|
译者：陈正宇 *****译者先啰嗦两句，觉得烦可以直接跳过。 —————————————————————————————— 塞林格这篇《两个人的事》（Both Parties Concerned）发表于1944年2月的《星期六晚邮报》，最初题为《打雷的时候叫醒我》（Wake Me When It Thunders）。本篇未收入《九故事》，据我所知，国内也没有人翻译过。当然也可能有人翻译了但是我不知道。 有研究认为塞林格在《麦田里的守望者》里对所谓的“少年侃（Teenage Skaz）”这种叙事风格的运用最早可以在本篇故事里看到雏形。所谓的“侃文（Skaz）”，除了大量使用口头语，还有一个特点就是会让你有一种主人公就站在你对面和你实时聊天的错觉。如果想了解更多关于“侃文”的叙事特点，以及塞林格的“少年侃”风格是怎么演变的，可以看一下这篇文章（的开头几段节选）： https://www./library/journal/1G1-20831952/narrative-voice-in-j-d-salinger-s-both-parties-concerned 本篇故事作为一篇比较典型的“侃文”，主要具有三个叙事特点：1、主人公说话喜欢用cliche（一般中文翻译为“陈词滥调”，实际上这里更接近于用滥了的流行语）；2、喜欢用夸张的方式来强调；3、叙事经常给人重复和啰嗦的感觉。总之就是好像在和你聊天，但是又怕你没有get到他/她的意思，所以就经常会在那神经病一样碎碎念。 考虑到这篇故事的语言特点，译者翻译的时候有些地方也用了一些中文的cliche，包括一些现在看来可能会有点尬的口头语（比如用“靠”对应原文的感叹词“boy”），可能有些哗众取宠的嫌疑。但我认为这也是一种可以理解的尝试，不一定对，但出发点还是希望译文的风格能更接近原文那种“侃”的感觉。至于效果如何，还是留给读者来评判。 对了，最后补充一句，这篇故事的译文我要献给我的女朋友（已婚），希望我们都能通过这篇故事获得一些关于年轻人婚姻的思考。以后打雷的时候她也可以试着叫醒我。 OK，就说这么多。下面是译文，译文后面还附上了原文，有兴趣的朋友也可以对照着看，或者只看原文。都行。***** —————————————————————————————— 《两个人的事》——J·D·塞林格 老实说真的没什么好说的——我是说不是啥多严重的事，甚至可以说有一点搞笑。因为情况一度让人觉得我们没有辜负大家对这段感情的不看好，我是说我车间里那些人还有她妈啥的。他们之前就一直说我和鲁西还太年轻，这么早结婚不合适。当时鲁西十七，我二十（差一点）。确实是年轻，没毛病，但是只要自己心里有数，就不算太年轻。我是说只要两个人之间顺顺利利。我是说，这是两个人的事。 OK，就像我刚说的，鲁西和我，我们俩从来没有真正闹掰过。就算掰了，也掰不断。当然这不妨碍鲁西她妈每天盼着我们闹掰。克洛普太太，也就是她妈，她希望鲁西去上大学，而不是结婚。她十五岁就结束了高中的学习，但是她想去的那个地方一定要满十八岁才能上。她原本想当医生来着。我之前经常拿这个和她开玩笑，会和她说，“呼叫基戴尔医生！”我很有幽默感。鲁西没有。她属于比较严肃的那种。 OK，我实在不知道事情是怎么发展成这样的，不过我觉得应该要从上个月的一天晚上的杰克酒吧说起。那天鲁西和我都去了。那个地方今年真是变得很高级。不再是那种霓虹灯闪啊闪的，而是装了很多灯泡，很亮堂。停车位也多了。很高级。懂我意思？不过鲁西没有很喜欢杰克酒吧。 OK，我刚和你说的那天晚上，我们到了杰克酒吧的时候，里面已经全满了，我们在那里等了差不多一个小时才有座位。鲁西完全不想在那等位。一点耐心都没有。后来我们好不容易等到位了，她又说她不想喝啤酒。然后她就这样坐在那里，在那点火柴，点着了又吹灭。这让我很崩溃。 “什么情况？”我终于忍不住问她。她这样搞搞搞我真的很烦。 “没什么情况，”鲁西说。她不点火柴了，开始在酒吧里四处张望，就好像是在等哪个傻逼一样。 “肯定有什么情况，”我说。我太了解她了。真的，我太了解她了。 “没什么情况，”她说。“别操心我了。一切都特别好。我是这个世界上最幸福的女孩。” “少来了，”我说。她很明显是在阴阳怪气。“我就是问问你，没别的意思。” “哦，对不起，”鲁西说。“那你问问题肯定希望别人能回答你。真是对不起。” 她可以说非常阴阳怪气了。我不喜欢她这样。不会影响我，但我就是不喜欢。 我知道她在生什么气。我太了解她了，她里里外外所有情绪我都了如指掌。 “OK,”我说。“我知道我们今天晚上出来这件事让你不高兴了。我真是服了。鲁西，一个男的偶尔出来逛逛的权利总要有吧，是不是？ “偶尔出来逛逛！”鲁西说。“可以可以。偶尔出来逛逛。不过就是一周出来七个晚上，是不是，比利？” “哪有一周七个晚上，”我说。确实没有！前一天晚上我们就没出来。等一下，我是说我们前一天晚上就在戈登酒吧喝了一杯啤酒，但是喝完直接就回家了好吗。 “没有？”鲁西说。“OK。不说了。我们不讨论这个了。” 接着我问她，语气非常平静完全没有激动啥的，我问她那我该怎么办？像一个傻逼一样每天晚上坐在家里吗？每天在家看白墙？听宝宝哭得震天响？我真的是语气非常平静地问她的，问她到底想我怎么办。 “请你别大喊大叫的，”她说。“我没有想要你怎么办。” “听着，”我说。“我每个晚上要付18美元给那个叫维洁尔的神经病阿姨，就只是让她帮忙看看宝宝。我为了啥？不就是希望你可以轻松一点吗？我以为这会让你很开心。你以前不是也喜欢偶尔出来逛逛吗？”我说。 接着鲁西说她从一开始就不想让我花钱请那个维洁尔阿姨。她说她不喜欢她。实际上她说的是她恨她。她说她甚至不喜欢看到维洁尔阿姨抱着宝宝的样子。我和她说维洁尔阿姨自己带大过很多宝宝，我想她对于怎么抱宝宝应该是很有一套的。鲁西说我们晚上不在家的时候维洁尔阿姨其实就只是坐在客厅里看杂志，她甚至都不会走近我们的宝宝。我说那她希望她怎么样？躺到宝宝的摇篮里陪宝宝一起睡觉吗？鲁西说她不想再聊这个话题了。 “鲁西，”我说。“你到底想干吗呢？是想让我看起来像一个傻逼吗？” 鲁西说，“我没有想让你看起来像一个傻逼。你不是一个傻逼。” “谢谢。非常感谢。”我说。我也可以很阴阳怪气。 接着她说，“你是我老公，比利。”她开始趴在桌子上，好像在哭，我的苍天啊，我又没做错什么！ “你和我结婚，”她说。“因为你说你爱我。你也应该要爱我们的宝宝，并且要照顾我们的宝宝。我们有时候也要做一些计划的，不能每天光顾着混日子。” 于是我问她，语气非常平静地问她，谁说我不爱宝宝了？ “请你别大喊大叫的，”她说。“你再大喊大叫我也要叫了。”她说。“没人说你不爱宝宝，比利。但你只有在自己觉得方便的时候才爱它。比如在它泡澡或者玩你的领带的时候。” 我和她说我在所有的时候都爱宝宝。我确实是的！我们的宝宝特别好，真的是特别好的一个宝宝。 接着她说，“那我们现在为什么不在家？” 于是我就和她说了。我是说我不怕和她说。我和她说了。“因为，”我说，“我想喝两杯啤酒。我想要生活。每天在机身上忙活一整天的人又不是你。你不懂那是什么样的感觉。”我是说我和她说了。 接着她好像是要搞笑还是怎么地，说，“你是说，我没有一整天都在滚烫的机身上埋头苦干？” 我和她说那上面真挺烫的。接着她又开始划火柴了，像一个小孩一样。我问她是不是没明白我说的意思。她说她明白了我说的意思，她又说她也明白了她妈的意思，她明白了她妈为什么会说我们俩结婚太早了。她说她现在想明白了很多事情。 我承认，这真的把我惹毛了。这点我承认。其他的都好说，但是只要她一提起她妈，我就会特别不爽。于是我问鲁西，可以说是非常平静地问她，她到底在说什么。我说，“就因为一个男的偶尔想出来逛逛吗？”鲁西说如果我再说一次“偶尔”，这辈子就别再想见到她了。她总是曲解我的意思，我想表达的根本不是她理解的那个意思。我把这个情况也和她说了。她说，“行了行了。既然我们都来了，那就跳舞去吧。” 我跟着她走进了舞池，不过我们刚进场，现场的伴奏乐队就开始搞我们。