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Running as Therapy I started distance running in 2007 because, in the short space of six months, the person I was dating left me for another woman, I bought a house (a rash decision) and my grandfather died. 我在2007年开始练长跑，这是因为在短短六个月里，我的男友为了另一个女人甩了我，我买了幢房子（这是个草率的决定），我的外公也去世了。 I did not handle this well. As I was helping my mother pack up her parents’ house, I found myself too drained to move and lay down on the floor and sobbed. My mother suggested I try therapy. I signed up for a 10-mile race instead. 对于这一切，我应付得不太好。在帮妈妈整理外祖父母的房子时，我觉得自己累得不行，动弹不得，躺在地板上哭起来。我妈妈提议，我该试着接受心理治疗。我没去，反而是开始练起了10英里长跑。 Training for the Ocean Drive 10-Miler became my release valve. When I was running, there were no phones, no texts, no emails. On the road, work crises could not reach me. While pounding out miles in the pouring rain, I was grateful that it was raining so no one could see me cry. 备战海滨道10英里长跑比赛(Ocean Drive 10-Miler )就成了我释放的出口。当我跑步时，没有手机，没有短信，没有电子邮件。在路上，工作危机找不到我头上。在暴雨中奔跑几英里，我心怀感激：多亏了这场雨，没人看到我在流泪。 When I ran, all I thought about was running: put one foot in front of the other, tackle the mile ahead instead of worrying about the entire distance to be run. I had done a few 5-kilometer races, but this was different. This time I was running five, six miles at a time, building my strength and speed until one cold March day, when I ran 10 full miles from Cape May, N.J., to North Wildwood, falling into my mother’s arms at the end. 当我奔跑时，我心里只想着跑步这一件事：一步步往前跑，拿下前面的这一英里，而不是担心将要跑完的全程。之前我曾参加过几次5公里赛，但这次不同。这次我要连着跑五六英里不歇脚，锤炼自己的力量与速度，直至3月份寒冷的一天，我跑完整整10英里，从新泽西的五月岬直跑到北维尔德伍德，跑到终点时扑倒在妈妈的怀里。 As the recession bloomed, I kept running. I tried not to worry about everything going wrong at once — with work and with the house, which was suddenly worth a lot less than what I paid for it. Instead, I ran down one problem at a time. 随着经济衰退如火如荼，我仍在不断跑步。我尽量不去担心周遭的一切变故——不管是工作，还是市价距离我入手时跌了一大截的房子。相反，我要一次铲平一个问题。 Running continues to be a balm. 我继续将跑步作为自己的止痛药膏。 It was over a year ago that I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years, the man I thought I was going to marry. While I packed up my life to remove all traces of myself from his home, I made sure to put a copy of “Hansons Marathon Method” in a box that was coming with me, not one going into storage. 一年前，我跟交往了两年半的男友分手，我原本还以为我们有可能修成正果。我将自己的东西打包，抹去他家我曾经存在的所有痕迹，当时，我特意将一份打印的“汉森马拉松训练法”装到了随身携带的箱子里，而不是塞到储物箱里。 The method, developed by the brothers Keith and Kevin Hanson, is intense. The schedule called for running up to 57 miles a week. Tempo runs stretched to 10 miles. The first speed session, which came in Week 6, required running more than seven miles of intervals. On a weekday. 这套方法是由基思·汉森(Keith Hanson)和弟弟凯文(Kevin)发明的，要求十分严格。按照它的时间表，每周的跑量可高达57英里（合91.7公里）。其中节奏跑（tempo run，一般指以10公里或5公里比赛速度稍慢的节奏训练）。进入第6周，将会迎来第一个速度训练环节，需要你跑超过7英里间歇跑。而且是在一次平时训练中进行。 I can’t do this, I told myself, then drove to the library, photocopied the schedule and started training for the New Jersey Marathon, even as I kept telling myself I wasn’t good enough for such a difficult schedule: too fat, too slow, too inexperienced, too sleep deprived. 我可做不来，我这样告诉自己，可是转身就开车去了图书馆，将训练日程表复印下来，开始为新泽西马拉松进行训练，尽管与此同时我一直对自己说，我还没法应付得了难度这么大的训练日程：我太胖、太慢、太欠缺经验，也太缺乏睡眠了。 