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演说者：Eleanor Longden 演说题目：如何做个内心真正强大的人？ Eleanor Longden女士曾经是精神分裂症患者，多次就医治疗没有效果后，她就通过自身调节，尝试自己挽回精神及心理健康，最后奇迹般的康复了。来听听她是如何历经多年努力挽回身心健康，学习倾听内在的声音让她撑了过来. Remark：TED音频下载，网易云音乐搜索主播电台：TED英语演说 中英对照演讲稿 The day I left home for the first time to go to university was a bright day brimming with hope and optimism.I'd done well at school. Expectations for me were high, and I gleefully entered the student life of lectures, parties and traffic cone theft. 我第一次离家到大学念书的那天感觉棒呆了！日子充满希望 我学业表现不错，大家对我期望颇高，我也满怀期待地投入大学生活。上课、参加派对，喝醉了偷交通路标。 Now appearances, of course, can be deceptive, and to an extent, this feisty, energetic persona of lecture-going and traffic cone stealing was a veneer, albeit a very well-crafted and convincing one. Underneath, I was actually deeply unhappy, insecure and fundamentally frightened -- frightened of other people, of the future, of failure and of the emptiness that I felt was within me. 当然，事情不能只看表面 就某种程度而言，上课和偷交通路标这些活跃又不服输的印象只是伪装但掩饰得很好，足以瞒过任何人，只是我内心其实不快乐而且不安，骨子里很害怕…… 怕其他人、未来，怕失败 还有内心的空虚感。 But I was skilled at hiding it, and from the outside appeared to be someone with everything to hope for and aspire to. This fantasy of invulnerability was so complete that I even deceived myself, and as the first semester ended and the second began, there was no way that anyone could have predicted what was just about to happen. 但我隐藏得很好！外表看来就像是对一切都充满期待与抱负，甚么都不怕的想法是如此彻底，连我自己都信以为真。所以念完一学期，而新学期开始的时候，根本没人能预料将要发生的事。 I was leaving a seminar when it started, humming to myself, fumbling with my bag just as I'd done a hundred times before, when suddenly I heard a voice calmly observe, 'She is leaving the room.' 当时已开始上课而我正要逃学，我边哼歌边收拾东西，动作一如往常熟练。这时传来一个冷眼旁观的声音 「她要走了」 I looked around, and there was no one there, but the clarity and decisiveness of the comment was unmistakable. Shaken, I left my books on the stairs and hurried home, and there it was again. 'She is opening the door.' 我四下张望，但根本没人。那声音听来果断清晰，不可能是我听错，我太震惊了，连忘在阶梯上的书都没拿，就冲回家，但那声音又来了！「她正要开门」。 This was the beginning. The voice had arrived. And the voice persisted, days and then weeks of it, on and on, narrating everything I did in the third person. 就是这样开始的，这个声音在我耳边响起并且持续不断。每天每星期地重复，以旁观者的语气叙述我作的事。 'She is going to the library.' 「她要上图馆了」 'She is going to a lecture.' It was neutral, impassive and even, after a while, strangely companionate and reassuring, although I did notice that its calm exterior sometimes slipped and that it occasionally mirrored my own unexpressed emotion. 「她要去上课了」 这声音起初毫无感情，但一段时间后却令人莫名熟悉与安慰。但我的确发现，这表面平静的语调有时也会不经意地泄漏我隐藏的情绪。 So, for example, if I was angry and had to hide it, which I often did, being very adept at concealing how I really felt, then the voice would sound frustrated. Otherwise, it was neither sinister nor disturbing, although even at that point it was clear that it had something to communicate to me about my emotions, particularly emotions which were remote and inaccessible. 就拿我常需要压抑愤怒这事来说吧！隐藏情绪这事我很在行的，不过那声音就会因此听起来很气馁，但其他时候，听来还不致令人不安，尽管这声音当时很明显地有事要对我说，尤其是我的情绪始终深藏不露的这件事。 Now it was then that I made a fatal mistake, in that I told a friend about the voice, and she was horrified.A subtle conditioning process had begun, the implication that normal people don't hear voices and the fact that I did meant that something was very seriously wrong. Such fear and mistrust was infectious.Suddenly the voice didn't seem quite so benign anymore, and when she insisted that I seek medical attention, I duly complied, and which proved to be mistake number two. 就在那时我犯了一个大错，我把听到声音的说给一位朋友听，她吓坏了！她开始不着痕迹地导正我，暗示幻听不是正常现象，而且我自己也觉得很不对劲这样的恐惧和疑虑是会传染的。