Mum‘s girl

When the weather is getting cold; my heart is frozen.

When the sky is over cast; my world turns grey.

In the dark and frigid night, I cannot find the light of life. Who could help me? I asked God......No reponses.

No target, No movitation, No energy!

My life is enveloped in a shroud of depressed atmosphere......so depressed. I even wanna finish my journey in the world. But......Mum......

Mum, I love you! but how can I make you happy?

Mum, I wanna leave the world, but I have no courage. I don‘t have the heart to make you so sad.

Mum, I wanna say I love you! but I knew I have said too many times. I don‘t know whether it means so much.

You‘re the only one giving me the energy to live in the world.

You‘re the only one supporting me to face the society.

Mum, if one day I cannot go home, please feel I‘m still and always with you. I really love you like loving myself. You‘re the only one I could give my own life to exchange.

Mum, if I‘m leaving you without telling  you, which does not mean that I don‘t love you any longer. Oppositely, it means I love you too much. I will change my mind if I saw your eyes with tears. It also means you love me too much. Except you, no one in the world loves me so much, gives me cares, thinks about me more than themselves. Only you, you‘re my eternal angel.

But why you brought me to the world? A world with so many ugly things! I don‘t wanna be part of them......I‘m afraid when I have some terrible thoughts. And even God cannot help me escape away from them.......I wanna fight with fate, but I have no enough power.

I remembered that I used to be a very happy child. I was living in a beautiful heaven. You told me the sweetest stories. But why everything is changed when I‘m growing up. Why I became so sad and unhappy every day? Please give me an answer.....Please......