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原作者：
来源A letter to … A, whom I met on the internet | Life and style | The Guardian
译者freedomcat
I may never send this because I’m not really into drama
or revenge. Or maybe I’ll send it as a sort of belated thank-you letter,
for I still feel grateful to you for seven years of support, friendship
and company, and what I thought was love. Do you think of me sometimes?
I have thought of you, and I have tried to recapture some of the
happiness by looking you up on the dating website and rereading your
profile. You have not logged in for three years – indeed, I did think
you had stopped your membership after we had known each other for a few
months. I did – but it turns out that you went on paying your
subscription.
我从没有写过这样的信给你，因为我并不想演戏或者复仇。这封信也许只是我发给你的一封迟到的感谢信，我至今都感谢那七年中你对我的帮助、友情、陪伴
还有我一厢情愿的爱情。你有时会想起我吗？而我想你，我曾经登入约会网站上找到你，再一次浏览你的个人信息，以此试着来重温过去的快乐。我曾经认为，你已
经整整三年没有登入这网站了，就像我做的一样——在我们相识几个月后，我注销了用户。而我现在发现，你仍然在续费。
You haven’t changed the photo. An earnest expression,
balding but with some beautiful white hair, thin lips, a sharp chin,
glasses … I remember thinking you were not handsome enough for me.
你仍没有换头像，图片中的你仍然是一副认真的表情，秃顶，只剩下少许的漂亮的白发，薄薄的嘴唇，尖尖的下巴，戴着一副眼镜，我记得那时我认为，你对我而言还不够帅。
Yet when we met, I wanted you immediately. I think we
both felt that way – it was what they call chemistry. I could hardly sit
still in the restaurant, and when we parted that day, we just smiled at
each other and you said: “Now what shall we do?” I almost said, “Don’t
go”, but I tried to be demure and said: “Let’s meet next week.” When you
got home, you sent a lovely email – I still have it.
但当我们见面，我突然发现，我需要你。我那时认为你也如此，就像人们常说的那个被称为爱情的化学反应。我坐在在餐厅中，一直惴惴不安，而当我们在那
天分开时，我们只是互相微笑，你说：“现在我们去做什么？”我几乎要说:”不要走”，但最终我还是努力保持矜持，说：“下周再见。”你到家后发给我的那封
有趣的电邮，我至今仍留着。
Over those seven years, you gave me such a lot. You
taught me to dance. You persuaded me to visit places that I had never
dreamed of seeing and, best of all, you let me cook with you and garden
with you and sit in front of the television with your cat. When I was
resting on the sofa you would sometimes stroke my hair as you walked
past.
在我们相处的七年间，你为我付出了那么多。你教我跳舞。你说服我去旅行，看到那些超出我想象的风景。而其中最美妙的时光是我和你一起烹饪做饭，一起做园艺还有我和你的猫咪一起看电视。当我在沙发上休息时，你有时走过我身边时，会抚摸我的头发。
When we met, you warned me of your wanderlust. Long
journeys to inhospitable parts of the world. You were happy travelling
alone and, anyway, I was not free to accompany you. When you were away,
we wrote or phoned daily and I enjoyed your trips at secondhand. You
came with me when I paid duty visits to elderly neighbours and
relatives. You accompanied me to hospital appointments. When my mother
died, you helped with the arrangements and emptying her flat, and you
held me close when I cried.
曾经我们约会时，你提醒我，你是一个旅行者。你常常会去长途旅行，到世界上偏远的角落中去。你喜欢独自一人旅行，而我也不能自由地去陪伴你。当你离
开去旅行，我们每天写信，通电话。通过这种间接的方式，我也享受着你的旅途。你陪伴我去例行拜访那些年老的邻居和亲戚，也陪同我去赴医院的预约。当我母亲
去世时，你帮我整理和清空母亲的公寓。在我哭的时候，你紧紧地抱住我。
I had never had this, and the day you told me it was over
I wished I were dead. A cliche, I know, and until then I had not
grasped what that feels like. As the years have passed I have tried to
piece it all together. You said you loved me, but not enough. I have
told myself that I very nearly gained the love of a truly kind and
honourable man and had known seven years of happiness.
我从未想到，你会对我说我们之间结束了，那时我觉得我就像死了一样。说句废话，我知道，直到那时，我都没有弄清为什么会这样。多年过去了，我试着把
所有的线索联系到一起。你曾经说过，你爱我，但爱地不深。我曾告诉我自己，我几乎就要获得一份真爱，得到一个不错的男人，还度过了七年快乐的时光。
So reading your profile again on the website, I noticed
with surprise that it had been modified in 2004 – three years into our
time together. You had logged in and written: “I’m on my travels at
present, but don’t let that put you off. I’ll be back in May so if you
are interested, do please get in touch.”
所以在阅读网站上你的的个人资料时，我惊讶地发现资料在2004年被改过，那时我们已经在一起三年了。你那时登入网站，写下：“我现在正在旅行，不要让旅行使我们失去联系。我将在5月回来，所以如果你感兴趣的话，请和我联系。”
Of course I don’t know whether any new woman did get in
touch. But now I know that, even then, you were looking for someone
else. For another four years you continued to be kind to me – but my
memory of those years, as it turns out, is a false memory. Were you
cynically staying with me till you found someone better? Or were you
secretly struggling with yourself – not wanting to hurt me, waiting till
you had supported me through some of the painful times I faced in those
years?
当然我那时不知道你和别的女人有了联系。当然我现在知道，早在那时，你就在寻找其他的女人。在剩下的四年里，你对我依然很好，但是那些年的记忆现在
看来只是虚情假意。在找到一个更好的女的之前，难道你和我在一起时只是装模作样？或者你在私下里自我挣扎，为了不想伤害我，直到你帮我度过了在那些年几次
痛苦的经历？
What have I learned from all this? Not a lot. The past is
not always what we think it is. But perhaps it is better not to know
that.
我从这一切中学到了什么？有一些：过去不一定是我们曾认为的那样，但或许我们还是不知道的好。
One last thing. That huge vase you brought back from India for me. It is in the charity shop window now.
最后，你曾从印度给我带回了一个花瓶，那花瓶现在放在慈善店的橱柜里。
I wish you well, B
我希望你一切都好。
来源:译言
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