忽然那声音听来不再那么友善，当她坚持我必须去看医生，我顺从地照做，但事后证明又错了！ I spent some time telling the college G.P. about what I perceived to be the real problem: anxiety, low self-worth, fears about the future, and was met with bored indifference until I mentioned the voice, upon which he dropped his pen, swung round and began to question me with a show of real interest. And to be fair, I was desperate for interest and help, and I began to tell him about my strange commentator.And I always wish, at this point, the voice had said, 'She is digging her own grave.' 之后我找校医谈说出我担忧的问题像是焦虑、没自信和对未来恐惧，但对方没什么兴趣，也不在乎。但当我一提到，听见有人说话这件事他立刻放下手中的笔，转过头来 开始很关心地问了一些问题，平心而论，我当时非常渴望关切和帮助，所以我就把有一位「评论员」的事说出来了，我深信当时那声音会说 「她在自掘坟墓」。 I was referred to a psychiatrist, who likewise took a grim view of the voice's presence, subsequently interpreting everything I said through a lens of latent insanity. For example, I was part of a student TV station that broadcast news bulletins around the campus, and during an appointment which was running very late, I said, 'I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go. I'm reading the news at six.' Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor has delusions that she's a television news broadcaster. 我被转介给精神科医生，有声音这件事被很严肃地看待。所以接着我所说的一切都被当作精神异常的可能征兆。比方说，我们学校有新闻电视台而我是成员之一有一次会面的时间太久，我说：「医生，抱歉我得走了！」「我还要回去报6点的新闻」结果诊断书上说我幻想自已是电视新闻主播。 It was at this point that events began to rapidly overtake me. A hospital admission followed, the first of many, a diagnosis of schizophrenia came next, and then, worst of all, a toxic, tormenting sense of hopelessness, humiliation and despair about myself and my prospects. 从此事情发展迅速超出我所能掌控，就在我住院后精神分裂的诊断也一一确定了。最糟的是，那种不抱希望、屈辱，还有对自己和前途绝望的折磨令人痛苦不堪。 But having been encouraged to see the voice not as an experience but as a symptom, my fear and resistance towards it intensified. Now essentially, this represented taking an aggressive stance towards my own mind, a kind of psychic civil war, and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase and grow progressively hostile and menacing. 因为一直被灌输这个观念，听到怪声音不是一种经验，是有病。我对此的恐惧和抗拒也与日俱增。本质上，这等于要我与自己的思想为敌就像是心灵内战，结果我听到的怪声音反而变多了且逐渐衍生出敌意。 Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat into this nightmarish inner world in which the voices were destined to become both my persecutors and my only perceived companions. They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy of their help, then they could change my life back to how it had been, and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set, a kind of labor of Hercules. It started off quite small, for example, pull out three strands of hair, but gradually it grew more extreme, culminating in commands to harm myself, and a particularly dramatic instruction: 感到绝望又无助的我便自我封闭于噩梦般的内心世界，而那些声音便成了其中我唯一的伙伴及加害者。那些声音告诉我，如果我能证明自己值得他们帮助，那么他们可让我的人生回到原来的样子。而一连串怪异的任务于焉展开，都不是容易应付的那种。刚开始还只是小意思像是拔下3搓头发，但逐渐变本加厉。最后要我做一些伤害自己的事，还有一些蛮夸张的指示。 'You see that tutor over there? You see that glass of water? Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students.' 「看见那助教没？」 「有一杯水对吧？」 「我要妳过去在其他学生面前，把水倒在他头上」 Which I actually did, and which needless to say did not endear me to the faculty. 我真的照做了！当然不用说 我也成为教职员眼中的头痛人物。 In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance, mistrust and misunderstanding had been established, and this was a battle in which I felt powerless and incapable of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation. 事实上，恐惧、回避、猜忌和误解的恶性循环已经形成，但我无力抗拒也无法妥协或平静下来。 