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How to Deal With Bully Bosses-1 Do you have a bad manager? Someone who makes your life miserable all week by criticizing your every move? Experts offer their tips on handling bully and toxic bosses. By Bob Weinstein August 17, 2007 — CIO — Is your boss a tyrant of Machiavellian proportions? If it makes you feel better, you're not alone. According to a study by the Employment Law Alliance, almost half of all employees have been targeted by a bully boss. The study also revealed the following: 81 percent of bullies are managers. 50 percent of bullies are women and 50 percent are men. 84 percent of targets are women. 82 percent of targets ultimately lost their job. 95 percent of bullying is witnessed. Do you have a boss who is off the wall—we're talking certifiably nuts? If it's any consolation, take comfort in knowing that you have more company than you can imagine. The simple truth is that bully or tyrant bosses can be found in abundance. Unfortunately, the majority can't legally be institutionalized. Many should not be bosses. Tyrannical behavior comes in all forms. There are bosses who are mind-controlling abusers, manic-depressive and psychotic. There are obnoxious bully bosses who rule by intimidation, insist on getting their way and fly off the handle easily. They treat subordinates like children and seldom ask for anyone's input. There are also predator bosses, a term that is explained in management consultant Harvey Hornstein's book, Brutal Bosses and Their Prey (Penguin Putnam), in which he defines two species of tyrannical bosses: "The Conqueror" and "The Manipulator." Conqueror bosses prey on employees' weaknesses. They find great thrills in treating the workplace like a battlefield. Once they sense an employee's soft spot, they pounce on it. The unsuspecting victim doesn't stand a chance. Manipulator bosses are the smoothest of bullies. They fear becoming less valued if their underlings get any recognition for exemplary work. Manipulator bosses are backstabbers who'll go to frightening lengths to look good to their superiors. Related Link The Boss and You: A Survival Guide So what makes lunatic bosses act the way they do? Brian Stern, president of Shaker Consulting Group, a management consulting firm in Cleveland, contends that tyrannical behavior often stems from bosses not knowing what they're doing. A false assumption is thinking that bosses actually know how to manage people. Mention the word "boss" and we immediately think that the person has some special abilities or training. There are rules and training programs for almost every conceivable job, from sanitation engineer to nuclear physicist, but no set curriculum teaches you how to be a boss. An obvious way to compensate for a lack of skills is to be tough and unyielding. You stand a better chance of being left alone and unquestioned this way. Yet training alone won't turn a crazy boss into a sane manager. Whatever category your crazy boss fits into, the big question is whether you can work with him or her. Tyrannical bosses come in one of two packages. "The first is the hard-nosed, tough, demanding perfectionist," says Stern. "They can be difficult to work with, but they will listen to reason because they're all about doing the best job they can. They also know that talented people make things happen. But they can drive you nuts trying to achieve goals." The second