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中英对照文本 Women, here’s a revolutionary idea: Date with a purpose. What purpose? Getting married. 女士们，这里有一个革命性的观点：带着目的约会。什么目的？结婚。 Whoa! Am I moving too fast for you? Making you uncomfortable? Dating, you say, is just—well, dating. You know—hook ups, casual flings, having fun. 哇！对你来说进展太快了？让你不舒服了？你会说，约会不过是——好吧，约会而已。你知道的——勾搭、一时放纵、快活。 Yeah? Who said so? 是吗？谁说的？ Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for fun, but I’m interested in something deeper here—like happiness. I’m certainly not saying that marriage should be the first topic of conversation. At least wait until the pizza is served (just kidding). But I am saying that you need to ask yourself this question: Why do you want to go on a date with someone? Physical attraction? That’s important. Common interest in something? Also important. But what else? 不要误会。我赞成找乐子，但我感兴趣的是更深远的东西——比如幸福。当然我不是说婚姻应该成为交谈的第一个话题。至少先等披萨上桌吧（开玩笑）。我说的是你需要问问自己这个问题：你为什么想和某人约会？外形吸引力？这点重要。有共同爱好？同样重要。但其他呢？ Let’s face it, most of the time, we—and by “we” here, I’m referring to women—have no idea. We have no plan. That’s okay as far it goes. But “as far as it goes” is not very far. And, frankly, not very smart. 面对现实吧，多数时间，我们——这里的「我们」，我指的是女性——毫无头绪。我们没有计划。走一步看一步没什么问题。但「走一步看一步」走不了多远。而且，坦白说，不太聪明。 But let’s play out the scenario. We too often assume that relationships have levels of commitment, progressing—if they progress at all—like video games. A hookup is level one, dating is level two; level three—living together. And then, after we’ve had those, maybe we’re ready for marriage. 让我们演示一种情景。我们常常假定一段关系中存在不同等级的承诺、发展——假如发展得起来的话——就像电子游戏。勾搭是第一级，约会是第二级；第三级——同居。接着，等我们都通过后，也许我们就准备好结婚了。 But in fact, relationships usually don’t progress that way. Hookups arise out of whim, impulse, or simple attraction. Dating is often based on compatibility or convenience, and sometimes on the hope that something serious might develop. Living together may be based on real love and a tryout for marriage. But it can also be based on less serious considerations, like lack of other opportunities, desire for a roommate, or the inability to afford a single apartment. 但实际上，关系一般不这么发展。勾搭由兴致、冲动或简单的爱慕产生。约会通常基于相处融洽或合适，偶尔希望能更进一步发展。同居也许基于真爱、试婚。但它同样可基于不那么严肃的考虑，比如缺乏其他机会，渴望有个舍友，或没有能力负担单身公寓。 But marriage is a different enterprise entirely. Those looking for a good marriage are looking for someone who wants to build a shared life. They’re looking for someone who shares their values and beliefs―moral, political, and, where applicable, religious. They view each other not only as a “partner,” but as something even more profound: husband and wife. 但婚姻是一项完全不同的事业。那些追求一段美好婚姻的人寻找的是那些希望建立共同生活的人。他们寻找的是那些怀着一致价值观与信念的人——道德观、政治倾向、可能的话还有宗教信仰。他们不仅将对方看作是「伴侣」，而是某种更深远的：丈夫与妻子。 The problem with so many dating relationships is that people enter them with completely different understandings of what the ideal outcome should be. He wants X, and she wants Y. 许多约会关系的问题是，人们进入这段关系，双方对理想结果应该是怎样有截然不同的理解。他要 X 而她要 Y。 And it’s easy to get distracted and fooled by superficial compatibility. They’re thrilled they both like kombucha, kayaking and karaoke on the weekends. That’s all great, but when do you get down to the stuff that really matters over the long run? Stuff like marriage, family, faith, and values. 