战场墨菲法则...

Murphy's Law，不管是译为墨菲法则、莫非定理、还是摩菲定理什么都好。这是西方世界常用的俚语，其主要内容是：事情如果有变坏的可能，不管这种可能性有多小，它总会发生。据说最早是一个叫Edward A. Murphy的航空工程师创立的，并在与航天机械相关的领域被广泛引用，但之后逐渐进入习语范畴，其内涵被赋予无穷的创意，出现了众多的变体，Cannonical Murphy's Laws of Combat就是其中之一（从某些词条的内容来看，我怀疑是在越战期间总结的）。

我最早看到的墨菲法则的战场版有33条，最近经常发现一些网站或论坛转载只有26条的缩水版而且还美其名曰《美军作战手册》（在此不得不BS一下把墨菲法则当成作战手册的人，真正的美军作战手册何止140本，人家可是连作战地区的牙齿保健都有专门的一本手册的，不信？点这个链接看看，这里还只是可公开的部分而矣）。前段时间偶然看到有人转载了足足有140条之多的版本，我想这个大概是足本了吧，一时兴起就试着翻译了。

感谢lzx0503、p210、胖哥、AKAK545、solo12、虎甲1、黄药师等QBQer对翻译内容提出的意见和帮助，感谢好孩子吱提供的建议。这法则真不容易翻译，尤其是使用了大量的讽刺、双关、引用，很多翻译结果都无法完美地达到“信达俗”，所以不得不用括号里加注帮助读者（尤其是非军事爱好者）理解。——为什么不是“信达雅”？这些俚语没有脏话连篇已经不错了，要是再高雅起来就更不贴合其原意了。不过好的翻译不是译出来的，是推敲出来的，现在这个版本不一定是最贴切的版本，欢迎大家提出更好的建议。

1. Friendly fire - isn't.
友军火力一点儿都不友好。（美军术语Friendly fire是指“被自己人误伤”）

2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
无坐力炮的后坐力大着呢。

3. Suppressive fires - won't.
压制火力啥也压制不了。

4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
你不是超人，陆战队员和战斗机飞行员特别要紧记这一条。

5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
胸口被打个大洞，你就自然而然会停下来。（sucking是正在飙血的意思）

6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
如果一个蠢方法有用，那它就不是一个蠢方法。

7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
装成无关紧要的人，敌人可能子弹不多，不想浪费在你身上。

8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
如果你的攻击没成功，马上呼叫空袭支援吧。

9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
每当你开始进攻时，炮兵也会越打越近。

10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
永远别跟比你勇敢的战友呆在同一个散兵坑里。

11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
永远别跟比你疯狂的人一起睡觉。

12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
永远别忘了你手上的武器是由出价最低的承包商中标制造的。

13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
如果你的攻击进行得很顺利，那一定是你中了圈套。

14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
那支你以为是徉动的敌兵其实是主攻部队。

15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When they're ready. b. When you're not.
敌人总会在以下两种情况发生时展开攻击：1)他们准备好的时候；2)你没准备好的时候。

16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
任何作战计划在接敌之后都会变成废纸。（早期33条翻译版本译为“交火”，但contact在美军用语里指“发现敌踪”，不一定是双方的，有时也只是单方的。）

17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
完美的计划是不存在的。

18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
手榴弹的五秒引信总会在三秒内烧完。

19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
散兵坑里不存在无神论者。

20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
逃跑的敌军大概只是打算先撤退后反击。

21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
重要的事情总是简单的；简单的事情总是难以做到的。

22. The easy way is always mined.
好走的路总已被布上地雷。

23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
集体行动非常必要；起码敌人有其他目标可以射击了。

24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at
all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
不要太显眼，因为那会吸引敌方火力。因此，航空母舰被称作“炸弹磁铁”就不奇怪了。

25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
不要吸引敌人火力；这会使你身边所有的人都恨你。

26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
如果你除了敌人什么都缺，那你一定在交战区了。

27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
你攻占一个地区后，确保敌人也知道。

28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
飞来的子弹有优先通行权。（不要把身体挡在子弹的去路上）

29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
从来没有一支完成战备的单位能通过检阅。

30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
从来没有一支准备好检阅的部队能活过战斗。

31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
如果敌人进入你的射程内，别忘了你也在进入了他的射程内。

