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过渭河，穿过生长着麦子、玉米和水稻的田野向南，很容易找到一些山谷，那里长满蒲公英、蕨草、何首乌和灵芝。在那里，鸟在山谷中对唱，清丽的鸣声从这个山谷传到另一个山谷，它们在分享着内心的喜悦。偶尔从山谷深处升起一缕青色的炊烟，炊烟下几间茅屋，一篱菊花，竹窗内几卷经书。隐士坐在泉水边的石头上或者松树下，笑谈着山色的变化，松针一样碧绿的泉水上几卷云升起来......原文的首句意思很明白，想译得流畅、简洁又具一定美感却难度很大。作者未点出“过渭河，穿过......找到......”这串动作由谁发起，有的译文增补了动作的发起者，起笔为“If you...”，思路不能算错，但容易使译文过于拖沓。如果用“It’s easy to find some valleys overgrown with...”起笔，译文会更简洁。过河的“过”字有多种译法，traverse, go across, wade, cross等都可使用，wade最有美感，也能表现作者寻访隐士的艰辛。细读原文我们也应注意，作者并非要强调“过”这个动词，提到“渭河”只是为了给山谷定位，因而第一句话其实可用There be句型译，大家不妨试试看。 “渭河”的译法为Weihe River，若是秦淮河则译为Qinhuai River，认真观察二者的差异，就能发现单名和双名译法不同。“长着麦子、玉米和水稻的田野”可译为fields of..., 注意cornfield一词有麦田、玉米田和稻田的意思，用了它就不要再出现fields以及wheat, maize, paddy之类的词了。“长满了......”可译为overgrown with sth., brimmed with多就液体而言，比如酒杯中装满了酒、双眼满含热泪这样的。山谷和田野在河的同一侧，务必弄清方向啊！“何首乌”可简单译为hair-blackening roots，或是tuber fleeceflower root，用药典上的术语很难让普通读者理解。灵芝也可灵活处理为precious fungi, 比译为Lingzhi mushroom更能凸显其价值。鸟儿的“对唱”，译为...sing to one another就好了。“清丽的”可理解为清脆悦耳的，dulcet and silvery，短的形容词放前头。鸟儿的“啼鸣”可译为 tweet（这个词可当名词）, warbling, chirping, chippering等均可表示鸟儿的“啁啾”。从一个山谷传到另一个山谷，是因为有回声，echo, reverberate都能表现这层意思。 “内心的喜悦”当作“喜悦”来译就好了，不用说joy of their inner world. “一缕青色的炊烟”即a wisp of cyan smoke from cooking fires，仅译出“烟”无法反映原文中描写的节奏舒缓、安闲适意的隐士生活。在“一篱菊花”这儿可断句，菊花为隐逸者之花，象征清净和高洁，译文中可用同位语的形式提一笔，加注的方式多少会影响阅读。“竹窗内几卷经书”这个小句可作为一个独立的句子处理。竹窗内的经书未必是儒家的四书五经，也可能是道教或佛教的经书。隐士最好译为hermits，因为书里写的隐士大都是出于宗教目的避世而居，而选择独居的人都可叫recluse（s），在这个语境中用hermits更准确。最后一句是流水句，可以断句，也可在“松针一样碧绿的......”的译文前加while，体现小句之间的逻辑关系。几卷云用clusters of clouds就好，用rolls of clouds会产生原文没有的喜感，感觉那些云都成了线轴上的线。本期的最佳译文由陈慧钰提供， 陈燕云在翻译时想到给隐士之花的文化内涵加注很赞！澜音的译文句式不错！
Wading across the Weihe River, heading southward through the fields of wheat, corn and rice, some valleys, dotted with dandelion, fern, fleece flower and ganoderma, come immediately into one’s eyes. In the valley sing the lovely birds, whose liquid chirps can reach as far as another valley, sharing their pure joy. Sometimes, a few wisps of smoke spiral up deep from the valley. Under the smoke are a cluster of daisies on a fence and some cottages. A glimpse into the bamboo window will reveal a few rolls of scripture left there. On the rock by spring water or under pine trees sit several hermits, talking gaily about the changes of sceneries, with clouds rising from the pine-green spring.Once you traverse the River Wei, and walk southward through the fields growing crops like wheat, corn and rice, you would readily find yourself in a certain valley. Within your vision are considerable plants and herbs -- dandelions, ferns, heshouwu (also called tuber fleeceflower roots) and Ganoderma. There birds are chirping. Their tweet carrying pleased melodies reverberates among valleys.From the deep valley, sometimes rises a curling smoke, shrouding a scattering of thatched cottages. Clusters of chrysanthemums blossom alongside the fence. Piles of classic books are put beside the bamboo window. The hermit sits on the riverside rock or underneath the pine tree. With ease, he talks about changes of sceneries in the mountain and watches the pine green stream reflecting scudding clouds rolling upward.Chrysanthemum is an important imagery in ancient Chinese poems, especially those composed by Tao Qian, the hermit-like influential poet in the Eastern Jin Dynasty. In his poems, chrysanthemum carries a connotation of nobility and peace.Wade across the Wei river, and pass through fields grown with wheat, corn and rice, then head toward South, you will easily come across some valleys, where dandelions, ferns, Polygonummultiflorum and glossy ganoderma thrive. In those valleys, birds compete with each other in singing, with their clear and beautiful voice flowing from one valley to another, sharing their inner joy.Once in a while a wisp of cyan smoke rises from the depths of the valley, under which there are several thatched cottages surrounded by a little hedge wound with chrysanthemums. In the cottage, rolls of classics lie still by the window made of bamboo. Hermits sit on the stone by the spring or stay under the pine, enjoying and chatting about the changeable spectacles of the mountains. Clouds are rising from the fountain, of which the color is as dark green as pine needles.
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