TED演讲 | 碰到烂人时，我们该如何保持冷静？

hello大家好，我是达达。我们一生中难免碰到三观不合的人，甚至会遇见蛮不讲理、故意找茬的人。如果失去理智硬碰硬，可能会造成无法挽回的后果。那这种时候，我们该如何保持冷静呢？

How to Remain Calm with People

碰到烂人时我们该如何保持冷静 来自TED英语演说优选 00:00 05:03

  中英文对照翻译

One of the most important ways to calm down is the power to hold on.

保持冷静最重要的方法之一就是坚持。

 

Even in challenging situations  to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do. 

即使在最艰难的情况下，区分某人做了什么和他们想要做什么。 

 

In law, the difference is enshrined in the contrasting concepts of murder and manslaughter.

在法律上，这种区别蕴藏在谋杀和过失杀人的对比概念中。

 

The result may be the same: the body is inert in a pool of blood.

二者结果可能相同：身体在血泊中一动不动。

 

But we collectively feel it makes a huge difference what the perpetrators intentions were. Motives are crucial,

但我们都觉得，二者有很大不同因为行凶者的意图不同。动机是关键，

 

but unfortunately we're seldom very good atperceiving what motives happened to be involved in the incidents that frustrateus.

但不幸的是，我们并不善于感受那些碰巧惹恼我们的事故的动机。 

 

We're easily and wildly mistaken.

我们轻易鲁莽地产生误会。

 

We see intention where there was none and escalate and confront when no strenuous or agitated responses are in fact warranted.

我们假想出敌意，并逐步夸大和对峙，而所有的紧张和焦虑的反应都是毫无事实依据的。

 

Part of the reason why we jump so readily to dark inclusions and see plots to insult and harm us is a rather poignant psychological phenomenon:

我们为什么会如此轻易地得出阴暗猜测、看到侮辱和伤害我们的阴谋，部分原因是源于一个相当心酸的心理学现象：

 

Self-hatred. The less we like ourselves, the more weappear in our own eyes as really rather plausible targets for mockery and harm.

自我憎恶。我们越不喜欢自己，在我们自己的眼中，我们就越会是那个理所当然的嘲讽和伤害的对象。

 

Why would a drill have started up outside just as we were settling down to work?

为什么我刚准备开始工作，钻凿就在外面响起？

 

Why are the email not arrive even though we'll have to be in a meeting very soon?

为什么马上就要开会了，邮件偏偏还没有收到？

 

Why would the phone operator be taking solong to find our details?

为什么电话接线员要花这么长时间去找我们的明细？

 

Because there is, logically enough, a plotagainst us. Because we are appropriate targets for these kinds of things.

逻辑充分说明，因为有针对我们的阴谋。因为我们是种事情的合适目标。

 

Because we'rethe sort of people against whom disruptive drilling is legitimately likely to be directed.

因为我们是破坏性的钻凿合法针对的那类人。

 

It's what we deserve.

这是我们应得的。 

 

When we carry a background excess of self-disgust around with us operating just below the radar of conscious awareness.

当我们背着自我厌弃的背景，在低于自我意识的范围内活动时，

 

We'll constantly seek confirmation from the wider world that we really are the worthless people we take ourselves to be.

我们将不断地从外部世界寻求我们所认为的自己是无用之人的证据。

 

The expectation is almost always set in childhood where someone close to us is likely to have left us feeling dirty and culpable.

这种期望大部分都是童年时期树立起来的，某个我们亲近的人很可能让我感觉自己肮脏或有罪。

 

And as a result we now travel through society assuming the worst.

结果我们现在经历社会，总是做最坏的打算。

 

Not because it's necessarily true or pleasant to do so, but because it feels familiar.

不是因为它必然正确或者乐意去做，而是因为这样做感觉很熟悉。

 

And because as the prisoners of past patterns we haven't yet understood.

因为我们还没有意识到我们是过去式牢笼里的囚徒。

 

We would be so much calmer around adults, if we could resort to some of the unflustered poised we naturally use around children.

