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The teen years are often fraught with door-slamming, eye-rolling and seeming
insensitivity, even by kids who behaved kindly before. Some parents worry that
they're doing something wrong, or that their children will never think of anyone
but
themselves. New research shows that biology, not parenting, is to
blame. In adolescence, critical social skills that are needed to feel concern for
other people and understand how they think are undergoing major changes.
Adolescence has long been known as prime time for developing cognitive skills
for self-control, or executive
function. 'Cognitive empathy,' or the mental ability to take others' perspective,
begins rising steadily in girls at age 13, according to a six-year study
published recently in Developmental Psychology. But boys don't begin until age
15 to show gains in perspective-taking, which helps in problem-solving and
avoiding conflict. Adolescent males actually show a temporary decline, between ages 13 and 16,
in a related skill-affective empathy, or the ability to recognize and respond to
others' feelings, according to the study, co-authored by Jolien van der Graaff,
a doctoral candidate in the Research Centre Adolescent Development at Utrecht
University in the Netherlands. Fortunately, the boys' sensitivity recovers in
the late teens. Girls' affective empathy remains relatively high and stable
through adolescence. The riptides are often noticeable to parents. Susan Burkinshaw has tried to
cultivate empathy in her two teenage sons, 16 and 18, since they were toddlers,
encouraging them to think about others' feelings. Yet one 'went through a period
in eighth grade where he was just a bear to deal with. He always had an
attitude,' says Ms. Burkinshaw, of Germantown, Md. 'Then as quickly as it came
on, it turned back off
again.' The findings reflect a major expansion in researchers' understanding of
cognitive growth during adolescence, according to a 2012 research review
co-authored by Ronald Dahl, a professor of public health at the University of
California at Berkeley. Researchers used to believe that both forms of empathy
were fully formed during childhood. Now, it's clear that 'the brain regions that support social cognition, which
helps us understand and interact with others successfully, continue to change
dramatically' in the teens, says Jennifer Pfeifer, an assistant professor of
psychology at the University of Oregon in Eugene. Preliminary research in her
lab also suggests cognitive empathy rises in teens. The discoveries serve as a
new lens for exploring such teen behaviors as bullying and drug
abuse. Kids who develop affective and cognitive empathy form healthy relationships
and argue less with their parents, research shows. Perspective-taking continues
to be central for adults on the job, helping in designing and selling products
and services, building user-friendly devices, and working smoothly with others
with diverse viewpoints and
backgrounds. Affective empathy is grounded in the limbic region of the brain, which
regulates emotions. This capacity begins developing in infancy when parents
respond sensitively to babies' emotions. Children learn to practice empathy by
watching their parents and by experiencing it themselves-being treated well by
adults who respond warmly to their feelings, says Anthony Wolf, a Longmeadow,
Mass., psychologist, author and
speaker. Cognitive empathy arises from a different part of the brain, the medial
prefrontal cortex, which continues developing later, through adolescence. But
the two are linked; children's affective empathy predicts their level of
cognitive empathy as teens, says a forthcoming study by Caspar Van Lissa, a
doctoral candidate at Utrecht's adolescent-research
center. Parents can help instill affective empathy by encouraging children to walk in
others' shoes. If Ms. Burkinshaw's kids saw a child being teased or treated
badly, she asked them, 'If that had been you, what would you have wanted your
friends to do to
help?' Her 12-year-old daughter Alexandra recently told her that several classmates
had hurt another girl's feelings by blocking her from following them on
Instagram. 'I said, 'What could you do to help her?' ' Ms. Burkinshaw says.
Alexandra talked with her friends, and another mother also intervened. The girls
apologized and invited the victim back into the
group. Adolescents' brains work particularly hard on perspective-taking; teens make
heavier use than adults of the medial prefrontal cortex, says Sarah-Jayne
Blakemore, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London.
That may be because understanding others' viewpoints takes more conscious effort
for teens, while it becomes automatic for adults, Dr. Blakemore says.
Perspective-taking continues to develop through age 21. The decline in affective empathy among young teenage boys may spring at least
partly from a spurt during puberty in testosterone, sparking a desire for
dominance and power, says the study in Developmental Psychology. Boys who were
more mature physically showed less empathy than
others. Boys also feel pressure from peers and some adults to 'act like a man,' which
they often define as being detached, tough, funny and strong, says Rosalind
Wiseman, Boulder, Colo., author of 'Masterminds and Wingmen,' a new book about
teen boys. They may suppress feelings of empathy so they can join in joking and
teasing with peers, she says. 'Humor is the social glue among boys, and empathy
would be a brake on what they can and cannot joke about.' So some kids 'stop
listening to their gut.' Also, some teens may appear insensitive because they're actually struggling
to avoid being overwhelmed by their own feelings of empathy, says Brad Sachs,
Columbia, Md., a psychologist, author and speaker. 'Teens who seem aloof,
hard-hearted or unkind may in reality be quite the
opposite.' Fathers seem to play a special role. Teens whose fathers are supportive, who
say they feel better after talking over their worries with their dads, are more
skilled at perspective-taking, says a 2011 study of 15- to 18-year-old boys in
Developmental Psychology. Yu Oen of Princeton Junction, N.J., encourages his sons Grant, 19, and Sean,
15, to take others' perspective by discussing current events with them-including
how the people involved must have felt. After the Boston Marathon bombing, they
talked about how a runner who lost her legs must have felt when entering a
restaurant where everyone else was wearing shorts. 'You can see their reaction: 'Wow, that is really tough,' ' Mr. Oen says.
'They feel it: 'What if that had been me?' ' Mr. Oen and his wife Shirley 'feel
it too,' he says. 'And we take time to talk about these
things.' |
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