 母亲1960 Mother in 1960  In the past half of my life, memories have gone with time like flowing water. Those happy and happy days have not left a deep mark, while those sad and sad days have been pouring into my heart…… 在我这半生中，记忆如流水一般随时光消逝，曾经那些愉快和幸福的日子并没有留下过深的印记，而那些酸楚和悲伤的岁月，却不断涌上心头…… It was a morning in the late autumn of 1960. The sky was as clear as in today's fine weather. The warm sunshine was pouring into our low room through the window paper scratched by the neighbor's cock. 那是一九六零年深秋的一个上午。天空，也和现在的好天气时一样晴朗，和煦的阳光透过被邻家公鸡抓破了的窗纸，倾洒在我们那低矮的屋子里。 The adults were busy. My father went to the city early in the morning to buy medicine, and my grandmother was pulling the bellows to cook in the outer room. My younger sister and brothers had long been sent to my aunt's home in a mountain village. 大人们都在忙活着。父亲一大早就进城抓药去了，姥娘在外间“呱哒”、“呱哒”地拉着风箱。弟弟、妹妹们早就被送到山里的姨母家求生路去了。 I curled up beside my mother, who had been ill for three months. 我蜷缩起身子，躺在病了仨月的母亲身旁。 Suddenly, my mother blinked her dull eyes and tried hard to raise her bony hand to me. I leaned forward so that she could reach my long shaggy hair. 突然，母亲眨了一下她那黯淡无神的大眼睛，费劲地朝我举起了瘦骨嶙峋的手。我赶紧向前探了探身子，以使她够得着我那三、四个月没剃的蓬乱的头发。 "My child, when I die, you might find a stepmother. You should take good care of your younger sister and brothers." “孩子，等我死了，你再找个后娘，要好好照看你的弟弟、妹妹。” "Mom, no - no! Just now grandma said that you had been better than in the previous two days." At that time, I was pretty sensible, because I was already nine years old. “娘，不——不！姥娘刚才还说你比前两天好些了。”那时候，已经9岁的我应当说比较懂事了。  I heard that my mother was suffering from heartache in the year of steelmaking. My aunt said that my mother was made angry and ill by a distant grandmother who talked nonsense. Grandma said it was because the village cadres smashed our pot with the weights. What was it for? I didn't know. But once in a while, my mother got sick. In the past, I used to see that the doctor came to our home and wrote one or two prescriptions. It had not been as serious as it was now. My mother was not getting better in the past three months. 听大人们说，母亲是大炼钢铁那年得上的心口痛病。姨母说是让我的一个爱嚼舌头的远房祖母气的，姥娘却说是因为村干部摘去了秤砣砸碎了我们的锅。到底是为了啥？我搞不清楚。但每隔一段时间，母亲就要犯病。以往都是瞧瞧医生，再抓上两副药，哪回儿都没现在这么严重，三个多月了，怎么也不见好。 "Granny was kidding you." I felt as if my mother was stroking my head with all her strength, saying, "I can't live for a few more days." “姥娘是说着哄人的。”我觉得母亲仿佛在使出全身的力气抚摸我的脑壳，“我是活不了几天了。” Tears could no longer stop spilling over from my eyes. And I plunged into my mother's arms, sobbing heavily. 泪水再也止不住地溢出双眼，我一头扎进母亲怀里，“呜呜”地哭了起来。 "You see, what did you say to the child?" Grandma lifted the curtain and went into the inner room, blaming my mother. I saw my grandma with tears in her eyes. “你看呢，都跟孩子说了些啥呀！”姥娘掀开门帘，走进里屋，嗔怪母亲。我看到老人家也是眼泪包着眼珠。 "Mom, you’ll have to be alive. When you get well, you'll have to bring up my younger sister and brothers. I will be filial to you when I grow up!" I raised my tearful face and begged my feeble mother. “娘，你得活呀，等好了病，拉扯俺子妹们。我长大了，一定好好孝顺您！”我抬起挂满泪水的脸，恳求着有气无力的母亲。 "Look, the child has said that. Can't you say something auspicious?" Grandma followed what I said to help. “孩子都这么说了，你就不能说句吉利的？”姥娘紧随着我打帮腔。 "Well, I'll be cured. His father said that there was ginseng in the medicine he was going to get this time." There was a little smile on my mother's gloomy face for the first time within many days. “唉，我会治好的，他大（爸）说这回要取的药里还附着参呢。”