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有人说，“所谓成长，就是去接受任何在生命中发生的状况，即使是不幸的，不好的，也要去面对它，解决它，使伤害减至最低。”当你开始学会放下过去，开始学会控制自己的情绪，当你开始不再太在意别人的看法，开始明白友情的本质，是分享彼此的脆弱，表明你逐渐成熟了！ 一个人真正成熟的26条标志 （音视频只有20条标志，官方文本给出的是26条标志） 中英文本 You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety – rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting. 1. 你开始认识到他人不端的举止，并非并非像人们通常想的那样，来自纯粹的愚蠢无知，而是源于内心的害怕和不安。你开始停止内心那些自以为是的想法，不再认为这个世界上全都是怪物或傻瓜，善恶的分界线虽不再明晰，人生却更加有趣了。 You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be understood by other people. You realise that, unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words – and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly. 2. 你开始认识到让他人理解自己的想法并不是一件简单的事情。你遗憾地认识到，你不会再责怪他人无法理解自己，而是开始磨炼自己，让自己能够心平气和，言辞清晰地表达意图。 You learn that – remarkably – you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering steps towards (once in a while) apologising. 3. 出乎意料地，你开始认识到，你确实很多时候做错了很多事情。但你会开始勇敢地迈出了蹒跚的第一步，承认自己错误。 You learn to be confident not by realising that you’re great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We’re all making it up as we go along, and that’s fine. 4. 你开始认识到你的自信并不是因为自己的独特与优秀，而是因为你知道，别人和你一样，愚蠢，怯懦和迷茫。这些都是成长的必由之路，承认这些，并无不妥。 You stop suffering from impostor syndrome because you can accept that there is no such thing as a legitimate anyone. We are all, to varying degrees, attempting to act a role while keeping our follies and wayward sides at bay. 5. 你不再因冒充者综合症而感到痛苦，因为你开始接受接受世界上合法存在的任何人，你知道对于自我的定义并非一种。每个人在某种程度上都是在隐藏自己愚昧与任性的一面，扮演他人眼中的角色。 You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn’t put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion. 6. 你开始原谅自己的父母，因为你认识到他们将你带到这个世界并非是为了让你受辱。他们已经尽力了，但仍无能为力。你不再对他们怒吼，你开始理解，怜惜他们的痛处。 You learn the enormous influence of so-called 'small’ things on mood: bed-times, blood sugar and alcohol levels, degrees of background stress etc. And as a result, you learn never to bring up an important, contentious issue with a loved one until everyone is well rested, no one is drunk, you’ve had some food, nothing else is alarming you and you aren’t rushing to catch a train. 7. 你开始认识到身边一些看似不起眼的小事会对心情造成巨大的影响，比如，睡眠，血糖，酒精浓度等等。所以你更能够理解他人。因为你知道每个人都可能正在经历着睡眠问题，酗酒问题或者其他种种压力。你也吃了点东西，也不急着赶车，也没有其他什么事好担心的，所以不再会轻易与他人起争执 You realise that when people close to you nag you, or are unpleasant or vindictive, they usually aren’t just trying to wind you up, they may be trying to get your attention in the only way they know how. You learn to detect the desperation beneath your loved one’s less impressive moments – and, on a good day, you interpret them with love rather than judge them. 8. 你开始认识到当身边的人对你唠叨，烦你，扰你，他们可能并不是想要激怒你，他们可能只是想用自己知道的方式引起你的注意。因此，你开始注意他们那些令人不快的行为，理解他们在这些行为下的绝望心态并用爱心化解不快。 You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don’t store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you’ll be dead soon. You don’t expect others to know what’s wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don’t, in a different way, you forgive them too. 9. 你不再生闷气。你不再会因为他人的错误惩罚自己，让自己活在愤怒之中。你知道生命是有限的，你不再期待每个人都有认识到自己错误的那一天。别人犯了错，你指正，他接受，你原谅他。如果不接受，你也会原谅他，只不过是以另一种形式。 You realise that because life is so very short, it’s extremely important that you to try to say what you really mean, focus on what you really want, and tell those you care about that they matter immensely to you. Probably every day. 10. 