type, however, is even more difficult to work with, says Stern. "They are unyielding control freaks and have a total disregard for the facts. They demand that things be done their way." How to handle an off-the-wall boss If you feel compelled to improve your situation so that you can at least coexist with your crazy boss, Stern suggests tactfully talking to the tyrant. Take extreme care, and use diplomacy when broaching the subject, he advises. "Don't take an accusatory tone," he says. "Instead, put the burden on yourself. Begin by outlining the problem, and suggest ways you and your boss can work together." A safer strategy is to lie low and stay out of the way of the tyrant boss. Do your job well, and avoid confrontations at all costs. Only you can decide what will be the best solution, Stern adds. Whatever you do, remember that no job is worth enduring constant misery five days a week—not to mention obsessing about pending torture come Monday. "I'm not going to take it any longer!" Yet Robert Mueller, labor attorney and author of Bullying Bosses: A Survivor's Guide (bullyingbosses.com), says you don't have to take a bully boss's constant abuse—and he doesn't endorse copping out by finding another job. Mueller contends that all victims of workplace bullying can become what he calls "workplace warriors" and use self-defense strategies that can restore power, dignity and options to the bullied employee. The more you know about your despotic boss, the better you'll be able to handle him. There are many types of bully bosses. Mueller has identified seven types. Any of the following strike a responsive chord? Subtle bullies: They torment their targets with quiet but piercing techniques. Abusive bullies: These bosses hound a target employee without mercy. Crude bullies: These people throw their weight around loudly and physically. Raging bullies: These people intimidate everyone in the vicinity with their out-of-control anger. Echo bullies: Not normally abusive, they mimic bullying behavior with their subordinates. Ghost bullies: These bosses guide, mentor and supervise lower-level bosses in bullying techniques and tactics. Satellite bullies: These are people of stature who undermine the target by contributing to someone else's bullying. Preparing for battle Before you march into battle, Mueller offers some observations about bully bosses: Personal confrontations with bullies are almost never productive. Management-team members interpret any confrontation an employee might have with a boss as also being a confrontation with them, and without well-documented proof of a pattern of behavior, they will likely view the employee as the problem. If bullies notice you're ducking them, they will not see this as sensible avoidance, but as cowering behavior. Don't be afraid to make eye contact with your bully boss. Don't mistakenly think you can defuse a bully by getting personal and showing your human side. Bullies not only don't appreciate the personal side of others, they don't tolerate it. Details of your personal, spiritual or emotional life are weapons in your antagonist's hands. Don't try and enlist the help of your HR department. HR can be the chilliest place any employee can visit, and also one of the most dangerous. HR's allegiance is to the employer—and its goal is protecting the employer from legal claims. Approach rarely, with caution, and only when fully prepared. Ready to go one-on-one with your tyrant boss? Mueller offers 10 strategies: 1. Approach your bullying problem like a work project. Be methodical in how you behave, perform, document and strategize. Take notes after an incident. Try to stay unemotional. Even though he or she is trying to make you think the opposite, it is the bully who has a serious personal and professional problem, not you. 2. Be a workplace warrior. Even if you plan to put out feelers for other jobs, dedicate yourself to vanquishing your abuser, not being a victim. 