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Why does it seem that a relationship between a man and woman is the source of maximum conflict in life? Sadhguru untangles the compulsions and calculations in love and marriage, and offers a solution for living together harmoniously. 为什么男人和女人之间的关系似乎是生命中最大冲突的来源？萨古鲁解开爱情和婚姻中的算计和强迫性，并为和谐的共同生活提供了解决方案。 Question: Why is it that love and marriage often create the maximum conflict between people? 问：为什么往往爱和婚姻会引发人与人之间最严重的冲突？ Sadhguru: “Man” and “woman” are physically, kind of opposite. Nature has made us this way so that the process of reproduction happens and the next generation becomes a possibility. If that was not necessary – if storks were dropping babies from the skies – we would not need a man and a woman to work for the future generations to come. Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：'男人'和'女人'在生理上是相互对立的。大自然如此创造我们，这样才可能繁衍出下一代。如果繁衍是不必要的——如果婴儿可以从天上掉下来——我们就不会需要男人和女人去繁衍后代。 You have been drugged and chemically sabotaged by nature to fulfill its own purpose of reproduction, continuation, and perpetuation of the species. 出于其自身的物种繁殖和延续的目的，自然对你进行了化学“投毒”。 And if there wasn’t a deep sense of compulsion about the reproductive process, people would not go for it. Every cell in your body, including your brain cells, are taken over by hormones and compel and propel you in that direction. It takes enormous intelligence for a person to rise beyond that. Otherwise it looks like this is life – it makes you feel like that. 如果对繁衍没有很深的强迫性，人们就不会去做。你身体里的每个细胞，包括你的脑细胞都被荷尔蒙操控，并将你推往那个方向。一个人需要极大的智慧才可能超越这种强迫性。否则，似乎这就是生命的一切了——它会让你有这样的感觉。 Till you were ten or eleven years old, you did not even think about it. Whatever the other people were doing looked funny. But suddenly, this new chemical took over the body and now it is all an absolute reality. 10岁或11岁前，这些事你连想都不会去想。别人做的那些事看起来都挺滑稽的。但是突然间，这种新的化学物质操控了身体，这一切突然变成绝对的现实。 You have been drugged and chemically sabotaged by nature to fulfill its own purpose of reproduction, continuation, and perpetuation of the species. Once this happened, now somehow, man and woman are compelled to come together. Or in other words, once this compulsion comes, naturally the mind begins to work in that way as to how to get the best out of it. 出于其自身物种繁殖和延续的目的，自然对你进行了化学“投毒”。正因为此，男人和女人就这样不由自主地走到了一起。或者换句话说，一旦有了这种强迫性倾向，头脑自然会开始盘算着如何能从中得到最大的利益。 Giving and Taking 付出和回报 Fundamentally, a relationship is unfortunately happening with an intention to somehow make use of each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. When you are giving and taking on a daily basis, always one person will feel, “I am giving more, the other person is giving less.” 不幸的是，一段关系根本上是基于彼此互相利用的意图。它是一种“付出——回报”的互惠关系。而当你们每天都在付出和获取，一定会有一个人会觉得，'我付出的多，对方付出的少。' Especially because the physical body is involved, one can very easily feel that they are being used by someone. 特别是因为物质身的参与，一个人很容易觉得自己被利用了。 Societies have always taught you that to be smart is to give less and take more. Whether it is a marketplace or a marriage, it is the same calculation. This is why there is so much talk about love, so that you transcend this calculation. When you are emotionally overwhelmed by someone, you transcend the calculation. It becomes, “What I take is not important, what I give is important.” 社会总是教你，聪明就是少付出多获取。无论是在市场还是在婚姻中，都是一样的算计。这就是为什么有那么多关于爱的探讨，让你去超越算计。当你在情感上被一个人淹没，你会超越算计：“我得到什么不重要，我给予什么才重要。' The relationship runs beautifully when it is at that level of emotional intensity. Once that emotional intensity drops, it just becomes give-and-take. You do give-and-take in your business, with your neighbor, with so many people, but those transactions are limited. But the give-and-take in a marriage is constant, and you are caged with this particular person constantly. 