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#看外刊，学英文# Trying to be a better friend to yourself sounds like an odd idea initially. 乍一听， 试图成为自己的好朋友是个奇怪的想法。 Because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else not as a part of our own mind. 因为我们很自然地把朋友想象成其他人,而不是自己思想的一部分。 But there is value in the concept. 但这一想法大有裨益。 Because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends with the sympathy and imagination we seldom apply to ourselves. 因为我们知道如何用同情和想象对待自己的朋友，但却很少同样地对待自己。 If a friend is in trouble, our first instinct is rarely to tell them that they are fundamentally a shithead and a failure. 如果一个朋友遇到了麻烦，我们的第一 直觉很少是想要告诉他们，他们根本就是个白痴和失败者。 If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them, we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve. 如果一个朋友抱怨伴侣对自己不够热情，我们不会告诉他们这是罪有应得。 We try to re-assure them that they're essentially likeable and that it's worth investigating what might be done. 我们试图再次向他们保证，他们其实很可爱，且值得研究可能采取的措施。 In friendship we know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves. 对待朋友，我们本能地知道如何运用智慧和安慰的策略，但对待自己却固执地拒绝使用这些策略。 There are some key moves a good friend would typically make which can provide a model for what we should ideally be doing with ourselves in our own heads. 一个好的朋友通常会通过一 些重要的举动来为我们树立个榜样，， 告诉我们在理想的情况下应用自己的大脑做什么。 Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are. 首先，一个好的朋友非常喜欢你现在的样子。 Any suggestion they make or ambition they have about how you could change builds on a background of acceptance. 他们提出的任何建议，或者关于你如何改变的任何抱负都建立在你可以接受的基础上。 When they propose that you might try а different tack, it's not an ultimatum or a threat. 当他们建议你可以尝试不同方法时，这不是最后通牒或通牒。 They' re not saying that you have to change or be abandoned. 他们不是说你必须改变或者你不得不被抛弃。 A friend insists we' re good enough, already. 一个朋友坚称我们已足够优秀。 But they want to join forces with us to solve a challenge they fel we would properly benefit from overcoming. 但是，他们想和我们一起解决一个难题， 他们认为，我们可将从克服这个难题中受益。 Without being flattering, good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things we're getting right! 即使没有奉承，好的朋友也时刻记着我们做的正确的事情！ They don't think anything wrong with the odd compliment and emphasis on our strengths. 他们认为，偶尔赞美和强调我们的优点完全合情合理。 It's quietly galling how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points when troubles strike. 麻烦来临时，我们很难看到自己的优点，这让我们很苦恼。 A friend doesn't fall into this trap. 但朋友不会受困于此。 They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding on to a memory of our virtues. 他们承认此时的困境，同时牢记我们的优点。 The good friend is compassionate. 好的朋友富有同情心。 When we fail, as we will, they are understanding and generous around our mishaps. 当我们失败时，他们会理解并仁慈地对待我们的不幸。 Our folly doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love. 朋友并不会因我们的愚蠢而不爱我们。 The good friend definitely conveys that to err,fail and screw up is just what we humans do. 好的朋友明确表示:犯错、失败和搞砸正是我们人类的本性。 We all emerge from childhood with various biases in our character which evolved to help us соре with our necessarily imperfect parents. 从童年起，我们的性格就存在各种各样的偏见，这些偏见不断演变并帮助我们应对必定不完美的父母。 And these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life. 而这些已习得的思维习惯肯定会让我们在成年生活中感到失望。 But, we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. 但是，我们不应被指责，因为我们并非故意。 We didn't realistically have a lot of better options. 实际上，我们并没有太多更好的选择。 We' re indelibly required to make big decisions before we ever really understand what's at stake or how our choices will play out. 未真正理解何为重中之重或者我们的选择将如何发挥作用之前，我们总是被要求做出重大决定。 We steering blind in all our large moves around love and work. 在做爱情和工作的重大决定时，我们都很盲目。 We opt for a move to а different city. 我们选择搬到另一个城市。 But we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there. 但是，我们不可能知道自己是否会在这里飞黄腾达。 We have to select a career path when we're still young. 我们必须在年轻时选择职业道路。 And we don't know what our latent needs will be in long term relationships. 我们不知道在长期关系中，自己有什么潜在需求。 We have to make a commitment to another person before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives so deeply to theirs. 我们必须对另一个人做出承诺，才能理解将自己的生活与他人生活紧密联系在一起的样子。 The good friend knows that failures are not in fact rare. 实上，好的朋友知道失败并不罕见。 They bring as а starting point their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up into play as key points of reference. 他们从自己和人类的丰富经历出发，并以此为重要参照。 They' re continually telling us that our specific case might be unique but that the general structure is common. 他们不断地告诉我们，我们的特殊情况可能独一无二，但总体来说，这种情况很普遍。 People, don't just sometimes fail. 失败是常事。 Everyone fails. 每个人都会失败。 Only, we don't know about it. 只是我们不知道而已。 It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be to ourselves. 这很讽刺，但本质上鼓舞人心。我们通常都很清楚如何成为陌生人的好朋友，而非自己的好朋友。 The hopefulness lies in the fact that we do actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship. 希望在于我们实际上已有了建立友谊的办法。 It's just we haven't as yet directed them to the person who probably needs the most, namely,of course, ourselves. 只是我们还未把这些办法用于最需要的人，当然，这就是我们自己。 |
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