享受独处

享受独处

It scares us more than anything except death being alone . Our fear of aloneness is so ingrained that given the choice of being by ourselves or being with others we opt for safety in numbers , even at the expense of lingering in painful , boring , or totaling unredeeming company . And yet more of us than ever are alone .

享受独处除了了死亡，我们最害怕的就是孤独。以至于让我们选择是独处还是跟别人一起时，我们会选择后者以寻求安全感，甚至不惜付出如此多的代价：长久的痛苦、烦闷或完全无益的陪伴。然而，现在，我们却感受到了从未感受过的强烈孤独。

While many Americans have their solo lifestyles thrust on them people , people go away - a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone . In 1955, one in ten U . S . households consisted of one person . By 1999, the proportion was one in three . Single men and women accounted for 38. 9 million of the nation's 110. 5 million households .

当许多美国人开始单身生活时- 因为身边的人去世或者离开-一个日益增加的庞大人群开始选择独身。1955年，美国家庭有1/10 的单亲家庭。到1999年，这个比例扩大到1/3.在这个国家里，110 000 000个家庭中单亲家庭占了38 900 000 。

By 1999, single parents with children under the age of eighteen made up 27. 3 percent of the nation's 70. 9 million family households . Meanwhile , many more Americans are divorcing . In less than three decades , the number of divorced men and women has more than quadrupled - to a total of 18. 3 million in 1996, compared to 4. 3 million in 1970.

到1999年，带着一个18岁以下小孩的单亲家庭已经占到了这个国家70 900 000 个家庭的27.3%同时更多的美国人离婚了。不到三十年之间，离婚的人数增加为原来的4倍- 到1996 年这一数字已经达到18 300 000 ，而1970年只有4 300 000人。

Never before in American history has living alone been the predominant lifestyle . Nonetheless , we persist in the conviction that a solitary existence Is the harshest penalty life can mete out . We loathe being alone - anytime , anytime , anywhere , for whatever reason . From childhood we're conditioned to accept that when alone we instinctively ache for company .

独居史无前例地成为美国主流的生活方式。然而，我们坚持认为，独居是组残酷的生活方式。我们讨厌独处-无论何时何地，出于何种原因。我们从孩提时就习惯认同，独处时的我们会本能地渴望有人陪伴，认为孤独者都是渴望加入群体生活，而非欣然独处的。

Alone , we squander life by rejecting its full potential and wasting its remaining promises . Alone , we accept that experiences unshared are barely worthwhile , that sunsets viewed singly are not as spectacular , that time spent apart is fallow and pointless . And so we grow old believing we are nothing by ourselves , steadfastly shunning the opportunities for self - discovery and personal growth that solitude could bring us .

独处时，我们是在拒绝生命丰富多彩可能，并耗费生命存留的希望，是在浪费生命。我们认为，无人分享的经历毫无价值、一个人看到的日出并非那么壮观，一个人度过的时光是多么的无生趣和毫无意义。于是，当我们年老时，就认为自己无关紧要而倔强地逃避。殊不知这正是我们发现自我和个人成长的机会。

We have ever coined a word for hose who prefer to be by themselves : antisocial , as if they were enemies of society . They are viewed as friendless , suspect in a world that goes around in twos or more and is wary of solitary travelers . People who need people are threatened by people who don't . The idea of seeking contentment alone is heretical , for society steadfastly decrees that our completeness lies in others . Instead , we cling to each other for solace , comfort , and safety .

对于那些宁愿独居的人，我们甚至给他们扣上'反社会'的头衔，好像他们是社会的公敌，他们被人们认为是缺少朋友、怀疑这个世界的人。那些结伴同行者警惕地盯着这些独行的旅行者。依赖于他人的人受到独立的人的威胁，独立寻求满足的想法被视为异端。因为这个社会固执的认定我们只有置身与他人之中，才能完整。我们必须依附于他人，来寻求慰藉、舒适和安全感。

Ironically , most of us crave more intimacy and companionship than we can bear . We begrudge ourselves , our spouses , and our partners' sufficient physical and emotional breathing room , and then bemoan the suffocation of our relationships . To point out these facts is not to suggest we should abandon all our close ties .

可笑的是，我们大多数人所渴求的亲昵关系，已经超出了自己的承受能力。我们吝啬于给自己、伴侣和伙伴足够的空间，使其身心受到限制，然后，又对我们之间令人窒息的关系感到悲哀。把这些实时指出来，并不是建议我们抛弃所有的亲密关系。

Medical surveys show that the majority of elderly people who live alone , yet maintain frequent contact with relatives and friends , rate their physical and emotional well - being as ' excellent ' . Just as an apple a day kept the doctor away when they were young , an active social calendar appears to severe the same purpose now ,

医学调查证明，大多数老人独居，但与其亲朋好友保持密切的联系，其身心健康的程度是'良好'。就像在他们年轻的时候，每天吃一个苹果不用看医生一样，一个积极的社交活动能产生同样的效果。

But we need to befriend and enjoy ourselves as well . We must relearn to be alone . Instead of planting our solitude with dream blossoms , we choke the space with continuous music and chatter to which we do not even listen . It is simply there to fill the vacuum . We can't stand the silence , because silence includes thinking . And if we thought , we would have to face ourselves .

但是，我们需要在友好待人的同时，享受独处的乐趣。我们必须重新学会独处，用永不停歇的音乐和漫不经心地聊天来充斥所有的空闲时间，而不培植孤独，让梦之花绽放。我们不能忍受寂静，仅仅只是想填满那个空白，因为，寂静包含了思考，如果我们思考，则必须面对自己。

Let us learn , then , from those in search of what they have been able to find and hold : peace of mind , gentles of heart , calmness of spirit , daily joy . Who have come to understand that to know and to love and to be of value to others , they first must know and love and value themselves ; that to find their way in the world , they have to start by finding themselves .

让我们想探索者学习吧！然后发现他们尚未发现和思考的东西：平和的心境、温和的性格、冷静的灵魂和平淡的快乐。要懂得如何去理解和热爱他人，对他人有价值，必须先了解自己，珍爱自己。要找到属于自己的道路，就必须从了解自我开始。