他们开始演奏那首《Moonlight Becomes You》。这首歌是一首好歌，就是老了点。我是说，不是什么烂歌。我们以前偶尔会在车上的广播或者家里的收音机上听这首歌。鲁西偶尔还会跟着唱。不过那天晚上在杰克酒吧听这首歌，感觉不是太好，甚至有点尴尬。他们可能把副歌部分演奏了有八十五次。我是说他们简直没完没了了。鲁西跳舞的时候和我隔了大概有十英里的距离，并且我们俩几乎没有眼神交流。最后他们总算演奏完了。接着鲁西几乎是像逃命一样从我身边跑开。她走回之前的桌子，但是没有坐下。她拿上自己的外套，然后就走了。边走边哭。 我赶紧买完单，然后追着她出去了。靠，外面怎么一下变这么冷。我穿了蓝色的西装，但是鲁西，她只穿了一件黄色的裙子。那玩意儿能暖个跳蚤啊。于是我就想赶紧到车里然后把外套脱了，想办法给她披上。我是说真的挺冷的。 她坐在车里，在她常坐的那一边，整个人蜷缩着，在哭，是很大声的那种哭，就像小孩哭一样。我把我的外套披在她身上，然后试了半天想让她转过来面对我，但她就是不转过来。靠，鲁西这样对我的时候我真的难受死了。我是说这种感觉真的很难受。我还不如死了。 我这样求了她差不多一百万遍，只是想让她看我一眼。可她就是不肯。她差不多已经半坐在车地板上了。她让我回里面去再喝两杯啤酒，她会在车里等我。我说我不想喝啤酒了。我只想她能看我一眼。我让她别听她妈说的，她妈老是说我们两个太年轻啥的。我和她说她妈是个神经病。 OK，就像我前面说的，我一直在求她转过来，让她坐好，看我一眼，但她就是不肯。所以最后我只能发动引擎然后把车开回家了。她一路上哭个没停，身子一半在座位上，一半在地上，就像个小孩一样。不过等到我把车倒进车库的时候，她总算消停了一点，也往上坐了一点。我就直说了吧，平时我们晚上把车开进车库以后都会搂着脖子亲热一会儿。你懂我意思吧。车库里面黑乎乎的，而且你知道这是在自己家的车库，她也是。我是说这种感觉有时候会很棒。但那天晚上我们直接就下车了。鲁西，她几乎是跑上楼的。等到我准备好要上楼的时候，我听到家里的大门“邦”地一声关上了。那是维洁尔阿姨走的声音。我们每次只要一回到家，她就马上以各种足以打破世界纪录的速度从我们家冲出去。 等我回到楼上我们的房间里，并且脱下领带之后，鲁西和我说了一些让我很不爽的话，她说，“我估计你也不想去看一眼宝宝吧。你有没有想过，这么久没见，说不定宝宝长胡子了呢？还是说你这个月都不打算看一眼宝宝了？” 我真的不喜欢她这样阴阳怪气的。我和鲁西说，“什么叫我不想看一眼宝宝？我当然想看宝宝。”说完我就走出了房间。 鲁西，她总喜欢把宝宝房间外面的走廊灯开得亮亮的，这样宝宝房间里就永远不会一片漆黑。我在摇篮边弯下腰来，看着宝宝。它把自己的大拇指含在嘴里了。我把它的大拇指取出来，它马上又放了回去，可它明明已经睡着了。我是说，尽管它睡着了，它的脑子还是在转的。它很聪明。我是说，它不是傻子什么的。我把它的一只脚放在我的手里，握了一会儿。我喜欢宝宝的脚。我是说，我就是喜欢。接着我感觉到鲁西也进了房间，并且站在我身后。我给宝宝盖好被子，然后就出去了。等我们回到自己房间，我也不知道为什么，就说了后面那句话。因为宝宝看起来真的很棒，很健康，就和鲁西一样。 但我和她说的是：“我觉得宝宝看起来有点问题。” 鲁西说，“什么叫你觉得宝宝看起来有点问题？宝宝有什么问题？” “它看起来有点营养不良。”我说。 “我看是你脑子营养不良。”鲁西说。 “谢谢。非常感谢。”我非常阴阳怪气地说。 于是鲁西一个晚上没有再和我说话。 每天早上鲁西都会起来给我做早饭然后开车把我送到公交站。我总是先穿好衬衫打好领带，然后才会去叫她起床，因为她那时候一般就已经醒了。但是那天早上我叫得嗓子都哑了她才起床。她竟然睡得这么香，老实说我挺不爽的，因为我自己昨晚没睡好，可以说几乎就没睡。我只要心里有点事觉得烦我就怎么也睡不好。不过最后她还是醒了。 我和她说，“你想起来不？你想不想起来？我是说你如果不想起来可以不起来。” “不用你说，我知道。”她还是阴阳怪气的。不过她还是起来了，做了早饭并且又开车把我送到了公交站。 我们在车里一句话也没说。我是说真的一句话都没说。到了公交站我就和她说了一句“再见”，然后赶紧往鲍勃·莫里亚蒂站着的那边走去。接着我做了一件很傻逼的事。我猛地拍了一下莫里亚蒂的后背，就好像他是我失散多年的亲兄弟一样，可我明明就受不了这个家伙！他是和我一起在机身上干活的，不过他老是拖我的后腿。你说傻逼不傻逼？ 靠，我那天的活干得就和屎一样。那天反而是我拖了莫里亚蒂的后腿。他开始对我冷嘲热讽起来，我差一点就要打他了，如果不是有西德尼·胡佛在边上看着的话。西德尼·胡佛是机身上的领班。 午休的时候我去了两次电话亭，每次都是拨号拨到一半就挂掉了。我也不知道为什么。我是说，我一开始为啥要去来着？ 那天下班以后我本来要去青年会打篮球，但是我只打了上半场，然后就去坐公交了。鲁西没有在公交站接我，不过我猜到了，她本来以为我要打完全场的。我是说，她没去接我我并没有觉得不爽什么的。再说了，那天乔和丽塔·桑汀两夫妻刚好顺路开车送了我一段，所以我感觉还OK。 等我回到家，你猜怎么着？你猜一下。好吧，我告诉你。鲁西，她不在家。只有一张字条留在走廊的桌子上。我带着那张字条到了客厅。我连帽子都没摘。更搞笑的是，我的两只手在抖。我是说它们真的在抖。 字条上写的是： 比利， 我真的不知道我们再在一起还有什么意义。你好像没有意识到我们本是要长大的，并且在这个过程中就是要丢弃一些东西的。我们本应该要有新的趣味。我不知道要怎么和你说我的意思。不管怎样，多说无益，因为你其实知道我的感受，但你只会为此生气。请别来我娘家。如果你想看宝宝，请再等一段时间。 鲁丝 好吧，我点了一支烟，然后在椅子上坐了很久，那把椅子是我们俩一起在路易·B·西尔弗曼家具店买的。那是我们这儿最好的家具店。很高级。接着我开始一遍又一遍地读鲁西的那封信。然后我开始背它，是真的在背它。接着我又开始倒着背它，像这样：间时段一等再请宝宝看想你果如。就像这样。神经病。我真的是神经病。我帽子都还没摘呢。就在这个时候，维洁尔阿姨突然进来了。 她说，“鲁西让我帮你做晚饭。饭好了。” 靠，她可真是冷若冰箱。我恨死她了。我估计就是她怂恿鲁西离开我的。 “我不想吃什么晚饭，”我和她说。“你回家吧。” “不客气，”她说。真是个一等一的贵妇。 几分钟后维洁尔阿姨摔门走了，就剩我一个人了。靠，我真的就一个人了！我就一直在倒着背鲁西的那封信，然后我去了厨房。我给自己做了一个小三明治，接着我开了我们那瓶波旁威士忌酒，又把酒拿到了客厅里。还有杯子。我一直在想《卡萨布兰卡》里亨弗莱·鲍嘉在等英格丽·褒曼的时候喝得有多醉。当时亨弗莱·鲍嘉还有一个黑人钢琴师陪着他，叫萨姆，于是我在喝了几杯酒以后开始假装萨姆也在房间里陪着我。靠，我真的有病。 “萨姆，”我说，假装萨姆在边上，“给我弹一首《Moonlight Becomes You》。” 接着我又变成了萨姆。 “啊，那首我不能弹，老板，”我说，假装我是萨姆。“那是你和鲁西的歌。”靠，我真的有病！ “弹吧萨姆！”我喊道，假装我是亨弗莱·鲍嘉。“弹吧，萨姆。间时段一等再请宝宝看想你果如。懂我意思吗，萨姆？懂吗？” 我这样像神经病一样搞了一会儿之后觉得没啥意思，然后开始疯狂打电话找人聊天。“哎呀，是比利·沃尔默呀！我还以为是谁呢！你的小娇妻最近怎么样呀？还有可爱的小宝宝都还好吗？”靠，她真是擅于倾听，这个女的。她说巴德不在家。她说，“你也知道这些个单身汉，一天天的。”接着她开始笑得像个智障。我挂了。实在是吃不消。 靠，接下来的四个小时我都坐在那把在路易·B·西尔弗曼家具店买的椅子上，试着把自己灌醉，假装自己在和萨姆聊天。我一直在等着鲁西进门。有一次我还站起来走到大门口把门猛地一下给拉开了。鲁西不在门口，但是我假装她在。我是说我假装她就在门口。 我喊道，“没事了！你可以进来了，鲁西！” 最后，我又回到了屋子里。我想哭，只不过我并没有哭，那是肯定的。