美国帅气男演员的TED演讲：大男子主义并不是男子气概！（附视频&演讲稿）

为什么我不再试图变得“男人一点”

↓↓↓ 上下滑动，查看双语演讲稿 ↓↓↓

As an actor, I get scripts and it s my job to stay on script, to say my lines and bring to life a character that someone else wrote. Over the course of my career, I ve had the great honor playing some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television. You might recognize me as 'Male Escort #1.'

作为一个演员，我会拿到剧本， 我的工作就是专注于我的剧本， 说出我的台词， 给其他人写的人物带来生命。在我的职业生涯中， 我有过极大的荣幸， 扮演一些电视中 最伟大的男性角色。你可能认出我是 “头牌应召男郎'。

'Photographer Date Rapist,' 'Shirtless Date Rapist' from the award-winning 'Spring Break Shark Attack.'

'赴约的摄影强奸犯'， 获过奖的'深海狂怒'中 '赴约的赤膊强奸犯'。

'Shirtless Medical Student,' 'Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man' and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.

'赤膊的医学生'， '赤膊的使用类固醇的人' 以及我最著名的角色 Rafael。

A brooding, reformed playboy who falls for, of all things, a virgin, and who is only occasionally shirtless.

一个闷闷不乐，改过自新的花花公子， 迷恋着任何事物，迷恋着处女， 一个偶尔赤膊的花花公子。

Now, these roles don t represent the kind of man I am in my real life, but that s what I love about acting. I get to live inside characters very different than myself. But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised, because most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma and power, and when I look in the mirror, that s just not how I see myself. But it was how Hollywood saw me, and over time, I noticed a parallel between the roles I would play as a man both on-screen and off.

但是这些角色并不能代表在真实生活中的我， 但这就是我喜欢表演的地方。我活在这些和我很不一样的角色中。每一次我在一个角色中的时候， 我总是非常的惊讶， 惊讶于大多数我扮演的角色 充满了男子气概，魅力以及力量， 当我看着镜子的时候， 我想这不是我如何看待我自己的。但这是好莱坞如何看待我的， 随着时间的推移，我注意到 荧幕前的我和荧幕后的我 有着相似之处。

I ve been pretending to be a man that I m not my entire life. I ve been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I ve just been kind of putting on a show, but I m tired of performing. And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time. Now -- right?

我开始假装成一个 生活中我不是这样的人。当我感到虚弱的时候，我假装成强壮的。当我缺乏信心的时候，我假装成很有自信。当我被伤害的时候，我装成很坚强。我认为大多数时候，我只是在一个表演中， 但是我已经厌倦表演了。我现在可以告诉你， 总是成为一个男子气概的男人形象 对所有人来说都是精疲力竭的。对吧？

My brother heard that.

我的兄弟听到了。

Now, for as long as I can remember, I ve been told the kind of man that I should grow up to be. As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys, but that acceptance meant I had to acquire this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine, I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself. This is the script that we ve been given. Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong. This is what s being subconsciously communicated to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world, just like it was with me.

现在，就我所记得的，我一直被告诉 我要成为我应该成为的那样的男人。作为一个男孩，我想要的 就被其他男孩接受和喜欢， 被其他男孩接受意味着， 我不得不对女性抱有些厌恶的观点， 而由于我们被告知女性是男性的反面， 我要么拒绝拥有这些品质， 要么面对的是拒绝我自己。这是我们所被给予的剧本。对吗？女孩子是虚弱的， 男孩子是强壮的。这潜移默化的影响着 世界上成千上万的男孩和女孩， 就像它影响着我一样。

Well, I came here today to say, as a man that this is wrong, this is toxic, and it has to end.

我今天来到这里是想说，作为男性， 这样的想法是错误的，这是有害的， 这需要被终止。

Now, I m not here to give a history lesson. We likely all know how we got here, OK? But I m just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized that I was living in a state of conflict, conflict with who I feel I am in my core and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be. But I don t have a desire to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity, because I don t just want to be a good man. I want to be a good human. And I believe the only way that can happen is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities that we were told are feminine in ourselves but to be willing to stand up, to champion and learn from the women who embody them.