母亲那多日来一直阴郁着的脸上露出了一点点的笑意来。 "Mom, what would you like to eat? " I was so happy that I didn't know what to do. Thus I said that. “娘，你想吃什么？”我一时高兴得不知如何是好，竟然冒出了这么一句。 Grandma gently tugged at the bottom of my trousers. I turned around and saw that she winked at me twice secretly. Then I suddenly remembered that she had just told me not to talk to my mother about food until my father came back. 姥娘轻轻地拽了一下我的裤脚。我转过脸，看到她偷偷地朝我眨巴了两下眼皮，这才猛地记起，刚才她嘱咐过我，父亲回来之前，不能向娘谈吃的。 “……” “……”  "Oh, what would you like to eat? There are carrots in the pot. And his father can bring back some sweet potato slices later. " . Thanks to grandma's quick answer…… “喔，你想吃什么？锅里煮着胡萝卜，他大（爸）待会儿还能带点地瓜干回来。”亏得姥娘话头来得快。 ——Huh? Carrot? ——呃？胡萝卜？ Oh, my God! Where are the carrots? What's the matter with grandma? In the pot were steamed only a few Wowotou with sweet potato seedlings mixed with rice bran. After ignition, she asked me to help pull the bellows for a while. 天呀！哪里来的胡萝卜？姥娘这都是咋了？锅里只蒸了几个地瓜秧面拌谷糠的窝窝头，下锅时，她还叫我帮着拉了一阵子风箱。 "No - no! Don't buy sweet potato slices. His father has only a little bit of money. He has to buy medicine." Those sweet potato slices cost six Yuan half a kilo in the market. And they are out of stock. Mother was a little nervous. “别……别买地瓜干，就那么两块钱，得抓药。”集上地瓜干六块钱一斤，还愣抢。母亲有些紧张了。 "Then, what do you want to eat? Mom.” “那，娘吃什么呢？” "I……I'll eat what? Oh …… my boy, go and get a carrot for me." “我……我吃，孩子，你去拿个胡萝卜吧。” “……” I looked at grandma and felt I didn't know what to say. “……”我茫然无措地望着姥娘。 "Just a moment. It's not cooked enough." Grandma stalled Mother off quickly. I saw that Grandma looked so guilty. “稍等等，才开锅，还不透。”姥娘赶紧搪塞。我看到老人家的神色是那样负疚。 "Oh, don't bring it. I don't want to eat anything." Mother seemed to have noticed something. “哦，别拿了，我不想吃了。”母亲好像已经察觉到了什么。 "No! Mom, wait. I'll come back in a moment.” I suddenly thought of something. I took my Mom's hand off my head. I got off the Kang. “不！娘，你等着，一会儿就来！”我若有所悟地挪开母亲的手，下了炕。 Grandma grabbed me by the sleeve and gave me a puzzled look. I pointed to the outside of gate, but my mother didn't see it. 姥娘拽住我的袖口，投来一个不解的目光。我背着母亲，指了指大门外…… "Filial child." There was a faint voice of grandma's words in the room. “孝顺的孩子。”屋里隐隐约约传出了姥娘的话语声。 The warm sun shone on the Lazy Earth. There were several poplar trees along the road at the head of the village, with only a few remaining leaves on top, which had been eaten into cobwebs by the caterpillars. Two elm trees grew near the cemetery to the west of the road, but they had long since dried up and died, just because they had been skinned by hungry farmers. With their skin protected by sharp spines, a few young locust trees among the graveyards grew vigorously. But all of their leaves had been lost. If you eat the leaves of the locust tree, your face will be swollen like a big red king. But it is better than those who died of eating the Guanyin clay. 暖烘烘的太阳照耀着懒洋洋的大地。村口路旁几棵毛白杨树梢上，飘荡着几片被毛毛虫吃成蛛网状的残叶。路西面坟场边上仅有的两株榆钱树，因为扒去了皮，早就枯死了。十多个坟疙瘩中间的那几糊岔洋槐枝，由于尖刺护住了皮肤，长得倒蛮带劲儿，只是它们的叶子都无例外地失掉了。虽说这洋槐叶吃下去，人的脸便会肿得像个关王，但也要比那些吃观音土后坠肚而死的人强得多。 I ran fast through the graveyard and came to the edge of the production team's vegetable garden. 我心里像着了火一样跑过了那片坟场，来到了生产队菜园边上。 