【原】有关自尊的4个梗。英语读头条（第559期）

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4 Myths About Self-Esteem

有关自尊的4个梗

By Jill P. Weber︱June 21, 2019

翻译：Chris︱校对：Ray

1. Myth: You either have self-esteem or you don’t. 梗一：你要么有自尊，要么没有。

Self-esteem can seem so elusive and out of reach that many deem themselves fated to a life of low self worth. They imagine some have the gift of loving themselves through amazing parents, perfect childhoods, or fortunate genetics, and that they have lost the lottery on the gift of self-esteem. 自尊心似乎是如此难以捉摸，难以触及，以至于许多人认为自己注定要过一种自我价值很低的生活。他们想象一些人通过拥有令人羡艳的父母、完美的童年或幸运的遗传来展示对老天眷顾的热爱，而他们则从没有什么老天的眷顾。

Truth: Self-esteem is learned through a series of interactions with the environment and others over time and through your reactions to these experiences. Start by seeing your setbacks as opportunities for growth and new learning versus ultimate statements regarding your worth as a human. When you don’t succeed or feel rejected instead of giving up on yourself entirely, consider what you can take away and learn from that experience. 真相：自尊心是通过一系列与环境、和其他人的互动、以及你对这些经历的反应来学习得到的。首先，把你的挫折看作是成长和再次学习的机会，而不是你的价值的终极陈述。当你没有成功、或者感觉被拒绝、但没有完全放弃自己的时候，考虑一下你能从中得到什么并从中吸取什么教训。

2. Myth: Working on "you" will increase your self-esteem. It’s common to hear people say they are going to work on themselves or take a break from life or relationships so they may discover and accept themselves. The reality is you can’t banish yourself to some phantom self-esteem island and expect to come back all better. 梗二，针对“你”下功夫，会增强你的自尊心。经常听到人们说他们要为自己工作，或者从生活或伴侣关系中解脱出来，这样他们才能发现并接受自己。而实际上，你不能把自己放逐到某个虚幻的自尊之地，然后期望走出来一个更好的自己。

Truth: Self-esteem is a process that evolves over time. It needs interaction with others and the world. You will grow each time you interact in the world and have positive experiences of yourself. Positive experiences of yourself include triumphing over hardship and rejection. Challenge yourself to develop relationships and interests that make you feel whole and grounded. Get rid of toxic relationships that bring out the worst in you. 真相：自尊是一个随着时间而发展的过程。它需要与他人和环境互动。每次你在这个世界上的互动，都会对自己产生积极的影响，都会成长。积极的影响包括战胜困难，战胜拒绝。你要挑战自己，发展人际关系和兴趣爱好，使自己感到完整和脚踏实地。还要摆脱让你表现最糟糕的那些人际关系。

3. Myth: Doing things you are good at will increase your self-esteem. 做你擅长的事情会增加你的自尊心。

When we don’t feel good about ourselves, popular advice would suggest we should do the things we are good at and as a result, we will feel better. Doing the things we are familiar with is easy, far easier than doing what we are unfamiliar with. However, we can’t grow and see ourselves in a new and more positive light if we stay stuck in the same old ruts. 梗三：当我们自己感觉不好时，通常的建议是会让我们做自己擅长的事情，结果，我们会感觉更好。做我们熟悉的事情容易，比做我们不熟悉的事情容易得多。然而，如果我们停留在同一个旧的方式，我们就不能成长，不能看到一个新的、更积极的自己。

Truth: It’s the hard things in life and new experiences that help us feel strong and empowered. When we continue to date the same types of partners and take on the same activities and work projects, our perception of ourselves remains in one place. Challenge yourself to tackle novel tasks, different experiences, and to meet new types of people. Do that and you can start to feel more capable. 真相：生活中的困难和新的经历帮助我们感到强大而有力量。当我们继续与同一类型的人约会，进行和原来相同的活动和工作项目时，我们对自己的看法仍然会停留在老地方。挑战自己，接受新的任务，感受不同的经验，并去面对新的面孔。这样你就可以觉得更有能力了。

4. Myth: Shiny new things (including new romantic relationships) will bring self-esteem. It’s tempting to outsource a sense of self to material possessions or new romantic partners. The reality is each time you try to buy self-esteem or distract yourself with romantic relationships that lack true emotional intimacy, you are turning away from the only person who can make you feel whole—yourself. 梗四：闪亮的新事物（包括新的浪漫关系）会带来自尊。让物质财富或新的浪漫关系去占领自我意识是很有诱惑力的。现实是，每次你试图购买自尊或用缺乏真正亲密情感的浪漫关系来分散自己的注意力时，你都会远离唯一能让你感觉完整的人，那就是你自己。

Truth: Self-esteem is not purchasable. When you feel as if you want to buy something or date someone, pause and sit with your feelings. Chances are you are running from the one person you can’t escape. Instead, start building your comfort with yourself one step at a time. In my book, Building Self-Esteem: 5 Steps, I offer more strategies for how to build a positive sense of yourself. 真相：自尊是买不到的。当你觉得你想买东西或和某人约会时，停下来，带着你的感觉坐下来。风险是你要从一个你无法逃脱的人身上逃跑。相反，你要开始一步一步地建立你自己的舒适感。在我的书《建立自尊：5个步骤》中，我为如何建立积极的自我意识提供了更多的策略。

翻译：Ray ︱校对：Sally