我现在不是来上历史课的。我们大概都知道我们是怎么来的，对吧？但是我在出生的30年后在意识到 我生活在一个充满矛盾的地方， 和我认为的自我是矛盾的， 和人们告诉我我应该 成为一个怎么样的男人是矛盾的。但是我并不渴望 去适应现在这个破碎的男性概念。因为我不想只成为一个好的男人。我想成为一个好的人。我认为唯一一个能实现的办法就是 如果男人不仅仅接受那些 被认为是在我们体内的女性特征， 而且愿意站起来， 向展示着这些特征的女性鼓掌和学习。

Now, men --

现在，男士们——

I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK? I m not saying there s anything inherently wrong with you or me, and men, I m not saying we have to stop being men. But we need balance, right? We need balance, and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look at the scripts that have been passed down to us from generation to generation and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on in our everyday lives.

我没有说我们所有学到的都是不好的。对吗？我不是说你或我有什么内在的毛病， 男士们，我不是说让我们不要再成为男人。但是我们需要平衡，对吗 我们需要平衡， 唯一能改变的事是 如果我们能够诚实的看待 代代相传、 递到我们手上的剧本， 和我们选择去呈现在每天的生活中 作为男人的角色。

So speaking of scripts, the first script I ever got came from my dad. My dad is awesome. He s loving, he s kind, he s sensitive, he s nurturing, he s here.

所以说到剧本， 我得到的第一个剧本来自我的爸爸。我爸爸很棒。他充满爱、很慈祥、很感性、很关爱我， 他就在这里。

He s crying.

他正在哭。

But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it, because I blamed him for making me soft, which wasn t welcomed in the small town in Oregon that we had moved to. Because being soft meant that I was bullied. See, my dad wasn t traditionally masculine, so he didn t teach me how to use my hands. He didn t teach me how to hunt, how to fight, you know, man stuff. Instead he taught me what he knew: that being a man was about sacrifice and doing whatever you can to take care of and provide for your family. But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad, who, I discovered, learned it from his dad, a state senator who later in life had to work nights as a janitor to support his family, and he never told a soul. That role was to suffer in secret. And now three generations later, I find myself playing that role, too. So why couldn t my grandfather just reach out to another man and ask for help? Why does my dad to this day still think he s got to do it all on his own? I know a man who would rather die than tell another man that they re hurting. But it s not because we re just all, like, strong silent types. It s not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking, just not about anything real.

但是，抱歉，爸爸。作为一个孩子我讨厌他哭， 因为我责怪他把我变得柔软， 这是我们曾搬过去的一个俄勒冈州小镇上 不受欢迎的特点。因为变得柔软意味着我被欺负了。看，我的爸爸不是一个传统意义上的男性， 他没有教会我如何使用我的手。他没有教会我如何去捕猎，如何去打架。你知道的，那些男人的东西。相反，他教我他所知道的东西：成为一个男人需要牺牲， 做任何你能做到的东西 来照顾和抚养你的家庭。但是还有另一个 我从我父亲那里学到的角色， 而我的父亲是从他的父亲那些学到的。他的父亲是一个州议员， 在下半生中 不得不在夜间作为一个看门人 工作来支撑他的家庭， 而他从来没有告诉别人这件事。他默默的受着苦。现在，三代之后， 我发现我自己也在扮演这个角色。所以，为什么我的爷爷不去向另一个人 寻求帮助呢？为什么我的爸爸直到今天 仍然认为他独自需要完成这些呢？我知道一个男人宁愿死， 也不愿告诉别人他们受伤。但是这并不是因为我们全部是 强壮缄默的类型。不是这样的。很多男人很善于交朋友和聊天， 但却不是关于真实的事。

If it s about work or sports or politics or women, we have no problem sharing our opinions, but if it s about our insecurities or our struggles, our fear of failure, then it s almost like we become paralyzed. At least, I do.