我们将会对周围的成人镇定很多，如果我们可以采取我们本能地对待孩子的泰然自若。

 

Small children sometimes behave in really maddening ways.

小孩子有时候会做出令人发狂的举动。

 

They scream at the person who's looking after them, angry push away a bowl of animal pastor, throw away something you've just fetched for them.

他们对着照看他们的人大喊大叫，生气地推开碗，扔掉你刚拿给他们的东西。 

 

But we rarely feel personally agitated or wounded by theirbehavior.

但我们很少对他们的行为感到激动或受伤。

 

And the reason is that we don't assign a negative motive or mean intention to a small person.

原因是我们不把小孩视作有不好的动机或卑鄙的意图。

 

We reach around for the most benevolent interpretations.

我们寻求最仁慈的解释。

 

We probably think that they're just a bit tired, or their gums are sore, 

我们认为他们可能有点累了，或者他们牙疼，或者

 

or they're upset by the arrival of a younger sibling.

他们对弟弟妹妹的降临感到不安。

 

We've got a large repertoire of alternative explanations ready in our heads.

我们脑海了存储了大量的供选择的解释。

 

And none of these lead us to panic or get terribly agitated.

并且，其中没有一种是使我们恐慌或非常焦虑的。

 

This is the reverse of what tends to happen around adults.

这与在成年人中发生的情况相反。

 

Here we imagine that people have deliberately got us in their sights.

这里我们想象人们故意让我们看见他们。

 

If someone edges in front of us in the airport queue it's natural to suppose that they've sized this up and of reason that they can safely take advantage of us.

如果有人在机场队伍中挤进我们前面，自然会推想，他们已经估计到他们可以安然地利用我们。

 

They probably relish the thought of causingus a little distress.

他们可能正为使我们苦恼而得意。

 

But if we employ the infant model of interpretation our first assumptions would be very different. We think that maybe they didn't sleep well that night, have a soreknee, or have been upset by their lover.

但如果我们采用婴儿解释模式我们的第一个猜想将会非常不同。我们认为他们可能昨晚没睡好，膝盖痛，或者被爱人弄得心烦意乱。

 

The French philosopher Inmilo Gustachtie, known as Ella, was set to be the finest teacher in France in the first half of the 20th century.

法国哲学家Inmilo Gustachtie，也叫Ella，被认为是20世纪上半叶法国最好的老师。

 

And he developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people.

他发明了一种让他自己和他的学生在面对恼人情况时冷静下来的方法。 

 

Never say that peopleare evil. He wrote. You just need to look for thepin. What he meant was:

决不说那些人是坏人。他写道。你只是需要寻找钉子。他的意思是：

 

look for the source of the agony that drives a person to behavein appalling ways.

寻找那个使人们行为骇人的痛苦根源。

 

The calming thought is to imagine that they're suffering off stage in some area we can't see.

冷静的思考方式是猜想他们可能在我们看不见的地方正遭受着某种痛苦。

 

To be mature is to learn toimagine this zone of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence.

想要成熟就要能想到这种痛苦，即使没有足够的证据去证明它。 

 

They may not look as if they were mad and by an inner psychological element.

他们可能没有表现得那么糟糕或者如他们的内心所承受的那样。

 

They may seem chirpy and full of themselves, but the pin simply must be there or they would not be causing us harm.

他们可能看起来快活又骄傲，但是钉子一定存在，否则他们不会去伤害别人。

 

When others made us we need to imagine the turmoil, disappointment, worry, and sadness beneath an aggressive surface.

当别人使我们生气，我们需要猜想那好斗的表象下隐藏的动乱，沮丧，忧愁，悲伤。

 

We need to aim compassion in an unexpected place at those who annoy us most.

我们需要出其不意地对经常惹恼我们的人给予怜悯。

 

We must do that very strange thing: move from anger to pity.

我们必须做出这种非常奇怪的举动：以德报怨。