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之前我写了一篇文章，讲述了我们作为父亲在孩子的生活中扮演的重要角色——尤其是对于十几岁的儿子。儿子们很自然地会依靠他们的父亲来发现做一个男人的意义、做一个丈夫的意义、成为一个家庭领导者的意义以及成功的意义。所有的儿子都希望得到父亲的认可，渴望父亲的肯定说“干得好，儿子。”事实上，这就是一个男孩成为男人的方式。 但同样的事实是，女儿们会很自然地依靠她们的父亲来了解什么是好男人、什么是好丈夫以及她想嫁什么样的男人。 父亲们：我们需要成为我们希望孩子们成为的男人。我们必须成为我们想要女儿嫁给的男人。当然我们会犯错误；因为我们都是人。但我们的错误并不能定义我们。我们要有做一个好父亲的意愿，我们要把做父亲的角色放在第一位，我们要有做最好的父亲的决定，这些，就是对我们的定义。 因此，从今天开始，我们可以做三件事来成为最好的父亲： 1、爱你孩子的妈妈 是的，在孩子的生活中最重要的两个人是爸爸和妈妈。如果他们互相关心，如果他们互相照顾，如果他们善于解决分歧齐头并进，那么，他们的孩子就会感到安全。父母就像孩子头上的屋顶。不管外面的暴风雨有多猛烈——如果婚姻的屋顶很坚固——孩子们就会感到安全。 男士们：请从我们自己做起。我们希望我们的妻子爱我们的孩子，对吗？所以我们必须爱她，为她牺牲，让她知道她是特别被爱的，这样她就能特别爱我们的孩子。 一定要学习她的“爱的语言”。每个女人都不一样。每个女人都有自己爱的语言。学习你妻子的爱的语言，向她展示你的爱。这是所有丈夫的第一份工作。 2、让我们的孩子知道我们有多爱他们 所有的孩子都用同样的方式来拼写“爱”：T-I-M-E（时间）。没错，我们的孩子需要我们花时间和他们在一起。不只是一个月一次或一周一次，而是每天一次。当然，我们不能每天花6到8个小时呆在家里。我们必须工作。我们必须在经济上支持我们的家庭，但我们也必须在情感上支持我们的孩子，和他们玩耍，帮助他们做家庭作业，带他们出去吃一顿美食，打一场篮球比赛，或者享受一段快乐的家庭时光。 父亲们：每天至少花30分钟和孩子在一起。没有手机，没有电视，没有干扰。只有你和他们。玩游戏，跑来跑去，倾听他们为什么难过，和他们分享你的一天，单单和他们待在一起。24小时中抽出30分钟不算多。是的，这可能意味着早点下班回家，或者少花时间和朋友在一起。但我向你保证：如果你这样做，每天至少花30分钟和孩子们在一起，那将是你做过的最好的投资。记住，你只会和你的孩子拥有一段很短的时光。每一天都是珍贵的礼物。我们必须充分利用时间。 3、从本周开始! ! 你可能知道我是北京大学的教授，也是美国一些最好的大学的教授。教授会布置作业。下面就是给每个好爸爸的作业。今天就是开始做作业的最好时机。所以让我们开始吧! 本周从你的孩子们中挑一个——只有你和你的儿子或女儿。然后做三件重要的事情： 1）给他或她一个适合他/她年龄的拥抱。是的，我们的孩子需要我们的身体支持。我知道这不是中国人的方式（记住，我也是在一个中国家庭长大的）。但这仍然很重要。我们不希望我们的女儿（或儿子）外出寻找他们需要的身体支持。让我们确保他们能感受到我们的爱——一个快速的拥抱、一个温暖的握手或者一个善意的对他们头发的抚摸——这是我们的孩子需要我们做的一件事。 2）告诉他们你有多爱他们，你为他们感到自豪。是的，告诉他们。别担心，他们不会骄傲自大的。但当他们听到爸爸说“我爱你，我为你感到自豪”时，他们会觉得自己有10英尺高。你想让你的儿子和女儿坚强、自信、自我接纳吗？你当然希望。所以就告诉他们。他们可能一开始会假装很尴尬，但相信我，他们会从心底喜欢的。 3）让他们知道无论发生什么事，你都将永远和他们在一起。让他们知道你的爱不是有条件的，直到永远。这是我们孩子生活的基石，是他们灵魂生活的情感钢筋。这是所有孩子都需要的：他们需要知道他们无论如何都被爱着。 第二个重要的家庭作业：爸爸们，我鼓励你们对你们的妻子做同样的事情。带她去一家很不错的餐厅或她喜欢的餐厅。告诉她你有多爱她。告诉她你非常感激她为你和孩子们所做的一切。让她知道你永远不会离开她。是的，让她知道。她会因此更爱你的。 伙计们，我们一定要定期做这些事情。我们的孩子需要知道我们每天都爱他们。我们的妻子也一样。所以让我们开始做作业，让我们每周都做。我向你保证：如果你这样做——并坚持下去——它将改变你和你家庭的生活，使之变得更好。试一试。你会看到。因为正如圣经告诉我们的：“爱永不会失败”。 我的朋友们，我说的都是真的。就像一位忠诚的父亲所说的：爱可能会时不时地开小差，但最终它永远不会失败。 本文作者： 史雷顿（Grgeory W.Slayton）先生，前美国大使，美国硅谷创投家，前Google董事会顾问，美国常春藤大学和北京大学的教授，SlaytonCapital的总裁，国际畅销书《成就好爸爸》的作者（可在京东或当当等网站购买），他与妻子结婚25年，育有四个孩子，目前他们生活在中国和北美两地。他和妻子合著的新书《Be the BestMom You Can Be》在美国已出版(www.bethebestmomyoucanbe.com)。史雷顿家的书籍收入将用于支持家庭事工。 RAISING OUR TEENS: 3THINGS WE MUST DO AS FATHERS Last week I wrote about the important role we Dads have in the lives of our teenagers – and especially your teenage sons. Sons naturally look to their dads to discover what it is to be a man. To be a husband. To be the leader of a family. To be a success. Allsons look for their father’s approval. For his “Well done son.” In fact, that is how a boy becomes a man. But it is also true that daughters naturally look to their dads to know what a good man is. What a good husband is. What kind of man she wants to marry. Fathers: we need to be the men we want our boys to become. We must be the men we want our daughters to marry. Sure we will make mistakes; we are human. But our mistakes do not define us. Our will to be good fathers – our decision to make fatherhood a priority and to be the best dads we can be – that is what defines us. So here are three things we can do starting today to be the best Fathers we can be: 1. Love your children’s Mom. Yes, the two most important people in any child’s life is Mom and Dad. If they care for each other, if they take good care of each other, if they can settle their difference and move forward together – their children feel safe and secure. Parents are like the roof over their kids heads. No matter how bad the storm outside – if the marriage roof is strong – the kids are safe. Men: this starts with us. We want our wife to love our kids, right? So we must love her and sacrifice for her. Show her that she is specially loved…so she can special love our kids. Be sure to learn her ‘love language.’ Each woman is different. Each woman has her own love language. Learn the love language of your wife…and show her that love. That is Job #1 of any husband. 