如果这是关于工作、体育、政治、或者女人， 我们会毫无犹豫的去分享我们的观点， 但是如果是关于我们的不安全感、 关于我们的挣扎、 关于我们对失败的恐惧， 然后这就几乎像我们瘫痪了一样。至少，我是这样的。

So some of the ways that I have been practicing breaking free of this behavior are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable. So if there s something I m experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it, no matter how scary it is -- and sometimes, even publicly. Because then in doing so I take away its power, and my display of vulnerability can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.

所以一些我一直在练习 摆脱这种行为的方式， 就是创造让我不得不去变的脆弱的经历。所以如果我的生活中 有一些我感到羞耻的事情， 我就会直接进入它，  不管它有多吓人——   有时，甚至公开这么做。因为要是这样做的话， 我就能剥夺它的力量， 我的脆弱表现在一些情况下 能促使别的男人去做同样的事。

As an example, a little while ago I was wrestling with an issue in my life that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about, but I was so paralyzed by fear that they would judge me and see me as weak and I would lose my standing as a leader that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip --

举个例子，一段时间前， 我那时正在纠结我生活中的一个问题， 我意识到我需要跟我的朋友们谈谈， 但是我被恐惧吓得不知所措， 认为他们会批判我，觉得我懦弱 我会因此失去我作为领导者的地位， 以至于我知道我不得不 带他们出去玩三天——

Just to open up. And guess what? It wasn t until the end of the third day that I finally found the strength to talk to them about what I was going through. But when I did, something amazing happened. I realized that I wasn t alone, because my guys had also been struggling. And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame, it was gone. Now, I ve learned over time that if I want to practice vulnerability, then I need to build myself a system of accountability. So I ve been really blessed as an actor. I ve built a really wonderful fan base, really, really sweet and engaged, and so I decided to use my social platform as kind of this Trojan horse wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability. The response has been incredible. It s been affirming, it s been heartwarming. I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily. But it s all from a certain demographic: women.

然后才能开诚布公。你猜怎么着了？在三天里的最后一天， 我终于有勇气跟他们说了 关于我现在正在经历烦恼的事。但是当我说的时候， 一些令人震惊的事发生了 我意识到我不是一个人， 因为我的朋友们也都正在经历烦恼挣扎。当我找到勇气来分享我的耻辱的时候， 它自己就消失了。现在，我已经学到了 如果我想经历脆弱， 那我需要建立一个自我问责系统。所以，我很庆幸我是一个演员。我已经建立了一个丰富多彩的粉丝团， 他们人很好也很投入， 所以我决定把我的社交平台 当成特洛伊木马， 那里我可以面对每日的真实和脆弱。评论非常不可思议。很肯定，很暖心。我每天都收到一堆爱心、关注和积极的信息。但这些评论的都来自于一种人：女性。

This is real. Why are only women following me? Where are the men?

这是真的。为什么只有女性关注我？男性同胞都去哪儿了？

About a year ago, I posted this photo. Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments, and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture, and her boyfriend responded by saying, 'Please stop tagging me in gay shit. Thx.'

大概一年前，我发了这张照片。之后我在翻看一些评论的时候， 发现一位女粉丝在照片里tag了她男朋友。然后她男朋友回复， “别在基佬的鬼东西里tag我。多谢。”

As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?

就好像作为同性恋让你不男人了，是吗？

So I took a deep breath, and I responded. I said, very politely, that I was just curious, because I m on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit. And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.

所以我深呼吸， 然后回复了。我非常礼貌地说， 我只是好奇， 因为我正在探索男性气概， 我想知道为什么我对我妻子的爱 被归纳成基佬的鬼东西了。然后我说，说真的我只是想学习一下。

Now, he immediately wrote me back. I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized. He told me how, growing up, public displays of affection were looked down on. He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego, and how much he loved his girlfriend and how thankful he was for her patience. And then a few weeks later, he messaged me again. This time he sent me a photo of him on one knee proposing.