32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
唯一比敌军炮火还准确是友军火力。

33. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
必须要装配在一起才能发挥效力的武器装备不能一起运送。

34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
必须要装配在一起才能发挥效力的武器不能被一起运到战场。

35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support
无线电总是在你急需火力支援时失灵。

36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both).
雷达总是在晚上和坏天气时失灵，尤其是在两者都发生的时候。

37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
你所做的任何事都可能送命，就算你什么都不做也一样。

38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
当你防守严密到敌人攻不进来时，那往往你自己也打出不去。

39. Tracers work both ways.
曳光弹是双刃剑。（你更容易打中敌人，敌人也更容易找到你的位置）

40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
如果你在行动中完成了额外的任务，那么你总会被赋予这些额外的任务。

41. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
当两军都觉得自己快输时，那他们可能都是对的。

42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
专业士兵的行为是可预测的；但世上却充满了菜鸟。

43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
“军事情报”一词中的军事和情报是矛盾的。（intelligence一词多义，同时也指“智慧”，这个双关语是讽刺战场上往往缺乏有头脑的行为）

44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
脑袋和屁股从来不可兼顾。

45. Weather ain't neutral.
天气不是中立的。（气像状况总是对你不利）

46. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
如果你记不起来自己亲手布置的定向雷的指向，那这定向雷一定是朝向你的。

47. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
防空座右铭：先把飞机打下来，再在地上区分敌友。

48. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go'.
飞得高，死得快；飞得又低又慢，就能完成目标。

49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
不能把希望寄托在救兵身上。（言下之意是要靠自己，不要老想着会有人来救你。Cavalry在美军俚语里就是“救兵”的意思，请想像一下当你处身美国西部开拓时期在野外被一大群印弟安人包围的情景）

50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
凝固汽油弹一炸一大片。（别扔得太近）

51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
地雷是机会均等的武器。

52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
B52是终极近距支援武器。

53. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
狙击手座右铭：出去，干掉点儿人。

54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
“为了和平而杀戮”，就像是说为了贞洁而玩叉叉（screwing这个“上螺线”的动作是形容词啦）一样。

55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
你需要的物品总是很缺乏。

56. Interchangeable parts aren't.
通用部件总是不通用。

57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
专门给你的指示一点也不重要；那些“致有关人士”的指示才是你必须重视的。

58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
有怀疑的时候，先打空你的弹匣再说。

59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
制服最简单的一方总会获胜。

60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
战斗总会在两张地图交汇的地方展开。（你总也拿不到战区的地图）

61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
如果副排长能看得见你，那敌人也能。

62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
能坐着的时候绝不要站着，能躺着的时候绝不要坐着，能睡着的时候绝不要醒着。

63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
世上最可怕的东西是一个有地图和指南针的少尉。（他们擅长纸上谈兵）

64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
例外才是战斗法则的最佳证明，作战计划滚一边去。

65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
所有东西都在你的总部有效，在上校的总部失效。

66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
敌人从来都不会察觉，除非你犯了错误。

67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
一个敌人士兵永远不够，两个就太多了。

68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
清洁干净的作战服总是吸引泥和雨。

69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
天气越差，你被派遣出去的机会就越多。

70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
你有足够弹药的时候，你百发百中。你缺弹药的时候，连谷仓那么大的东西都打不中。

71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
武器越贵（或是越有用处？），修理的时候就要送的越远。

72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
武器的复杂程度和操作者的智商成反比。

73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
“战场经验”这东西，只有在某次很需要它的行动之后你才能获得。

74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
不管你从哪条路线行军，都是上坡路。

75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
如果收集到了足够的资料，调查委员会什么事都可以证明。（委员会胡说八道）

76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
在新兵训练营，对每一个行动都有赞成与反对两种评判。

77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
空袭总是打得过远，炮火总是打得太近。

78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
当你查看你写下的无线电频率的时候，最重要的总是无法辨认。

79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
弹雨之中逞英雄的人往往死得最快。

80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
作为军官最辛苦的一点是：士兵不知道他们想要什么，只知道他们不想要什么。

81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
从一个人那里偷取信息叫剽窃，从敌人那里偷取信息叫搜集情报。

82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
在你最需要它的时候总是卡壳的武器是M60机枪。

83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
最适合某个工作的军官总是在这个职位已经被别人占据后一天调来。