3. Sweat the small stuff. Document even the smallest incidents, which often become the most important, illustrating a pattern of bullying that might not otherwise be apparent. Teasing counts. Sarcasm counts. Ignoring you or criticizing you counts. A very public glare or silent treatment counts. 4. Don't let yourself get isolated. Every day, pick out someone you haven't talked to for a while. Have a brief but focused conversation. Bullies work hard to alienate targets from their coworkers. Don't let that happen to you. Related Link The Boss and You: A Survival Guide 5. Display self-esteem and broadcast a positive attitude. Pay attention to how your appearance—such as hair and clothes—is perceived by others. Make your personal space an oasis of calm and taste. 6. Try to stay in safe spots. Your abuser is less likely to attack when you are around other supervisors, known allies, particularly upright employees, and customers or other outsiders of importance to the employer. Make a list of those people and places. 7. During a bullying situation, excuse yourself. Don't beat a hasty retreat, and don't leave the building; tell your abuser that you're late for an appointment with HR, for example. Or casually excuse yourself to use the restroom. Never enter the restroom if you are being pursued by a bully. 8. During an attack, try distracting your abuser. Pick up something physical—as long at it's not a threatening item—such as a critical file that needs the bully's attention or a note with an important phone number that needs to be called. Sometimes a simple distraction is enough to get him or her to stop. 9. Protect your personal information. Tell bullies as little as possible about your life, family, friends, hobbies, interests, religion and so on. Information about you gives them power. 10. Hold your cards close to the vest. As you're building a case against a bully boss, the less you talk about your story to others at work, the better. Controlling what you say, when you say it and to whom needs to be part of your overall, well-organized strategy. My boss is not a bully, he's toxic! Another variation of the tyrant or bully boss is the toxic boss, a term that has been around for a number of years. For those saddled with toxic bosses, there is actually a website called toxicboss.com and even a book about them, The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians and How We Can Survive Them (Oxford) by Jean Lipman-Blumen. Toxic bosses are everywhere, according to Lipman-Blumen. Many are accomplished and extremely successful. Some are working for or running well-known companies. Others are geniuses who created breakthrough technology. On your first meeting, they can be well-poised and ingratiating, and can seem like they'd make great bosses, but that changes quickly once you start working for them. What you thought would be a dream job turns into a nightmare. "Toxic leadership seems to be an equal-opportunity