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hello大家好，我是达达。今天大家应该都重新回归工作和学习的怀抱了吧？对2020年，不知道大家都有什么寄望呢？我们都会认为朋友是自己以外的人，却没人想过自己也能做自己的朋友。我们给予朋友宽容和温暖，却对自己苛责和否认。所以，达达希望，在新开始的2020年，大家都对自己好一点吧！演讲题目：对自己好一点吧！How To Be A Friend To Yourself 对自己好一点吧！ 来自TED英语演说优选 00:00 04:10 Trying to be a better friend to yourself sounds like an odd idea.Initially，because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind.一开始因为我们很自然地想象朋友是其他的人，不是我们自身的一部分。But there is value in the concept because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends,但是这个概念有其意义，因为从某种程度上讲，我们知道该如何去对待我们的朋友，with the sympathy and imagination, we seldom apply to ourselves.怀着同情心和想象力，但我们很少将它运用在我们自己身上。If a friend is in trouble, our first instinct is rarely to tell them that they are fundamentally a sh*thead and a failure.如果一个朋友陷入了困境，我们第一直觉并不是告诉他们，他们是彻底的傻蛋和失败者。If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them, we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve,如果一个朋友向你抱怨说她的伴侣对她不够温暖，我们不会说那是你应得的待遇，we try to re-assure them that they're essentially likeable and that it's worth investigating what might be done.我们会尝试去向他们确认，他们的的确确是令人喜爱的，并且值得去研究下一步可以怎样做。In friendship, we know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves.在处理友谊时我们天然的知道，应该怎样制定一个明智的策略和怎样去安慰他人，可我们固执地拒绝将它们运用在我们自己身上。There are some key moves a good friend would typically make which can provide a model for what we should, ideally be doing with ourselves, in our own heads.一位好朋友通常会做出一些关键动作，这些动作可以为我们应该做的事情提供一个模型，理想情况下，教会我们与内在的自己合作。Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are.Any suggestion they make or ambition they have about how you could change builds on a background of acceptance.所有他们提出的建议或者对你可以改进的地方怀有信心，这些都是建立在接纳你的基础上的。When they propose that you might try a different tack, it's not an ultimatum or a threat.当他们建议你可以做些不同的尝试，但那并不是最后通牒或是威胁。They're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned.A friend insists we're good enough, already, but they want to join forces with us to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit, from overcoming.一位朋友坚持认为我们已经足够好了，但是他们希望与我们携手解决挑战，他们认为自己会从克服中受益。Without being flattering, good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things, we're getting right!摒弃了奉承，好朋友也会一直把一件事放在心上，那就是，一切都会好起来的！They don't think anything wrong with the odd compliment and emphasis on our strengths.他们不会觉的很不妥，比如会给一些赞美和强调我们的长处。It's quietly galling how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points, when troubles strike.不过令人烦恼的是，我们会很容易怀疑我们身上所有的优点，尤其当陷入困境的时候。A friend doesn't fall into this trap. They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding on to a memory of our virtues.好朋友不会陷入这让的圈套当中。他们会承认困难的存在，同时一直谨记我们身上的美德。The good friend is compassionate; when we fail, as we will, they are understanding and generous around our mishaps.一个好的朋友是富有同情心的，当我们失败时，我们确实会失败，但他们会理解，并且宽容地对待我们的不幸。Our folly, doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love.他们并不会因为我们做过蠢事就把我们排除在被爱的行列。The good friend definitely conveys that to err, fail and screw up is just what we humans do.好朋友一定会传递这样的讯息，那些犯过的错误，失败和搞砸的事只不过是我们为人都会干的事。We all emerge from childhood with various biases in our character which evolved to help us cope with our necessarily imperfect parents and these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life.我们都是从小屁孩成长起来的，伴随着我们性格中的种种缺陷，那些伴随着我们注定不完美的父母形成的缺陷和那些后天形成的习性，注定会让我们在成年后的生活里摔跟头。But, we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. We didn't realistically, have a lot of better options.但是我们不应该受到苛责，我们并不是故意要变成这样子。现实生活中，我们并没有太多选择。We're indelibly required to make big decisions before we ever really understand what's at stake or how our choices will play out.我们不可避免的需要去做一些关键性的决定，在我们还没摸清牌局的情况下，或是不了解自己的选择会导致怎样的结果的情况下。We steering blind in all our large moves around love and work. We opt for a move to a different city but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there.我们如同蒙着眼睛做着重大的决定，比如爱情和工作。我们选择搬到一座新城市，但我们并不知道能不能在这里大展宏图。We have to select a career path when we're still young and we don't know what our latent needs will be.我们需要去选择一条职业道路在我们还年轻的时候，虽然我们并不确定自己将来真正想要什么。In long term relationships, we have to make a commitment to another person before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives, so deeply to theirs'在一段长期的感情关系中我们必须要象对方做出承诺，在我们并不清楚将来会怎样的情况下绑定了我们的生活，和对方的生活。The good friend knows that failures are not in fact, rare. They bring as a starting point their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up into play as key points of reference.好朋友知道，事实上失败是很常见的。他们一开始就知道将自己的和人们鲜活的失败经历引入情景作为重要的参考。They're continually telling us that our specific case, might be unique but that the general structure, is common.他们不断地告诉我们，我们或许各自有各自的不幸，但纵观全局，家家都有本难念的经。People, don't just sometimes fail. Everyone fails, only, we don't know about it.人们并不是偶尔会失败。所有人都会失败，只是我们并没有意识到。It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be, to ourselves.具有讽刺意味的是，我们通常会非常了解如何把一个陌生人变成更好的朋友，而不是接纳自己做自己的好朋友。The hopefulness lies in the fact that we do, actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship.幸运的是，事实上我们已经掌握了如何做一个好朋友的相关技巧。It's just, we haven't as yet directed them to the person, who probably needs the most, namely, of course，ourselves.只是我们没有直接运用它们在一个最需要的人身上，他的名字，很明显，就是我们自己。
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