主义趣释 你拥有两头奶牛

封建主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你的地主却能得到一部分牛奶。

纯社会主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府将其与其他人的奶牛一起放在牛棚里。你必须照料所有的奶牛，而政府给你提供你所需要的牛奶。

官僚社会主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府将其与其他人的奶牛一起放在牛棚里，并由前养鸡场农民来照料。而你必须照料政府从养鸡场农民那里弄来的鸡。你会得到政府法规所规定的，你所需要的牛奶和鸡蛋的量。

法西斯主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府将其没收，并雇佣你照看它们。你可以向政府购买牛奶。

纯共产主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你的邻居帮你照看它们。你和你的邻居一起分享牛奶。

苏联式共产主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你必须照看它们，但是政府得到所有的牛奶。

柬埔寨式共产主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府将其抢夺，并杀死了你。

独裁主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府夺走了它们，却将你征收入伍。

纯民主主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你的邻居来决定谁能得到牛奶。

代议制民主主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你的邻居挑选一个人来告诉你，谁能得到牛奶。

官僚主义：你拥有两头奶牛。政府首先规定牛的饲料，以及你挤奶的时间。然后，政府因为你没有挤奶而付钱给你。接着，政府拿走了两头奶牛，杀死了其中的一头，挤了另一头牛的奶，却把奶倒在牛棚里。最后，政府要求你填写表格上报丢失的牛。

纯无政府主义：你拥有两头奶牛。要么你以公平的价格销售牛奶。要么你邻居企图抢走你的牛，并且杀害你。

自由主义/无政府资本主义：你拥有两头奶牛。你卖了其中的一头，并且买回一头公牛。

超现实主义：你拥有两头长颈鹿。政府要求你去上口琴课。

Politics Explained

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

(Original source unknown . . . this version expanded and Illuminated by SJ.)