接着我又走到电话机旁，给鲁西的娘家打了个电话。电话响了半天没人接，我几乎要精神病发了，这时克洛普太太接了。靠，我真的很讨厌和她讲电话。她说鲁西已经睡了。但是鲁西没睡，因为鲁西来接电话了。鲁西，她和我大概聊了一会儿，我基本上就是让她回家。我和她说我在家。她说她会回家的。然后她挂了，我也挂了。 过了差不多半小时我听到她老爸的车开进了我们的车道，于是我走到窗边，看到鲁西从车上下来，但是她站在车边和她老爸聊了好久。然后突然她就转身往屋子里走了。她老爸也开着车走了。 很快她就进来了，她伸出手来抱着我。她哭得稀里哗啦的。我除了一个劲地说“鲁西，鲁西”不知道还能说什么。我就像个智障一样。接着我在那把路易·B·西尔弗曼椅子上坐了下来——这真是一把好椅子——然后她坐到了我的腿上。 我和她说我有点怕她不会再回家了。她什么都没说。她的脸正靠在我的脖子上。当她把脸靠在我脖子上的时候，她从来不说话。 我对她说，“宝宝在哪？”宝宝没和她一起，也不在楼上。 鲁西，她说，“宝宝睡着了。我不想把它弄醒。妈妈明天会把宝宝带过来。” “我真怕你不回家了。”我说。 鲁西说她妈知道她要回家见我以后，差点没把她杀了。我什么也没说。接着鲁西说了一件奇怪的事： “妈妈接电话的时候头上还戴着发网，”鲁西说。“当时我就心里一沉。我是说再次看见她戴着发网的那个奇怪的样子。我知道我再在这个家待下去已经没有任何意义了。我是说在他们的那个家。” 我问她这么说是什么意思，但是她说她也不知道是什么意思。这孩子挺奇怪的。 那天半夜的时候外面打雷闪电的。我大概三点钟的时候醒了，但是鲁西不在我边上。我可以说是赶紧从床上一跃而起，走下楼去。楼下的灯全亮着，我是说所有的灯。鲁西，她没有躲在客厅的柜子里，她在厨房。她穿着她那件蓝色的睡衣还有羊毛拖鞋——可以说非常鲁西了——正坐在餐桌边上，在看一本杂志；只不过她并没有真的在看，因为她太害怕了，根本看不进去。你是没见过我老婆穿着蓝色睡衣或者蓝色裙子或者蓝色泳衣的样子。在认识鲁西之前，我根本不会注意女孩子穿的衣服是什么颜色。但要说到鲁西，她肯定穿着某件蓝色的东西。 鲁西，她说她下楼只是因为想喝杯牛奶。 靠，我真是一个垃圾。你不懂。 我突然和她说了我把信倒着背的事，那封她留给我的信，我也不知道为什么要和她说这个，可能就是觉得好玩。我把整封信从后往前倒着背了一遍给她听。我和她说，“间时段一等再请宝宝看想你果如。”我和她说，“就是这样。倒着背就是这样。” 接着——重点来了。我是说重点来了。鲁西她开始哭了！然后她说，“我现在什么都不在乎了。” 这话挺奇怪的。鲁西，她说的很多话都挺奇怪的。她是一个奇怪的孩子。幸好我非常了解她。大概是这样。 接着我大概是这么说的，“打雷的时候叫醒我，鲁西。一定要叫醒我。没事的。我是说，打雷的时候叫醒我。” 她听完哭得更厉害了。奇怪的孩子。不过她现在会叫醒我了，我想说的就是这个。对我来说OK的。我是说对我来说OK的。我是说哪怕每天晚上都打雷我也不介意。 附原文： Both Parties Concerned（originally titled Wake Me When It Thunders） by J. D. Salinger The Saturday Evening Post - February 26, 1944 THERE really isn't much to tell - I mean it wasn't serious or anything, but it was kind of funny at that. I mean because it looked there for a while as though everybody at the plant and Ruthie's mother and all was going to have the laugh on us. They had all kept saying I and Ruthie were too young to get married. Ruthie, she was seventeen, and I was twenty, nearly. That's pretty young, all right, but not if you know what you're doing. I mean not if everything's Jake between she and you. I mean both parties concerned. Well, like I was saying, Ruthie and I, we never really split up. Not really split up. Not that Ruthie's mother wasn't wishing we did. Mrs. Cropper, she wanted Ruthie to go to college instead of getting married. Ruthie got out of high school when she was fifteen only, and they wouldn't take her at where she wanted to go to till she was eighteen. She wanted to be a doctor. I used to kid her, 'Calling Doctor Kildare!' I'd say to her. I got a good sense of humor. Ruthie, she don't. She's more inclined to be serious like. Well, I really don't know how it all started, but it really got hot one night last month at Jake's Place. Ruthie, she and I were out there. That joint is really class this year. Not so much neon. More bulbs. More parking space. Class. Know what I mean? Ruthie don't like Jake's much. Well, this night I was telling you about, Jake's was jam-packed when we got there, and we had to wait around for about an hour till we got a table. Ruthie was all for not waiting. No patience. Then finally when we did get a table, she says she don't want a beer. So she just sits there, lighting matches, blowing themout. Driving me nuts. 'What's the matter?' I asked her finally. It got on my nerves after a while. 'Nothing's the matter,' Ruthie says. She stops lighting matches, starts looking around the joint, as though she was keeping an eye peeled for somebody special. 'Something's the matter,' I said. I know her like a book. I mean I know her like a book. 