你开始认识到生命是如此的短暂，你会珍惜每一天的时光，尽力去表达自己的心意，追求自己的理想，让所爱之人知道他们在你心中十分重要 You cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area. There aren’t any perfect people, perfect jobs or perfect lives. Instead, you pivot towards an appreciation of what is (to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s exemplary phrase) 'good enough.’ You realise that many things in your life are at once quite frustrating – and yet, in many ways, eminently good enough. 11. 你开始放弃方方面面追求完美。你认识到这世界本就不存在完美的人，工作和生活。相反你把重点放在欣赏“知足常乐”的魅力（借用精神分析学家唐纳德·温尼科特的名言）。你认识到人生中的很多事情可能一开始会让人沮丧，但换个角度想想，可能已经是最好的结果了。 You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn out – and as a result, emerge as a calmer, more patient and more forgiving soul. You lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person (less impatient, less rigid, less angry). 12. 你开始意识有时悲观一点也没什么坏处。当你开始放低期待，你会更加冷静，耐心，大度。在放弃一些幻想的同时，你也找到了内心的平和（不那么急躁，不那么固执，也不那么易怒）。 You learn to see that everyone’s weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture: yes, someone is rather pedantic, but they’re also beautifully precise and a rock at times of turmoil. Yes someone is a bit messy, but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary. You realise (truly) that perfect people don’t exist – and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness. 13. 你开始认识到人性中的弱点与优点相辅相成，而非孤立存在。于是，你开始站在更全面的角度看待每个人。比如，一个极其迂腐的的人可能在工作上极其细心，在遇到危机时也能保持冷静。一些里邋遢的人可能极富创造力和远见。你开始认识到没有人是完美的，每个优点的另一面都是缺点。 You learn the virtues of compromise. You learn to settle in certain areas – and recognise that you’re being mature rather than weak when you do so. You might stay together with someone primarily for the children, or because you’re afraid of being alone. You might put up with some inconveniences because you know that a friction-free life is a mirage. 14. 你开始向生活妥协。你开始学会将就，并且认识到这是一种成熟的做法，而非处于无奈。比如，你可能只是为了孩子才和另一半结婚，又或者你只是害怕孤独。无论如何，你开始容忍这些生活中的无奈，因为你明白，完全理想的生活是不存在的。 You fall in love a bit less easily. It’s difficult, in a way. When you were less mature, you could develop a crush in an instant. Now, you’re poignantly aware that everyone, however externally charming or accomplished, would be a bit of a pain from close up. You develop loyalty to what you already have. 15. 你发现自己不再那么容易恋爱了，甚至可以说，很难。因为在心态还不太成熟时，你很快会陷入对某人的迷恋当中。但现在，你清楚的认识到，不管那个人看起来多么魅力无限，完美无瑕，都是一朵带刺的玫瑰。你已经没有精力去接触自己生活之外的人或事了。 You learn that you are – rather surprisingly – quite a difficult person to live with. You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge. 16. 虽然令人惊讶，但你开始意识到自己并不是一个好相处的人。你的身上还保留着以前的敏感点。在你接触新的友情或者爱情时，这些敏感点都会成为提醒他人远离自己的信号。 You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness. You realise the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past misdeeds. You become more of a friend to yourself. Of course you’re an idiot, but you’re still a loveable one, as we all are. 17. 你开始包容自己的错误和无知。因为你知道一味地苛责自己的过错并无意义。你开始与自己交朋友。你认识到自己其实就是个傻子，但和大家一样，但傻的可爱。 You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion. You accept that we all have our regressive moments – and when the inner two year old you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need. 18. 你开始放弃追求所谓的“成长”。因为你知道成熟的一个重要标志是接受自己身上那些幼稚并会长久存在的孩童天性。你开始接受我们都有幼稚的时候，当你内心的两岁孩童向你抬起头时，你会自然地拥抱他，你会大方地，满足他内心渴望被关注的需求。 You cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years. You celebrate the little things that go well. You realise that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. You’re delighted if one day passes by without too much bother. You take a greater interest in flowers and in the evening sky. You develop a taste for small pleasures. 19. 你开始认识到身边的小事才是快乐的源泉。你认识到将期望寄于那些大的目标上，希望由此带来长远的快乐是不现实的。真正的快乐来自每分每秒的小事。你会因为道路通畅而感到开心。你开始享受生活中的小事，开始对花草感兴趣，开始注意到夜晚的天空。 What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realise the minds of others are muddled places and you don’t try so hard to polish your image in everyone else’s eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you. You give up on fame and start to rely on love. 20. 你开始放弃追求他人眼中的自己。因为你知道每个人的看法都不一样，你也不必煞费苦心迎合他人心中的完美形象。真正重要的是你自己怎么看，以及你在意的人如何看你。你不再追求所谓的“名声”，你开始享受所爱之人的关心。 You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake, you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it – without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever a problem. 21. 你开始大方地接受他人对自己的评价。你不再觉得他人的批评可能是为了羞辱自己或者是在故意挑刺。你开始思考或许自己真的能从中学到什么。你开始听取别人的意见，并接受它们，而不是为自己遮掩，找借口说人都会犯错。 You realise the extent to which you tend to live, day by day, in too great a proximity to certain of your problems and issues. You remember – more and more – that you need to get perspective on things that pain you. You take more walks in nature, you might get a pet (they don’t fret like we do) and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky. 22. 你开始认识到生活多大程度是日复一日的重复，处处皆是柴米油盐酱醋茶。你越来越清楚，你要换个角度看待你的悲痛。你开始走进大自然散心，你开始养一只宠物（它们不像人类那样焦躁不已），你开始欣赏夜空中璀璨的银河。 You cease to be so easily triggered by people’s negative behaviour. Before getting furious or riled or upset, you pause to wonder what they might really have meant. You realise that there may be a disjuncture between what someone said and what you immediately assumed they meant. 23. 你不再容易受身边负能量的影响。不再被轻易激怒，或者因此感到沮丧。很多时候，他人想要表达的意图和自己理解的意图是存在偏差的。我们需要停下来思考他人到底要表达什么。 You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events – and learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics. You realise – sometimes – not to go with your feelings. 24. 你明白过去会对现在的思维造成影响，并学会弥补由此带来的恶果。自己的童年会造成对某些问题的特定思维，会有夸大某些方面的倾向。因此当接触到这些问题的时候，你会考虑自己的第一感是否正确，而不是跟随着这些可能错误的感觉作出决定。 When you start a friendship, you realise that other people don’t principally want to know your good news, so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you, so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts. You become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing of vulnerability. 25. 你明白真正的友谊是在彼此安慰中建立。你明白一段友情的开始不仅是分享自己的成就与喜悦。通过暴露自己的弱点和伤口，通过彼此之间心与心的交流，两个孤独的灵魂才能够相遇。 You learn to calm your anxieties not by telling yourself that everything will be fine. In many areas, it won’t. You build up a capacity to think that even where things go wrong, they are broadly survivable. You realise that there is always a plan B; that the world is broad, that a few kindly souls are always to be found and that the most horrid things are, in the end, endurable. 26. 你意识到再糟糕的事情都会有解决的办法。“一切都会变好的”只是一句自我安慰的套话。很多时候事实并非如此。你具备了一种能力，无论发生什么事，皆会相安无事，也一定会有B计划。世界很大，心存善意的人仍然存在，再无可忍受的事情都能被忍受。 本期ONE译制团： 译者：Hiallison 责任编辑：Leon Yong source: The School of Life |
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