85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
最新最没经验的士兵最可能获得荣誉奖章。（意思是“挂掉的人就会获得美国最高级勋章”）

86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
紫心勋章（美国授予受伤士兵的勋章）证明你聪明到可以想出一个计划，愚蠢到尝试这个计划，并且幸运到活了下来。

87. Murphy was a grunt.
墨菲是个大头兵。（就是因为墨菲老是做错事，所以才叫墨菲法则嘛 :-P）

88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
啤酒数计算法：三十七人，每人两瓶，共要四十九箱。

89. Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
歼敌数计算法：三名游击队员加一个可能再加两只猪，本次战斗共毙敌三十七人。

90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
手榴弹的杀伤半径总是比你能扑出的距离多一英尺。

91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
全天候近距空中支援在坏天气里不管用。

92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
一支部队的作战能力与它外表的好看程度成反比。

93. The crucial round is a dud.
至关重要的炮弹总是哑弹。

95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
需要散兵坑时，它们总是太远。（注：convenient在这里是指地理上的便利，就好像所谓的便利店一样，所以不能解作“舒适”）

97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
如果你的阵地有很好的工事而且你也准备好应付敌人的攻击，敌人会绕过你。

98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
如果你准备好了一次伏击，敌人不会进入你的伏击圈。

99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
如果你的侧翼迂回进行的很顺利，是因为敌人正期待着你从侧翼接近他们。

100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
你越是感到好奇的目标就越危险。

101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
奇怪的物体吸引炮火 － 不要躲在这种东西后面。

103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
长官的自大程度与他的官职成反比（还有他的不值得信任程度和有害程度）。

104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
任何事情都有一个解决方法，尽管通常是不管用的。

105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
没人关注的行动通常是成功的；被高级长官关注的行动通常是失败的。

106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
在你使用不安全的频道发布之前，敌人都不会监听你的无线电频率。

107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
如果你战斗中掉了装备，你的子弹和手榴弹一定离你最远，而水壶总是掉在你的脚边。

108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
战场上，你只要搞到热东西吃，就总是要下雨的。

109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
不要告诉副排长你无事可做。

111. Walking point = sniper bait.
去带路 ＝ 去当狙击手的诱饵。

112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
你夜间的宿营地是你白天行军累了的地方。

113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
如果一个战场上的问题只有一种解决方案，这一定是个愚蠢的方案。

115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
在低军衔能让你升官的行为会在新军衔杀死你。

116. If orders can be misunderstood they will be.
如果命令可能被误解，那它一定会被误解。

117. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
奇怪的东西吸引炮火。你就是奇怪的。

118. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
迫击炮弹幕只有一发能命中目标，这一发是哑弹。

119. Mine fields are not neutral.
雷场不是中立的。

120. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
装备的重量与你需要扛着它的时间成正比。

122. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
军官总是在你犯错误时出现。

123. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
投掷武器的杀伤半径总比一般士兵能扔的距离大。

128. When you have sufficient ammo the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on ammo the enemy attacks that night.
你弹药充足的时候，敌人两个礼拜也不进攻；你缺弹药的时候，敌人马上就进攻。

129. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
军需官那里的东西只有两个尺码：太大的和太小的。

130. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
压制火力唯一管用的时候是用来对付废弃的阵地的时候。

131. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he has fallen back too far.
如果一个前线士兵无意中听到两个参谋在讨论，那他一定是呆得太后了。（参谋人员都是胆小鬼）

132. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
不要做第一个，也不要做倒数第一个，更不要志愿干什么事。

133. If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.
如果你进攻失败，轰炸计划不是帮你忙的。

134. Any ship can be a minesweeper...once.
所有船只都可以当扫雷艇……一次性的。

135. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
如果你失去了敌人的踪迹，转头看看。

136. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't.
在战场上，如果你的位置过于靠前，那么你一定要注意是否忽视了某些潜在的危险。（言下之意：二愣子才冲在最前面）

137. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
交火后，受伤的严重程度与到掩体的距离成反比。

138. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
指挥官越蠢，他被命令执行的任务越重要。

139. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
拔下保险销后，手榴弹先生就不再是你的朋友了。

140. All or any of the above combined.
以上法则的任意组合。