Two years later, and the deterioration was dramatic. By now, I had the whole frenzied repertoire:terrifying voices, grotesque visions, bizarre, intractable delusions. My mental health status had been a catalyst for discrimination, verbal abuse, and physical and sexual assault, and I'd been told by my psychiatrist, 'Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer, because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia.' I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded, and was by now so tormented by the voices that I attempted to drill a hole in my head in order to get them out. 2年后，情况急遽转坏，这期间我经历过各种怪事。令人害怕的声音，丑陋的影像莫名的怪异幻象。而我的心理状态，让我饱受歧视与言词羞辱，甚至被攻击和性侵。我的心理医生还曾告诉我 「Eleanor, 妳若是得癌症还比较好」「精神分裂还比较难治！」 经过诊断、用药，然后被遗弃，深受那些声音所苦让我一度想在头上开个洞 好把那些声音赶出去。 Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years, it seems to me now as if someone died in that place, and yet, someone else was saved. A broken and haunted person began that journey, but the person who emerged was a survivor and would ultimately grow into the person I was destined to be. 回首这些年的千疮百孔，看来就像有人陨殁。但另一个人却获救起初那个伤痕累累又不安的人，已褪变为一个救星，最后变成命中注定的样子。 Many people have harmed me in my life, and I remember them all, but the memories grow pale and faint in comparison with the people who've helped me. The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,the comrades and collaborators; the mother who never gave up on me, who knew that one day I would come back to her and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took; the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time but who reinforced his belief that recovery was not only possible but inevitable, and during a devastating period of relapse told my terrified family, 'Don't give up hope. I believe that Eleanor can get through this. Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May, but summer always comes eventually.' 我这一生被许多人伤害过而且我都记得，但相较于受人恩惠，那些不堪回首的事就显得依稀模糊了。那些同病相怜的过来人、朋友和伙伴还有对我从未放弃希望的母亲 ，她知道女儿总有一天会恢复，而她愿意一直等下去。那位和我萍水相逢的医生，不仅坚信我有可能康复，而且一定会康复。 在我病情不断复发，令人心力憔悴的那段时间他告诉我的家人：「别放弃希望！「我相信Eleanor能捱过这关！」「有时候5月天也会下雪」「但夏天终究会来！」 Fourteen minutes is not enough time to fully credit those good and generous people who fought with me and for me and who waited to welcome me back from that agonized, lonely place. But together, they forged a blend of courage, creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief that my shattered self could become healed and whole. 14分钟的时间其实不够我去感谢那些拉我一把的好人。有人与我并肩作战，为我挺身而出还有人盼着我从孤独沉痛中恢复过来。但他们共同造就的勇气、创造力、诚信和坚定信念，让原来支离破碎的我，得以找回完整的自己。 I used to say that these people saved me, but what I now know is they did something even more important in that they empowered me to save myself, and crucially, they helped me to understand something which I'd always suspected: that my voices were a meaningful responseto traumatic life events, particularly childhood events, and as such were not my enemies but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems. 我曾说这些人救了我 但我现在才明白 是他们让我有力量拯救自己 更重要的是，他们让我了解 一件我过去始终不确定的事 我所听见的那些声音，其实是以有意义的方式 响应过去的伤痛，尤其是我的童年 这样说来，我们不应彼此为敌是这些声音让我看清那些并非无解的情绪问题。 Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe, not least because the voices appeared so hostile and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth. So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger. 起初这很难去相信不只因为那些声音好像不怀好意，既然如此，首要步骤就是学着从我原本理解的表象中，找到其中的隐含的意义。举例来说，那些声音曾威胁要袭击我家那时我习惯以自身的恐惧感和不安来解读事情，而非真正具体的危险。 Now at first, I would have believed them. I remember, for example, sitting up one night on guard outside my parents' room to protect them from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices. Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden, so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork, kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the roomclutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen. It was like, 'Don't mess with me.I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?' Strategic. 刚开始我信以为真。还记得有一次我彻夜不眠，守在我爸妈房门前提防我认为那些声音很可能带来的威胁，因为在那之前我自残过好几次，所以家里大部分的餐具都被藏起来。最后我拿一支塑料叉当武器，就是那种野餐用的，然后坐在门外，把叉子夹在腋下高度戒备，那情形就像说：「别惹我！」 「你不知道我有武器吗？」这是我用的战术。 But a later response, and much more useful, would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words, so when the voices warned me not to leave the house, then I would thank them for drawing my attention to how unsafe I felt -- because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it -- but go on to reassure both them and myself that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore. I would set boundaries for the voices, and try to interact with them in a way that was assertiveyet respectful, establishing a slow process of communication and collaboration in which we could learn to work together and support one another. 但我随后的反应比较有效。我尝试拆解言外之意，所以当声音警告我不要出门，我会谢谢他们的提醒，让我注意到自己多缺乏安全感。因有这份认知，我就可以积极面对问题安抚自己及那些声音我们很安全，用不着害怕，我会与「他们」划清界线，试着以坚决的态度与他们沟通，但保持尊重并放缓沟通及合作的过程。这样「我们」才能学习共事，互相扶持。 Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize was that each voice was closely related to aspects of myself, and that each of them carried overwhelming emotions that I'd never had an opportunity to process or resolve, memories of sexual trauma and abuse, of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth. The voices took the place of this pain and gave words to it, and possibly one of the greatest revelations was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices actually represented the parts of me that had been hurt most profoundly, and as such, it was these voices that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care. 经过这一切，我才恍然大悟每一个我听到的声音都跟自己密切相关，而且都带着丰沛的情绪，只是我以前没机会处理那些记忆。像是性创伤、性虐待愤怒、惭愧、罪恶感和妄自菲薄，那些声音取代了伤痛并把痛苦说出来。不过最重要的启示也许是当我明白那些最具敌意和侵略性的声音，其实就代表我受伤最深的那部分。因此，正是这些声音需要最多关爱和同情。 It was armed with this knowledge that ultimately I would gather together my shattered self, each fragment represented by a different voice, gradually withdraw from all my medication, and return to psychiatry, only this time from the other side. Ten years after the voice first came, I finally graduated,this time with the highest degree in psychology the university had ever given, and one year later, the highest masters, which shall we say isn't bad for a madwoman. In fact, one of the voices actually dictated the answers during the exam, which technically possibly counts as cheating. 正是这样的领悟让我最后愿意把那些声音构成的片段拼凑起来，找回完整的自我，并逐渐摆脱对药物的依赖。我又回到精神科，不过这次是研究第一次听到声音已是10年前的事了，而这次我终于取得心理学最高学位！是我母校在该领域颁发过的最高学历 对一个疯女人来说能取得硕士学历也不差！老实说，考试的时候我还听到报答案的声音 这应该算作弊吧！ And to be honest, sometimes I quite enjoyed their attention as well. As Oscar Wilde has said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. It also makes you very good at eavesdropping, because you can listen to two conversations simultaneously. So it's not all bad. 坦白讲，我有时还挺享受这种被「关照」的感觉。就像王尔德说的，唯一比被人议论更糟糕的事就是你这人根本不值一提。这经验让我非常善于偷听人讲话因为我可同时听懂两边的对话，算起来也没那么糟！ I worked in mental health services, I spoke at conferences, I published book chapters and academic articles, and I argued, and continue to do so, the relevance of the following concept: that an important question in psychiatry shouldn't be what's wrong with you but rather what's happened to you. 我在心理健康部门工作过，也在多场研讨会上发表过演讲，还出版过专文与书籍专章 到目前我还在争论。接下来这个观念的关联性精神病诊断上，关键问题不应该是「你哪里不对劲？」 而是「发生甚么事了？」 