confusing

There are two situation of the world: one of them is living, another one is death. These two may not be the unusual thing. The most painful situation is terrible sick. What on hell am I afraid My dream is never come back here to pass the new years. Looking back the past years, most of  my life time is painful expect the day I had stayed with you. How many tear I have cried these days. I must be strong enough to face all the realist of the life itself. I should never eager someone to real care about you. You have been strong enough for many years, why can not you insist it on the rest of your life?

 There are two situation of the world: one of them is living, another one is death. These two may not be the unusual thing. The most painful situation is terrible sick. What on hell am I afraid?