career path," she observes. Even though we're supposedly smarter and more psychologically tuned in than we were a few decades ago, "we continue to tolerate—even prefer and sometimes seek out—toxic leaders who degrade our lives and diminish our happiness." Toxic leaders are everywhere, and they're not going away. "We see them in every arena: business, politics, religion, education, athletics," says Lipman-Blumen. Technology industries are rife with toxic managers, especially brilliant, warped geeks responsible for creating breakthrough technology. Identifying toxic bosses Unfortunately, toxic bosses are hard to spot before you're hired. The reason is that many have Jekyll-and-Hyde personalities, says Lipman-Blumen. But if a sixth sense tells you that all is not kosher with this person, or that he is too good to be true or is unconsciously gnashing his teeth, do some homework and speak to employees or former employees. Unfortunately, few of us are going to act on our instincts. What can you expect from toxic bosses once you're unlucky enough to be working for them? Ready? Lipman-Blumen lists common destructive behaviors: Leaving employees worse off than they found them by undermining, demeaning and terrorizing them. Consciously feeding their employees illusions that enhance the leader's power and impair the employee's capacity to act independently. Playing to the basest fears and needs of the employees. Stifling constructive criticism and teaching supporters—sometimes by threats and authoritarianism—to comply with, rather than question, the leader's judgment and actions. Failing to nurture other leaders, including their own successors. Maliciously setting constituents against one another. Identifying scapegoats and inciting others to castigate them. Ignoring or promoting incompetence, cronyism and corruption. Can anything be done? You're playing with fire if you intend to fly solo and confront your lunatic boss. "Forget heroics," she says. If you feel compelled to right the situation, Lipman-Blumen advises putting together a coalition. There is strength in numbers—or at least, you hope so. "There are probably many others who share your concerns, but feel as lonely and isolated as you do," adds Lipman-Blumen. "Get them together and plan your strategy." But even then, she cautions that you're walking a precarious line. Trying to straighten out a crazy boss is like trying to soothe a starving cheetah that's about to consume you for dinner. But if you've got guts and a sense of adventure, why not have it out with him? You'll certainly feel better about yourself —and you may be surprised by the results. 如何对付恶霸老板 你有一个差劲的老板吗？有个人对你的任何举动都指手画脚，让你这个星期的日子都痛苦不堪？专家提供了建议，该如何对付这些恶霸式的毒老板。 作者：Bob Weinstein 你的老板是不是个有马基雅弗利（Machiavellian)基因的暴君？如果能让你感觉好过点，要知道你并不是唯一的人。根据雇员法律联合会的研究，几乎有一半的员工成为恶霸老板的刀下鱼肉。 这个研究还有如下发现： - 81%的恶霸是经理级人物； - 50%的恶霸是女性，50%的恶霸是男性； - 84%的恶霸目标是女性； - 82%的恶霸目标最终失去了他们的工作； - 95%的恶霸行动都有目击者； 你真有这么一个老板？我们所说的可是货真价实的疯子。如果知道你有难兄难弟算是点安慰的话，你的同伴比你想象的要多。最简单的事实是，恶霸或者暴君是大把的。不幸的是，他们中的大多数不能在法律上被制度化。很多人本不应作老板。 暴君式的行为有各种形式。有的老板是过分的用意志控制别人，很躁郁很神经。有的令人厌恶的老板用恐吓来管理，坚持自己的方式，容易失控。他们把下属当作儿童来对待，很少问别人的意见。他们也是猎食者，管理咨询人Harvey Hornstein的书－无情的老板和他们的猎物，是用这么个词来解释的。书中定义了两类暴君老板：“征服者”和“控制者”。 征服者狩猎员工的弱点。他们将职场视为战场，为此激动不已。他们嗅到员工的软肋，就会重拳出击。这些毫无防备的牺牲者，一点机会都没有。 控制者是恶霸中最圆滑的。他们害怕下属的出色工作得到认可，自己就会贬值。控制者是背后捅刀子的，他们为了自己在上级面前好看，不惜狠狠给人来上一刀。 相关链接：老板和你：生存守则The Boss and You: A Survival Guide 那么是什么让疯狂的老板这么拧把？Brian Stern,克里夫兰的一间管理咨询公司－世客咨询集团的总裁，解释说，暴君式的行为通常源自不知道自己在干些什么的老板。