它很容易被表面的相处融洽分散和欺骗。他们很高兴两人都喜欢喝康普茶、划船、周末唱K。这都很美好，但你何时认真对待那些长期来看更重要的东西呢？比如婚姻、家庭、信仰及价值观。 I say: the sooner, the better. If a relationship looks like it has a future, talk about it early on. And if doesn’t look like it has a future, what are you doing in it? 要我说：越快越好。假如一段关系看似有将来，尽早讨论。假如看似没有将来，你为何还要踏入？ I have no doubt the reason so many women get stuck in dead-end relationships is that it has become taboo―or, to be precise, not politically correct―for a woman to articulate what she really wants. 我不怀疑多数女性困在一段没有前途的关系中的原因是，女性清楚表达自己的真正需要在如今已经是禁忌——或者准确地说，政治不正确。 Which takes me back to marriage, and why women crave it. Here are three reasons: 这将我带回到婚姻当中，以及为什么女性向往婚姻。有三个原因。 Protection. 保护。 Commitment. 承诺。 Love. 爱。 Nothing wrong with wanting those things. It is something women have wanted—and great societies have valued—for thousands of years. It is something men still want, too. Little wonder: Study after study shows that those in good marriages are happier, healthier, even wealthier, than those who are not. Like anything you want, you have to work toward it. And anything that isn’t moving you toward your goal is a waste of time. 渴望这三种东西一点错都没有。这是数千年来女性一直渴望的，也是伟大社会重视的。这也是男性仍然渴望的。难怪：无数研究表明处于良好婚姻中的人更快乐、更健康，甚至更富有，相比那些没有的人。就像任何你想要的东西，你得朝着它努力。任何没有推动你朝目标前进的都是浪费时间。 What’s the difference between living with someone and marriage? It’s the difference between referring to the man in your life as “my boyfriend,” “significant other,” or “partner” and referring to him as “my husband.” And him referring to you as “my wife,” as compared with “my girlfriend.” 同居与婚姻之间有什么差异呢？差异在于称呼你生命中的男人为「我男朋友」、「重要的另一半」或「伴侣」，与称呼他为「我丈夫」。他称呼你为「我太太」，而不是「我女朋友」。 Ask anyone who has taken the plunge and they’ll tell you living together and marriage have little in common. It’s sort of like the difference between living in a country and being a citizen of that country. The latter, with its commitment, obligations, and expectations, means a lot more. 问问任何勇敢步入婚姻的人，他们会回答同居与婚姻几乎没有共同点。区别有点像住在一个国家和成为这个国家的公民。后者带有承诺、义务、期望，意味更深远。 To someone who tells you that a marriage license is trivial, “just a piece of paper,” here’s a good response: If it’s just a piece of paper, why are you so reluctant to sign it? The answer, of course, is that no one believes that it’s trivial. Everyone knows it’s the most important decision you’ll ever make. So treat it that way. 对那些对你说结婚证书不重要、「不过是一张纸」的人，这个回应很好：假如这不过是一张纸，你为什么不愿意签字呢？答案当然是，没有人相信它不重要。人人都明白这是你要做的最重要决定。所以也请如此对待。 Here’s a good rule of thumb: Think about the kind of relationship you want as much as you think about what kind of career you want. 这里有一条不错的经验法则：思考你想要怎样的关系，就像思考你想从事什么职业那样。 I’m not anti-career. I’m just pro-relationship. Specifically, pro-marriage. Because when you get it right, that’s the best relationship there is. 我不是反对职业。我只是支持关系。具体来说，是支持婚姻。因为当你选对了，那便是最美好的关系。 And it starts with the first date. 而它始于第一次约会。 I’m Lauren Chen, host of Pseudo-Intellectual on BlazeTV, for Prager University. 我是劳伦·陈，BlazeTV 节目 Pseudo-Intellectual 的主持人，为 PragerU 制作。 翻译：Mangosteen 校对：FungChuh |
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