他立刻回复我了。我本以为他会冲我发火， 没想到他却向我道歉了。他告诉我，从小到大， 公开秀恩爱都是被鄙视的。他告诉我他正在跟自尊心挣扎， 他多么爱他的女朋友， 还有他对她的耐心有多么感激。几周之后， 他又发短信了。这次他给我传了一张照片， 里面他单膝跪地求婚。

And all he said was, 'Thank you.'

他只说了一句话，“谢谢你。”

I ve been this guy. I get it. See, publicly, he was just playing his role, rejecting the feminine, right? But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself, to be seen, to be heard, and all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel, and the transformation was instant. I loved this experience, because it showed me that transformation is possible, even over direct messages. So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men, but of course none of them were following me.

我走过他那条路。我懂。看到没，在公开场合，他只是在例行公事， 排斥女性，对吧？但私下里他在等待一个许可，去表达自己， 去让别人看到自己，听见自己 他需要的只是另一个男性 对他负责，并给他一个能安全感受的空间， 而这变化是瞬间的。我喜欢这种经历， 因为它告诉我，变化是可能的， 从短信对话就能看出来。所以我在想怎么接触到更多男性， 但当然他们谁没有关注我。

So I tried an experiment. I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --

所以我做了个实验。我开始发更多刻板印象里男性化的东西——

Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans, my journey to heal my body after an injury. And guess what happened? Men started to write me. And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career, a male fitness magazine called me, and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.

比如挑战性的健身，饮食规划， 受伤之后自愈的过程。猜后来怎么样了？男性们开始联系我了。后来，突然有一天，我职业生涯第一次 有个男性健美杂志打电话给我， 说他们想叫我改变游戏规则的人。

Was that really game-changing? Or is it just conforming? And see, that s the problem. It s totally cool for men to follow me when I talk about guy stuff and I conform to gender norms. But if I talk about how much I love my wife or my daughter or my 10-day-old son, how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful, or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia, or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up. Where are the men? So men, men, men, men!

这真的很挑战游戏规则吗？还是这只是守规矩？看吧，这就是问题。当我讨论男性话题， 还有顺从于后天性别准则时， 男性关注我完全没问题。但当我表达我有多爱妻子， 我女儿，或者我十天大的儿子时， 当我坚信婚姻复杂却美丽， 当我作为一个男人和躯体变形抗争， 或者当我提倡性别平等时，只有女性来了。男人们去哪儿了？所以，男人们，男人们，男人们， 男人们！

I understand. Growing up, we tend to challenge each other. We ve got to be the toughest, the strongest, the bravest men that we can be. And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we re man enough. But I ve got a challenge for all the guys, because men love challenges.

我明白。成长过程中，我们挑战对方。我们都要成为最坚强， 最强大，最勇敢的男性。对很多男性来说，包括我自己， 我们的身份都被 一天结束后觉不觉得 自己够男人的感觉牵绊住了。但现在我给所有男性一个挑战， 因为男人们都爱挑战。

I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper into yourself. Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? To reach out to another man when you need help? To dive headfirst into your shame? Are you strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you are hurting or you re happy, even if it makes you look weak? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? To hear their ideas and their solutions? To hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they re saying is against you? And will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear 'locker room talk,' when you hear stories of sexual harassment? When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don t have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words 'me too?'

我挑战你们能不能用 让你们觉得成为一个男人的品质 往深了审视自己。你们的力量、勇敢、坚强：我们能把它们重新定义， 并其用来探索我们的心吗？你们有没有勇气 去变得脆弱？当你们需要帮助时去找另一个人？去一头扎进你们的耻辱吗？你们够不够强大去变得敏感， 去哭一哭，不管你们在痛苦着， 还是快乐着， 即使这让你们看起来很懦弱？你们有没有足够自信 去倾听生命中的女性？去倾听她们的想法和解决办法？去阻止她们的痛苦， 并真正相信她们， 即使她们在说抗拒你的话？你们够不够男人， 在你听到“更衣室谈话”时， 听到性骚扰故事时，去对抗其他男性？当你听到男生们讨论 吃她豆腐或把她灌醉时， 你会站起来做一些事儿吗？这样有一天，我们就不用生活在一个 女性什么事情都要冒着险去做， 并站出来说“我也是”的世界了。

This is serious stuff. I ve had to take a real, honest look at the ways that I ve unconsciously been hurting the women in my life, and it s ugly. My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her and not correcting it. Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak, at home or in public, I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her. It s awful. The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it. It was unconscious. So here I am doing my part, trying to be a feminist, amplifying the voices of women around the world, and yet at home, I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most. So I had to ask myself a tough question: am I man enough to just shut the hell up and listen?