'Nothing's the matter,' she says. 'Stop worrying about me. Everything's swell. I'm the happiest girl in the world.' 'Cut it out,' I said. She was being cynical like. 'I just asked you a question, that's all.' 'Oh, pardon me,' Ruthie said. 'And you want an answer. Certainly. Pardon me.' She was being very cynical like. I don't like that. It don't bother me, but I don't like it. I knew what was eating her. I know her inside out, her every mood like. 'Okay,' I said. 'You're sore because we went out tonight. Ruthie, for cryin' out loud, a guy has a right to go out once in a while, doesn't he?' 'Once in a while!' Ruthie says. 'I love that. Once in a while. Like seven nights a week, huh, Billy?' 'It hasn't been seven nights a week,' I said. And it hadn't! We hadn't come out the night before. I mean we had a beer at Gordon's, but we came right home and all. 'No?' Ruthie said. 'Okay. Let's drop it. Let's not discuss it.' I asked her, very quiet like, what was I supposed to do. Sit around home like a dope every night? Stare at the walls? Listen to the baby bawl its head off? I asked her, very quiet like, what she wanted me to do. 'Please don't shout,' she says. 'I don't want you to do anything.' 'Listen,' I said. 'I'm paying that crazy Widger dame eighteen bucks just to take care of the kid for a couple hours a night. I did it just so you could take it easy. I thought you'd be tickled to death. You used to like to go out once in while,' I said to her. Then Ruthie says she didn't want me to hire Mrs. Widger in the first place. She said she didn't like her. She said she hated her, in fact. She said she didn't like to see Mrs. Widger even hold the baby. I told her that Mrs. Widger has had plenty of babies on her own, and I guessed she knew pretty good how to hold a kid. Ruthie said when we go out at night Widger just sits in the living room, reading magazines; that she never goes near the baby. I said what did she want her to do-get in the crib with the kid? Ruthie said she didn't want to talk about it any more. 'Ruthie,' I said, 'what are you trying to do? Make me look like a rat?' Ruthie, she says, 'I'm not trying to make you look like a rat. You're not a rat.' 'Thanks. Thanks a lot,' I said. I can be cynic-like too. She says, 'You're my husband, Billy.' She was leaning over the table, crying like-but, holy mackerel, it wasn't my fault! 'You married me,' she says, 'because you said you loved me. You're supposed to love our baby, too, and take care of it. We're supposed to think about things sometimes, not just go chasing around.' I asked her, very calm like, who said I didn't love the baby. 'Please don't shout,' she says. 'I'll scream if you shout,' she says. 'Nobody said you didn't love it, Billy. But you love it when it's convenient for you or something. When it's having its bath or when it plays with your necktie.' I told her I loved it all the time. And I do! It's a nice kid, a real nice kid. She says, 'Then why aren't we home?' I told her then. I mean I wasn't afraid to tell her. I told her. 'Because,' I said, 'I wanna have a couple of beers. I want some life. You don't work on a fuselage all day. You don't know what it's like.' I mean I told her. Then she tried to make funny like. 