|
有没有发现自己在工作场合说话总是小心翼翼的？比如，任何批评都用“对不起”开头？——是时候停止了。 有没有发现自己在工作场合说话总是小心翼翼的？比如，明明是陈述，结尾的语气却是疑问？或者，不管是批评、反馈，还是新的想法，都用“不好意思，但是……”开头？ 是，我也这样。但是你知道吗，尽管你老练专业，但是这种沟通风格让你听上去并非如此，甚至可能使你在工作中止步不前。 所以，是时候把你的模棱两可的说辞丢到一边，让我们听起来更权威了。以下是我发现自己时不时会犯的一些错误——以及我学会控制它们的办法。 1.问问题（而不是做陈述） 是不是你说的每件事情呢？结果听起来呢？都像一个问题呢？我发现，当我用这种语调讲完一句话时，它意味着，我不确定我在讲什么。我正试图解读听众的反应，看他或者她会不会附和我们谈话的走向。如果我得到了否定信号，我的信心就开始消散，然后我就像个七年级生似的语塞了。 这个时候，我就失去了对谈话的控制权了，想要回到正轨继续陈述我的论据就很困难。我找到的解决方法是，确保我能成为自己所说的每一句话的坚强后盾。在参加一项重要的会议之前，我会浏览一遍支持我的建议的所有原因。然后，需要肯定时，我会提醒自己使我做出决定的客观事实，而不是从队友那里寻找肯定（这是另一种形式的自我否定）。另外，我知道，如果有人不同意，我也准备好了清晰地陈述的我的理由。 2.道歉（尽管不是你的错） 这个是我从我大学时约会过的男生身上学到的，他恨透了不必要的道歉。当然，确实有只能说“我很抱歉”的时候——比如你犯了错。但是如果事情不是你的错（不论是有人在人行道上企图从你旁边挤过去而踩了你的脚，有同事忘记了你已经跟她约好了的会议，还是有客户不满意新的市场趋势），停止道歉吧。你所做的一切只是在承担不属于你的责任（或指责）。 依此类推，要批评他人时，也没有必要从“很抱歉，但是……”开始。如果你和同事有分歧，或者和下属有问题，直说无妨。“很抱歉，但是这份报告不是我想要的”并不会减轻打击——并且局面会反过来不利于你。直接一点，让责任回到该负责的人那里去。“这份报告没有涵盖我们之前讨论的内容——你能重写一遍吗？”甚至包括如下鸡毛蒜皮的小事：“不好意思，你能不能清理一下微波炉里的溅出来的意大利面？”如果没有前面道歉的前缀，会听上去好一些。 （题外话：当我和那个大学男生停止约会时，我还学会了一点，分手谈话，最好也不要硬说“不是你的原因，都怪我”） 3.罗列利弊（而不是给出你的建议） 最近，我的公司正考虑出一款新产品，我负责调研对手的提案。我工作团队的领导在做出最后决定前，询问了我对提案的建议。 尽管我很想通过开发新产品做个大案子，我觉得这事儿弄不成——但是我不想成为说“不”的那个人。所以，我没有给他打电话，而是给他发了一封陈述利弊的邮件。 是的，他要利弊对比的清单——但他也要一个决定。由于我没有给到他，我破坏了自己的信誉。当然了，谁也不想做带来坏消息的“坏人”，但是你知道吗？这是不可避免的。并且有时候，你的工作就是发布这个坏消息。 如果你一贯是在做自己的决定时让其他人来打那个电话，你看上去就像那种谨小慎微的人——不够聪明，只会跟风。下次再让我提意见，我一定会有一个明确的答复！ 你是否在工作场合说话小心翼翼、用词模棱两可？你学会克服这种倾向了吗？ 2012 is coming to a wrap! To say good-bye to one seriously great year, we’re counting down to New Year’s with the top 12 articles of 2012. You loved them the first time, so here they are again—we hope you enjoy! Ever find yourself playing it safe with your language at work? As in—ending statements with question marks in your voice, or prefacing any critique or feedback or new idea you have with “Sorry, but… .” Yeah, me too. But you know what? This style of communication keeps you from sounding like the seasoned professional you are and might even be what’s preventing you from getting ahead at work. So it’s time to put aside our wishy-washy words and start sounding authoritative. Here are a few mistakes I find myself making from time to time—and how I’ve learned to keep them in check. 1. Asking Questions (Instead of Making Statements) Does everything you say? Come out sounding? Like a question? When I find myself ending a sentence at work with that lilt, it means I’m unsure of what I’m saying and trying to read my listener to see if he or she is going to agree with where our conversation is headed. If I’m getting negative signals, any confidence I had starts to fade, and I’m stuck sounding like a seventh grader. At that point, I’ve lost control of the conversation, and it can be hard to get it back on track to make my argument. The fix, I’ve found, is to make sure I can stand behind everything I’m saying. Before going into an important meeting, I’ll run through all of the reasons why I stand behind my recommendation. Then, instead of looking to a teammate for confirmation (another form of self-undermining), I can remind myself of the facts that led me to my decision. Plus, I know I’m prepared to clearly state my reasoning if someone disagrees. 2. Apologizing (When It’s Not Your Fault) This one I learned from a guy I dated in college who hated unnecessary apologies. Sure, there are times saying “I’m sorry” is the only appropriate response—like when you make a mistake. But if you’re apologizing for something that’s not your fault (whether it be to the person who stepped on your foot trying to squeeze past you on the subway, the co-worker who forgot the meeting you’d scheduled with her, or the client who isn’t happy with a new market trend), stop. All you’re doing is taking responsibility (and blame) for something that’s not on you. Along similar lines, there’s no reason to begin criticisms with “I’m sorry, but… .” If you’re having a disagreement with a co-worker or a problem with a subordinate, simply state the issue. “I’m sorry, but this report isn’t what I was looking for” doesn’t soften the blow—and it again turns the situation around on you. Be direct and put the responsibility back where it belongs: “This report doesn’t cover what we had previously discussed—can you revise it?” Even something as small as, “I’m sorry, but could you clean your spaghetti splatter out of the microwave?” sounds better without the prefacing apology. (Side note: When college guy and I stopped seeing each other, I learned that those end-of-the-relationship conversations go better without the filler of, “It’s not you, it’s me, ” too.) 3. Giving Pros and Cons (Instead of Your Recommendation) Recently, after I had researched competitors’ offerings of a product my company was considering introducing, the leader of the team I was working with asked what my recommendation to those making the ultimate decision would be. While I wanted to be able to make a solid case for pursuing a new product, I didn’t see it working out—but I didn’t want to be the one saying no. So instead of making a final call, I emailed him my list of pros and cons. And yes, he’d asked for that list—but he also wanted a decision. And by not giving him one, I’d undermined my credibility. Sure, no one wants to be the killjoy who brings bad news, but you know what? It happens. And sometimes, it’s actually your job to deliver it. If you consistently let someone else make the call before making up your own mind, you’ll look like the person who plays it safe, not smart, and simply follows the crowd. Next time I’m asked for a recommendation, I’m going to be sure to have an answer! Do you play it safe by using wishy-washy language at work? How have you learned to overcome those tendencies? |
|
|
