 1. You extrapolate the present moment because you believe that success is somewhere you “arrive,” so you are constantly trying to take a snapshot of your life and see if you can be happy yet. You convince yourself that any given moment is representative of your life as a whole. Because we’re wired to believe that success is somewhere we get to—when goals are accomplished and things are completed—we’re constantly measuring our present moments by how “finished” they are, how good the story sounds, how someone else would judge the elevator speech. We find ourselves thinking: “Is this all these is?” because we forget that everything is transitory, and no one single instance can summarize the whole. 2. Realizing you are the only person responsible for your life and your happiness. This kind of emotional autonomy is terrifying, because it means that if you mess up, it’s all on you. At the same time, realizing it is the only way to be truly free. This risk is worth the reward on this one, always. 3. “Lots and lots of red will never make blue. Pleasures will never make you whole.” 4. The parts of yourself you need to work on, not because someone else doesn’t love them, but because you don’t. 5. You owe nothing to your younger self. You are not responsible for being the person you once thought you’d be. But you do owe something to the adult you are today. You own it to yourself to ask yourself what you like, what you want, what calls you, what you need, and what you deserve. 6. Don’t confuse a broken dream with a broken future. Don’t confuse a broken heart for a broken life. 7. What separates experts from the rest of us is a blend of profound self-control, disciplined routine, and unwavering dedication. 8. People don’t have breakdowns unless they are on the precipices of “breakthroughs.” 9. Everything is hard in some way. It’s hard to be in the wrong relationship. It’s hard to be in the right one. It’s hard to be broke and miserable, it’s hard to achieve your dreams. It’s hard to be stuck in the middle, not really feeling anything at all. Everything is hard, but you choose your hard. You choose what’s worth it. You don’t choose whether or not you’ll suffer, but you do choose what you want to suffer for. 10. When sunlight shines through the trees, the interplay between light and leaves. 11. The love you know has an expiration date. 12. People who are funny without being mean. People who are deep without being negative. 13. You blame others because you don’t realize that every relationship you have is with yourself. 15. “My life does not define me, I define my life. This moment is not my life, this is a moment in my life.” 16. “I’m not supposed to be anything other than what I am.” 17. “Nothing is permanent, not even the worst feelings.” 18. “This, too, shall pass.” 19. “You teach people how to treat you. You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” 20. “You’re going to be okay. Not because I said so, but because 'okay’ is where we all end up, even if we fuck up entirely along the way.” 21. You are your struggles. You say, “I am an anxious person” rather than “I sometimes feel anxiety.” You identify with your problems, which is likely a huge reason why you can’t overcome them. 22. You probably can’t be whatever you want, but if you’re really lucky and you work really hard, you can be exactly who you are. 23. They know what it’s like to live with the ghost of what would have and should have and maybe-still-could-be. To be walking down the street with the constantly running narrative of what they’d be saying, what they’d be thinking, if only they were there. 24. Nobody’s life is as good as it looks online. Nobody cares about your social media presence as much as you do. 25. Stop asking: “What am I doing with my life?” and start asking: “What am I doing with today?” 26. There’s no such thing as letting go; there’s just accepting what’s already gone. 27. Loneliness is just an idea. 28. Spend a Sunday with them. Not a Saturday night, when everything is bustling and loud and socially seamless. Spend a Sunday morning with them, tired and hung over and without plans for the day. Eat breakfast together and don’t fix your hair. Experience each other without needing to entertain. 29. Be comfortably silent. Go for a long drive and allow for bouts of quietness as they naturally happen. Existing is someone’s silence is existing in the most intimate part of their life. 30. You will always have anxiety. You will always feel fear. If you give a damn about your life, or if you’re even playing the slightest bit of attention to what’s going on here, you’ll know there’s a lot to be anxious and afraid of. The end goal is not to eliminate those feelings, but to strengthen the mental muscle that will allow you to choose to be happy in spite of them, not become paralyzed what they’re present. That’s all. 31. The problem is not the problem. The problem is how you think about the problem. 32. If you want to be happy, you need to stop chasing happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of doing things that are challenging, meaningful, beautiful, and worthwhile. It’s wiser to spend a life chasing knowledge, or the ability to think clearly and with more dimension, than it is to just chase what “feels good.” |
|
|