The vegetables garden was about 100 Mu. Two years before, it looked like a lush green blanket from a distance in autumn. There were so many purple lentils, prickly cucumbers, ripe potatoes, etc. There were also leeks, corianders and Chinese cabbages which were going to face the frost cold. Not only that. There were also the tender branches of tomatoes and the young shoots of radishes which were baked in the glass cellar…… 这菜园大概有近百亩地光景。头两年，秋天的菜园，远看上去，就像一床葱绿浓郁的大毯子，叶子微呈紫色的扁豆，顶花带刺嫩脆生生的黄瓜，身披戎装满怀信心迎战霜寒的韭菜、芫荽、大白菜。岂止这些，还有烘烤在玻璃窖内的西红柿嫩嫩的枝，水萝卜旺旺的苗…… Now it was quite different. Such a vast vegetable garden was surrounded by bare land. In a few acres of land in the middle were planted a few rows of small spinach with four or five leaves, some flowering cabbages, and some carrots. 现如今已经全然不同了，偌大一片菜园，四周光秃秃，寥寥数亩地中央，种着几畦才长出三五片叶子的小菠菜、大半畦花心菜、两档子胡萝卜。 A dozen or more women who came to pick out spinach crouched on the ridge of the vegetable garden. They often stopped their work and picked up some spinach to flick the mud on the roots, and blew the dust on the leaves. Then they stuffed them into their mouths to chew with relish. Some of the wily women looked up and beyond the sight of the old production team leader. They pulled their children and quickly tucked some spinach into their arms. Then they patted the children's bottoms and shouted, "Go home and see if your grandfather has come back from the market?" 十来个间菠菜的妇女蹲在畦埂上，她们时常停下手，抓起菠菜，弹弹根上的泥，吹吹叶上的浮尘，塞进嘴里，有滋有味地咀嚼着。也有些鬼精女人抬起头，瞅瞅走到别处的老队长看不见，赶忙拽过自己的孩子，手麻脚利地往孩子怀里掖上两把菠菜，然后拍一下孩子的屁股，大声呵斥：“家去看看你爷赶集回来了没？” The old production team leader walked up and down around the edge of the ground with a long tobacco pipe in his mouth. He was probably calculating how many vegetables to be allocated to the higher authorities, how many to be distributed among the commune members, how many to be sent to the cadres, how many to be sold in the markets around the village. The old man was fond of saying, "Shit! I'll have to figure out how to get a little more money to give the commune members to buy their two big Liang of food…”. (The average daily ration for the members of the garden industry team for one day) 老队长叼着长烟袋在地沿上走过来走过去。他大概又在盘算着这几畦命根子菜，多少纳调拨，多少分社员，多少打发干部，多少赶集上店跑四乡。这老头嘴皮儿总爱挂上那句口头禅：“我日娘，总得盘算着多弄几块，分给社员，买那一人一份的二大两（园业队社员一天的人均口粮）。” I remember my mother used to take me to the vegetable garden to pick out spinach when she was not ill. The old production team leader squatted down beside me. He took a few puffs. And then he jabbed at the brim of my hat with the end of his pipe. He gleefully flashed out his own loud voice: "Boy, you shouldn’t be like those girls, who are so greedy as to take the sweet potato slices out of the other villagers’ homes, running towards the South Hill. We also have these green vegetables in hand. In time of famine, no matter how they might be eaten, raw or cooked, if we eat some, we will certainly not die of hunger. Didn't you see those uniformed men of the city come to dig up the leftover potatoes in our fields?” 母亲在身子好的时候，也常常带我到菜园间菠菜。老队长蹲在菜畦边上大口大口吐上一阵子烟雾，又笑眯眯地用烟袋嘴儿戳戳我的帽檐，乐呵呵地亮出他那一人独有的大嗓门：“小子，你可别像那些闺女们一样，眼馋人家囤里的地瓜干，呼啦群地往南山里头跑。咱们手里也有这青菜，赶上闹饥荒的年头，不管生的、熟的吃上几口，保准就饿不死。没看见城里头那些穿制服的，都到咱地里来倒地蛋（土豆）吃？” A cool breeze was blowing. A minute later, those carrots lay down and then stood up. Those green leaves of carrots seemed to nod at me and seemed to wave at me as well. 一阵凉习习的风迎面吹来，那两档子胡萝卜一会儿伏了下去，一会儿又站了起来，这艳青得有些发紫的缨叶像在对我点头，又像在对我招手。 Carrot——Mom! 胡萝卜——娘！ I rushed rashly into the carrot field. I stomped hard with my feet and pulled hard with my hands. 