TED演讲 | 你与真实的自己有多远？

hello大家好，我是达达。社会越复杂，我们的表演属性就越强；当下的你与真实的自己有多远？本期演说者将从自身出发，富含感情地告诉大家掩藏真实的自己生活到底多危险。

演说者：Morgana Bailey

你与真实的自己有多远？ 来自TED英语演说优选 00:00 10:39

  中英文对照翻译

When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist in the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas. I didn't follow along with the crowd. I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles. I was outspoken and extremely social. Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years ago show that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different. 

当我年轻的时候，我曾为自己能不墨守成规而感到骄傲，那时候我生活在保守的美国堪萨斯州。我不随大流，勇敢尝试奇装异服和和怪异发型，直言不讳。而且勤于社交。这是大约十六年前我出国在伦敦那学期的图片和明信片，从这些也能看出，我完全不在乎是否会被觉得怪异或另类。

But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago, I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique, and that changed everything. I became the opposite of who I thought I once was. I stayed in my room instead of socializing. I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities. I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore. 

但也就是同一年，十六年前在伦敦的那年，我意识到自己的确有点特别，于是一切从此发生了改变。我变得与从前的自己判若两人。自己待在房间而不再去社交。终止了俱乐部和领导活动。不再愿意在人多的时候突出自己。

I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing, not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance. I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance. After all, I was a bit unconventional. But I realize now that the moment I realized something was different about me was the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding. 

我告诉自己那只是因为自己在长大和成熟，而不是因为突然间开始寻找认同。我曾经一度假定自己不需要被接纳。毕竟我是有点不那么传统。而现在我明白。在我意识到自己有点特别的那一刻，就是我循规蹈矩和隐藏自己的开始。

Hiding is a progressive habit, and once you start hiding, it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out. In fact, even now, when I was talking to people about what this talk was about, I made up a cover story and I even hid the truth about my TED Talk. 

隐藏是一种逐步加强的习惯，一旦你开始这样做了，重新开始展示真实的自己就会变得越来越难。事实上，即使不久前在我和别人谈论这次演讲的时候，我其实也没有说出真实的内容。我甚至隐瞒了我TED演讲的真相。

So it is fitting and scary that I have returned to this city 16 years later and I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding. What have I been hiding for 16 years? I am a lesbian. Thank you. 

我内心真的很害怕，十六年后，我回到这个城市，选择这个舞台，不再遮掩。那么，十六年来我都在隐藏什么？ 我是一个同性恋。谢谢。

I've struggled to say those words, because I didn't want to be defined by them. Every time I would think about coming out in the past, I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana, uniquely Morgana, but not 'my lesbian friend Morgana,' or 'my gay coworker Morgana.' Just Morgana. 

我挣扎着说出了这些字，因为我不想被它们所定义。过去，每当我想要出柜，我就会暗想，我只想做莫甘娜（译注：演讲者自己），那个独一无二的莫甘娜，而不是“我的同性恋朋友莫甘娜” 或者”我的同性恋同事莫甘娜' 只是莫甘娜就好了。

For those of you from large metropolitan areas, this may not seem like a big deal to you. It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truth and hidden this for so long. But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted. And I'm not alone, of course. A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of people hide aspects of their identity. 

对在座的那些来自大都市的人来说，这也许没什么。也许我看起来很奇怪，压抑了这个真相并且遮掩了如此之久。可不被接纳真的会让我恐惧到吓瘫，当然不止我一个人这样。2013年德勤的一项研究发现，有惊人数目的人在自己的身份方面都有所隐藏。

Of all the employees they surveyed, 61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearance in order to fit in at work. Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees, 83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselves so they would not appear at work 'too gay.' 

在他们调查的全部雇员中61%的人报告为了适应工作，有改变过行为或外表的某个方面。在所有的男、女同性恋以及双性恋雇员中，83%的人承认自己有过某些方面的改变，以使在工作场合不会表现的“过于同性恋” 。

The study found that even in companies with diversity policies and inclusion programs, employees struggle to be themselves at work because they believe conformity is critical to their long-term career advancement. And while I was surprised that so many people just like me waste so much energy trying to hide themselves, I was scared when I discovered that my silence has life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions. 

研究发现，即使是在有着多元化政策与兼容并包性计划的公司，雇员们也会为在工作场合做自己而斗争，因为他们相信，趋同对于长期的职业发展来说至关重要。当我惊讶于如此多的人像我一样浪费相当多精力去隐藏自己的同时，我也感到了恐惧——当我发现自己的沉默会造成生死攸关的后果以及长远的社会影响。

Twelve years: the length by which life expectancy is shortened for gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communities compared to accepting communities. Twelve years reduced life expectancy. When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year, I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent. The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination. 