有个假设是错误的：老板通常是知道如何管理人的。提到“老板”这个词，我们立刻想到一些特殊的能力或者培训。几乎每个能想得到的职位，从环卫工程师到核物理学家，都有一定的规则和培训课程，但是，却没有特定的课程，教你如何成为一个老板。为了弥补这个技能，最明显的路子就是装强硬，不干活。这样，你不被人烦和不被人疑问的机会，就大大增加了。 但是，光培训也不会让一个疯狂老板变成一个圣洁的管理者。不论你的老板是哪一型的，最大的问题是你能否与他/她共事。 暴君老板有两类。“第一类是死硬，强硬，要求完美主义”，Stern说，“很难与他们共事，但他们愿意听取事情前因后果，因为要做到最好。他们也知道有才华的人能成事。但是他们为了达到目标也能让你抓狂“ 但是第二类，更加难以共事。Stern说“他们的毫无实效的控制令人害怕，而且毫不顾及事实如何。他们要求事情就按照他们的方式去做。“ 如何对付离谱的老板 如果你觉得非得提升你的境遇不可，才能和你的疯狂老板共处,Stern建议有技巧的和暴君谈这个问题。Stern建议，当处理这个话题时，要非常非常小心，而且要用点外交手腕。“别用责难的口吻”，他说。“反之，要把责任揽在你自己身上。开头，列出问题，然后建议你和你老板能一起工作的方法。” 有一个安全的策略是低姿态，离暴君老板远点。把你的工作做好，不惜任何代价避免正面冲突。 只有你能决定最好的解决方式是什么，Stern说。无论你做什么，记住没有工作值得忍受一个星期五天的持续的痛苦-更不用说每星期一悬在头顶的折磨了。 " 我受够了！“ Rober Mueller,劳工律师，恶霸老板：生存守则（bullyingbosses.com)的作者，却说，你不一定要忍受恶霸老板持续的虐待-而且他也不赞同用寻找另一份工作的方式退出。 Mueller的争论是，所有的职场恶霸的受害者，可以成为他说的“职场战士”，利用自卫的策略，重建被虐员工的力量，自尊和选择权。 有许多类型的恶霸老板。Mueller定义了七种。下面的任何一种是否都有一定的特色？ 1 .暗坏恶霸：他们用很安静，但是刺得很深的方式折磨目标； 2. 滥权恶霸：他们毫无怜悯的追逐目标雇员； 3 原始恶霸：这些人用自己的肉身吨位重砸； 4 狂怒恶霸：这些人用自己失控的愤怒把周围的人吓得够呛； 5 回音恶魔：不是一般的欺负人，他们和下属一起作恶； 6 幽灵恶魔：这些老板指导，控制，监管低级别老板的恶霸技术和技巧； 7 卫星恶魔：这些人把猎物贡献给别人去虐； 准备好战斗 在你开战前, Mueller有些关于恶霸老板的观察新得： 和恶霸的私人间的对峙基本没什么作用； 管理层把任何雇员可能和老板的对峙，都视作和他们管理层的对峙，没有很完备的文件证据，管理层很有可能认为员工有问题。 如果恶霸注意到你躲着他们，他们不会把这当作明哲保身，而是当作一种懦弱的行为； 别害怕和你的恶霸老板又目光接触； 别错误的认为你能通过私交，表现人性化的一面，就能让你的恶霸老板熄火。恶霸不仅不会欣赏别人人情味的一面，他们还不能容忍这些。你个人的精神生活和情感生活，会成为你对手手中的武器。 别试图把人事部门放在你的帮助队伍中。HR是任何雇员所去到的最冰冷的，也是最危险的地方。HR的同盟是雇主-它的目标是保护雇主免于法律诉讼。尽量别去，要去的话小心，而且要准备充分。 准备好和你的暴君老板一对一了吗？ Muelller有10条计策： 1 像对待工作项目一样对待你的恶霸老板问题。怎么行动，怎么表现，如何存档相关文件和制定战略，都得有方法。出事情以后纪录笔记。试着保持冷静。即使他/她试图让你向相反的方向思考，是恶霸有严重的个人和职业问题，不是你。 2 成为职场战士。即使你计划另觅高就，也要全力降服你的对手，不要成为一个牺牲品。 3 在小事情上花些心思。再小的事件也要成文存档，它们经常是最重要的证据，表明欺负雇员是恶霸老板的一种经常性行为，不然就很难明显的说明这个问题。取笑你算，讽刺你算，忽视你或者批评你算，非常公开的给你脸色或者不搭理你也算数。 4 别让自己孤立。每天，选个你好久没交谈过的人，找个主题简单聊聊。恶霸可是很努力的要让目标成为同事中的异形。别让这样的事情发生在你身上。 5 展现自尊，传播正面的态度。注意下你的外表，别人是怎么看你的-你的头发，你的衣服。让你的个人空间成为宁静和品位的绿洲。 6 试着呆在安全地带。当你在其他上级，伙伴，特别正直的雇员，顾客，或者其他对老板重要的外人旁边的时候，恶霸发起攻击的可能性就小点。 7 在被欺负的情况下，找借口离开。别匆忙撤退，也别离开办公楼；告诉你的恶霸，你有约会，比如，和HR的约会，要晚了。或者，轻松的借口要用洗手间离开。如果恶霸追杀你，千万别进洗手间。 8 在老板的进攻中，试着分散他的注意力。找点什么东西-只要不是有威胁性的物件-比如需要老板留意的重要文件，或者有个需要回的电话号码的便笺。有时，简单的分散注意力足够让他/她停止。 9 保护你个人的信息。尽量少的告诉恶霸你的生活，家庭，朋友，嗜好，兴趣，宗教等等。你的信息会赋予他们力量。 10 收好你的牌。因为你在建立一个对付恶霸老板的案子，越少和工作中的其他人谈你的事，越好。控制你说的内容，何时说，说给谁，是你整体的策略。 我的老板不是个恶霸，他是有毒的！ 暴君或者恶霸老板的另一个变种是毒老板，这个说法已经有些年头了。对于那些陷于毒老板的人，真有个叫toxicboss.com的网站，甚至还有本Jean Lipman-Blumen出的书-毒物老板的诱惑：为什么我们会跟随有破坏力的老板和腐败的政治家，以及我们如何生存（牛津）。Lipman-Bluman说，毒物老板到处都有。很多颇有成就，非常成功。其中一些为受雇或者运营非常有名的公司。另外的人非常有天分，创造出突破性的新技术。在你们的第一次会面时，他们风采翩翩，令人愉悦，也看上去会是个不错的老板，但是，一旦你为他们开始工作，事情就变了。你以为的梦幻工作变成一场噩梦。 “毒性领导看起来是职业发展的平等机会，”她观察到。虽然我们应该比几十年前更聪明，心理更成熟，“但我们还是继续在忍受-甚至愿意忍受，有时会出去找有毒的老板，他们降低我们的生活层次，消减我们的幸福” 毒性领导到处都是，而且他们不会走开。“我们每个地方都能看见他们：商业，政治，宗教，教育，运动”Lipman-blumen说。 技术行业盛行毒性的经理，特别是负责技术突破的聪明的极客。 识别毒性老板 不幸的是，在你受雇前，毒性老板是很难识别的。Lipman-Blumen说，因为他们中的很多人有Jekyll-and-Hyde人格。但是，如果第六感告诉你，这个人太过慷慨，或者他好得不像真的，或者他无意表现出了狰狞，作些功课，和公司的雇员或者以前的雇员谈谈。不幸的是，很少有人能按照直觉行事。 如果一旦你不幸和毒性老板共事，他们会怎样？ 准备好了吗？ Lipman-Bluman列出了一些共通的破坏性的行为： 通过破坏，贬损和恐吓员工，让员工的处境更糟糕； 有意的灌输员工幻觉，有利于加强领导者的力量而贬损员工独立行动的能力； 玩弄员工基本的恐惧感和需要； 扼杀有建设性的批评意见，扼杀有教导能力的支持者-有时通过威胁和权威-来让人服从，而不是质疑领导者的判断和行动。 培育其他领导很失败，甚至自己的继位者； 恶意的制定条例，对抗其他人； 指定替罪羔羊，煽动其他人鞭挞他们。 忽视或者鼓励能力不够者，任人唯亲和腐败； 还有什么事能做吗？如果你试图单挑，和你的疯狂老板对峙，你就是在玩火。“忘记英雄主义吧”，她说。如果你觉得非要扭转形势，Lipman-blumen建议找到同盟。数量是力量-至少你希望如此。 “也许还有很多其他人也有你的忧虑，但是他们和你一样，觉得孤独和被隔绝” Lipman-Blumen补充到。“联合他们，计划战略”。 即使如此，她也顾虑你走在一条岌岌可危的路上。 纠正一个疯狂的老板，犹如抚慰一头正准备把你当晚餐的饥饿猎豹。但是如果你够胆冒险，为什么不放手和他一博？当然，你会感觉自我感觉更好些-而且结果也会让你吃惊的。 http://article./bilingual/5284 |
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