作者：苏珊·凯恩 2012-4-18如今，我们要为不寻常的个性风格的狭窄范围腾出空位。我们被告知，要好就要够大胆，要快乐就要会社交。我们视自己是一个性格外向的国家——这意味这我们丢掉了真实模样。根据研究，有三分之一到一半的美国人都是性格外向者，换句话说，你了解的每两到三个人中就有一个。（鉴于美国在最外向的国家中，数字起码要比世界其他的地方要高。）如果你本人不内向向，那么你肯定被一个内向的人抚养、监护或者和一个内向的人结婚或者结合在一起。
如果这个统计数据让你吃了一惊，那么可能是因为太多的人假装性格外向。私下的内向会在操场上、在高中衣帽间和美国公司的走廊里传递。有些人甚至欺骗他们自己，知道一些生活事件——临时解雇、空巢、一笔让他们按自己喜好自由使用时间的遗产——震荡了他们，使其重新审视自己的真实本质。你只要将这本书的主题和你的朋友和熟人提及，去找找那些最不可能认为自己是性格内向的人。 Author,
New York Times Bestseller 'QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't
Stop Talking' If
these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to
be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school
locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even
themselves, until some life event -- a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance
that frees them to spend time as they like -- jolts them into taking stock of
their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your
friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider
themselves introverts. It
makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a
value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal -- the omnipresent belief that the
ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The
archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to
heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of
being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think
that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual
-- the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow
technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any
personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our
tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise
of doing so. Introversion
-- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness -- is now a
second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a
pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's
world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are.
Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it
into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must
conform. The
Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has
never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated
as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends.
Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more
competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where
research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent -- even
though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the
word introvert is stigmatized -- one informal study, by psychologist Laurie
Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid
language ( "green-blue eyes," "exotic," "high cheekbones"), but when asked to
describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture
("ungainly," "neutral colors," "skin problems"). But
we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of
our greatest ideas, art, and inventions -- from the theory of evolution to van
Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer -- came from quiet and cerebral
people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be
found there. Copyright
2012 by Susan Cain. From the book QUIET: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop
Talking by Susan Cain, published by Crown, a division of Random House, Inc.
Reprinted with permission. |
|
|