'You mean,' she says, 'I don't slave over a hot fuselage all day?' I told her it was pretty hot. Then she started lighting matches again, like a kid. I asked her if she didn't get what I meant at all. She said she got what I meant all right, and she said she got what her mother meant, too, when her mother said we were too young to get married. She said she got what a lot of things meant now. That really got me. I admit it. I'm willing to admit it. Nothing really gets me except when she brings up her mother. I asked Ruthie, very quiet like, what she was talking about. I said, 'Just because a guy wants to go out once in a while.' Ruthie said if I ever said 'once in a while' again, I'd never see her again. She's always taking things the way I don't mean them. I told her that. She said, 'C'mon. We're here. Let's dance.' I followed her out to the floor, but just as we got there the orchestra got sneaky on us. They started playing Moonlight Becomes You. It's old now, but it's a swell song. I mean it isn't a bad song. We used to hear it once in a while on the radio in the car or the one at home. Once in a while Ruthie used to sing the words. But it wasn't so hot, hearing it at Jake's that night. It was embarrassing. And they must have played eighty-five choruses of it. I mean they kept playing it. Ruthie danced about ten miles away from me, and we didn't look at each other much. Finally they stopped. Then Ruthie broke away from me like. She walks back to the table, but she don't sit down. She just picks up her coat and beats it.She was crying. I paid the check and went out after her as quickly as I could. Boy, it was cold out all of a sudden. I had on my blue suit, but Ruthie, she only had on her yellow dress. That thing wouldn't keep a flea warm. So all I wanted to do was get to the car fast and take off my coat, and maybe put it around her. I mean it was pretty cold. She was on her side of the car, all doubled up like, and she was crying - noisy, like a kid cries. I put my coat around her and tried to turn her around to look at me, but she wouldn't turn. Boy, that's a lousy feeling when Ruthie does that. I mean that's a lousy feeling. I'd rather be dead. I asked her around a million times just to look at me once. But she wouldn't do it. She was half on the floor of the car. She told me to go back and drink a couple beers, that she'd wait for me in the car. I told her I didn't want any beer. All I wanted was she should look at me. I told her not to believe her mother, her always saying we were too young and all. I told her her mother was nuts. Well, like I said, I kept asking her to turn around, sit up like, and look at me, but she wouldn't do it. So finally I started up the car and drove home. She cried all the way, half on the seat, half on the floor, like a kid. But by the time I'd backed the car in the garage, she'd cut it out a little, was sitting up in her seat more. I'll admit it, usually when we drive in the garage at night we neck a little. You know what I mean. It's dark and all, and you get the feeling you're in your own garage and all, and hers too. I mean it's swell sometimes. But we just right out of the car this time. Ruthie, she almost ran upstairs. By the time I was ready to go upstairs I heard the front door slam. That was Mrs. Widger, going. When we come in at night, she breaks about thirty speed records getting