And all the while, I listened to my voices, with whom I'd finally learned to live with peace and respect and which in turn reflected a growing sense of compassion, acceptance and respect towards myself. And I remember the most moving and extraordinary moment when supporting another young woman who was terrorized by her voices, and becoming fully aware, for the very first time, that I no longer felt that way myself but was finally able to help someone else who was. 这段时间我倾听那些好不容易得以泰然处之的声音，而这也反映出我越来越能同情、接纳和尊重自己，记得最令我感动的特别时刻是帮助另一个被自己内心声音吓坏的年轻女性。那是我首次意识到，我看待自己的方式改变了，而且还有能力帮别人突破。 I'm now very proud to be a part of Intervoice, the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement, an initiative inspired by the work of Professor Marius Romme and Dr. Sandra Escher, which locates voice hearing as a survival strategy, a sane reaction to insane circumstances, not as an aberrant symptom of schizophrenia to be endured, but a complex, significant and meaningful experience to be explored. 身为「众声喧哗」(Intervoice) 的一员，我引以为荣！它是国际听声组织(the International Hearing Voices Movement)的筹划单位 在Sandra Escher博士和Marius Romme教授 的著作启发下成立他们将「听到声音」视为一种生存策略 一种在异常情境下的合理反应，不是旁人必须包容的精神分裂症状，反而是有待深入研究、 复杂、重要且有意义的经验。 Together, we envisage and enact a society that understands and respects voice hearing, supports the needs of individuals who hear voices, and which values them as full citizens. This type of society is not only possible, it's already on its way. To paraphrase Chavez, once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. 我们共同预见并推动能理解尊重「听声者」的社会环境，支持他们的需求，把他们当享有权利的公民看待，这种社会不但可能且已逐渐形成。用美国社会运动家CésarChávez的话说，社会变迁一旦开始便无法回头，自重之人不会为人所羞辱，无所畏惧之人 则不为人所压迫。 For me, the achievements of the Hearing Voices Movement are a reminder that empathy, fellowship, justice and respect are more than words; they are convictions and beliefs, and that beliefs can change the world. In the last 20 years, the Hearing Voices Movement has established hearing voices networks in 26 countries across five continents, working together to promote dignity, solidarity and empowerment for individuals in mental distress, to create a new language and practice of hope, which, at its very center, lies an unshakable belief in the power of the individual. 对我来说，国际听声组织(IHVM)的成就提醒世人同理心、友谊、正义和尊重胜过言语它们是坚定的信念，而信念可以改变世界。国际听声组织在过去20年已在5大洲的26国建立联系管道，共同致力提升承受精神折磨者的尊严、团结和自立能力，希望以此塑造希望的言词与实践，其中的核心就是对个人能力坚定不疑的信念。 As Peter Levine has said, the human animal is a unique being endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal and the intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity. In this respect, for members of society, there is no greater honor or privilege than facilitating that process of healing for someone, to bear witness, to reach out a hand, to share the burden of someone's suffering, and to hold the hope for their recovery. And likewise, for survivors of distress and adversity, that we remember we don't have to live our lives forever defined by the damaging things that have happened to us. We are unique. We are irreplaceable. What lies within us can never be truly colonized, contorted, or taken away. The light never goes out. 美国心理医师Peter Levine说过，人类是很特别的生物，与生俱来就有疗愈能力和运用此天赋的智慧。因此，身为社会的一份子，最荣幸的事莫过于帮人自我疗愈，见证一切，伸出援手并分担苦痛。还要坚持人们康复的希望。同样地，我要对那些历尽磨难的人说 我们知道经历过的那些伤害，不会让我们的人生就这样下去，我们是独一无二的，心灵无法被占据、扭曲或夺走，而光明永存。 As a very wonderful doctor once said to me, 'Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself. Tell me about you.'Thank you. 如同一位名医对我说过 「不要跟我说别人对你的看法！」 「我要听你怎么看待自己！」谢谢。 Remark：中文译文为机翻，望谅解！视频、演讲稿均来源于TED官网，一切权益归TED所有，更多TED相关信息可至官网www.ted.com查询！ 期待与你相遇，不见不散 ▼ 你说你喜欢雨，但是你在下雨的时候打开了伞 你说你喜欢风，但是你在刮风的时候关上了窗 这就是为什么我害怕你说你也喜欢'英语' 因为你连'TED英语演说'都没关注...
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