I didn’t stop, though, knocking down one workout at a time, crossing them out on the photocopy with a felt-tip pen as I went. I craved soreness in my muscles, and pain. It was both my penance for failing again in a relationship and a reminder that, yes, I was still alive and could feel something other than grief. 但我没有止步，每次完成一个锻炼环节，然后用毛毡笔在复印的日程表上将它给勾掉。我渴望肌肉的酸楚和疼痛感。它既是对于我在又一场感情中吃了败仗的告解，同时又是一记警示：是的，我还活着，除了痛苦，我仍然能感知其他的东西。 I refused to retreat to a treadmill in bad weather and instead ran miles in sleet and freezing rain. When I couldn’t find my running hat because it was packed into a box in storage, I ran outside in falling snow anyway, flakes stinging my eyes as I went. 天气再坏，我也不愿退而求其次，在跑步机上训练，相反，我会在雨夹雪和冻雨中奔跑几英里。有一次，我的帽子搁进了储藏箱里一时半会找不到，但我还是冒着大雪跑了出去，一路跑着，雪花刺痛了我的眼睛。 I welcomed the exhaustion of logging 30, 40, 50 miles a week, because it meant that instead of worrying about what was next and staring at my bedroom ceiling at 3 a.m., I slept. Soundly. 对于每周跑30英里、40英里、50英里带来的身体上的疲惫，我欢迎之至，因为这意味着我不会为接下来将要发生什么糟心事而担心，不过凌晨3点瞪着卧室天花板辗转反侧，我可以睡着，而且睡得很香。 Exercise after heartbreak is not a new idea. It’s not even a new one in my family. In 1998, after my parents’ divorce, my father lost 20 pounds just by showing up regularly at the gym. Exercise makes us feel good. Studies show it releases endorphins, increases energy levels, improves mood. 在心碎后开始锻炼，这并不是什么新鲜事，甚至在我家也是如此。1998年，我父母离了婚，爸爸开始定期去健身房，并因此减掉了20磅体重。锻炼令我们感觉良好。有研究表明它可以释放内啡肽，增进精力并改善情绪。 For me, the benefits went beyond brain chemistry. Running loosened my depression while giving my life structure. The hard work hurled me forward. Depression could follow me around like a sad little rain cloud, but it couldn’t rain on me if I kept moving. 对我来说，运动的好处还远不局限于脑科学。跑步可以缓解我的抑郁，让我的生活得以重建。艰苦的训练裹挟着我往前走。抑郁或许如同一小片悲伤的雨云，在我身边如影随形，但只要我一直往前奔跑，雨点就不会滴落在我身上。 “What are you running from?” my mother asked one night over dinner. I had moved in with her temporarily after the breakup. “你想要跑离什么吗？”一天晚上吃晚饭时，妈妈问我。自从和男友分手后，我便暂时搬到她那里。 “No,” I corrected her. “It’s something I’m running to.” “不是的，”我纠正她，“我是想跑向什么。” By the time I crossed the finish line at the New Jersey Marathon last May, I was smiling — something I had started to do a lot more by then. During those long, lonely miles on the road, I had started putting myself back together again. 去年5月，当我冲过了新泽西马拉松的终点线时，我是笑着的——打那以后，笑容越来越多出现在我脸上。在征服了漫长而孤独的里程后，我已经开始重新振作起来。 I’m signed up to run another marathon next month, this one in Charlottesville, Va. I’m using the Hansons’ marathon method again to train. The first week of the program started around what should have been my wedding day. 我已经报名参加下月进行的又一项马拉松比赛，这次比赛是在弗吉尼亚州的夏洛茨维尔。我再次使用汉森马拉松训练法进行赛前训练。训练的第一周，原本是我计划举行婚礼的日期。 The challenge doesn’t feel the same, though. I have lost my lust for crushing miles. The sad little rain cloud has disappeared. I have, impossibly it seems, moved on. 不过，我面对的挑战跟原来不同了。我不再渴望征服更长的距离。那一小片悲伤的雨云已经散尽。看起来似乎绝无可能，但我真的已经往前走了。 Now the miles are just miles, instead of a method to throw off the albatross from around my neck. I don’t crave the pain. 如今，里程就仅仅是里程，而不再是为我减去重负的手段。我不再渴求痛苦。 The work is still difficult: tempo runs stretching to two hours, never-ending interval sets, long runs logged on dreary winter mornings. 我的训练仍然艰苦：长达两小时的节奏跑，永无止尽的间歇跑，沉闷的冬天清早的漫长奔跑。 Running keeps moving me forward. With a gentle push rather than a shove, it’s leading me to the next chapter. 奔跑令我一路向前。它给予我的不是猛力重击，而是轻轻的一推，却令我跑向了下一个篇章。 |
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