我不顾一切地窜进了胡萝卜地，使劲地用脚跺，拼命地用手抠…… People stopped their work to look at me, staring in amazement. The Security Guard in the vegetable garden was named Ergou. He came running out of nowhere. He reached out his big hook-like hand and grabbed me by the collar. Then he lifted me up into the air like a chick. 人们停下手中的活计，直勾勾地瞪着我。看园的二狗不知从哪里“噌噌”几步跑了过来，伸出他那钩子般的干瘪大手，抓住我的夹衣领子，轻轻一提，像抓个鸡雏似地把我拎入半悬空。 "The production team is counting on those carrots for some money. We haven't made any money yet. But you’ve first come to steal and rob." “合队里就指望这点胡萝卜换两块钱，半个大钣儿还没捞着，你倒好，先来偷，来抢！” "Oh --" I was blushing with blood on my face. I guarded my chest with both my arms. I tried my best to protect the two carrots, the lower half of which contained some fresh earth. “哦——”我脸涨得血红，两只胳膊拢倒胸前，紧紧护住那两半截带着新鲜泥土的胡萝卜。 "Hi! What courage does the child have!” “嗨！这孩子好胆气。” "How foolish it is for a thief to steal like that!" “傻蛋，哪国这样偷东西？” "What a pity! His mother has been ill for more than three months. " “他娘犯病三个多月，也就是了不得。” "Now, healthy people are hard to live. I'm afraid sick people can’t survive." “可不。这年景，好好的人都难挺住，长上病还不得更要命……” The women murmured. 妇女们叽咕了起来。  In the noise, the old production team leader rushed over with a big stride. "What's going on?” He said, “Ergou, let go right now!” 在人们的纷嚷声里，老队长大步流星地赶过来：“怎么弄的？二狗，你先松开手。” Without waiting for Ergou to reply, the old production team leader poked me in my arm with the big pipe bowl, "Why did you pull the carrots? Are you hungry? " 没等二狗搭上腔，他又用大烟袋锅戳戳我的胳膊：“咋扒胡萝卜啦？饿直杖（干巴）了是不？” I couldn't breathe until Ergou let go. 二狗松开手，我才喘过一口气。 "I haven’t seen your father these two days. And is your mother better?"The old production team leader did not treat me as a thief at all. “这两天，也没见着你大（爸），你娘的病好点了？”老队长一点都没有拿我当贼的意思。 "Even worse." I shivered my lips, saying, "My mom - she wants to eat carrots." Two lines of tears rolled down from my cheeks. “更厉害了。”我哆嗦着嘴唇，“俺娘——她要吃胡萝卜。”两行泪水顺着我的腮帮“唰”地一下子滚落下来。 "Ah? Does aunt want to eat carrots? Boy, why didn't you say that earlier! If you said she wanted to eat carrots... alas, please slap Ergou on his face immediately!" Soon Ergou bent down. He lowered his thin and dirty forehead in front of me. And then he took my little hand in his trembling hands… “啊？是二婶子要吃胡萝卜？俺兄弟哟，你咋不早说！早说她吃，唉——你快打二哥两耳刮子吧！”二狗居然弯下腰，将他那瘦得爆出青筋又脏得挂满云彩的额头倾到我面前，并有些发颤地托起了我那瘦小的手…… Recalling the matter, I found Ergou’s action really funny. But he was so sincere that no one else showed even a hint of smile on the face. 回想起来，他这副动作简直能把人笑个半死。但二狗是那样的真率，那样的虔诚，以至于人们的脸上都丝毫没有表现出一点点的笑意来。 "Get a shovel for me." The old production team leader yelled at the women who were picking out spinach. “拿把铲子来。”老队长吆喝着间菠菜的妇女们。 "Hula", several women handed over their shovels immediately. “呼啦”，好几个妇女几乎同时伸出攥着铲子的手，迈过了菜畦子。 The old production team leader took one very quickly and stepped over to where I dug up the carrots. He squatted down and picked up the carrot leaves that I had pulled off. He scooped up the earth with his shovel and filled it in the two holes where I had pulled the carrot out. Then he carefully dug out some carrots with bigger leaves from the edge of the Ridge. He tapped them with a shovel and twisted the leaves into a mass. Then he tucked the carrots into my arms and told me, "take them home and cook them for your mother." 