这是很严肃的问题。我需要真实、诚恳地反省 我是怎么无意识地伤害生命中的女性的， 这很丑恶。我妻子跟我说我一直在伤她， 而且也不改正。就是说，有时候她在家或者公共场合 说话时， 我会直接从中间打断她然后自己说完。这太差劲了。最糟糕的是，我完全不知道自己在这么做。这是无意识的。所以看起来我在履行职责， 尝试成为一名女权主义者， 放大全球女性的声音， 可是在家呢， 我在用我最大的声音让我最爱的女人安静。所以我得问我自己一个艰难的问题：我够不够男人， 去闭上臭嘴并聆听？

I ve got to be honest. I wish that didn t get an applause.

说实话，我倒希望你们没给这段鼓掌。

Guys, this is real. And I m just scratching the surface here, because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you. I don t have time to get into porn and violence against women or the split of domestic duties or the gender pay gap. But I believe that as men, it s time we start to see past our privilege and recognize that we are not just part of the problem. Fellas, we are the problem. The glass ceiling exists because we put it there, and if we want to be a part of the solution, then words are no longer enough.

各位， 这是真正存在的。而且现在我谈及表面， 因为越往深走越丑恶， 我给你打保票。我没时间探讨针对女性的黄片和暴力， 家务划分， 或者工资差距。但我相信，作为男人， 是时候无视我们的优先权 而去认识到我们不是问题的一部分。伙计们，我们就是问题。是我们让这层玻璃天花板存在的， 如果我们想成为解决方案的一部分， 光说说是远远不够的。

There s a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá í writings. It says that 'the world of humanity is possessed of two wings, the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly.'

我很喜欢以前巴哈伊教篇章的一句话。“人类世界拥有一对翅膀， 男人和女人。只要这对翅膀力量不平衡， 鸟就不会飞翔。”

So women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength. And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone. We are men. We re going to mess up. We re going to say the wrong thing. We re going to be tone-deaf. We re more than likely, probably, going to offend you. But don t lose hope. We re only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies as you fight against pretty much everything. We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts. And finally to parents: instead of teaching our children to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?

所以女性们， 我代表这世界上 和我感受一样的男性们， 请求原谅， 因为我们没有信赖你们的力量。现在我想请你们帮助我们， 因为只凭我们自己还不够。我们是男人，我们肯定会搞砸， 我们说话都不过脑子，我们没有情商。我们肯定会冒犯你们。但别放弃希望。我们在这儿是为了你们， 和你们一样，作为男人， 我们需要站起来做你们的盟友， 在你们和差不多所有事情 做斗争的时候。我们需要你们帮忙 在我们彻头彻尾 进行这段旅程的时候， 庆祝我们的弱小， 并对我们有点耐心。最后送给家长：能不能不要教孩子 怎么做勇敢的男生或漂亮的女生， 而教他们去做好人吗？

So back to my dad. Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues, but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity and emotional intelligence that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place. The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted and to play a role that was never meant for me. So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart, and to me that makes him more a man than anything.

再回来说说我爸。从小到大，像任何一个男生一样， 我也有自己的问题， 但现在我意识到是因为他的敏感 和情商， 我才能够站在这里和你们说话。过去对我父亲的怨恨， 我现在发现和他没关系 全是和我，我对被接受的渴望 和做我不该做的职责的关系。所以尽管我父亲没有教我怎么用手， 他教会了我怎么用心， 对我来说这让他成为了 比任何人都伟大的父亲。

Thank you.

谢谢。

---