读 | 梁实秋：《孩子》Children

孩子

Children

梁实秋

Liang Shiqiu

我一向不信孩子是未来世界的主人翁，因为我亲见孩子到处在做现在的主人翁。孩子活动的主要范围是家庭，而现代家庭很少不是以孩子为中心的。一夫一妻不能成为家，没有孩子的家像是一株不结果实的树，总缺点什么；必定等到小宝贝呱呱坠地，家庭的柱石才算放稳，男人开始做父亲，女人开始做母亲，大家才算找到各自的岗位。我问过一个并非“神童”的孩子：“你妈妈是做什么的？”他说：“给我缝衣的。”“你爸爸呢？”小宝贝翻翻白眼：“爸爸是看报的！”但是他随即更正说：“是给我们挣钱的。” 

I never believed that children are the masters of the future world, but I see everywhere they are the masters of the present world. Their major playground is at home. Nearly all the modern families regard children as their centers. Husband and wife do not make a family. A childless family is a fruitless tree…something is missing. The foundation of a family becomes firm only when a child is born. Then the man becomes the father, the woman the mother; everybody has his position.

Once I asked a child who was not child prodigy: “What is your mother’s job?”

“Sewing for me.” He said.

“What is your father’s job?”

“Reading newspapers.” He said, looking up at me. “Oh, he earns money for us.” He corrected his reply.

孩子的回答全对。爹妈全是在为孩子服务。母亲早晨喝稀饭，买鸡蛋给孩子吃；父亲早晨吃鸡蛋，买鱼肝油精给孩子吃。最好的东西都要献呈给孩子，否则，做父母的心里便起惶恐，像是做了什么大逆不道的事一般。孩子的健康及其舒适，成为家庭一切设施的一个主要先决问题。这种风气，自古已然，于今为烈。自有小家庭制以来，孩子的地位顿形提高，以前的“孝子”是孝顺其父母之子，今之所谓“孝子”乃是孝顺其孩子之父母。孩子是一家之主，父母都要孝他！

The child was right. Both the father and the mother do things to serve their child. They eat poorly, saving money to buy the best food for him. Everything best is offered to the child, or they’ll feel uneasy, as if they committed a monstrous crime. The health and comfort of a child become prior to all other things in the family. This kind of tradition originated in ancient times and it is now all the more prevailing. Ever since the Small Family System was founded, the position of children has been raised. The dutiful sons in the past were sons who were dutiful to their parents, but the dutiful sons today are actually parents who are dutiful to their children. Children are the masters of families and parents are servants. 

“孝子”之说，并不偏激，我看见过不少的孩子，鼓噪起来能像一营兵；动起武来能像械斗；吃起东西来能像饿虎扑食；对于尊长宾客有如生番；不如意时撒泼打滚有如羊痫，玩得高兴时能把家具什物狼藉满室，有如惨遭洗劫……但是“孝子”式的父母则处之泰然，视若无睹，顶多皱起眉头，但皱不过三四秒钟仍复堆下笑容；危及父母的生存和体面的时候，也许要狠心咒骂几声，但那咒骂大部分是哀怨乞怜的性质，其中也许带一点威吓，但那威吓只能得到孩子的讪笑，因为那威吓是向来没有兑现过的。“孟懿子问孝，子曰：'无违。’”今之“孝子”深韪是说。凡是孩子的意志，为父母者宜多方体贴，勿使稍受挫阻。近代儿童教育心理学者又有“发展个性”之说，与“无违”之说正相符合。

My story of dutiful songs is not unreasonable. I have seen quite a few children who shout like warriors, play like fighters, and eat like a hungry tiger pouncing on its prey; they treat adults like barbarians; they roll on the ground like epilepsy patients when they are not happy; they make a great mess of the rooms which looked ransacked and looted, when they are happy in the play. The dutiful-son-like parents do not stir an eyelid, ignoring all that; they frown a little at most, but smile again quickly. They curse with resolution only when their honor and self-respect are threatened, and even then there is much piteous tone in the cursing. Their cursing may carry some threat, which only causes the children to laugh as the threat never takes effect. Meng Yizi once asked Confucius how to be a dutiful son, Confucius told him to be obedient. Nowadays, the “dutiful sons” practice the theory all right. They are obedient, respecting children’s wills, never frustrating them. Modern children’s education psychologists preach on “personality”, which is in harmony with the theory of the “dutiful sons” obedience.

体罚之制早已被人唾弃，以其不合儿童心理健康之故。我想起一个外国的故事：一个母亲带孩子到百货商店。经过玩具部，看见一匹木马，孩子一跃而上，前摇后摆，踌躇满志，再也不肯下来。那木马不是为出售的，是商店的陈设。店员们叫孩子下来，孩子不听；母亲叫他下来，加倍不听；母亲说带他吃冰淇淋去，依然不听；买朱古力糖去，格外不听。任凭许下什么愿，总是还你一个不听。当时演成僵局，顿成胶着状态。最后一位聪明的店员建议说：“我们何妨把百货商店特聘的儿童心理学专家请来解围呢？”众谋佥同，于是把一位天生有教授面孔的专家从八层楼请了下来。专家问明原委，轻轻走到孩子身边，附耳低声说了一句话，那孩子便像触电一般，滚鞍落马，牵着母亲的衣裙，仓皇遁去。事后有人问那专家到底对孩子说的是什么话，那专家说：“我说的是：'你若不下马，我打碎你的脑壳！’”

Physical punishment has been cast aside as it is not good for children’s psychological health. It reminds me of a foreign story: a mother took her kid to a department store. Passing by a toy center, the kid mounted on a rocking horse when he saw one. He swung and swayed, flying high, refusing to get off. The horse was on display, not for sale. The store assistants asked the kid to dismount, but he turned a deaf ear to them and to his begging mother. His mother promised him many things, such as ice-creams and chocolates, he just did not listen. There was a deadlock and things became stuck up. Then a clever assistant suggested they invite the children’s education psychologist of the department store to solve the problem. They all agreed. A psychologist with a professor’s face came down from the 8th floor at their request. Having known the reason, he quietly walked to the kid and whispered to his ears. The kid rolled off the horse fast, like one struck by electric shock. Holding his mother’s skirt, he fled in a hurry. When the psychologist was asked later what he had said to the kid, he answered: “I told the kid that I would break his skull if he refused to dismount.”

（方华文 译）