十二年：这个数字是那些在强烈反对同性恋社区中，生活的同性恋、双性恋者 相对在接纳同性恋社区中，预期寿命的缩减量。十二年的寿命缩减。今年，当我在Advocate杂志上看到这个时，我意识到自己不能再继续沉默下去了。个人压力和社会偏见的效果结合乃是致命的。

The study found that gays in anti-gay communities had higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide. What I once thought was simply a personal matter I realized had a ripple effect that went into the workplace and out into the community for every story just like mine. My choice to hide and not share who I really am may have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environment and atmosphere of discrimination. 

研究发现，在反同性恋社区中生活的同性恋者，出现心脏病、暴力、自杀的比例会更高。我意识到，自己之前以为只是个人事件的，其实具有涟漪效应。它们进入工作场合，影响到社区生活，就像每一个与我类似的故事那样。我隐藏真实自己的这一选择，也许无意间也助长了那些同样的，带有歧视的环境和氛围。

I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay, but the idea that my silence has social consequences was really driven home this year when I missed an opportunity to change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas. 

我曾一直告诉自己说，我没有理由分享我是同性恋的事实，沉默的社会效应，这个想法直到今年才闪入我的脑中。当时，我错过了一个在家乡堪萨斯州，改善歧视氛围的机会。

In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for vote that would have essentially allowed businesses to use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services. A former coworker and friend of mine has a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives. He voted in favor of the bill, in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me. 

二月份，堪萨斯州众议院提出一项法案待表决，原则上允许企业以宗教自由为名，拒绝对同性恋者提供服务。我之前的一位同事兼朋友的父亲在众议院工作，他对这项法案投赞成票，支持这个允许企业拒绝对我提供服务的方案。

How does my friend feel about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people? How does her father feel? I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am. And that shakes me to the core. 

我的朋友对男、女同性恋、双性者、变性者，对这些奇怪的、被质疑的人如何想呢？她的父亲又如何觉得呢？我不知道，因为我从来没有向他们坦白我是同性恋的事实。而这一点动摇了我的内心。

What if I had told her my story years ago? Could she have told her father my experience? Could I have ultimately helped change his vote? I will never know, and that made me realize I had done nothing to try to make a difference. 

如果我许多年前告诉她会怎么样呢？她会告诉她父亲我的经历么？我可以最终使得他改变态度么？我不会知道了，而这件事让我意识到，自己没有为改变做任何努力。

How ironic that I work in human resources, a profession that works to welcome, connect and encourage the development of employees, a profession that advocates that the diversity of society should be reflected in the workplace, and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity. 

多讽刺啊，我从事人力资源的工作，一个欢迎、联合并鼓励员工发展的职业，一个提倡在工作场合响应社会多元化的职业，但是我没有做任何事情去倡导这种多元化。

When I came to this company one year ago, I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policies that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs. When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out. But I didn't. Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, I did nothing. 

一年前当我走进这家公司的时候，我心里暗想，这家公司有反歧视的政策，用来保护同性恋者、双性恋者和变性者。他们对多元文化的承诺已经在全球的兼容并包性计划中得以应证。当我走进这家公司大门，我终于可以出柜了。但我没有。我没有利用这个机会，什么都没有做。

When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbook from my London semester abroad 16 years ago, I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, 'Paradise.' 'There are more scary things inside than outside.' And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom: 'Remember this.' 

当我回味十六年前在伦敦那学期的伦敦杂志和剪贴簿的时候，偶然发现了一句来自托妮莫里森的著作“乐园”中的引用。大概是说 “源自我们内心的恐惧远比来自外界的多'，我在最下面为自己写下了这样的话 “铭记” 。

I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London, but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself. What I didn't realize until all these years later is that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcome are my own fears and insecurities. I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside. 

我确信当时我是在鼓励自己走出去，探索伦敦，但我错过的是开始探寻和拥抱自己的需求。直到这么多年后我才明白，我需要克服的最大障碍，永远是自身的恐惧和不安。我相信通过正视自己内心的恐惧，我将能够改变外界的现状。

I made a choice today to reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long. I hope that this means I will never hide again, and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the data and also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilled in both their professional and personal lives. Thank you.

今天，我做了选择，揭示隐藏了许久的那部分自己。我希望这意味着，我再也不会隐藏，我希望通过今天的出柜，我可以为改变那个数字（12年）做一些事情，帮助那些感觉到不同的人，在他们的工作和生活中做得更像他们自己更为满足。谢谢。