2. Show our kids how much we love them. And all children spell LOVE the same way: T-I-M-E. That’s right, our kids need us to spend time with them. Not just once a month or once a week, but every day. Sure, we cannot spend 6 or 8 hours at home each day. We must work. We must support our families financially. But we also must support our children emotionally. Play with them. Help them with their homework. Take them out for an ice meal or a basketball game or a fun family time. Fathers: try to spend at least 30 minutes with your kids every day. No cell phone, no TV, no distractions. Just you and them. Playing games, running around, listening to why they are sad, sharing with them about your day, just being together. 30minutes out of 24 hours isn’t too much. Yes it might mean getting home from work a bit earlier. Or not spending so much time with your buddies. But I promise you this: if you do this, spending at least 30 minutes a day with your children while they are still with you, it will be the best investment you ever make. Remember, your kids are only with you for a short time. Every single day is a blessed gift. We must make the most of it. 3. Start this week!! You may know I am a Professor at Peking University and some of America’s best universities. And Professors give homework. So here is some homework for every good Dad out there. There is no time to get started like today. So let’s get to it!! This week get each of your kids alone – just you and your son or daughter. And then do three important things: Give him or her an age appropriate hug. Yes, our kids need our physical support. I know this is not the Chinese way (remember, I was raised in a Chinese family too). But it is still important. We do not want our daughters (or our sons) going outside to find the physical support they need. Let’s be sure they feel our love – a quick hug or a warm handshake or a good natured jostling of their hair – that is one thing our kids need from us. Tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Yes, tell them. Don’t worry – they will not get a big head. But when they hear from their Dad “I love you and I am so proud of you” they will feel 10 feet tall. You want your son and daughter to be strong, to be self-confident, to be happy with who they are? Of course you do. So tell them. They may pretend to be embarrassed at first, but trust me, they will love it inside. Let them know that no matter what happens, you will be with them forever. Let them know that your love is not conditional. Forever. That is bed rock for our kids lives. Emotionalsteel for their souls. That is what all children need: to know that they are loved no matter what. Second important homework: Dads, I encourage you to do the same thing with your wife. Take her out to a really nice restaurant, one she loves. Tell her how much you love her.Tell her how much you appreciate all she does for you and the kids. Let her know that you will never leave her. Yes, let her know. She will love you all the more for it. Guys, let’s be sure to do these things on a regular basis. Our kids need to know that we love them every single day. And so do our wives. So let’s get on that homework…and let’s keep doing it every single week. I promise you this: if you do it – and keep it up – it will change your life and that of your family for the much better. Try it. You will see. For as the Bible tells us “Love Never Fails.” And that my friend…is True. Just like a faithful father: Love may slip up from time to time, but in the end it never fails. About Author: Honorable Gregory W.Slayton grew up without a real father, but was taken in by a wonderful Chinese/American family in his youth. Today, he has AN OUTSTANDING family of four great kids who are themselves Ivy League graduates. Gregory himself is an honors graduate of Dartmouth College and the Harvard Business School. He is also a successful Silicon Valley venture capitalist, the former US Ambassador to Bermuda, and a Visiting Professor of Leadership at some of the finest business schools in the world, including Peking University. He has written four books including the global bestseller BE A BETTER DAD TODAY which is published in China by CITICPress and is available on jd.com, dangdang.com or others online store
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