如何建立深度吸引力？

因为喜欢某个人，就给他付出你所有的真情与价值。

很多人容易犯这样的错，错误地基于你喜欢对方多少就给对方付出多少。

要对喜欢的人表示好感，当然需要自信大胆地付出。

但你每一次付出，请耐心等一等，等待对方回应，以对方对你付出的程度多少，决定你继续付出多少。

如果你的付出来得太快，太早，太多，不符合你们当前关系的进度，很容易会引起别人的警戒心和不适应感，甚至会显得不尊重对方，引起对方的反感。

其实，无论是爱情，还是友情，任何关系，一味地对别人好，一厢情愿付出太多，而不顾对方反应，都会导致关系变得尴尬，最后只是自我感动而已。

如果你总是在走错路，总是因为喜欢对方就想各种对他好，一定要持续跟【想把自己给交付对方的本能】对抗，保持自己价值的神秘和稳定提升。

那么，脱单的步骤应该是怎样的呢？如何才能建立深度的吸引力？

A lot of people have been asking me lately about this concept that i've been really big on in the last year. And that's the idea of the attraction formula. Every attraction follows a set formula for how it goes. In other words, they were always the same components in any lasting attraction. Now, remember, these components are necessary for long term attraction, for what we call deep and lasting attraction. You don't need them all for shallow and transient attraction that only lasts a night. But let me give you these four if you got a pen and paper right now. I want you to write these down. I'm so big on this idea right now, because it's the basis of everything in our love lives.

最近很多人问我这个概念，过去一年里我非常重视的一个概念，那就是吸引力准则。每一种吸引都遵循一套特定的准则。换句话说，任何持久的吸引都有一定的共性要素。现在，请记住，这些要素对于长期吸引力是必要的，我们称之为深度持久的吸引。我们不需要一切只持续一夜的肤浅和短暂吸引。但如果你现在有纸和笔，让我给你列出深度吸引要具备的四个要素，我希望你用笔记下来。我目前非常重视这个吸引力准则，因为它是一切爱情生活的基础。 

The first thing we need is visual chemistry. Visual chemistry is that animal attraction that you feel when you're in front of someone.

首先，我们需要的是可见化学反应。可见化学反应指的是，你在见到某人时所感受到的动物本能吸引。

Now, this isn't just about looks. People think it is like, I don't have the right amount of visual chemistry, because I'm not good looking enough. I'm here to tell you that the smallest part of this is your looks, because it has far more to do with the way you walk, the way you move, the way you gesture, the way you stand, those things have the biggest impact and and also of course your facial expression, how you emote. See, animation creates attraction. And if you understand how to animate in a really powerful way, that's the thing that's gonna create the biggest amount of attraction. That's why you can see a picture of someone and not be attracted. And then you see them in the flesh. And you're like, I get it. They're really charismatic, charming, attractive. I find them hot. I didn't in the picture, that's visual chemistry. There is so much you can do to master visual chemistry that you actually have control of that has nothing to do with looks.

可见化学反应不单是与外貌有关。人们可能会认为：我长得不够好看，我不具备足够的可见化学反应。我现在告诉你，外貌只是可见化学反应中最小的影响因素，因为可见化学反应还包括你的步态、举止、姿势、站立方式，这些因素影响最大，当然还有你的面部表情、情感表达方式。明白没，活力四射，热情洋溢可以创造吸引力。如果你知道如何以非常有效的方式展现你那有趣的灵魂，那才能创造最大吸引力。这就是为什么你看到某人的照片并不会产生吸引力，然后你见到他们本人。你会想：“我明白了，他们真的有魅力，迷人又有吸引力。”我在照片上没有感受到，但在现场却有，这就是可见化学反应。在掌握可见化学反应方面，你可以做很多事情，而这实际上与外表无关。

The second part is perceived value. What value does someone see you having? Now, this is different from saying we're all valuable inside. We're all worth something that's different. I believe human beings are all worth a lot. That's why I do what I do. But there's a difference between having a great product and being able to sell that product. Many people are not good salesman of their own products . Then, we are the greatest asset will ever own. We're also the only asset will always own. So if you're the only asset you'll always have, you better learn how to sell you and perceived value comes down to that. How do I show what I'm worth? How do I show that I have a great lifestyle to someone? How do I show them I have a lot to bring to the table? And how do I do that in a way that comes across naturally in conversation? I don't want to boast about myself, but I need to be able to show someone how much I have to bring to them.