out of the house. When I got upstairs to our room, and had took off my necktie, Ruthie says to me - it made me sore, 'I don't suppose you want to take a look at the baby. How do you know? Maybe it grew a mustache or something since the last time you saw it. Or don't you want to see him at all this month?' I don't like that cynic-like stuff. I said to Ruthie, 'Wuddaya mean I don't wanna see him? Naturally, I want to see him,' and I went out of the room. Ruthie, she leaves the light burning in the hall right outside the kid's room, so it's never pitch dark in there. I bent over the crib and looked at the kid. It had its thumb in its mouth. I took it out but the kid put it right back in again, even though it was asleep. I mean being asleep don't stop the kid from thinking. It's smart. I mean it's not dumb or anything. I took its foot in my hand and held it for a while. I like the kid's feet. I mean I just like them. Then I felt Ruthie come in the room and stand behind me. I covered up the kid and walked out. When we got back to our room, I don't know why I said what I did, because the baby really looked good. Healthy. Like Ruthie. 'It doesn't look so hot to me,' I told her. Ruthie said, 'What do you mean it doesn't look so hot to you? What's the matter with it?' 'It looks kind of underweight,' I said. 'You're underweight in the head,' Ruthie said. I said, very cynic-like, 'Thank you. Thank you very much.' Ruthie, she and I didn't talk to each other again till morning. Ruthie always gets up to make breakfast and drive me to the bus stop. I always wait till I have my shirt and necktie on before I shake her because she's already awake. But that morning I had to shake the stuffin's out of her. It made me kind of sore that she was sleeping so good - well, I mean - because I hadn't slept good - well, at all. I never sleep good when I'm sort of worried. But finally she opened her eyes. I says to her, 'You wanna get up? You wanna get up? You don't have to, you know.' 'I know I don't,' she says, cynic-like. But she got up anyway, fixed breakfast and drove me to the bus stop. We didn't talk at all in the car. I mean we didn't say a word. I just said 'So long' to her at the bus stop, then walked quick over to where Bob Moriarty was standing. Then I did something nuts. I slammed Moriarty on the back like he was my long-lost brother - and I can't even stand the guy! He's on fuselages with me, and he always slows down my output. How do you like that? Boy, I put in a lousy day on the line. I slowed down Moriarty instead of the other way around. He started giving me the razz about it, and I nearly took a poke at him, except that Sidney Hoover was watching. Sidney Hoover's the foreman on fuselages. Twice during lunch I went in the phone booth, but both times I hung up before I finished dialing our number. I don't know why. I mean, what'd I go in here for in the first place? That night after work I was supposed to play basketball at the Y, but I only played the first half, then caught the bus. Ruthie wasn't there to meet me, I figured, because she thought I was going to play the whole game. I mean I didn't get sore or anything because she wasn't there. And, anyway, Joe and Rita Santine gave me a lift in their car, so I was all right. When I got home, what do you think? Figure it