家庭教育之大忌

“自恋式家庭”是心理学家们最近刚鼓捣出来的一个词儿。那自恋式家庭的“临床症状”又是什么样的呢？自恋式家庭又会对孩子产生什么影响？答案即将一一揭晓。

Researchers realized that children raised in narcissistic families turned out very much like those children raised by abusive or substance-addicted parents, even if the children were never abused or technically mistreated. 

研究人员认识到，在自恋式家庭中成长起来的的孩子和在受父母打骂或是父母狂热追求物质享受的环境中长大的孩子有很多相似点，虽然前者实际上并未受到父母的打骂或虐待。

In this type of family, the interactions among family members are characterized by selfishness and competition; parents are generally more concerned about their own happiness and well being than that of their children, and will often pit siblings against each other to spur competition. Communication in a narcissistic family is often very poor, and the unspoken goal is to keep up a happy appearance, and make sure that from the outside, everything looks perfect.

在这样的家庭中，家庭成员之间的沟通往往显得很自私并且总带有相互攀比的火药味，虽然家庭成员的沟通本来就不多。父母更关注自己的快乐与健康而不是孩子的，或总是激起家里兄弟姐妹之间的竞争，使他们相互对立。父母总是试图营造一个看似欢乐的虚假气氛，这已是这种家庭只可意会不能言传的目标。确保在外人看来，一切都很好。

If children are praised, it is generally for their successes that can be viewed by other people, not necessarily for the type of people they actually are. The message that children are not good enough is often given in this type of family.

如果孩子们受到了表扬，那多半也是因为他们取得了所谓的成功，而不是因为他们的人格。

父母也总会说孩子表现得不够出色。

The lack of boundaries is another common issue found in a narcissistic family. Privacy is not often respected. This is often because the parents genuinely do not care about the children's feelings. Some will actually withhold affection from the child until the child learns to meet the needs of the parent.

缺乏底线是自恋式家庭的另一常见特征。孩子们的隐私也不会被尊重。这通常是因为父母们并不是发自内心地在意孩子们的感受。除非孩子们懂得要首先满足父母的需要，父母也不会告诉孩子自己的真实感受。

Children who come from narcissistic families often display similar traits themselves, and eventually pass it on to their own children. They may have difficulty with intimate relationships and display selfishness and poor communication abilities in interactions with other people; some suffer from anger issues, low self-esteem, and depression

来自自恋式家庭的孩子经常有着相同的性格，最终也会这样对自己的孩子。他们在处理亲密关系时会遇到困难，表现得自私，交流能力差。有些人还会频繁动怒，自卑和抑郁。