【媒库文选】单身女性身份标签流变不休为哪般

Why Words for Single Women Have Changed Through Time 单身女性身份标签流变不休为哪般

Amy Froide 埃米·弗罗伊德

In a recent interview with Vogue， actress Emma Watson opened up about being a single 30-year-old woman. Instead of calling herself single， however， she used the word “self-partnered.”

I've studied and written about the history of single women， and this is the first time I am aware of “self-partnered” being used. We'll see if it catches on， but if it does， it will join the ever-growing list of words used to describe single women of a certain age.

Women who were once called spinsters eventually started being called old maids. In 17th-century New England， there were also words like “thornback” — a sea skate covered with thorny spines — used to describe single women older than 25.

Before the 17th century， women who weren't married were called maids， virgins or “puella，” the Latin word for “girl.” These words emphasized youth and chastity， and they presumed that women would only be single for a small portion of their life — a period of “pre-marriage.”

But by the 17th century， new terms， such as “spinster” and “singlewoman，” emerged.

What changed？ The numbers of unwed women — or women who simply never married — started to grow.

Now terms were needed for adult single women who might never marry. The term spinster transitioned from describing an occupation that employed many women — a spinner of wool — to a legal term for an independent， unmarried woman.

Many of us assume that past societies were more traditional than our own， with marriage more common. But my work shows that in 17th-century England， at any given time， more women were unmarried than married. It was a normal part of the era's life and culture.

In the late 1690s， the term old maid became common. The expression emphasizes the paradox of being old and yet still virginal and unmarried. It wasn't the only term that was tried out; the era's literature also poked fun at “superannuated virgins.” But because “old maid” trips off the tongue a little easier， it's the one that stuck.

Today in the U.S.， the median first age at marriage for women is 28. For men， it's 30.

What we're experiencing now isn't a historical first; instead， we've essentially returned to a marriage pattern that was common 300 years ago. From the 18th century up until the mid-20th century， the average age at first marriage dropped to a low of age 20 for women and age 22 for men. Then it began to rise again.

There's a reason Vogue was asking Watson about her single status as she approached 30. To many， age 30 is a milestone for women — the moment when， if they haven't already， they're supposed to go from being footloose and fancy-free to thinking about marriage， a family and a mortgage.

Even if you're a wealthy and famous woman， you can't escape this cultural expectation. Male celebrities don't seem to be questioned about being single and 30.

While no one would call Watson a spinster or old maid today， she nonetheless feels compelled to create a new term for her status: “self-partnered.” In what some have dubbed the “age of self-care，” perhaps this term is no surprise. It seems to say， I'm focused on myself and my own goals and needs. I don't need to focus on another person， whether it's a partner or a child.

To me， though， it's ironic that the term “self-partnered” seems to elevate coupledom. Spinster， singlewoman or singleton: None of those terms openly refers to an absent partner. But self-partnered evokes a missing better half.

It says something about our culture and gender expectations that despite her status and power， a woman like Watson still feels uncomfortable simply calling herself single.

前不久，女演员埃玛·沃森接受《时装》杂志采访，畅谈年届三十仍然单身的感受。不过，她没有用“单身”这个词，而是用“自我陪伴”。

我研究女性单身历史，著书立说多年，头一次听到有人用“自我陪伴”。这种说法能否成为潮流，我们拭目以待，不过假如它能够大行其道，这意味着描述特定年龄单身女性的词语又多了一个，这类词语层出不穷。

历史上，人们一度用“纺纱女”统称单身女性，后来才开始把她们唤作“老姑娘”。在17世纪的新英格兰，单身女性还有别的称谓，例如“棘背鳐”，这是一种背部长着棘刺的海鳐，特指年龄超过25岁的单身女性。

在17世纪前，人们把未婚的女性通称为少女、处子，或拉丁语里的“女孩”一词puella。这些称呼突出青春年少又贞洁无暇，默认女性只在人生短暂的一段时间即“婚前时期”处于单身状态。

然而，17世纪时出现了新的称谓，例如“纺纱女”和“单身女性”。

这是怎么回事？因为未婚女性即不婚族人数开始上升。

人们需要找到新的说法指代可能终身不婚的成年单身女性。于是，“纺纱女”这个词由一个雇用大量女工的工种摇身变为法律用语，特指自食其力的未婚女性。

许多人想当然地认为，往日社会都比当今古板传统，且婚姻更为普遍。但从我的研究来看，在17世纪的英格兰，未婚女性总是多过已婚女性。它是那个时代日常生活和社会风气的常态。

到17世纪末，“老姑娘”的叫法已经司空见惯。这种说法强调女性韶华已逝，却维持处子待嫁之身。当时，人们对单身女性还有别的叫法；文学作品揶揄“人老珠黄的处女”。由于“老姑娘”说起来顺口一些，所以唯有它沿用至今。

现在，美国女性的初婚年龄中位数为28岁，男性为30岁。

我们现在的经历并非史无前例，我们其实在逐渐回归300年前常见的婚姻模式。从18世纪开始到20世纪中叶，初婚平均年龄一路下滑至女20岁、男22岁。然后，它向上折返。

《时装》杂志在沃森快要30岁时询问她对单身状态的感受并非无缘无故。许多人认为，30岁是女性人生的一座里程碑——如果这个时候还没有步入婚姻，那她们也该结束自由自在、无拘无束的生活开始琢磨婚姻、家庭和抵押贷款了。

女人即便坐拥名利，也逃不脱这种文化预期。同为名人，男性似乎就不会被人追问到了30岁仍然单身的感受。

虽然现在谁也不会用“纺织女”或“老姑娘”称呼沃森，但她仍然倍感压力，不得不另外措辞——“自我陪伴”描述个人状态。在有些人所称的“自我照顾的时代”，她这样措辞也属正常。这仿佛宣告：我关注我自己，关注我自己的目标和需要。伴侣也好，孩子也罢，我不需要分散精力给另一个人。

我倒觉得有些讽刺，“自我陪伴”这个词有捧高伴侣关系之嫌。无论是“纺织女”、“单身女性”还是“单身”都不明确指向伴侣缺位。但“自我陪伴”让人联想到缺失的另一半。

这反映出文化习俗和性别角色预期，沃森这样的女性尽管功成名就，却也不甘于直截了当地说自己单身。（于晓华译自美国《对话》杂志网站2019年12月2日文章）