out. Well, I'll tell you. Ruthie, she wasn't there. There was just this note on the table in the hall. I brought it in the living room with me. I didn't even take my hat off. And it was a funny thing. My hands were shaking like. I mean they were shaking. The note, it said: Billy, I just don't see any use of our staying together. You don't seem to realize that we are supposed to grow out of certain things. We are supposed to get a new kind of fun. I don't know how to tell you what I mean. Anyway, there is no use hashing over it again, because you know how I feel, and it only makes you angry anyway. Please don't come around to Mother's. If you want to see the baby, please wait a while. Ruth Well, I lit a cigarette and sat there for a long time in the chair we bought together at Louis B. Silverman's. That's the best store in town. Class. Then I started reading Ruthie's letter over and over again. Then I memorized it, really memorized it. Then I started to memorize it backwards, like this: while a wait please baby the see to want you If. Like that. Crazy. I was crazy. I still hadn't even took off my hat. Then all of a sudden Mrs. Widger, she came in. She says, 'Ruthie told me to fix your dinner. It's ready' Boy, she was a cold number. How I hated her. I figured she put Ruthie up to leaving me. 'I don't want any dinner,' I told her. 'Go on home.' 'It's a pleasure,' she says. An A-No.-1 dame. In a few minutes Widger slams the door and I'm alone. Boy, am I alone! I keep memorizing Ruthie's letter backwards, then I go out to the kitchen. I made myself a little sandwich, then I opened up our bottle of bourbon and brought it in the living room with me. With a glass. I kept thinking about how drunk Humphrey Bogart got in Casablanca when he was waiting for Ingrid Bergman to show up. Humphrey Bogart had that colored piano player, Sam, with him, and after I had a few drinks I began to make believe Sam was in the room with me. Boy, was I nuts! 'Sam,' I said, making believe Sam was around, 'play Moonlight Becomes You for me.' Then I was Sam too. 'Ah, ain't gonna play dat numbuh, boss,' I said, making believe I was Sam. 'That's yours and Ruthie's number.' Boy, was I nuts! 'Play it Sam!' I yelled, making believe I was Humphrey Bogart. 'Play it, Sam. While a wait please baby the see to want you If. Understand me, Sam? Got it?' I got tired of that crazy stuff and went over to the phone and talked my ear off. 'Well, Billy Vullmer! You sure are a stranger! And how's that darling little wife of yours, and that adorable little baby?' Boy, she can really bend an ear, that woman. She said Bud wasn't home. She said, 'You know these bachelors.' Then she laughed like a dope. I hung up. She was driving me crazy. Boy, I spent the next four hours sitting in the Louis B. Silverman chair, getting drunk, making believe I was talking to Sam. I kept waiting for Ruthie to come in. Once I got up and went to the front door and yanked it open. Ruthie wasn't there, but I pretended she was. I mean I made believe she was out there. I yelled, 'It's all right! You can come in, Ruthie!' Finally, I went back inside the house. I felt like crying, only I didn't of course. Then I went over to the phone and called Ruthie's house. The phone rang and rang, till I nearly went crazy, then Mrs. Cropper answered it. Boy, I hate to