第二要素是可见价值。别人看到你有什么价值？可见价值不同于我们说的内在价值。每个人都有不同的价值，每个人都非常有价值，这也是我从事这项工作的原因。但拥有一款出色的产品与能够销售该产品截然不同。很多人并不擅长销售自己的产品，但我们自己则是我们此生拥有的最大资产，也是唯一的资产。所以如果你是唯一永远拥有的资产，你最好学会如何推销自己，而可见价值就与推销自己有关。我如何展示我自己的价值？我如何向别人展示我拥有美好的生活？我如何向他人展示自己有许多优点、才华或能力？以及我如何在对话中自然而然地展示？我不想夸耀自己，但我需要有能力向别人展示我可以带来多少价值。

The third component is perceived Challenge. Now, people say, isn't it enough that I have perceived value? Why do I have to play games and be challenging? You don't have to play games. But you do have to understand that people value what they earn. If something comes too easily, no matter how valuable it is, people do not respect it, and they do not want it in the same way. Every guy has to see that there is a part of you that is challenging. Even if it's just in the beginning, showing little ways that he has to prove himself to you before you give him the next 5 minutes or the next day or the next day. It doesn't have to be done in a game playing fashion .  

第三要素是可见挑战。有人会说，我有可见价值不就足够了吗？为什么还要互相博弈，互相为难呢？你不必玩弄心机，但你必须明白：人们更加珍视自己争取到的东西。如果某物得来全不费工夫，无论它有多有价值，都不会得到人的尊重，人们也不会渴望努力得到它。每个人都必须看到你具有一定的挑战性，哪怕仅在开始阶段时，用一些微妙的方式，在你继续为了那个人投入5分钟、下一天甚至更长时间之前，让那个人必须向你证明自己。这并不一定要通过玩弄心机的方式来实现。

Sometimes perceived Challenge isn't setting up some hoop for someone to jump through. Sometimes it's just saying to someone, I can't see you as soon as you'd like to see me. You have to wait a little bit. I don't have 4 hours to see you tonight, but I have half hour if you wanna come and see me in my part of town. There are ways to be challenging that are completely natural and show someone that you're someone they have to earn.

有时，可见挑战并不是为别人设立障碍。有时，只需对某人说：“我不能像你想象的那样立刻见到你。你需要稍等一下。”“今晚我没有四个小时的时间去见你，但如果你愿意来我这边，我有半个小时空余。”有许多完全自然的方式来提高追你的难度，让别人明白，追你是需要他们去争取的。

The 4th thing is connection. Now you could have all of the first three and someone can think you're a great person and have attraction, animal attraction with you. They could think you're challenging. But if on a deeper level, you don't have connection. That's not a relationship that's gonna last. You have to understand how to get down to what really drives someone, what their core motives in life, and what are they all about? And that all comes down to the questions that that you ask them, what are the questions that get down to who someone really is. And one of the ways to do that is to actually ask someone about what their motives are in life, rather than asking what they do, ask why they do it. And when you do that, you're gonna get to the core of who they actually are.

第四要素是情感联结。你可能具备了前三个要素，某人可能会认为你是个很优秀的人，而且你也有动物般的吸引力。他们可能认为追你有一定的难度。但是，如果在更深层次上，你们没有联结，那就不会是一种持久的关系。你必须知道如何深入了解一个人的内心驱动力，知道他们生活的核心动机是什么，他们的本质是什么？这一切都归结为你向他们提出的问题，哪些问题可以深入了解一个人的真实面貌。其中一种方法是询问一个人的生活动机，而不是询问他们做什么，而是问为什么要这么做。通过询问动机，你将深入了解他们的本质。