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By Glenn Stanton
父亲和母亲一样，是孩子健康成长的关键。当今心理学解释道,“父亲的角色是一个复杂且独特的因素，对儿童情感和智力发展有着巨大的影响。” Erik Erikson，是儿童心理学界的先驱，他声称，父亲的爱和母亲的爱有很大的不同。父亲的爱“更具危险性”,因为他们的爱相比母亲的爱“更有期待和帮助”。一位父亲在养育孩子的过程中独特的贡献没有人可以复制。以下是一些令人信服的论述，表明父亲的参与在一个孩子生命中的积极影响。 不同的养育方式生育专家Kyle Pruett博士解释说，父亲与孩子有不同的沟通和互动风格。八周大的婴儿就可以区分出与母亲和父亲不同的互动方式。 这种多样性本身就为孩子们提供了一个更广泛、更丰富的关系互动的经验。不管他们是否意识到这一点，孩子们根据实际的经验学习到，男人和女人是不同的，当处理生活问题、与同龄人的关系和对待孩子时都有很大的不同，这种理解对其发展至关重要。 父亲不同的玩耍方式 父亲更喜欢挠痒痒，玩摔跤，把孩子抛在空中（而母亲说：“不要扔这么高”)。父亲与孩子追逐打闹，有时更顽皮，像可怕的“怪物”。 生育专家John Snarey解释说，孩子们和他们的父亲玩耍时学习到咬、踢和其他形式的暴力是不能接受的。在被告知“够了”时，他们学会自我控制和什么时候需要安静下来。女孩和男孩都需要学习在胆怯和攻击之间健康的平衡。 父亲建立信心 去游乐场观察父亲和母亲。是谁鼓励孩子荡的或爬的再点高呢？是谁鼓励他们自行车骑的再快一点呢？是谁鼓励他们更努力尝试呢? 是谁鼓励孩子要小心呢？母亲保护孩子，而父亲鼓励孩子突破极限。 这两种类型的教养方式都不健康，一种是倾向于鼓励冒险而不考虑后果，另一种是倾向于规避风险，从而无法建立独立和自信。如果两者并行，可以既帮助孩子保持安全，也拓宽他们的经验，加增他们的信心。 父亲不同的沟通方式专业的研究表明，与孩子们说话的时候，母亲和父亲的方式是不同的。母亲会按孩子理解的话语简化她们的词汇，而男人不倾向于修改他们的语言，母亲的方式促进与孩子的直接沟通，父亲的方式则挑战孩子提高自己的词汇量和语言技能——这是取得学术成功的重要基础。 父亲不同的管教方式 教育心理学家CarolGilligan告诉我们，父亲强调公正、公平和责任(基于规则),而母亲强调同情、关心和帮助(基于关系)。父亲倾向于系统且严格的遵守和执行规则，教孩子正确和错误带来的后果。母亲倾向于恩典和同情，给人抱有希望的感觉。再一次申明，这两种教育风格本身都不健康，如果两者并行，将创建一个健康且适当的平衡。 父亲帮助孩子面对现实的世界参与的父亲帮助孩子发现态度和行为的后果。例如,父亲比母亲更有可能告诉他们的孩子，如果他们对其他孩子不友好，孩子们将不愿意跟他们玩。或者，如果他们在学校表现不佳，他们将不能进入一所好大学或者获得一份理想的工作。父亲帮助孩子面对世界的现实和残酷。 父亲提供了男人看世界的视角男人和女人是不同的，他们的饮食不同，穿着不同，应对生活的方式不同。有父亲参与其成长过程中的女孩和男孩对好奇的男性世界感到更熟悉和安全。 有父亲参与其成长过程中的女孩，更可能与异性拥有健康的关系，因为她们从他们的父亲那里学习到，男人如何正确的对待女人，她们知道哪些行为是不恰当的。 她们对男性世界也拥有一个健康的认知——她们不会好奇男人满脸胡茬的感觉或被强壮的手臂拥抱时的感受。这些认知将构建安全的情感防护，帮助她们免受来自男性掠夺性的侵害。 有父亲参与其成长过程中的的男孩，将比较少的引发暴力，他们从父亲那里学到如何用正确和积极地方式表达他们的男子气概和力量。父亲会在合适的年龄帮助儿子了解正确的男性性行为，卫生保健和行为方式。正如社会学家David Popenoe说，“父亲在家里不单是第二个成年人，参与孩子成长过程中的父亲——尤其是生身的父亲——给他们孩子所带来的益处，是没有其他人能替代的。”
Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, asserts that a father's love and a mother's love are qualitatively different. Fathers 'love more dangerously' because their love is more 'expectant, more instrumental' than a mother's love. A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate. Following are some of the most compelling ways that a father’s involvement makes a positive difference in a child's life. Fathers parent differently.Fathering expert Dr. Kyle Pruett explains that fathers have a distinct style of communication and interaction with children. By eight weeks of age, infants can tell the difference between their mother’s and father’s interaction with them. Fathers play differently. Fathers tickle more, they wrestle, and they throw their children in the air(while mother says . . . 'Not so high!'). Fathers chase their children,sometimes as playful, scary 'monsters.' Fathering expert John Snarey explains that children who roughhouse with their fathers learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn self-control by being told when 'enough is enough' and when to settle down. Girls and boys both learn a healthy balance between timidity and aggression. Go to any playground and listen to the parents. Who is encouraging kids to swing or climb just a little higher, ride their bike just a little faster, throw just a little harder? Who is encouraging kids to be careful? Mothers protect and dads encourage kids to push the limits. Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be unhealthy. One can tend toward encouraging risk without consideration of consequences. The other tends to avoid risk, which can fail to build independence and confidence. Together, they help children remain safe while expanding their experiences and increasing their confidence. Fathers communicate differently.A major study showed that when speaking to children,mothers and fathers are different. Mothers will simplify their words and speakon the child's level. Men are not as inclined to modify their language for the child. The mother's way facilitates immediate communication; the father's way challenges the child to expand her vocabulary and linguistic skills — an important building block of academic success. Fathers discipline differently. Educational psychologist Carol Gilligan tells us that fathers stress justice, fairness and duty (based on rules), while mothers stress sympathy, care and help (based on relationships).Fathers tend to observe and enforce rules systematically and sternly, teaching children the consequences of right and wrong. Mothers tend toward grace and sympathy, providing a sense of hopefulness. Again, either of these disciplinary approaches by themselves is not good, but together, they create a healthy,proper balance. Fathers prepare children for the real world.Involved dads help children see that attitudes and behaviors have consequences. For instance, fathers are more likely than mothers to tell their children that if they are not nice to others, kids will not want to play with them. Or, if they don't do well in school, they will not get into a good college or secure a desirable job. Fathers help children prepare for the reality and harshness of the world.Fathers provide a look at the world of men.Men and women are different. They eat differently. They dress differently. They cope with life differently. Girls and boys who grow up with a father are more familiar and secure with the curious world ofmen. They also have a healthy familiarity with the world of men — they don't wonder how a man's facial stubble feels or what it's like to be hugged by strong arms. This knowledge build semotional security and safety from the exploitation of predatory males. Boys who grow up with dads are less likely to be violent.They have their masculinity affirmed and learn from their fathers how to channel their masculinity and strength in positive ways. Fathers help sons understand proper male sexuality, hygiene and behavior in age-appropriate ways.As noted sociologist David Popenoe explains, 'Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home. Involved fathers — especially biological fathers — bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.' Helping families thrive with the support of friends like you.
翻译：Grace 亚洲家庭第一 我们相信每个人都具有无限的价值 家里是发挥这些价值最好的地方 我们相信虽然没有一个家庭是完美无瑕的 却仍然能在失败和软弱中抱有恢复和重建的希望 我们相信每一个家庭可以 更幸福 更坚固 更和睦 还没有关注我们的朋友 |
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