talk to her on the phone. She said Ruthie was asleep. But she wasn't, because Ruthie got on the phone. Ruthie, she and I chatted for a while like, I sort of asked her to come home. I told her I was home. She said she'd come home. She hung up and I hung up. In a half-hour I heard her old man's car turn in our driveway, and I went to the window, Ruthie got out of the car, but she stood talking to her old man for an awful long time. Then all of a sudden she turned around and started coming towards the house. Her old man drove off. Pretty soon she was inside, and she put her arms around me. She was crying to beat the band. I couldn't think of anything to say except 'Ruthie, Ruthie.' I kept saying that over and over again, like a dope. Then I sat down on the Louis B. Silverman chair - that's really a good chair - and she sat on my lap. I told her I was sort of afraid she wasn't coming home. She didn't say anything. Her face was on my neck. When her face is on my neck, she never talks. I says to her, 'Where's the baby?' She didn't have it with her and it wasn't upstairs. Ruthie, she says, 'It was asleep. I didn't wanna wake it. Mother'll bring him over tomorrow.' 'I was afraid you weren't coming home,' I said. Ruthie said her mother nearly killed her for coming home to see me. I didn't say anything. Then Ruthie said something funny: 'Mother answered the phone wearing her hair net,' Ruthie said. 'It got me down. I mean when I saw her looking so funny in her hair net again. I knew I wouldn't be any good at home anymore. I mean not any good at their home.' I asked her what she meant, but she said she didn't know what she meant. Funny kid. It thundered and lighteninged that night real late. I woke up around three o'clock, and Ruthie, she wasn't there next to me. I kind of jumped out of bed sort of fast and walked downstairs. All the lights were on downstairs - all of 'em. Ruthie, she wasn't in the hall closet, she was in the kitchen. She had on her blue pajamas and those wooly slippers - strictly Ruthie - and she was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine; only she wasn't reading it, because she gets to scared to read. You haven't never seen my wife when she's got blue pajamas on or a blue dress of a blue bathing suit. I never knew what color stuff a girl had on before I knew Ruthie. But with Ruthie you know she's got something blue on. Ruthie, she said she only came downstairs because she wanted a glass of milk. Boy, what a lousy guy I am. You don't understand. I said to her all of a sudden, just for the heck of it, how I kind of memorized her note backwards. The one she wrote me. I recited the whole thing backwards for her. I said to her, 'while a wait please baby the see to want you If.' I says to her, 'That's it. That's it backwards.' Then - get this. I mean get this. Ruthie she started to cry! Then she said, 'I don't care about anything now.' It was a funny thing to say. Ruthie, she says plenty of funny things. Funny kid. It's a good thing I know her inside and out. Sort of. Then I said sort of, 'Wake me when it thunders, Ruthie. Please. It's okay. I mean, wake me when it thunders.' That made her cry harder. Funny kid. But she wakes me now, that's what I mean. It's okay with me. I mean it's okay with me. I mean I don't care if it thunders every night. |
|
|