老队长张手接过一把，三两步跨到我扒胡萝卜的地方，蹲下身子，拾起被我拽掉的胡萝卜缨，用铲子剜了几下土，填住我拔出胡萝卜后的那两个小坑，又小心翼翼地从畦埂边上挑了几个缨叶大些的胡萝卜挖出来，用铲子轻轻拍打干净，将缨子一扭，缠成一块，往我怀里一塞：“拿家去煮给你娘。” At that time, my mind was filled with sadness and gratitude. I really didn't know what to say. I was just about to walk away when Ergou stopped me and said, "Wait a minute, Boy." Suddenly, he took a shovel from a woman's hand. Then he strode over to where I had pulled the carrots and dug up the earth with a great effort. He dug out the tails of the two carrots which I had got broken. He handed them to me and said, "Boy, please take these too." 悲伤、感激的心情交织在一起，我真不知道说什么才好，刚要迈步，二狗挺起身来：“等一等，兄弟。”他劈手夺下一把铲子，大步走到我扒胡萝卜的地方，用劲往地里剜挠几下，挖出被我扒断的那两半截胡萝卜尾，递到我面前：“大弟，你把这也捎着。”  I held those carrots that would save my mother's life. I looked at those thin and kind faces of the old production team leader, Ergou and the women. I bowed down and ran home. 我捧着这几个命根子般的胡萝卜，望了望老队长、二狗哥和妇女们那一张张干瘦而又慈祥的脸，哈下腰鞠了一个大躬，回身往家中奔去。 "Poor kid." “苦命的孩子。” "His parents have four children. He is the eldest of them." “子妹四个数他大……” I ran home with that armful of carrots. But that didn't make the adults any happier. 我兜着那一抱胡萝卜，一溜小跑赶回家，并没有引起大人们的格外高兴。 "You're back, boy." Grandma raised her head and gently beckoned me. And then she busily made the firewood burn better so as to decoct medicinal herbs for my mother more quickly. Her eyes were red with smoke. My father had returned home from the city. With his brows furrowed, he was pouring water into a bowl from an old bamboo thermos. “回来了，甡。”姥娘在吹着药罐子下面的柴草，眯起被烟熏红的两眼，温和地叫了我一声。父亲拿着旧竹皮子暖壶往碗里倒水，脸上就是不开晴。 I put the carrots on the ground and shook off the soil on my jacket, saying to my grandma, "cook them at once, Grannie." Then I rushed into the inner room. 我把胡萝卜放到地上，抖擞了两下夹衣上的土，应了姥娘一声：“块煮，姥娘。”赶忙钻进里屋。 Mother’s eyes being closed, I put my face to her ear, saying joyfully in a low voice, "Mom, eat carrots in a while, ah." 我把脸贴上闭着眼睛的母亲耳边，喜滋滋地小声说：“娘，待会儿吃胡萝卜，啊。” My mother opened her weak eyes slightly, looked at me and gave me a gentle "MMM.” 母亲微微睁开那双无力的眼睛，看了我一眼，轻轻地“嗯”了一声…… Carrots and ginseng medicine did not cure my mom's disease. On the third night, I didn’t hear my dying mother's call to me, nor did I feel how her weak hand slipped from my head. I was so sleepy that I didn't know how the adults had movedme from my mother’s side to the other end of the Kang. 胡萝卜和带参的药，竟也没治好母亲的病。第三天夜里，我终于没能听到弥留中的母亲对我的呼唤，也没能感到她那无力的手掌怎样从我的头顶滑落……我太困了，以至于大人们如何把我从咽了气的母亲身边移到炕尾，都全然不晓。 In my sleep, I felt as if I were getting colder and colder.And the whimpering sound seemed to reverberate in my ears. It was probably my dad who was crying. 睡梦里，我仿佛觉得身上越来越冷，耳畔似乎回响着时近时远的“嘤嘤”声，那大概是父亲在哭…… That year, there were the other old people, children and patients in the village who could not bear to suffer and died one after another. Unfortunately, Ergou also died of swelling from eating poisonous wild vegetables. 那一年，村子里还有其他一些老人、孩子和病人，不堪折磨，相继死去。万分不幸的是，二狗哥也因吃了有毒的野菜，浑身上下浮肿而死。 Now, in the heyday of my life, I can freely write these things deep in my memory. I miss my poor mother who died early.And I’ll never forget those poor and miserable years rooted in my heart. My mother and those who sympathized with me and helped me, no matter whether they are on earth or in heaven, will always accompany me through this long road of life. 如今，在我人生的鼎盛年华里，可以放手去写这些记忆深处的东西。我怀念我那早逝的可怜的母亲，也怀念那些扎根我心灵的贫穷和困苦的岁月。我的母亲和那些同情与帮助我的人，不论他们在人间还是在天国，将永远伴陪着我，走过这绵延的生命之路。 （The end）    温暖的声音陪伴你 |
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