，谢谢。我曾经就这个问题跟格利高里讨论过，我们想作出短而有力的答案（希望能做到）。所以会把重点放在三个关键点里。第一，今天我们将探讨的......就是爱。至于另外两点，将在随后的文章中探讨。所以请不要走开。 当然你的问题应有更详尽的答案。事实上，你的问题是我们的妈妈书《成为你所能成为的最好母亲》和爸爸书《成就好爸爸》的核心主题。如果你想有一本书来解决你的问题，请选择其中一本或两本（我们会把所有版税捐给慈善机构……所以我不是推销这本书）。但还是想提提，它们或对你有用。当然还有许多好书能解决这基本问题。所以鼓起勇气︰你问对了问题，而且你并不孤单！！ 今天我们想集中在我们俩作为父母育养儿女时，认为最重要的一件事上：爱。你可能会说（正如许多年轻父母）你得好好控制“爱”这东西。就是你爱你的孩子，等等。可悲的是，当我们问一些青少年，他们的父母是否爱他们时，得到的答案却很有趣——许多与父母的期望相距甚远。这事实甚至会在 “好”家庭发生，父母双方会说，毫无疑问，他们 “爱”他们的孩子。因为这是如此重要，所以值得详细分析，并肯定孩子知道你爱他们。在这里什么是重要呢（尽管对我们作为父母尊敬之至）？可不是我们所想，而是我们孩子所想。无论我们认为有多爱他们，若他们感受不到或心里不知道，怎样想也没有用。因此，让我们看看如何可以肯定孩子知道我们爱他们。 爱就像一种语言。若我们不对孩子说“爱的语言”（或对妻子说“爱的语言”），他们可能无法听到我们的声音。若你认为这方面需要帮助，这里有一个很棒的网站︰www.5lovelanguages.com。当然亦有许多关于这题目的书籍。 所有孩子，甚至是十来岁的青少年，都需要身体和言语上的肯定。寻找你孩子做得好的地方，然后表扬他们。寻找机会在别人面前赞扬你孩子的优点。即使你不是“敏感和感性”的人 （很多男士都不是） 这样做一定会给你的孩子适当的身体肯定：温柔地轻拍他们背部或来一个慈父的拥抱；也许是衷心跟孩子握手说，“儿子，我为你感到骄傲。身体的肯定对所有人都重要。事实上，我们不能没有它。所以你要确保你的孩子从你得到……他们才不需要在其他地方寻找。 有趣的是儿童如何拼出爱这个单字。几乎所有的孩子把它拼成时间，这是正确的。不管你说有多爱你的孩子，你必须花时间与他们共处，让他们明白。我知道，在这个缺乏时间的世界里，不容易做到这一点。另一方面，每个美国人平均每一天花很多时间看电视。但无论我们有多忙 （或我们认为我们），我们不能忽略他们。否则，只会给他们..... 和我们.....带来未来的灾难。 最后，做一个好的聆听者也很重要。神给我们两只耳朵和一个嘴巴是有原因的。我们需要聆听我们孩子的倾诉。听他们，真的去听他们，没有论断或谴责，表达你的爱和尊重。我不是说我们必须同意一切他们做的事；一点也不是。但我们必须仔细聆听，提出好的问题，并且真诚地尽力理解。这是另一种好方法来让我们的孩子感到我们真的爱他们，不只当事情进展顺利时，更重要的是在艰难时期。 希望这些有关怎样爱孩子的方法对你们有用。请别走开，以下是另外两个解答这好问题的答案：明智的管教和以身作则。我希望将上述的建议合起来，能够帮助你和丈夫把孩子培养成为成熟和可爱的好人。我知道你可以做得到，有神的帮助，这是可能的。 祝向前向上！！ 史雷顿教授 How Can We Be Sure We Are Raising Good Children? (Part 1) PARENTS QUESTION: We see so many examples of kids going 'bad' — even from 'good' homes. Some of our friends who have older children are now dealing with big problems … or even outright disasters. Our kids are still very young and we want to raise them up to be strong and courageous and to stand for what is right and good. How can we best do that? MOM SAYS: Wow, great question. Probably one of the biggest question on the hearts of every parent who truly loves their kids. Thank you. I've spoken with Gregory about this and we want to keep our answers short and (hopefully) powerful. So we are going to focus on three key answers to your question. The first we will explore today … and that is LOVE. The next two we will explore in our next two blogs. So please do stay tuned. Of course your question deserves a much long answer. In fact your question is at the heart of both the Motherhood book we wrote ('Be the Best Mom You Can Be') and our Fatherhood book ('Be a Better Dad Today'). If you'd like a full book on your question…please do pick up one or both (we give all our royalties to charity…so I'm not trying to push the book). But I did want to mention them in case they might be helpful. And of course there are many other great books out there on this basic subject. So take heart: you are asking the right question and you are not alone!! We want to focus today on what we both believe is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT element in our parenting: LOVE. You might say (as many young parents do) that you've got the love stuff under control. That you love your kids, etc. etc. But the sad truth is that when we ask teens if their parents love them we get all kinds of interesting answers — many far different from what the parents expected. This is true even from 'good' homes where both parents would say without question that they 'love' their kids. And since this is so important, it bears looking at in detail to be SURE that your kids KNOW that you love them. What is important here (with all due respect to us parents) is NOT what we think, but rather what our kids feel. No matter how much we think we love our kids, if they don't feel it and know it in their hearts, it doesn't matter. So let's look at how to be sure our kids KNOW that we love them. Dad Says: Love is like a language. If we are not speaking the 'love language' of our son or daughter (or our wife for that matter) they may not be able to hear us. If you think you might need help in this area, here's a great web site to check out:www.5lovelanguages.com. And of course there are a number of great books on that subject as well. One thing ALL kids need, even teenagers, is physical and verbal affirmation. Look for things your children are doing right and praise them for it. Look for opportunities to speak well of your children in front of others. And even if you're not a 'touchy feely' person (and many of us guys are not) do be sure to give your kids appropriate physical affirmation as well. A gentle pat on the back or a fatherly hug. Maybe even a heartfelt handshake with a 'Son, I am proud of you.' Physical affirmation is important to all human beings. In fact, we cannot survive without it. So do be sure your children get it from you … so they don't have to look for it elsewhere. A funny thing about children is how they spell the word LOVE. Almost all kids spell it T-I-M-E. That's right. No matter how much you say you love your kids, you must spend time with them for them to realize it. I know that's not easy in this time starved world. On the other hand the average American watches hours of TV each day. But no matter how busy we are (or we think we are), we cannot deprioritize our kids. That is setting them … and us … up for future disaster. Finally, it's important to be a good listener. God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen to our kids. Listening to them, really hearing them without judgement or condemnation, demonstrates both love and respect. I'm not saying we must agree with everything our kids do; not at all. But we must listen carefully, ask good questions, and truly seek to understand. That is another excellent way to show our kids that we really do LOVE them, not just when things are going well but it the tough times as well. Hope these thoughts on the subject of Loving our Kids are helpful. Stay tuned for two more answers to your excellent questions on the subjects of Wise Discipline and Leading by Example. I hope that in combination with our thoughts above, these will help you and your husband to raise mature and loving kids who really do turn out to be good people. I know it is possible…and I know you can do it with God's help. Onward and Upward!!! Gregory
我们相信每个人都具有无限的价值 家里是发挥这些价值最好的地方 我们相信虽然没有一个家庭是完美无瑕的 却仍然能在失败和软弱中抱有恢复和重建的希望 我们相信每一个家庭可以 更幸福 更坚固 更和睦 还没有关注我们的朋友 |
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