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自由的幻觉 （英国）马特·贺恩登 陈荣生 译
（图片欣赏——李健丽摄/湛江） 我的电话响了，这是我一直在期待着的一个电话。 我们谈起了我的情况，她的情况，以及我不记得了的其他事情。但不管怎么说我不在乎。至少那个时候不在乎。那个时候，我只是想听到那些我知道会改变我一生的话。 “我们将接受你的自愿离职申请。” 这意味着我将离开我的那份朝九晚五的工作，我将永远离开企业界。 “太感谢你们了，”我说。 通话一结束，我立即将手机放到旁边的座位上，长长地呼了一口气，然后头靠到椅背上。 “我自由了，”我心想。 那是我的想法。那是我所相信的。 我感到眩晕。我自由了。自由。这到底意味着什么？现在我该做什么呢？ 我开始邀请某个我几乎是不认识的但却是我喜欢的人来参加我的告别派对。而当我说“某个人”的时候，我指的是“一个女人”。我对邀请她感到很紧张，但接着我记起来我不需要紧张，因为我现在已经自由了。我对她说我想她来。她来了。 然后，我在公司的最后一天到来了。我做了个发言。我想做一个惊人的发言，但我什么也没说，只是在哭。我的一位朋友陪着我走下楼，走进接待区，这样我们就可以走出去了。我脸上仍然挂着泪水，但我是绝不会把它藏起来的。绝不会在我已经自由了的时候。 坐在外面的长凳上，在阳光底下，两位好朋友在一起……那些时刻充满了自由。 现在，当我回首那些时刻，回首我当时所感受到的自由度，我才意识到自由是一个幻觉。 因为……是什么阻止了我在其他时间感受不到那种自由呢？ 我来告诉你吧。 是恐惧。 恐惧他人的想法。恐惧他人会不喜欢我。恐惧向他人展示真实的我。 这让我想起了我最喜欢的一个问题： “如果我们不害怕的话，我们会怎样做？” 我就不会退缩了。我就不会犹豫了。我就不会担心他人对我的看法了。 我就不会是我了。 那就是自由。 （译自《赫芬顿邮报》） 您若认为此文对教育有益，敬 请 传 阅、推 荐、转 载。 原文如下，若有问题，可留言，我将尽量回答。 The Illusion of Freedom By Matt Hearnden My phone rang and it was the call I’d been expecting. We talked about how I was, how she was, and other stuff I can’t remember. But I didn’t care anyway. Not right then. Right then I just wanted to hear the words that I knew would change my life forever. “We will be accepting your application for voluntary redundancy.” That meant I’d be leaving my 9-5 job, and I’d be leaving the corporate world, forever. “Thank you so much,” I said. As soon as the conversation was over, I put my phone down on the seat next to me, and I breathed out, and I let my head fall against the back of the seat. “I’m free,” I thought. That’s what I thought. That’s what I believed. I felt giddy. I was free. Freedom. What did that actually mean? What was I going to do now? I started by inviting someone I barely knew, but someone I liked, to my leaving party. And when I say “someone” I mean “a woman.” I was nervous about inviting her, but then I remembered I didn’t need to be nervous, because I was free now. I told her I wanted her to come. She did. And then my last day came. And I gave a speech. I wanted to give an incredible speech but all I really did was cry. One of my friends walked me down the stairs and into the reception area so we could go outside. I still had tears on my face but there was no way I was going to hide. Not when I was free. Sitting outside, on the bench, in the sun, with two good friends... those moments were full of freedom. When I look back on those moments now, and how free I felt, that’s when I realise that freedom is an illusion. Because... what was stopping me feeling that free any other time? I’ll tell you. Fear. Fear of what other people would think. Fear that people wouldn’t like me. Fear of showing people who I really was. It brings me back to one of my favourite questions ever: “What would we do if we weren’t afraid?” I wouldn’t have held back. I wouldn’t have hesitated. I wouldn’t have worried about what other people were thinking of me. I would’ve been me. That’s freedom. |
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