感情处于这样的状态，这种关系就能美好地运行。而一旦感情降温，就只剩下付出和回报。你在你的生意中、与你的邻居、与很多人都进行着交换，但那些交换是有限的。只有在婚姻中，这种交换是持续不断的，并且你总是和这同一个人困在一起。 So, you naturally feel that in some way, you are being used by someone else. Once this comes in, there is conflict, conflict, conflict. Only in those moments of love can a man and woman really be together. Once that is not there, it is very difficult. The physicality and emotional aspect of it, and other aspects of sharing and living become a struggle. 因此，你自然觉得某种程度上你正被某人利用。一旦这个念头来了，就会冲突不断。只有在爱的时刻，一个男人和一个女人才真的在一起。一旦没有了爱，就会变得困难。不管是身体、情感层面还是其他方面，一起生活和分享都变成了一种挣扎。 Especially because the physical body is involved, one can very easily feel that they are being used by someone. If it was just money, if it was just a house, there would be some settlement, “Okay, you use that part of the house, I will use this part of the house.” “You cook, I will earn.” But because the body is involved, very easily one can feel used, and so there is conflict. 特别是因为物质身的参与，一个人很容易觉得自己被利用了。如果只是关于钱，只是关于房子，那就会有解决方法，'好吧，你用房子的那个部分，我用房子的这个部分。''你做饭，我挣钱。'但是因为物质身的参与，一个人很容易觉得被利用，于是就有冲突了。 Question: So what is the solution? 问：那解决方案是什么呢？ Sadhguru: You should stop being a man or woman all the time. You do not have to carry your manhood or womanhood twenty-four hours of the day. There are certain situations in certain aspects of life where you need to be a man or a woman. The rest of the time, you do not have to be either. Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：你不应该总是做一个女人或者一个男人。你不需要一天二十四小时背负你的男性或者女性身份。生命的某些面向、某些情况下需要你作为一个男人或者一个女人。其他时候，你不需要是任何一种。 But societies have trained you to be like this all the time. From the very clothes that you wear and the way you do everything – you have been trained in a certain way, to serve a certain purpose. Once you become like this – twenty-four hours man or twenty-four hours woman – you are troubled. 但是社会把你训练成了一直处于这样的状态。从你穿的衣服以及你做每件事的方式——你都以某种方式被训练，以实现某种目的。一旦你变成这样——二十四小时的男人或者二十四小时的女人——你就有麻烦了。 But if you know how to simply be a piece of life, you will be fine; and when there is a requirement that you have to be a man or woman, you can play your role pretty well. So please save it. Do not just go on spreading it around in the street. Just walk and live as a piece of life. If you are like this, there will be no conflict. Two human beings will live together very well. 但如果你知道如何只是作为一个纯粹的生命，你就会很好；当有需要你成为一个男人或一个女人时，你会把你的角色扮演得很好。所以请保留好它。不要就那样在大街上随意播撒。只是作为一个生命去行走和生活。如果你是这样，就不会有冲突，两个人在一起会生活得很好。 Beyond Compulsion 超越强迫性 “Man and woman” are two compulsions. Two compulsions can never live together. The more identified you are with your sexuality, the more compulsive you become. When you are compulsive, you will naturally step over many people. Once you start stepping on each other, there will be trouble. '男人和女人'是两种强迫性。两种强迫性永远无法共同生活。你对性别认同越多，你的强迫性就越强。当你是强迫性的，你自然就会踩到很多人。一旦你们开始互相踩踏，麻烦就来了。 If you do not identify yourself too much with your womanhood or manhood and if you just walk as a piece of life, you will see that whether you are man or woman is such a minor part of your life. You do not have to structure your life around it. 如果你不过于认同你的女性身份或者男性身份，如果你仅仅作为一个生命行走于世，你会发现无论是男人还是女人，它只是你生命里很微小的一部分。你不需要围绕它来构造你的生命。 So much of your potential would find expression if you just do not get too identified with your sexuality. People would become so much more creative and so much more capable of various things that they have not imagined. 如果你不过于认同你的性别，你的潜力的很大一部分都将找到表达。人们会变得更有创造性得多，并更有能力处理各类他们从未想象过的事情。 Love&Grace, Sadhguru 爱与恩典 萨古鲁 原文链接： isha.sadhguru.org/global/en/wisdom/video/marriage-transcending-calculation-compulsion |
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